I got my toes in the water, ass in the sand
Not a worry in the world, a cold beer in my hand
Life is good today. Life is good today.– Zac Brown Band
Looked down at the paper and the letter “A’s” were traced, but not written in free hand.
I knew even at 4 years old and in pre-school they need to be not just traced, but written in her own handwriting, too.
My mom told me that Lily (yes she is that child) was giving her a hard time doing her pre-school homework of simply tracing and writing her letter “A” on the homework paper that day.
See in her pre-school, they have already completed the numbers 1-20 in numerals and in words before the Christmas break, now they are beginning the alphabet.
[Tweet “#Homework battles…tell me I’m not the only one dealing with this!”]
Of course, I was trying to get a few jobs done after she came home from school as it is the first week back after the holiday break. So grandma, very generously, offered to help (thank god for my mom). While doing homework with my mom, Lily decided that she was going to give her a run for her money with complaining and fighting it tooth and nail. My mom usually gives it just as good as Lily can right back at her, but this day my mom just had enough.
So, instead of fighting her, we both decided to one and for all send her into school with it half done. I made sure to tell her teacher right in front of Lily why it was only half done. I pretty much threw her under the bus, but my reasoning was simple. I am truly tired of battling her on homework. Yes, she is only 4, but nowadays this is the way it is.
She will be getting registered for kindergarten in a mere month from now (filling out paperwork as we speak) and in kindergarten not only do they have to write the alphabet letters, but also words and simple sentences/phrases, too (I am a pro having Emma in kindergarten right now).
Sad, but true that at 4 years old, I have to have her be accountable for such stuff, but still I do.
It was only a year ago, I registered Emma for kindergarten, but Emma never gave me this kind of fight when it came to homework. She would come home from pre-school begging to homework. I kid you not!
Even now, Emma gets a homework packet at the beginning of the week for Kindergarten, which includes the week’s homework. She comes home on Monday and wants to get it done. If I left it up to her, she would do the whole week’s work in one night. I try my best to help pace her, but still she loves to learn and actually thrives on it.
Not Lily, who will come up with every excuse in the book, including and not limited to just being plain tired or bored or even telling me, “Lily isn’t home right now, leave a message after the beep!”
Each afternoon, I prepare myself for the battle, but like I say this day I just had enough and told myself maybe I should take a different approach.
Thus, the tattle tailing of my 4 year old to her teacher.
I love her teacher, who right away told me she’d handle it.
When I picked Lily up two and half hours later, the homework was done and was told when questioned, Lily used the excuse that I don’t let her use a marker, but make her use a pencil!
God love this kid, she has an answer for everything.
Well, her teacher told her kindly, but firmly that she needs to homework no matter what instrument her mother tells her to use. She specifically said, “Just listen to your mom and if she says use a pencil, use a pencil.”
I can honestly say I very much do love that her teacher and I were on the same page with this. Definitely nice to have a bit of backup on this, as this mom is just tired. By the way, in kindergarten they do very much use a pencil, especially if they need to erase if they make a mistake. So, the pencil over a marker in our house is the rule of thumb, because of this.
But again, we have only been back to school for a week or so since the 2 long weeks off, but now more then ever dreaming of summer vacation or a place without homework right now.
Hey, I can dream even if it is only January and we just had our first snow storm a few days ago, as well as a second one on Friday, too!
Even still Zach Brown Band has it so right here:
Are you too dreaming of no homework and summer vacation, yet?
Please also feel free to check out my latest GLOSSYBOX get with the December box, here (it was a great haul with all full size products, too)…
Robin (Masshole Mommy) says
It’s called second child syndrome and I have been dealing with it for 7 years with my little guy. Ugh!
Janine says
I know Robin totally and I was the first born my own family so probably another reason it is deiving me crazy, too as I just can’t relate.
Bev says
Obviously I have awhile to go before I have to deal with this with Eve, but I have babysat kids who put up such a fight to get their homework done. I can’t imagine having to go through this every day! I don’t think you threw Lily under the bus; like you said, she needs to understand she has to take some responsibility for her actions. Better to get a handle on it when she’s younger! It sounds to me like you handled it like a pro.
Janine says
Thanks Bev and like I said to Robin I never acted this way and neither has Emma about homework. Yet I did have my students when I taught treat homework this way, but truly a first for me as a mom.
Kathy Radigan says
I so feel your pain!!!!! I didn’t like homework when I was a kid and I hate it even more as a parent!!!
Janine says
Kathy, I really never disliked it (yes I was a weird kid), but still absolutely loathing now as a parent, too!
Allie says
YES! We have yet another snow day here today so I’m definitely dreaming of sand, sun and Coronas!! We have the same issues with homework and the boys attention span is about 7 minutes. I’ve also been known to bribe them π Hang in there mama – you’re not alone!
Janine says
Thanks again Allie and we can totally beach dream together!! π
Kim says
Toes is my ringtone so I get to hear it often because it makes me happy!!!
Funny how different the girls are with homework – our boys were the same when young but it has totally reversed now that they are older!!!
I used to tell Hunter that I would set the timer for _____ minutes and for him to see if he could get done before it went off. Usually that was enough motivation but some days nothing helped!!
Janine says
Kim, see I knew I loved you and now I may just need to officially change my old ringtone to to Toes, because you are so right makes me very happy to hear. And interesting to hear about how your boys switched on this and makes me wonder what may happen with my girls in the future.
Seana Turner says
We are most certainly looking forward to summer and homework being over. My daughter is right in the middle of senior year midterms right now, and the workload is pretty heavy. I worked hard in school, but it was nothing compared to what today’s young people accomplish. Come on, summer!
Janine says
I am so with and willing summer to get here already with every once of my being!! π
Dara says
sounds very familiar! my kids are not good at homework at all. Especially Zachary, who I have to bribe with chocolate!
Janine says
Oh Dara, I may need to buy some chocolate as I see it coming to that. Thanks for the idea and sharing with me today π
Bill says
Funny post for us to read…not so funny to live, of course. π You handled it perfectly by throwing her under the bus. I’ve had parents doing their homework for their child(middle school) in the parking lot before school…..can anyone tell me how that helps your child?????
Anyway, have a great week and good luck with that daughter of yours.
Janine says
Bill, I had that, too back in the day one a few of my students and parents doing their homework and agree how is that helping these kids! Thanks always and wishing you a great week again, too π
Jennifer says
Wow. That is some serious pre-k. My kids never had homework in pre-k and a very, very limited amount in kindergarten. Even now in fourth grade, my daughter’s homework doesn’t take more than 20 minutes. I kinda feel bad for Lily. π
Janine says
Thanks Jennifer and I will say I live in NY, where most pre-k gives homework, but her school actually isn’t as challenging with stuff like this as I have heard some of the others are around my neighborhood.
Echo says
I am already experiencing this with my kids! The boy was so eager to gain knowledge! He wanted to know everything. Colors, numbers, letters, EVERYTHING. The girl, she just wants to play, play, play. My son is very knowledge driven, like my husband. My daughter is more like me and likes to learn from life experiences.
Janine says
Yup, totally sounds like my kids, too. Emma is definitely more focused wanting to learn, where as Lily just wants to play and gets bored quite easily.
Emily says
I have a homework resistant kid too (although now I say he procrastinates) and he’s in high school, so unfortunately it may never change. However, the good news is that I can’t help him with his homework anymore because I’ve essentially retained NOTHING from high school, which means that all I can do is nag him and hope that the threat of a bad grade will motivate him to complete it.
Janine says
Emily, I wish this would be the case, but sadly I taught middle school math and tutored high school math, too. So, I know I will most likely get and be able to help with that. So god help me when I do get to that stage! π
Carrie Groneman says
Oh, been there done that with all 5 kids. Great post and thanks for sharing. AND nice shout-out to grandma too! lol (grandma’s love kuddos, me being one of them heehee). Thanks Janine for the chuckle this morning. Carrie, A Mother’s Shadow
Janine says
Aww, you are so welcome and Carrie my mom (grandma) is truly the best and thank god for her everyday!! π
Diane Roark says
Janine,
My oldest, Carly is now 23, she was just like Emma and is now in Medical School with dreams of being a doctor. My youngest is 12 and just like Lily. She thinks school is only to socialize. She still has no clue even after telling her ever day that she is working hard to one day get a great job. This concert is still over her head. This blows my mind since my other kids have always worked so hard to develop their skills and talents to help them be a better person. I truly think it is because Diana is the youngest (and adopted) we had little expectations from her. She tells me she never wants to get a job and have to move out. I think this is our problem. She does not care to do her best because she has no goals or dreams of any kind. She is very complicated and it is hard to explain. Diana does not think she does anything good enough so why do anything. We encourage her constantly, but she quits everything or does not even try to do a good job. Yes! She has had lots of counseling, but it does not help. Her counselor tells us to use natural consequences just like you did with her not finishing and telling the teacher why. Diana just stays angry at us for it. She is always pouty and mad at me. HELP!!!!! Parenting is so hard some times!
I hope you had a wonderful time Friday night at the concert.
Many blessings this week,
Diane Roark
Janine says
Diane, Lily is just so Lily and my ever ending comedian, who I think will be the class clown of sorts. I am truly so sorry for all you have gone through with Diana and know that you are a wonderful mom and can only do so much my friend. I think that is just it we all try to do our best, but sometimes it just is what it is. Still, thank you for sharing and weighing in today. Many hugs and yes the concert was amazing π
Katie @ Pick Any Two says
I’m sorry for your struggles, but I find this fascinating! Being pregnant with my second, I’m anxious to see how this one differs from my first child. Seems like even with the exact same parenting techniques they can be totally different, including when it comes to homework! Not looking forward to these battlesβ¦
Janine says
Katie, it is truly fascinating and as much as my daughters have similarities and are only 16 months apart in age, sometimes they really couldn’t be more different. Truly intriguing and you are right totally raised though by the same mom (me). And I have my fingers crossed that the battles will be at the minimum for you π
Jen says
No you are not alone! I have sent it in half done homework as well. Not getting the smiley face stickers really seems to make my younger kids grumpy. It definitely gets harder as they get older to help them stay motivated to complete their homework . One thing I do with my children, at least the youngers, is to set an alarm with an appropriate period of time to complete their homework. If they do not complete during that time then they turn in what is done. They also loose free time to do some of their favorite things for how much time they waste during that time they have set to do their homework. Good luck!
Janine says
I love the timer idea and Jen you are so onto something. Going to try this and thank you for sharing with with this today!!! π
The Imp says
Lord have mercy, I remember the homework battles when Diva was in school.
Now, we homeschool, so it’s *all* homework. And some days? Just as you describe. Thankfully, the 3 Minions that are currently hsing (other 2 are too young) take turns at being resistant to doing their work. If all 3 of them did it at once, it would be a full scale revolt…and heaven help me then!
Janine says
Oh god you poor thing and I think one is bad enough, but three, I might have to revolt let alone them! π
Lisa @ The Meaning of Me says
Does she really βLily isnβt home right now, leave a message after the beep!β? That is hysterical – that girl has a sense of humor!
Kidzilla is our one and only and she’s an interesting mix of loves to learn and loves school but loathes being told what to do…or when, or how. We never quite know which version it will be, but for her, sticking to routine is key. We use pencil. We do homework before we play. Etc. Don’t be afraid to use external rewards – do your homework and you get a sticker on the chore chart for the day or whatever you like. We use a chore and behavior chart each week, modifying as habits are acquired and behaviors modified and new ones are appropriate. Works for us!
Even as a teacher, I am amazed at how much we have kids doing at such a young age anymore. Seems so far gone from when I was 5 and you went to Kindergarten knowing nothing. Now if you don’t have letters, numbers, and shoe tying down you’re behind. Perhaps we have just morphed as a society. Not much we can do to alter it, so we just all have to find our way.
Hang in there – good luck!
Janine says
Aww, thanks so much Lisa and I know I am truly amazed at what our kids need to know by kindergarten. It is absolutely crazy and yet the norm (which makes it even crazier). And like you the teacher in me gets it, but still finds it excessive, too. Love the stickers and chart idea and can’t thank you enough for sharing that with me, too π
Ginny Marie says
Oh, dear, I know exactly how you feel! Bringing in the teacher as an ally is a great idea. I find that my kids listen to their teachers better than they listen to me as their mom!
Janine says
You are so right Christa and neither of my girls want their teachers to think poorly of them, so I am glad I thought to do that, but as crazy as it sounds just glad I am not alone in this feeling! π
susen @Dabbling Momma says
I can definitely relate! My 2 kiddos are like yours in the sense that one despises homework while the other asks for it….go figure! You are not alone tho! It’s funny that you said you sent her to school with her homework incomplete. I’ve said I was going to do this same thing with my 3rd grader but my husband disagrees. Saying it is our responsibility to make sure he gets his homework done. Ok, I get that BUT I am not going to fight the fight constantly and MAYBE just MAYBE if I send him to school with incomplete homework that it somehow affect my son differently and he will not give me such a hard time. Again, at least we are not alone when it comes to homework battles!
Janine says
Susen, I have never done this before and have also like your husband not wanted to send her with homework not done. I know others even in her class that have done this repeatedly with the same kid. But I finally just had enough and honestly looks like it did work, because she had homework today, came home did it first thing and never complained. So fingers crossed π
lisacng @ expandng.com says
Kids certainly have an excuse for EVERYTHING. LOL she couldn’t do her work because she only had a pencil. Luckily, our preschool doesn’t require J to do homework. But if they do, they get stickers. Our au pair helps him finish it. I am not looking forward to having to enforce the completion of homework in the future, especially while trying to get dinner on the table, etc. Good luck to you!
Janine says
Aww, thanks Lisa and as you can see I need all the luck I can get – truly!! π
Jack says
Homework is making me insane. Fifth and eighth grade teachers are loading my kids down with more than I ever had and I am not convinced they are benefiting from it.
Oy, I better not get started ‘cuz this just makes me want to rant.
Janine says
Jack, as you can see I am clearly with you on this and feel free to rant away here as I said I truly do agree with you.
Kim @ HappyPrettyBlog says
Omigosh I am NOT looking forward to this already and Ben is only 2! It’ll be here before I know it!
Janine says
Kim, I hate say it, but yes this truly did cone too quickly for me, too!
Camille says
I know it must be frustrating, but I have to say, Lily’s excuses are cracking me up! She is too funny. I think her letters are well-written though. Kaylee’s are barely legible right now, mostly because she insists on writing as fast as she can. I keep telling her, speed is not the goal! Lol.
Janine says
Aww, smiled at what you have been telling Kaylee and I essentially agree about Liky’s excused though π
Jennifer | The Deliberate Mom says
Homework? In preschool? Really? Wow! I must be completely disconnected with the education system because I had no idea they were giving homework in preschool. I thought that came later… like in grade 2! LOL
However, if I encountered that kind of resistance with my girls I would have done the same thing (thrown them under the bus). Sometimes that’s the best way for them to learn their responsibilities.
Thanks for sharing. Hopefully this battle lessens for you.
Have a great evening.
xoxo
Janine says
Aww, thanks Jennifer and sadly yes pre-school aged kids are indeed getting homework. Hoping you too are enjoying your evening xoxo π
Aunt Gloria says
Lily needs to test the waters…..it might not be a bad thing. But right now, as her parent, you have to deal with making sure she does what she needs to do. And I think you handled this situation very well. And the teacher did too. I am appalled at what our education system is demanding of these little children! It’s a lot of pressure. I can see why Lily may rebel! Auntie Anne thinks so too…..and she said, Lily’s refusal to do homework reminds her of Aunt Lucy. Just like you always say π Hang in…..you’re doing just fine! xxoo
Janine says
Aww, thanks Aunt Gloria to both of you and I do agree and the more things she does I am convinced I should have just named her Lucy!! Xoxo π
Cynthia says
I’ll admit that I never had any idea they gave homework to 4 year olds. Oy!
But…Lily cracks me up. She does have an answer for everything. She’s gonna be a lawyer. HAHAH.
Just wanted to get a comment in before I get ready for work…hope you have a great day!
Janine says
Aww, Cyndi I wouldn’t doubt Lily may be a lawyer somedays as she truly can indeed come up with answers and excuses for everything! Have a great day, too π
Rosey says
Mine have never given me trouble with homework until they were in middle school. Then all three of them (the older kids) got flaky about doing. Sometimes it was a nightmare trying to get them to just do what they were supposed to do w/their school work. #sillykids π
Janine says
Rosey, I know I probably so in for it and god help me!
Chris Carter says
OKay- first of all I FEEL YOUR PAIN MAMA!!!! I totally get one child versus the other being SO different! And oh that girl of yours… that feisty spirited adorable girl… she cracks me UP!! Her ‘answering message response’? BRILLIANTLY PLAYED!! (SORRY!!! But really- too damn funny!!!)
I love her teacher. I love you. Hold on girl. You CAN do this!! The poor thing is only four and it’s SO hard to do anything that requires attention for that long and it feels like such hard WORK and well, the entrance into the real world comes sooner these days for our little ones- yes? Sigh.
I always had to be ON my girl, for YEARS!!! It was GRUELING and I can’t tell you how many times I wanted to give up, or walk away from it all.
Now? She is a self driven accountable responsible hard working student. There’s your hope hun!!! It WILL come!!! π
Janine says
Chris, I was truly smiling reading your comment and reliving Lily’s answering machine message as it still kind of cracks me up, too. And thank you so much seriously for the hope, because I definitely need it π
Janine says
Aww again huge hugs and thank you Christy. I seriously am just trying my best with both my girls. Wishing you a great day, too π
Rabia @TheLiebers says
Last night Henry tried to sleep through his after-school program. Then he asked to go to bed right after dinner. I was a little worried he was sick, but he went through the night fine and woke up happy and chipper this morning. Imagine his surprise when I dropped him off at before-care and told him to take a seat and get his homework done. He was not happy with me! But he did it.
Janine says
Oh Rabia, this is why I love you, because as you see I would have done the same thing!! π
Dana says
I have kids with very different approaches to homework too. If only kids knew how good they have it when they are young! It’s tough to parent to each kid based on her own quirks, but you’ll survive. The winter – that’s another story!
Janine says
Dana, I know the winter is truly going to be the death of me one of these years, but the kids yes I will survive, but at what cost?! π
Tamara says
ha! I love that you threw her under the bus.
Nellie talks about homework too with her son. It must be a New York thing. Or maybe not having it is a western MA thing. They take writing and reading very seriously here but there’s no homework. And the curriculum is still totally play-based. I wonder why different schools do such different things.
Like when I said we were taking Scarlet out of school for a week in Florida and could we have work to take home for the plane? The teacher said, “She’s in kindergarten! Let her have fun. She’ll learn more at Disney World.”
Yup. And I know that will change FAST. Probably next year.
Janine says
Omg, I wish. seriously, when Emma as sick with pneumonia back in November, I picked up work each day did it and brought it back, plus did her homework packet for the week. Really, why don’t I live closer to you for this and so much more!!
Sandy Ramsey says
I can’t believe how big your girls are getting! I have the same problem with Justin. He is my homework hater and rushes through it so he can get to his tablet or tv…or anything other than homework! So you are most definitely not alone.
I LOVE the new look of your blog!
Janine says
Aww, thanks so much for saying that Sandy. And I know it is all about the iPad here now, as well. I love that it keeps them quiet when I need to get things done to be honest, but when we need to get homework done, I hate having to compete with the iPad, too.
Gingi says
LOL, not even gonna lie, reading your tales of homework woes just gave me a mini heart attack, looking at my sleeping 16 month old… NOT looking forward to stubborn school days!! lol… – http://www.domesticgeekgirl.com
Janine says
Gingi, if I knew when my first was even 16 months, what I know now I think I would have opted to slow down time just a bit if I could! π
Liza | @aMusingFoodie says
Even in 4th grade and kindergarten, my kids don’t really have any homework other than to read. I love that. I think it makes sense for elementary schoolers to be able to come home, play, play, play, relax, and play some more! Sorry you’re already having to struggle. :-/
Janine says
Aww, Lisa thank you and I wish this were the case here trust me I do!
Alison says
My 5 year old gets homework only once a week thank goodness, and it’s 1 or 2 sheets. Fortunately, he’s pretty enthusiastic about it. For now. π
Janine says
Alison, my 5 year old gets a packet weekly (like 2 shhets a night) and is fine with that, but of course it is the 4 year okd giving me a run for my money!! π
Jenny.U says
Our school does their homework during school except for 1 math sheet an evening with 1-2 questions. All done within 10 mins of getting home. Study some spelling and that’s it. My kiddo fights me on that a bit or questions why I have her write down practice words but then she gets it. For now….
Janine says
Jenny, I do like the way your school does it and yes even if they did that I would still do probably similar to you, too though.
Nellie @ Brooklyn Active Mama says
I could have sworn I commented on this already because I read it earlier in the week, so if this is a double comment I apologize!! You know I am right there with you with the homework situation, its crazy, non stop and unavoidable. Just the other night I had to feed my son WHILE doing homework so that he could get to bed on time. That homework packet is the worse!
Janine says
Nellie, I am so over the packet and all homework in general. And huge hugs for coming back again tonight π
The Pinterested Parent says
Lol! I hate to laugh, but I have a little sh*t on my hands too. Lol! Sometimes these kids are too smart for their own good. You know my daughter also has excuses for everything. I swear the more difficult they are the cuter God makes them. How could you ever get mad at that face? Hang in there mama. Isn’t it amazing how they are so easy to listen to others before us.
Janine says
I know and you are so right – the cuter they are, the more difficult god does seem to make them. Probably prejudice though, because Lily is mine, but damn is she cute and yes she is a real pain the *ss though lol!! π
karen says
oh these little ones think they know it all and have all the answers. Glad you and the teacher are on teh same page…it makes all the difference.
Janine says
It truly does Karen and I know they have an answer though for everything!