Just another day of being a mom back in 2013 (I am digging way back into the time machine today) for me when the current craze amongst legions of women (myself included) was reading the newly released and now infamous book, 50 Shades of Grey, as well as taking care of two little girls who were recently potty trained (yes potty humor will follow soon).
But in answer to the most sought upon question here, YES, I most definitely read the book (actually all three in the series) to see what all the fuss was about back over two years ago.
I could care less about rehashing the book series to be quite honest, as the book summaries for all three can be found pretty much everywhere you could turn.
But still fast forward to now in 2015, where the love it or hate it book has been turned into the heavily debated recent opening movie event and has therefore been trending all over social media ever since.
Don’t believe me, Google 50 Shades to see the millions of articles dedicated to this title, where you can find a list of the movie pretty much being ripped to shreds, even a list of 50 problems with the flick.
Note to the reader, I haven’t seen the movie nor could I care less to. I admit I may have clicked on a few of the reviews and just doesn’t sound like I need to waste over $10 for a ticket to view what the consensus has shared as lacking to downright disturbing. Maybe when it comes out on cable, but even that is stretching it for me.
But back in 2013 though, I did indeed read the trilogy in less then 2 weeks time and got more then enough fill for E.L. James’ writing, which definitely was nothing spectacular (this is putting it mildly). Although, I will say, my husband had no complaints after I read it and will leave it at that.
However, back then, I got inspired to share a bit of a humorous and satirical take on the ever-so popular title with my own 50 Shades of Poop kids tales (Moms, I think we can all concur poop is something we all deal during the many stages with our kids).
So, in honor of all the 50 Shades talk in the past few weeks, I thought it more then appropriate to give an instant replay and walk down memory lane with 50 Shades of Poop for Moms, which first aired here on January 15, 2013 today.
Being a mother to two little girls, who are thankfully out of the diaper phase, I still can totally recall an unforgettable experience we had had with Emma (our older daughter), when she was right around 6 months old.
It was early afternoon after returning from teaching middle school kids. Emma had been playing a bit, when I smelled that all-so familiar smell.
So, I went to go change her. Only there was so much poop that a box of wipes would not have solved this problem. More then a bit frazzled, I called upon Kevin for an extra set of hands. The damage was on a grand scale and there was poop in places we both didn’t think possible.
Being that Emma was small and tiny for her age, she either got sponge baths on her changing table or baths in the little baby tub up to this point.
No sir, a sponge bath was NOT going to cut it.
So enter the bathtub – Emma’s first bath.
She ended up stripped down to her birthday suit getting a full-on bath in our tub for the very first time after this 50 Shades of Poop carnage.Not The Exact Time The Poop Incident Happened, But This Was Right Around That Time…
Long story short, after almost 3 years, I will never forget the milestone or my baby’s first bath induced by that mega 50 Shades poop disaster.
The thing that gets me the most about this memory is the actual topic of poop (or any bodily function) for most mothers (myself included) — how we think and talk about it all the time.
What does that mean?
Quite simply, I don’t think a day or week that has gone by since I brought Emma home from the hospital that I haven’t gone without talking about or dealing with some kind of 50 shades poop issue with her or Lily either (the aforementioned diaper blowout included).
Here are just a few more 50 shades of poop memories. If you aren’t yet grossed out.
1. As an infant Emma had bad constipation from only a few days old from lactose based formula (yes she wouldn’t latch, so no breast feeding here). We switched her to soy, only to have her pooping every hour on the hour (yup a lovely by product of a soy allergy). And this folks was only the first month of her life, where breastfeeding never stood a chance.
Again, I can go on as we have had more then our fair share of poop issues with both our kids throughout the three plus years of parenting.
2. Another 50 shades of poop induced moment occurred, when I gradually switched Lily over to milk at a year old. The child, that was never constipated a day in her little life, was now suddenly pooping out marbles. So, more poop and constipation to deal and track for this mom.
3. Then about a year later when stomach bug infested and fully potty trained, Lily stood in the doorway of our kitchen, telling me she had to poop, only to have had diarrhea all over and yet more fun 50 shades of poop times in the bath for yet another one of my children.
Thus, 50 Shades of Poop in it’s many shapes and forms as clearly illustrated above (there have been so many, but just picked the top three that stick out for me).
And yet, it all goes back to one major task that most pediatricians lay on mothers from the inception and that is, as new moms, we are told to track our kids pee and poop occurrences (there are even iPad apps that will do this for us–how very convenient, I suppose).
Seriously, if you aren’t a mom, you probably are saying, “Are you kidding me?”
No, I am totally serious and still more then slightly guilty thinking in these terms even though my kids aren’t necessarily babies anymore, because poop and kids is still a job for mom no matter the age or stage.
In case, you were wondering why I skipped a big topic with potty training and 50 Shades of Poop it is because I could seriously write a whole book about this topic. But if you are feeling 50 Shades of Potty training poop deprived see more here, here and here for starters!
If you don’t believe me, I will leave you with a funny Lily quote (see even my kids are poop obsessed, too!).
I was making chocolate milk. I poured the milk into Tinker Bell cups from the Disney Store (because god forbid my princess/fairy crazed girls drink from anything less).
As I got to squeezing the Hershey’s Syrup in their milk, it sounded like the container was farting, because it was almost at the end, so I figured, “Waste not, want not!”
Well, the little Lily face standing next to me clear as day said, “Excuse me.”
Seriously, at the very least I guess, I should be happy that she at least has manners, where this stuff is concerned! But still, I know you can clearly see that my 3 year old was indeed thinking some 50 shades of poop here, too.
And this was over 2 years ago and still have had more 50 Shades of Poop moments and sure I will have more to come still…