“Sweetie, do you know how to tell time?”
“Yeah, the app shows me how!”
“Mommy can you stop talking now, I can’t hear the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse Song.”
I had this absurd conversation with my four and five-year-old daughters one weekend,while they were playing an episode of the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse on their iPad mini.
Now I am all for the occasional iPad use for educational purposes. I have even been known to let my girls use it for a few quiet minutes while I manage to do a few things around the house.
But I started to fear that they were moving from being recreational users to being downright addicts. And even more horrified to realize that I was their dealer.
If your children are showing any of these signs you might want to look into Apple rehab for you and your family:
1. When they wake up in the morning they immediately ask for the iPad first thing instead of saying good morning.
2. When asked to clean up their mess, they tell you there is an app for that.
3. At meal times, they text you their food order.
4. They make The Price Is Right contestants look inferior as they can bargain with the best of them to get to use the device during the day.
5. They mistake Siri’s advice for mom or dad imparting some words of wisdom upon them.
6. Your phone’s photo storage is completely full with pictures of Barbie’s fashions, Easy Bake cupcake creations, and crazy kid selfies.
7. When you take the iPad away from them they go through a metamorphosis similar to when Bruce Banner changed into The Incredible Hulk.
8. You find your kid stroking their iPad and calling it their “Precious,” not unlike Gollum from The Lord of the Ring’s does.
9. When the battery dies from over-usage or just plain forgetting to charge it, your precious child goes through withdrawal symptoms similar to Jim Breuer in Half Baked.
10. While saying their prayers at night they ask God to bless their iPad and keeps it safe from harm’s way while they are sleeping!
Of course I’m not saying I have seen any of these signs from my own precious angels. But I will admit that after some soul searching I have decided to rethink our families iPad use. We have instituted specific times for the girls to play with their beloved devices. I am happy to report that besides one (very needed) slip when I had the flu, we are all on the road to recovery.