“When she is upset, she wails like a little old, Italian lady that is at a funeral!”
My mother recently said this about Lily when she gets upset and doesn’t get her way, because she screams and cries very loudly with tons of emotion.
Case in Point~Lily Crying During Emma & Kevin’s GameGuess what? I am in total agreement.
If you don’t believe me you should have been there last week, when I had to tell her we needed to leave the pre-school playground, because she was throwing around sand like it was a day at the beach.
I swear nothing is worse then having to bath and wash her hair (which by the way she loathes and detests!) after she has indeed been throwing sand in her hair.
Well, she wouldn’t budge or leave the playground. Emma actually listened and when Lily wouldn’t leave, I told her we were indeed leaving. I was bluffing as I walked away, waving goodbye and apparently she sensed it and just stood there digging her heels further into the sand.
There were two other grandmothers of kids there and through all of this they must have thought what a wonderful parent I truly was (not!).
I finally had to lift her off the playground kicking and squirming out of my arms, while shouting “no” and whatever else came to her tiny little mind at that moment to let me know she was unhappy with this turn of events.
I had to put her down to get Emma in the car and then the fun part of having to try to lift her up again, when she had now made herself limp. I seriously am not sure how I did finally pick her up or get her into her car seat (bad lower back and all), because again limp child equates to me that I am now not getting any work done while I was sitting there thinking of all the work I did have to accomplish when I got home Why? Because I was being held hostage by an almost 3 year old, who would not let me buckle her into her carseat to indeed leave to go home.
I even placed a call to my husband to talk her down. Yup, that didn’t work. I finally just held her down as best as I could and got her buckled. Then came the 10 minute long car ride home of her shouting at the top of her lungs, protesting loudly and crying for about 20 minutes even after I finally got her out of her carseat (by the way the child that didn’t want to get into the carseat now didn’t want to leave it) and in the house.
Seriously, after this I thought of what tips I could come up with and share to all the busy moms out there dealing with tantrums and so much more from their kids. And remember this was only one incident from one of my two kids on one day in my life. I have had plenty of them, so I have had time to reflect to share with you.
So without further ado, here are my tips to help us busy moms out in times like what I experienced and so much more.
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Keep your days as varied as your purse will allow~
One of the most reported stressors for stay at homes moms (or dad’s ) is the repetitive nature of the job. Day in day out, the tasks are the same. This repetitive strain could be seen as tantamount to torture so make sure you incorporate some variation into your week. Meet with friends, bake, take the kids on trips. All of these things may seem like more effort when exhausted but will actually lead to more mental peace.
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Take ten minute breaks~
Now, I am aware that this isn’t possible when babies are tiny, and leaving them alone is never a good idea. However, if a pal pops round or they are down for a nap, use that time wisely. The instinct to dart around and tidy up must be fought and make sure you do something purely for you. Meditate, write a letter, read a book, play online bingo. Whatever it is you do to unwind now is your moment to indulge. Albeit briefly, the deviation away from children’s time will make you feel more equipped to get through the rest of your day.
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Learn to live with the mess~
One of the biggest stressors reported by stay at home parents is the constant battle with your child and the trail of destruction that they leave. Instead of following them round clearing up, learn to deal with it. Then, at the end of the day, when the children are tucked up in bed make a mad dash of getting their toys together. You can obviously pick up crayons and stuff as they move onto a new toy, just don’t make a full time job of keeping your house immaculate. You are a parent and people understand what that means.
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Make the most of car time~
Sitting in the car with the kids can be one of the only quite times in the day. They are strapped down for one so you can focus on the job in hand. Use this time to catch up with something you love, be it an audio book, or learning a language, the CD deck can become your best friend and you can soon find yourself looking forward to those journeys.
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Cooking is fun~
This sounds very obvious but use your preparation of meals as a time to entertain the kids. Get them involved, prepping the veg or baking the dessert. It can be a great activity to not only keep the kids enraptured but also keep you on top of your chores.
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eddy says
Another wonderful post Janine and how it brought back memories. Being a grandmother is totally different because all little ones tend to play up for their Mums grandmothers oh the other hand do not have this to contend with. I find that when our grandchildren apart for everyday moments we have no tantrums but as soon as they go home ??????Need I say any more??No I didn't think so! There is a humorous quote which says
"If I'd known being a grandparent was going to be so much fun I would have done it first !!"
Wonderful read again ; I love your blog and I know I repeat myself here but that's the way it is. Lots of love to you Janine from my little corner of Wales.Eddy
Janine Huldie says
I couldn't agree with you more that it is a bit different for grandmothers and hopefully god willing, I will be able to make it to that point in my life and enjoy it from that point of view. Thank you seriously so much as always and also wishing you a wonderful Monday now. Love right back at you, too!! π
katbiggie says
Oh good grief, Jelly Bean is exactly the same way! So LOUD!!!! These are great tips for maximizing time Janine! Don't we all need them!!!???!!!
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Janine Huldie says
Thanks so much Alexa for telling me that Jelly Bean does this, too, because I seriously am so at the end of my ropes sometimes. My week, last week, was filled with quite a few of her tantrums and just knew I needed to share here for at the very least be able to vent just a bit. I swear this was total therapy for me after the one incident in particular. And we all do need these tips and just was happy to be able to put this together to help myself, as well as other moms, feeling similar to this now, too!!
notinjersey says
great advice!
Janine Huldie says
Thanks Dara so very much!! π
Joanne says
I remember telling my kids when they were little – Mommy is getting a time out. lol great tips.
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Janine Huldie says
Thanks so much Joanne and sometimes Mommies do also need timeouts!! π
The Dose of Reality says
Great tips Janine! I need to do a better job of taking short breaks…I notice when my kids and I are the most short-tempered is when we are rushing and feeling stressed. This move would help all of us!-Ashley
My recent post Smoke Gets In Your Eyes (If You’re Using My iPhone)
Janine Huldie says
Thanks so much Ashley and it is truly the same here. We seem to have the worst meltdowns when we are rushing and are stressed from that. Those little breaks do really seem to help and much a huge difference though π
Billybuc says
Solid words of advice, Janine. Oh how I do not miss those days. LOL Mine is twenty-nine now and so much easier to take care of. π Have a great week ahead.
Janine Huldie says
Thanks Bill and trust me somedays I wish I could say that it is in the past for me, too, but then again I really don't want them growing up too fast. So a total double edge sword, I suppose. Wishing you a great week ahead, too!! π
Sara says
Good tips especially the 10 minute breaks. Amazing what 10 minutes can do to clear your brain!
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Janine Huldie says
Thanks Sara and I know ten minutes can really make a huge difference for us, when dealing with craziness all day long!!
JamericanSpice says
I do believe my daughter has this same way about her stubborn.
Very good tips for mom. Thank you for sharing.
Visiting from #SSSHOP
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Janine Huldie says
Thank you for stopping by from the #SSSHOP and sharing that it isn't just my daughter. Totally my pleasure to share the tips here, too!! π
Jean says
My son is three and pulls this kind of stuff occasionally. I get it. Your first tip is something I'm just starting to realize. This week, we wrote on the calendar something to do (different) every day. I already feel a little better about the week.
My recent post Tapas Night with my kids
Janine Huldie says
Jean, thank you for sharing that you too get it having your three year old son. I think when we do have stuff to do and they are engaged, it is certainly better, but sometimes the terrible threes just rear their ugly head no matter what. Just seriously good to know it isn't just me!
Janine Huldie says
I agree that getting outdoors for fresh air is a huge help, but we are now heading into fall and then winter, where I know we won't be able to go out much if not at all if it is freezing or snowing. So, not looking forward to that to be quite honest. My husband works a lot too and I am home with them all day (even though I work from home), it is usually all up to me, so yes time is so limited here, too. But happy to share and I seriously know I have said it in other comments today, but I hate the limp body syndrome. Seriously wish I never had to have that happen again with either of my kids!
NuggetOnABudget says
What a fab post Janine! I love all of your tips ~ especially the one where you should learn to love those moments in the car. I'm starting to realize that now with 2 kids, and actually glad that we live 20 minutes from town because I have that time to myself. Except when the baby is crying, but even that's started to happen less and less. They both usually pass out. I can totally relate to you though with Lily's breakdowns as Sofia is starting to get that way sometimes now too. My favorite is the "stiff leg car seat trick" lol.
Oh and I entered to win your book! Hope you are enjoying the day π xoxo
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Janine Huldie says
Awesome that you entering and seriously hope you win. I seriously hate the stiff leg car seat trick and if I could somehow never have to deal with that again, I would be happy. But I know the car sometimes is heaven for me. Even that day when she was screaming, I put them music up and just tuned her out, because what else was I going to be able to do anyways! π xoxo!!
stephanie2006 says
Ohhh, we had a situation like that when I took the girls to Playmobil Land. But with us, it was Lily who completely lost it. Luckily, Violet was a good girl and listened while I (wo)manhandled Lily to and into the car. So stressful… Thanks for the tips π
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Janine Huldie says
So stressful indeed Stephanie and moments like these, I feel like the world's worst mother. I thank god though for when I do quiet time to think it all through. And that is why I thoughts tips might help, because at the very least it couldn't hurt! π
Mary says
All great tips, I usually tell myself to take deep breaths too. Some days I am deep breathing to the point of almost passing out! Haha. Stoping by from the Monday Mingle, nice to "meet" you!
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Janine Huldie says
Mary, I too could pass put by the amount of deep breaths I take, too and thank you for stopping by today!!
Sandy Ramsey says
Yes, ma'am! I have been there! My youngest two could throw fits but nothing like my grandson. Shortly after I got custody of him, he started throwing a HUGE fit at my kids' karate class and I had to carry him out kicking and screaming, across a two football fields long parking lot and try to strap him in the car. I actually had a man stop me because he thought I was kidnapping him! I finally got him in the seat and got in the car to wait for my kids' class to be over…he was bawling in the back and I was bawling in the front! So, yeah….I get it! Thank you for the Mom tips….they are good ones!
Janine Huldie says
Totally do get it Sandy and seriously wanted to cry when I couldn’t get her in that seat, too!! Just happy that I was able to get quieter time later on to reflect for myself.
tamaralikecamera says
Lately Des has been very loud! I hesitate to take him to restaurants anymore because of a shrieking incident last week at one, and today he climbed out of his chair onto the table and yelled at everyone for their food!
He's very loud when he's hungry. Like the Incredible Hulk.
The messes get to me, but I do try to learn to live with them. It's not easy.
Janine Huldie says
I know it is so not necessary and just now Lily was just yelling to be funny. She, too, like Des is very loud. And yes I totally agree those messes are so not worth it!!
Lisa @ Golden Spoons says
Great suggestions! We have all had those moments – In fact, those grandmas were probably feeling sorry for you and thinking "I remember those days!" π
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Janine Huldie says
Thanks Lisa and seriously would like to think those grandmothers were thinking that, but in that moment all I could think was that they must have thought it was just an awful mother. Just such a horrible feeling having all eyes on you as your child is melting down. I know I am not the only one to feel this or go through it (like you said you too have been there), but when you are in the moment and going through it, totally feels this way for sure.
Dani Ryan says
I'm with you on trying to keep the days varied! It isn't always easy, but doing the same things day after day can be boring for everyone, so I try to find different errands to run, and make them seem FUN for my child. And a trip to Toys R Us every once in a while isn't always a bad thing, either!
My recent post 10 ways I’ve become the parent I swore I’d never be
Janine Huldie says
Toys R Us is great, but just make sure you are buying something, because if we leave with nothing there will so be hell to pay! Thanks as always Dani π
Rosey says
We went with my nephew to the pumpkin patch this weekend, and it was really a great day, but at the end he ran to the water's edge w/my husband and son. He can't swim and I know my husband didn't see him coming, so I ran after him (he was his hubby's mom and dad who are long past the age of running). When I got to him he screamed and cried and yelled and told me to leave him alone. People were looking at me like I was a horrible person, lol. It was not such a beautiful auntie moment, but whatevs. π Better than having to jump in the ucky water trying to find him if he fell in!!
Janine Huldie says
Rosey, those are the looks I got last week and know them well. I am so with you on not wanting to have to jump into nasty, gross water if he did fall in and totally would have done the same (looks and all!).
dishofdailylife says
Learn to live with the mess…I need to take this to heart Janine!!!
Janine Huldie says
Michelle, I know I need to do the same. I wrote it here, but trust me I need to do a better job of this myself, too!!
gigigirl says
Great suggestions even for those of us not coping with little ones! Got to take care of ourselves. And learn to live with the "mess."
Great seeing you and Kevin and the girls. Lily has a strong will…..one day that will serve her well! In the meantime, keep on doing what you're doing You and Kevin are great parents! Love to all……xxxxoooo
Janine Huldie says
Thanks so much Aunt Gloria and was so happy to see and catch up with you, too. And yes learning to live with the mess is totally something I have to work on better myself!! π xoxo!!
April says
I don’t know where she got it, but B is so loud too! She will nothesitate to scream. Removing her then leaving her alone seems to help, like putting her in the car seat, then getting out of the car, not leaving her, just leaving her view. When she thinks no one is listening, she stops pretty quickly. Just like a time out. Now she doesn’t want to be left alone and has slowly started to stop crying when she’s frustrated.
Completely agree with the letting the mess happen. Great post!
Janine Huldie says
Thanks April and I know seriously not sure where Lily got her loudness from either, but she is also just so very loud and sometimes just because she can be!
Blond Duck says
Variety is the spice of life!
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Janine Huldie says
So very true and especially with this!! π
tiffanigoff says
This made me laugh when you pretended to leave Lily at the park. I was so stubborn as a child and refused to get in the car for my Mom so she literally left me on the curb and drove away. She only drove around the block but let me tell you I didn't pull that trick again.
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Janine Huldie says
I would so have done this if I wouldn't have been possibly finding CPS on my doorstep later on, Tiffani. Seriously, I had visions of someone saying that I was being cruel to her or something. Crazy how back when we were younger our moms could have done this and no one would have questioned it, but nowadays it could totally be misconstrued.
Nellie says
Amen to taking 10 minute breaks, sometimes I tell my hubby I am going upstairs to clean and I really just want some peace and quiet π
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Janine Huldie says
I hear you on that and sometimes I will say I have to write an article and disappear for a half hour for the same reason!! π
Linda Roy says
Excellent advice Janine. Keeping the days interesting by switching things up is key. And so is living with the mess. I will always, always, always remember reading that in What To Expect… where it said to give yourself a break. When you have little ones that need your attention, don't kill yourself trying to make the house look perfect. It won't be with kids around. That took the pressure off!
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Janine Huldie says
So true and I have to keep reminding myself that I cannot do it all and sometimes the cleaning is truly not worth it when they are going to make a mess again in about 30 seconds flat once it is cleaned again. And I forgot that What To Expect covered some of this. I had the book on my bedside for practically two year with back-to-back pregnancies, you would think I would remember that!! Thanks again π
cgacad says
lily sounds just like me….totally emotional! that is so funny how your mom characterized her. i'm sure i sound like an old crying italian as well. i agree with you that you can entertain kids by getting them involved (i.e., cooking). they can participate and be just like the adults. they love being a part of the action.
Janine Huldie says
I love how you said Lily is just like you and seriously knew I loved you already, but now I can't help, but love you that much more!!! π
massholemommy says
Learning to live with the mess is a big one. I still haven't mastered it completely, but I am getting there.
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Janine Huldie says
Me too and still trying my best!! π