Hearts, Roses,Valentine’s, oh my!!
But I hate Valentine’s day!
There I said it and ripped that band-aid off – just plain, simple, direct and to the point.
As a mother (and wife, too) have grown to loathe and disdain this Hallmark, made up holiday with all my might and power.
Why you may ask am I so hostile towards this sugar coated day?
Find out now why I say, “Down with Hearts for Mom”
1. Ode to the Hearts
There are just so many of them and they are everywhere since the moment the clock struck 12 on December 26th, I cannot escape them. Even my youngest daughter keeps asking me to draw the perfect heart all damn day long. Don’t get me wrong, I love to draw, even if I am not the next Picasso, but still If I never draw another heart again, I’d be happy.
But still all I see is hearts everywhere I go and even in my
2. More Homework for Mom with Kids Valentine’s Cards
Seriously, who came up with making kids have to write one out for each kid in their class. I want to find this person and throttle them.
I just had to fight a sick, 5 1/2 year old kid with strep throat (It is February, illness galore, more sick notes coming from the school nurse daily, so this was bound to happen) to sign her name to 20 cards and am so over it!
As if I don’t have enough to do with her being in kindergarten and the common core curriculum breathing down my neck with made up and imaginary homework, now I have to sit and force myself not to lose my shit when when my daughter is complaining with each and every signature. Cruel and unusual punishment for all parties involved if you ask me.
3. Nothing Says Love Like Mass Produced Love
As if writing those sappy Valentine’s cards out isn’t enough, I am still made to feel loads of guilt to buy Valentine’s for my loved ones.
Each year I swear I am not spending a dime on this made up commercialized holiday and then like clockwork I go into my local drugstore a few days before for something else and crack quicker then you can say crack spending an arm and a leg on greeting cards, chocolate hearts and more for family, friends and even the kids’ teachers, too.
When will I learn and let this so-called guilt finally die once and for all?
4. Revenge is a Valentine’s Dish Best Served Cold for Mom
This year, Valentine’s Day, just so happens to fall on a weekend night – A Saturday night, when I usually don’t cook and either bring takeout in or dare to go out someplace to attempt (key word here for most moms) a hot meal cooked by someone other then me.
Don’t even get me started on trying to find a babysitter on cupid’s finest night.
So, now I get to fight large crowds and pay double the cost to be unhealthy, dragging two kids out not even to even enjoy a hot meal, because when the food finally does make its way to my table, like magic one of my kids will announce they need the bathroom just as that first morsel ironically touches my lips.
Ridiculous prices for not so good food, whiny kids – dinner and a show – sounds like a little slice of hell on earth covered up with hearts.
Fun Times and priceless!
5. Everything Is Coming Up (Expensive) Roses
I am all for beautiful flowers to be gifted to me , but still am I the only one who never truly got the reasoning behind gifting someone a plant that will just up and die only days later?
But still as if price gauging for food isn’t enough, then here comes the flowers. Nothing says romance like seeing the price tag for flora that will indeed die in less then a week, because my husband is a romantic at heart and I just so happen to keep track of all the money spent in our checking, as well.
So, my gift is here is what?
Feeling guilty for how much money was spent on a bouquet of flowers for yours truly that will be crooking in tee minus 7 days and counting!
Don’t get me wrong, I love romance just as much as the next person, but for moms (and don’t forget wives, too), especially all of the above reasons and more makes me want to start a petition to put an end to this made up holiday once and for all.
Who’s with me; as I devour my chocolates from that store bought plastic heart, swoon over my $75 barely alive roses, draw another perfectly drawn heart for the 4 year old, fight the 5 1/2 year old to John Hancock her last Valentine and most definitely not even get to enjoy my insanely expensive chilly meal.
And that my friends is Valentine’s Day for us moms.
As much as I doth protest too much, I am guilty of doing all of the above and more each damn year.
Because I am a glutton for punishment, who just so happens to also be a wife and mother, that loves her gang and can’t say no to them even though I am fully aware that is indeed a made up day.
So with that said…see you same time next year moms!