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5 Simple Ways to Show Your Spouse You Love Them

Filed Under: BLOG, Kevin, Life in General, Married Life, Valentine's Day Tagged With: , , ,

My oldest daughter shared this simple piece of advice about love to my husband and I…

“You need to go to Dunkin Donuts and get the coffee that has the hearts in it to get back together!”

My Big Girl - Here and Now

My oldest mixing heart shaped cookies – believe it or not!

See it would stand to reason that she might think we aren’t lovey, dovey or dripping of hearts everyday, as they may see on TV or in movies. Why? Because she didn’t know us when we did very much act this way in the early days. I mean she didn’t know us before marriage and kids.  By the time we had our kids, we still loved each other.  But let’s face it, we weren’t that new relationship love fog anymore.

Yet just how with most couples how the beginning truly is the most exhilarating time for most couples—we were once again no exception to the rule.

Still in Love After All These Years!!

Still in Love After All These Years!!

Back then, it was the little things and also the grandest of gestures, too..

For starters, we never went a day from that first date not speaking even if we didn’t see each every day. It was a simple way that we showed each other we cared.

On a grander scale to prove his love, he took me to our local Irish Store to make it official. It was there he placed an Irish Claddaugh ring on my hand. Being 100%, the Claddaugh ring was a symbol to him that we were committed to each other.

He was the real deal with a heart of gold. Plus each month anniversary that we celebrated for that first year, I  either flowers delivered or Vermont Teddy Bears. On top of that, for our first Christmas together he gifted me Tiffany’s jewelry.

So what happened?

Dancing Away Happily Ever After!

We Got Married – Dancing Away Happily Ever After or So We Thought…

But that was then and this is now. We have now been married for better or worse for just about 11+ years!

Don’t get me wrong, my husband is still a big, softy mush at heart for those special days. But again we are married with kids. In reality, life does come in the way. But still I know we both do love each other.

Yet, my daughter’s original comment got me thinking.

So, I took to my Facebook blog fan page to ask my readers how married couples show each other they still love each other. The answers are got were truly heartwarming and even a tad humorous. Read on to see these answers here now…

5 Simple Ways to Show Your Spouse You Love Them 1

5 Simple Ways to Show Your Spouse You Love Them

1.  It’s the Little Things.

When you are married and living together daily, it is just truly the little things that seem to go a long way.

  • For instance, Deborah of Peaches & Coconuts cited, “Washing dishes, doing (and folding) laundry or even cooking a meal for once.” 
  • And Shell of The Soccer Moms added, “My husband moves my phone to the nightstand when he gets up (it’s usually plugged in across the room to charge). That way, I don’t have to get out of bed when my alarm goes off. It’s a little thing, but I really appreciate it!”
  • Plus, Shannon Day of Martinis and Motherhood, also furthered this point by telling me, “I scratch his back (literally) and he buys me chocolate.”
  • Liza of A Musing Foodie was also in agreement to using simple, unexpected ways also, but by being a “bucket filler” or using kind actions even saying certain words that show that you do indeed care about that special someone.

Although, Deborah added jokingly that you may not want to overdo it though, as some also might not necessarily feel the love so much as feel suspicion that the other party was having an affair.  So for arguments sakes, the little things should be just that and indeed small. But still done often enough that they aren’t misconstrued for something other then just for the sake of loving and caring for each other.

[Tweet “It’s the little things #love #marriage”]

Again, the little things make so much difference.  For us, my husband calling me midday from work just to say hi. This is a small, but effective way to let me know he is thinking of me. I also have grown to not only expect, but also deep down appreciate this from him.

2.  Just Let Them Be.

Sometimes, it speaks greater volumes if you simply let the other person just have their space to enjoy a hobby or just watch a movie by themselves.

Dude Mom shared, “Everything doesn’t have to be shared to have meaning. My husband has goals and aspirations and hobbies and interests that I don’t share (or really even get), but I support his pursuit of those because they’re important to him.” 

[Tweet “Just let them be #love #marriage”]

I couldn’t agree more here, as my husband wouldn’t be caught dead watching my first true love Sex And The City. Nor do I have any desire to watch movies, such as Hell Boy. So I thank god we have two TVs. This helps us give each other that alone time and space to enjoy our own TV interests—simple, but effective.

3.  Take One for The Team.

On the flip side, sometimes you may instead have to get your hands dirty a bit even if it is something you necessarily don’t enjoy or wouldn’t want to do.

The Dusty Parachute, mentioned that she is “cleaning out the garage for him”. 

Although, I think she meant this possibly in jest, I honestly couldn’t agree more. 

[Tweet “Take one for the team #love #marriage”]

Perfect example occurred on Christmas Eve. This is when I stood on line in our local bakery for his favorite pastry, Napoleon. See Christmas Eve Italian bakery lines are blocks long. Add to this a possible Nor’easter approaching. Yes, I stood on a long line in Christmas Eve rain storm. Never mind I had a ton of work still attend to as an Elf before Christmas morning was to arrive the next day.

But I did this to surprise him, put a smile on his face and also see him get to enjoy his favorite pastry.

So, sometimes you just need to take one for the team in order to show that you do care!

4.  Little Love Notes.

Just like those early days, when everything truly was all hearts and roses, even now romance shouldn’t be completely dead.  So, expressing your love in the written or spoken form can definitely also go a long way.

Such as Echo of The Mad Mommy told me,  “I wrote, ‘I Love You’ on my husband’s banana when I packed his lunch yesterday. And sometimes I also just greet him on the phone and in person with, “Hi there, Handsome!”

[Tweet “Little #love notes #marriage”]

Remember that Napoleon back from Christmas Eve? Well I also wrote a sweet love note on the outside of the box. When I gifted it to him, he found the sweet pastry gift with my even sweeter love note.

So keep them on their toes with these little, yet grand love notes surprises.

5.  Making Time for Just Us.

Once again back in those early days, it was truly all about the two of us.  Now married with children, many days go by without having time to do much for myself, let alone my husband.

Well, Kathy of My Dishwasher’s Possessed made an exceptional point by telling me, “I think about it relation to my children but not as much with my husband. I know it means a lot to Joe when I really listen to him about his day and am not doing something else and multi-tasking. Also, as much as we love being parents, making time for just us, whether it’s getting my parents to watch the kids for a date or just telling the kids that mom and dad are speaking and will be with them in 10 minutes goes a long way. Putting our marriage and ourselves on the top of our to-do list, even if just for a morning kiss or cup of coffee goes such a long way when you are a busy couple and family.”

Kathy, is one smart lady and yes I couldn’t agree with her more.

[Tweet “Making time for us #love #marriage”]

Sometimes, we try to have an adult conversation. But I can’t tell you how many times one of our conversations gets interrupted by a little princess asking for a cold juice box or a yummy, chocolate chip cookie that just couldn’t wait another minute.

See kids, in general, are hard-wired to need instant gratification (at least mine are). They don’t understand the concept of wait your turn mentality (again might only be my kids, but I am betting it isn’t – just a hunch).

So, like Kathy and her husband, we try to make time for a date night out at least once a month. Plus also, each day we check in by asking each other how our days went.

Almost 9 Years Later Going Strong Because of Love

Almost 9 Years Later Going Strong

So there you have it marriage doesn’t have to be the death of romance. Plus, 5 surefire ways to add a little love back into your own marriage thanks to some very smart and lovely writers. Thank you so much ladies!!!

Are you married with children and have any further love tips?

Please feel free to share with here today…

Sharing is caring!

About Janine

Janine is a published author of the books, The Mother of All Meltdowns and Only Trollops Shave Above the Knee. She has been featured on The Huffington Post, Mamapedia, Today Parenting Team and SheKnows. She also runs her own graphic design company at J9 Designs.

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Bill says

    All great suggestions. Oddly, or maybe not, Valentine’s Day isn’t a biggie for us…we choose to show our love for each other during the year in little ways like you mentioned. 🙂 Have a great week, Janine.

  2. Rea says

    Love notes are always a hit for me! My husband does it a lot especially when we’re both working back then because we don’t see each other often. Now that he’s home most of the time, not so much of love notes anymore but he cooks my meals. Such great thoughts from great bloggers! I also agree with just “letting them be”… we’re still individuals so we don’t necessarily have to share everything with our spouses. Wink, wink.

    • Janine says

      Aww, thanks Nellie and got to admit I was smiling as I was writing this recalling the early days and still what we do for each other now to show we love each. Just a feel good post for me 🙂

  7. Kathy Radigan says

    This is such a sweet and fun post!!! Parenthood takes so much energy and time that it really is so easy for me to forget that all of this started with a romance. It’s nice to be reminded of it. I loved seeing the pictures of you and Kevin and hearing stories of your courtship and marriage. Thank you. And thank you so much for including me! xoxo

    • Janine says

      Kathy, thank you a ton from the bottom of my heart for contributing and was so happy to include your tip, because you were totally right on. And I admit I loved writing this article, because the trip down memory lane was so much fun, plus I could truly relate to your tip and so many others, too 🙂 xoxo!

  8. Bev says

    We always make sure to kiss goodbye or hello when Sam leaves or returns from work. We also make sure to kiss each other in front of Eve so she can see how much her parents love each other 🙂 Great tips, Janine, and I like how you reached out to your readers for advice!

    • Janine says

      Bev, I love that you do this in front of Eve and we also try to show affection in front of the girls as much as we can. It was honestly my pleasure to reach out on Facebook like this and had so much fun. I think I will be trying this more often with other topics, too in the future now 🙂

  10. Diane Roark says

    Janine,

    What a sweet tribute to your husband. My husband has a great heart too. When Jerry is home, he fixes my coffee every morning just the way I like it. He travels most weeks and always brings me home some chocolate. What can be better than coffee and chocolate.

    Blessings,
    Diane Roark

  16. Carrie Groneman says

    I agree completely that finding time and small ways OFTEN are the key to a happy and long marriage. It shows your spouse they are important even in the chaos and busyness of life; that they matter to you. Thanks for the post! Carrie, A Mother’s Shadow

  18. Allie says

    We’re on the same level here today Janine! My husband and I will be married 9 years this May and oh how things have changed!! It truly is all about the little things and we try to text each other funny messages everyday or at least one that says – I miss you!!!! And we mean it.

    • Janine says

      Allie, we are right behind you in July for 9 years and sounds like you can, too can totally relate. I love when Kevin texts me funny things and got to say once again it is the small things that truly do make the difference 🙂

  20. The Imp says

    How you talk to each other is a big one. It’s so easy to slip into negative commentary, either to them or about them. Talk about the positives instead.

    Find your moments. With 5 kids still at home, our ‘date night’ is often grocery shopping. But, it’s time alone. Sure, it’s not the ‘romantic’ that the songs and movies talk about, but it’s time for the two of us, to talk uninterrupted.

    • Janine says

      Couldn’t agree more about the positives and admit it truly is so easy to slip into negative territory though. And we just did grocery shopping alone this past weekend and yes it is truly some nice alone time even if it is just grocery shopping.

  21. Amanda Love says

    It’s a little too late for me. I’m kinda over the so in love phase and have graduated to the “let me off the marriage thing” phase. Being in love is great when you’ve found “the one” like you have. I think I’m still searching for my one. 🙂

  24. Rabia @TheLiebers says

    They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, but that works for women too! I came home last week to find Ken making me some fresh, fried mushrooms. He even told the kids they weren’t ready yet so I could have first pick!! That’s how I know he still loves me!

  25. Nicole Dash says

    I love this! It’s always important to focus on the little things to keep the big thing going strong. Your suggestions are great, especially the love notes. For me, this is the sweetest thing, whether on paper or in random love texts.

  26. Alexa says

    These are great suggestions. It’s funny, I just read Alison’s post at bonbon break today – the little deaths of a marriage – all those little things that happen daily that bring us apart, so this is like the perfect follow up to that!

  28. Kim says

    I love this!! I feel like we have gotten in a bit of a “comfortable” rut over here and we are actually working on changing it!! (we will celebrate 19 years of marriage in May) I agree that the little things are the ones that really matter. We have a whiteboard on the door to the garage and Chris leaves me a note every morning when he leaves for work. Sometimes I take those for granted and then when he is gone I really miss them!!!

  29. Stephanie @ Life, Unexpectedly says

    I couldn’t agree more with a lot of things you said; however, I’d give Hell Boy a shot, it’s really a great movie (if not for Hell Boy, then at least for the cats, even though Hell Boy is great!!). Richard and I always try to include a little romance in our daily life, whether it is small gifts (tea is quite in right now), making him a real latte macchiato for breakfast, him picking up breakfast for me after an especially dire night with the little teether, etc. We try to make time for us, at least share a coffee in the morning to start the day. And of course back and head scratches happen as well 🙂 We’re celebrating 9 years of marriage this year as well, can’t believe it’s been that long! But I’m also looking forward to many, many more 🙂

  30. Linda Roy (elleroy was here) says

    So many great suggestions! You and your husband make such a cute couple. I hope you two have a wonderful Valentines Day and many more years of love and happiness!

  33. Kristi Campbell says

    This is awesome, Janine! I wish I’d seen it on your FB page. My husband lets me sleep in on the weekend and that’s a HUGE one for me. Like huge huge. In turn, I let him watch college football even when we’re supposed to do something as a family that day. Works!

    • Janine says

      Aww, Kristi, I would so have included this and hate that my Facebook page seems to get hidden from you and others who follow me. Damn Facebook, but thank you for sharing this here with me now and totally made me smile!! 🙂

  34. Lindsay Klein says

    This is true for EVERY marriage!! Im only married three months and I see the work to feel the initial dating feeling! We write each other notes daily:) It’s a very cute way to let the other know you’re thinking of them! Thats why cute little holidays are nice ways to set time aside from the every day routine to remember why you are in fact married xo

  36. Jen says

    The story of him giving you the ring is adorable! It is always important to make sure to take time and bring it back to center and focus on the head and beginning of the family (you and your spouse) if you work better together so does the rest of the family. Love these tips Janine!

  39. Jennifer | The Deliberate Mom says

    Awww, this is so sweet and delightful.

    I love it when I go to the bathroom in the middle of the night (because I always do that) and my husband holds back the blankets for me to get into bed and then covers me and tucks them around me. It makes me feel so loved and taken care of.

    I love to leave love notes in different places. I might steal Echo’s banana note– that’s awesome.

    Thanks for sharing!
    xoxo

    • Janine says

      Kelly, I loved that last comment and I am Italian, Irish and German married to a man, who is 100% Irish! And I like you am not big on Valentine’s Day, but do like we should show love and affection daily instead of one day a year.

  42. Tamara says

    Aww.. that’s so cute about Dunkin Donuts! And of course this did lead me on a goose chase, or should I say Google chase to the Dunkin Donuts website to see that, yes, there are products for Valentine’s Day! Brown Sugar Cinnamon coffee drinks and donuts too!
    I digress.
    Anyone would be so lucky to be married to you, Janine! And Kevin is very lucky too.

    • Janine says

      Tamara, I just had the chocolate raspberry hot chocolate yesterday, but I digress. But still sorry about that goose chase, but definitely they have Valentine’s Day covered now. And thank you for saying that about me and think Cassidy is pretty lucky himself with you, too!! 🙂

  43. Jhanis says

    I love this! My husband charges my phone whenever I fall asleep using it and he sees it’s low on battery! Love the guy! A fully charged phone in the morning makes me happy! LOL It’s the little things!

  46. Dana says

    The kids will grow up and leave, but my husband will be with me for the long haul – so we have to nurture our marriage. I let him sleep in on the weekends and he fully supports my girls’ nights…both are small gestures that are so important to each of us.

    • Janine says

      Fully agree Dana and someday it will totally just be Kevin and I, so it does help when we show each other that we still do very much have each others back. So, couldn’t agree more.

    • Janine says

      Aww, thank you Jennifer and I think you do know I truly adore you and admire you for how you have had the strength and courage to do what was right for you and your kids throughout it all. Hugs tonight! 😉

  49. Denise G. says

    Lovely post! My husband and I make each other a priority at night. No gadgets allowed other than the TV. Once our girls are in bed (by 7:30) we spend the rest of the evening with just each other.

  50. Aunt Gloria says

    This was so sweet……made me feel warm and fuzzy! So good to hear you and Kevin know how to keep a little romance in the busy life you lead. Keep the fires burning…..it’s worth the effort. Happy Valentine’s Day! Love to you both and the girls……

  54. Caryn says

    This post is so bittersweet. It makes me miss those early times in the relationship where we all jump for joy when the phone rings and “he” calls. But on the flip side, I love knowing that my love is next to me in bed at night. Life may not be as whirlwind exciting in the romance department, but love still surrounds us. I love the roundup of comments from everyone. Thanks for sharing.

    • Janine says

      Caryn, I know exactly what you mean and like you I might miss those early days, but still wouldn’t trade the here and now for anything either. Thank you for stopping by and sharing, too 🙂

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