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50 Shades of Poop Obsessed For Moms

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Just another day of being a mom back in 2013 (I am digging way back into the time machine today) for me when the current craze amongst legions of women (myself included) was reading the newly released and now infamous book, 50 Shades of Grey, as well as taking care of two little girls who were recently potty trained (yes potty humor will follow soon).

50 Shades of Grey Book Cover

But in answer to the most sought upon question here, YES, I most definitely read the book (actually all three in the series) to see what all the fuss was about back over two years ago.

I could care less about rehashing the book series to be quite honest, as the book summaries for all three can be found pretty much everywhere you could turn.

But still fast forward to now in 2015, where the love it or hate it book has been turned into the heavily debated recent opening movie event and has therefore been trending all over social media ever since.

50 Shades of Grey Movie Courtesy of NY Daily News

50 Shades of Grey Movie Courtesy of NY Daily News

Don’t believe me, Google 50 Shades to see the millions of articles dedicated to this title, where you can find a list of the movie pretty much being ripped to shreds, even a list of 50 problems with the flick.

Note to the reader, I haven’t seen the movie nor could I care less to.  I admit I may have clicked on a few of the reviews and just doesn’t sound like I need to waste over $10 for a ticket to view what the consensus has shared as lacking to downright disturbing.  Maybe when it comes out on cable, but even that is stretching it for me. 

But back in 2013 though, I did indeed read the trilogy in less then 2 weeks time and got more then enough fill for E.L. James’ writing, which definitely was nothing spectacular (this is putting it mildly).  Although, I will say, my husband had no complaints after I read it and will leave it at that.

However, back then, I got inspired to share a bit of a humorous and satirical take on the ever-so popular title with my own 50 Shades of Poop kids tales (Moms, I think we can all concur poop is something we all deal during the many stages with our kids).

So, in honor of all the 50 Shades talk in the past few weeks, I thought it more then appropriate to give an instant replay and walk down memory lane with 50 Shades of Poop for Moms, which first aired here on January 15, 2013 today.

Enjoy!!50 Shades of Poop Obsessed for Moms

Being a mother to two little girls, who are thankfully out of the diaper phase, I still can totally recall an unforgettable experience we had had with Emma (our older daughter), when she was right around 6 months old.

It was early afternoon after returning from teaching middle school kids. Emma had been playing a bit, when I smelled that all-so familiar smell.

So, I went to go change her. Only there was so much poop that a box of wipes would not have solved this problem.  More then a bit frazzled, I called upon Kevin for an extra set of hands.  The damage was on a grand scale and there was poop in places we both didn’t think possible.

Being that Emma was small and tiny for her age, she either got sponge baths on her changing table or baths in the little baby tub up to this point.

No sir, a sponge bath was NOT going to cut it.

So enter the bathtub – Emma’s first bath.

She ended up stripped down to her birthday suit getting a full-on bath in our tub for the very first time after this 50 Shades of Poop carnage.

Not The Exact Time The Poop Incident Happened, But This Was Right Around That Time…

Long story short, after almost 3 years, I will never forget the milestone or my baby’s first bath induced by that mega 50 Shades poop disaster.

The thing that gets me the most about this memory is the actual topic of poop (or any bodily function) for most mothers (myself included) — how we think and talk about it all the time.

What does that mean?

Quite simply, I don’t think a day or week that has gone by since I brought Emma home from the hospital that I haven’t gone without talking about or dealing with some kind of 50 shades poop issue with her or Lily either (the aforementioned diaper blowout included).

Here are just a few more 50 shades of poop memories.  If you aren’t yet grossed out.

1.  As an infant Emma had bad constipation from only a few days old from lactose based formula (yes she wouldn’t latch, so no breast feeding here). We switched her to soy, only to have her pooping every hour on the hour (yup a lovely by product of a soy allergy). And this folks was only the first month of her life, where breastfeeding never stood a chance.

The early days are still a bit of blur to me...

The early days are still a bit of blur to me…

Again, I can go on as we have had more then our fair share of poop issues with both our kids throughout the three plus years of parenting.

2.  Another 50 shades of poop induced moment occurred, when I gradually switched Lily over to milk at a year old. The child, that was never constipated a day in her little life, was now suddenly pooping out marbles.  So, more poop and constipation to deal and track for this mom.

Lily Halloween 2012

Lily, right around a year old…

3.  Then about a year later when stomach bug infested and fully potty trained, Lily stood in the doorway of our kitchen, telling me she had to poop, only to have had diarrhea all over and yet more fun 50 shades of poop times in the bath for yet another one of my children.

lily 3

Lily at a little over 2 years old…

Thus, 50 Shades of Poop in it’s many shapes and forms as clearly illustrated above (there have been so many, but just picked the top three that stick out for me).

And yet, it all goes back to one major task that most pediatricians lay on mothers from the inception and that is, as new moms, we are told to track our kids pee and poop occurrences (there are even iPad apps that will do this for us–how very convenient, I suppose).

Seriously, if you aren’t a mom, you probably are saying, “Are you kidding me?”

No, I am totally serious and still more then slightly guilty thinking in these terms even though my kids aren’t necessarily babies anymore, because poop and kids is still a job for mom no matter the age or stage.

In case, you were wondering why I skipped a big topic with potty training and 50 Shades of Poop it is because I could seriously write a whole book about this topic.  But if you are feeling 50 Shades of Potty training poop deprived see more here, here and here for starters!

50 Shades of Poop is an everyday part of my mom life, like it or not.

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If you don’t believe me, I will leave you with a funny Lily quote (see even my kids are poop obsessed, too!).

I was making chocolate milk. I poured the milk into Tinker Bell cups from the Disney Store (because god forbid my princess/fairy crazed girls drink from anything less).

As I got to squeezing the Hershey’s Syrup in their milk, it sounded like the container was farting, because it was almost at the end, so I figured, “Waste not, want not!”

Lily Being Lily!

Lily Being Lily!

Well, the little Lily face standing next to me clear as day said, “Excuse me.”

Seriously, at the very least I guess, I should be happy that she at least has manners, where this stuff is concerned! But still, I know you can clearly see that my 3 year old was indeed thinking some 50 shades of poop here, too.

And this was over 2 years ago and still have had more 50 Shades of Poop moments and sure I will have more to come still…

Because this mom knows 50 Shades of Poop Obsessed through and through.

Please moms, tell me I am not the only 50 Shades of Poop Obsessed Mom!

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About Janine

Janine is a published author of the books, The Mother of All Meltdowns and Only Trollops Shave Above the Knee. She has been featured on The Huffington Post, Mamapedia, Today Parenting Team and SheKnows. She also runs her own graphic design company at J9 Designs.

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. The Next Step says

    hahaha, that's hilarious. Poop is certainly a part of our lives and I just wrote the other day about how the twins knock me backwards with the smells from their nether regions. Gah! Great story, thanks for sharing!

    • Janine Huldie says

      Lori, my pleasure someone for sharing something so gross, but so true. And if it weren't for kids, we would never be having these types of conversations, but alas kids make us do crazy things, lol!!

  2. Janine Huldie says

    Lol, Richard. I couldn't resist and know it is a taboo topic in most circles, but for moms it is anything but and we have it so ingrained in us that it is second nature to talk and think about daily. But will say this, you had me of course cracking up about tracking your wife. Seriously Richard, you are my hero and bow to you 🙂 🙂

  3. Kat Biggie says

    Oh the poop stories. Am having my own poop nightmares right now as all my kids are dropping with a disgusting stomach bug! I entered the giveaway – that is a very creative thing to give away sponsor spots! Good for you!

  4. Kera says

    Haha I love this. I think all mothers have been up to their eyeballs in poop at some point or another. And I actually think 50 Shades of Grey should be called 50 Shades of Poop. I think people are crazed about that book because they want everyone to think that they are sex goddesses or something lol. Well…let me tell you something, I'm a mommy goddess! LOL.

    • Janine Huldie says

      Oh Kera am so with you on this and think you may totally be onto to something with what 50 Shades should have been called and love that you are a mommy goddess. You go girl!!! 🙂 🙂

  6. Bill says

    I was the one who changed Tyler's diaper. It made my wife the nurse sick. LOL

    Thanks for the memories; great blog posting.

    • Janine Huldie says

      Happy to bring back memories and will say Kevin and I shared the dirty diaper duty (when he was home from work). So, I can't complain on that end, just still can't believe how much of my life has revolved around this since having kids. I guess this post was a bit of an aha moment for me on that one. Thanks Bill!! 🙂

  7. Rachel Harper says

    When I was 20 I had a brand new cousin and was in church playing with him. All was well until I heard this gigantic, watery fart in the middle of the Lord's Prayer. Within seconds poop was crawling out of his diaper, up his back, and staining his clothes. I swiftly and aggressively passed him to my mother.

    • Janine Huldie says

      Thanks Rachel for sharing and so would I have if it weren't mine. Seriously, it was times like those that I wished that I could do just that and pass the baby, but sadly when they are yours there is no one to pass them off to, lol!! 🙂

  10. Stacy Harris says

    Ok… now I have to admit… as a mommy of 3 kids… my life seems to be centered around poop as well. Thankfully though, all my kids are now potty trained and I don't have to deal with it nearly as much. That being said, when my youngest, Max, was born, he had issues pooping. He just wouldn't go. Well, the doctor wanted a sample. So I ask – how do you get a sample when the kid doesn't go and when he does, there is so little, the diaper socks it up. I would love to tell you that I didn't sit in a shower with him for 4 hours waiting for him to poop in a plastic cup since I needed every single drop. I got peed on more times then I cared to admit… and as for the poop… I didn't get a drop! Luckily… he is doing much better now!

    • Janine Huldie says

      Stacy, Emma did have a hard time pooping, too as I had said, but never had to that surprisingly. I knew someone that had to do a urine catch sample for the one year old checkup and the kid had to have a bag attached down there and was thankful our doctor didn't do that, but seriously the things we have to do for our kids and their bodily functions, lol!!

  11. Ruchira says

    Great story and honestly it is not gross, Janine. Every household with kid has to go through it…lol

    Clicked on your mommy blog and will enter for the giveaway 🙂

  12. Janine Huldie says

    Thanks Julie and hope you entered. I couldn't resist and totally agree that most homes with kids have their fair share of poop talk and stories. Seems to be a hazard of the the job, lol!! As for the title, I loved it and when I saw it had to go with using it, too!!

  14. Dani Ryan says

    Hahahahaha. Yup, it's on my mind all the time, too. And because my child prefers fruits to any other kind of food, all dirty diapers are a 1-pack-of-wet-wipes kind of deal. Sigh.

    • Janine Huldie says

      Dani, sounds like how Lily was, because she wouldn't eat much as a toddler and would end up giving her more fruits than anything else. Can so relate and those types of diapers are so not pretty, lol!!

  15. Kristy @ Shona Skye says

    Hi, Janine! New RSS follower from Dawn's Disaster sponsor giveaway! Would love to have you follow me back if you get a sec!

    Have a great one!
    Kristy

  16. Melanie Chisnall says

    Hehehe, I was actually thinking and said aloud, "Oh my goodness" when you mentioned the iPhone application for keeping track of pooping times. Sounds so weird to me, but I guess that's because I'm not a mom. Can see how that would help though! You've got a very well mannered daughter right there! 😉

    • Janine Huldie says

      Oh thanks Melanie and seriously still can't believe that either with the iPhone app, but swear it is true. As for Lily, she does have some good manners, especially while she is having a temper tantrum and screaming 'please', at the same time, lol!!! 🙂

  17. Stephanie @ Mommy, f says

    That was hysterical! I can *so* relate; I am frequently lamenting the fact that we talk about poop. All. The. Time. in our house. 😉

  18. Robin (Masshole Mommy) says

    I have all boys, so it’s ALL about poop over here. And no, I will not be seeing the 50 shades movies.

  22. Kristen says

    AAAAH! It’s like you read my mind! We are having some major poop problems over here too! I can relate, and it’s no bueno!

  23. Julia says

    You never know how important poop will be in your life till you have kids, my son is 4 and potty trained but poop is still a topic that is discussed regularly at our house.

    • Janine says

      Julia, I couldn’t agree more and even at almost 6 for my oldest and 4 for my younger daughter, poop is still much talked about here, as well!

  25. Kathy Radigan says

    Ah yes, I remember that phase of parenting so well!!! It really is the one thing that shocked me so much about parenting. Thanks (I guess) for bringing back my own shades memories!! Lol! xo

    • Janine says

      Kathy, happy to bring back some poop shade memories and I know I truly had no clue until having my kids what I was in for with the poop tales! xoxo

  26. April G says

    From constipation to blowouts all over the car seat, being a mom can seem like your the unwilling participant in the 50 shades of poop series! I can’t wait until I’m done with that part of life!

  28. Diane Roark says

    Janine,

    I too do not plan on seeing 50 Shades of Gray. I truly appreciate you taking a popular subject and coming up with something that is extremely funny. It reminds me of our 50 Shades of Pop Stories at my house or pee stories. With twin boys, it was all the time. Caleb did not walk until he was 2 1/2 years old. When he finally did, I made him go to the potty when Casey went. Honestly, each time they went to the bathroom they would sand across from each other around the toilet and aim at each other. This went on all day for years. It was out of control and disgusting.
    Thanks again for sharing your stories.
    I needed a good laugh this morning. It has NOT been a good morning with 1 inch of ice outside and my 3 dogs will not potty. My lab jumped off the porch this morning and busted it. My blind dog normally finds her way back to the porch but got lost. My husband went to get her and could not get back on this porch. It was before 6 am and we were waking up all the neighbors.
    Crazy morning!
    Diane Roark

  30. lisacng @ expandng.com says

    You certainly remember, in great detail, all about the epic poops! Those never can leave your memory though :). You’re right, only a parent would know why we care about poop so much. I wonder when we stop caring??? Hehe.

  32. Bill says

    The title was hilarious. My goodness, this might be the longest article I have ever read on poop. I think I’m good now for a few years. 🙂 Happy MOnday to you, Janine. Have a stupendous day, my friend.

    • Janine says

      Bill, sorry for the long poop Monday morning article, but I think poop and Monday mornings truly go hand and hand if I don’t say so myself!! Have a great day now 😉

  34. Seana Turner says

    A lot of these ring familiar to me! Who knew that being a Mom meant you would spend endless hours focused on this topic? I as finishing a session with a client last week and she got a call from a pediatrician to discuss one of her children on this topic… she was a bit embarrassed, and I just smiled and said “been there!”, finished the session and let myself out. The things we do for love:)

  36. Jen says

    I have to admit that I didn’t read the book and will not be seeing the movie. I am actually pretty grossed out by it as a mother of a teen girl. Would NEVER want her treated that way!!

    Now about the poop. I hear you! I have no end to the poop stories that have flown around here for years. P.S.It literally has flown. When I was potty training kids I read them the “Everybody Poops” book and well now that phrase has become a family mantra.

    • Janine says

      Jen, I loved making this title more mom friendly as even though I read the book I get the stigma to it and truly think though as you proved in your comment that us moms can all relate to poop! 😉

  37. Jennifer | The Deliberate Mom says

    50 shades of poop… isn’t that the truth!

    My first daughter didn’t poop for 7 days after she was born. I was at first delighted, thinking we had hit the baby jackpot. then I started to worry. At about day 6 I called our health line and was told it was perfectly normal for breastfed babies to poop less but she told me to bring my daughter in if she didn’t poop by day 10.

    The next day she pooped while we were changing her on the change table. And she pooped. And she pooped. My husband and I were crying from laughing so much because we saturated several diapers while trying to “catch” the runny black poop that coming out of her.

    This post was funny… and reminded me of that memory.

    Thanks for sharing (but I still won’t read or watch 50 Shades of Grey).
    xoxo

    • Janine says

      I was smiling now reading your memory as back then I would have totally been worried as a first time mom, too, but now I know truly anything goes with poop, babies and kids, too. Thanks Jennifer xoxo 🙂

  38. LuAnn Braley says

    You are SO not alone!
    My oldest pooped out a tennis ball (size not content) when he was under a year old. I was scared it would tear him or something. And my youngest, who is now twelve and would probably be MORTIFIED if she knew I was telling this…well. I had her all dressed up in a pretty going home outfit (think white and lace) and went to change her, when she went p.r.o.j.e.c.t.i.l.e. (Needless to say, she went home in another outfit and I spent 15 minutes cleaning up after the natural disaster.)

    • Janine says

      LuAnn, I am sure my girls someday will give me hell for sharing these tales here, but still like you I will never forget the poop disasters that I dealt with over the years now.

  39. Kristen Miller Hewitt says

    It’s like you are in my head! We are having major poop problems over here…any tips for a 3 year old that will only go in her diaper?

    • Confessions of A Mommyaholic says

      I had this with my older daughter and I gave up two times potty training her before she finally gave in and pooped on the potty. I tried stickers and more but what finally worked was that she finally was just somehow ready. But trust me was at the end of my rope before that actually happened.

  41. Meredith Spidel says

    Once again, Confessions of A Mommyaholic, you’ve nailed the (too funny!) truth of motherhood!

  44. Allie says

    Too funny Janine!!!! And I absolutely love all the pictures – OMG she is too sweet!! As for 50 Shades – I never read the book (I got to about page 10 and the writing was so terrible I just couldn’t take it!) and I definitely won’t see the movie. However, why is all this uproar coming about NOW? Why weren’t women “outraged” at the book? Am I missing something?? Probably.

    • Janine says

      Allie, I sadly kept going with the books to see what I was missing, but as for the movie I have no desire. Not sure why women are now so vehemently against the movie, but didn’t say a word against the book previously though. Makes very little sense to me either. As for the poop aspect, glad to make you laugh though 😉

  45. Kim says

    So funny to read this – I think moms and runners talk about poop more than any other group of people!!!
    I read all 3 books when they came out but don’t really have any plans to see the movie.

    • Janine says

      Kim, I didn’t know about runners and poop, but still thank you for also sharing that you read the books, but don’t care to see the movie either. For me, I just don’t have any real desire and definitely things now to do with my time here.

  46. Kenya G. Johnson says

    LOL at leaving it at that. I read the first book. Well actually I listened to it. So that’s got to be as close to “seeing” the movie as you can get. I’d like to have a snapshot at the way my face looked as I listened to some of the scenes. I’ve read the synopsis of the 2nd and 3rd book and that’s all I need to know. I wrote a 50 Shades of Kindle post a while back before I even listened to the book to know what it was about. I am going to have rehash mine with a tweet 😉

    As for yours, you know I laughed out loud that there’s an app for tracking pee & poop! That’s hilarious. I know all to well that if I had had an iPhone when Christopher was a baby I probably would have had that app. The girls are too cute in all these pictures. I am one of the lucky ones that the poop never escaped Christopher’s diaper. One time we were traveling home from my mom’s and Christopher had had the run’s all weekend (ear infection). He didn’t use the bathroom for the whole 4.5 hour ride home. We just kept driving just trying to get him here. As soon as we pulled up in the driveway and turned that car off we heard that explosion which ended with the sound of the empty Hershey bottle. I was so glad we were home and was able to change him before that became a mess. I was also so happy it didn’t happen at a gas station or rest stop.

    • Janine says

      I so want to read your Kindle post review and hope you will share. And for the poop tale, you shared I was just so happy that it mostly had a happier ending at home and definitely not at a gas station or rest stop. The app, well you know how much I am also obsessed with my iPhone, so let’s just say you would have been in great company at the very least! 😉

  47. Jack says

    My kids had bouts with different sorts of GI distress as babies and toddlers so I am better acquainted than I would like with these stories.

    The floaters in the tub were always fun. 😉

  51. Lisa @ The Meaning of Me says

    It’s true, poop is part of motherhood, no matter how you look at it. And there’s nothing quite like a poop story or two for a little hilarity. Case in point: my epic diaper fail about Kidzilla and our first week back to work as new parents is still the most popular post on my blog ever.

  54. Chris Carter says

    oh Janine! This is hilarious!! And girl, do I KNOW all about those 50 shades of poop!! 🙂

    I love your take on the books and the movie…

    I bought them all at half price books because of all the hype, and have yet to even read them. They sit dusty on my book shelf.

    I totally giggled when I read that your hubs didn’t complain after you read the books! LOLOL You go girl! 😉 My friend said the SAME thing after she read them…

    • Janine says

      Aww, thanks Chris and I will say that books definitely left very little to the imagination. But still loved doing a play on words here with this post! 😉

  55. Janine says

    Aww, glad it made you laugh and I will say that was just one of so many though that I could write a book or at least a chapter about this! 😉

  56. Lindsay Klein says

    love love love:) Hey, anything with the title poop will draw me in:) HAHAAH I was talking about this movie with my hubs who read the book, I DIDNT! His view is it’s porn for women, since men, well, have porn….deep thoughts!

    • Janine says

      Lindsay, I smiled reading your husband read it and mine totally asked me what the big deal was. And have to agree with your husband – definitely porn type thoughts for sure! 😉

  57. Dana says

    I know I’m in the minority, but I’m seeing the movie with some girlfriends on Friday. If nothing else, we’ll have an enjoyable lunch afterwards. Where we will NOT talk about poop. Hope the poop incidents are much less frequent these days!

  58. Nellie @ Brooklyn Active Mama says

    Hahahaa this is so great!! Since becoming a mom I have been so schooled on the many many shades and textures of poop. I have stories that you wouldn’t be surprised to hear, but that is why I love this mom blogger world because we can share all of this with people who understand!!

    • Janine says

      Nellie, I know and truly love that I can totally share stuff like this with you and others not only understand but get it completely 😉

  59. Tamara says

    It’s funny how much Des will laugh when the shampoo bottle makes farting noises! It’s like.. how does he know to laugh at farts? Then I realize it’s probably the rest of us.
    Yes, parenting is so honestly about poop for.. the first..few years? More? Less? And it’s kinda amazing the things we deal with on a daily basis, just as if it’s nothing.
    My college self would be shocked at the current me.

  61. Kerry says

    Boy do I remember those days. So much poop! Now that my sister is due to have a baby any day – her first – she’ll soon discover this lovely topic and how we obsess over the color, frequency, etc.

  62. Aunt Gloria says

    Pooping is a big topic and a serious one in our family, as you know! So this hits the mark perfectly. And as I remember when nieces and nephews were infants, poopy diapers and then encouraging a BM during potty training were big topics of conversation and important events! I think you hit on a topic everyone can relate to…..and one I deal with on a daily basis….did I or didn’t I? Good job here, Janine…..xxoo

  63. Aunt Gloria says

    And by the way, I’m with you about seeing the movie “50 Shades of Grey.” I wouldn’t waste my money.

  65. Jen says

    Hahaha! This is all so true. The amount of time that we as moms spend talking about and thinking about and dealing with poop is insane— no wonder our preschoolers talk about it all the time!

  66. stacey says

    Poops Happens! Oh, boy does it ever. Coming from an ex-poop toucher, I clearly remember this time in our life. Actually, the talk of poop is still constant. We even had a poop story at breakfast this morning. Thanks for sharing!

    • Janine says

      Stacey, I know just when you think the poop talk and action are over more just seems to happen (at least here anyways). Thank you for sharing with me, too!!

  67. The Pinterested Parent says

    LOL! Too funny. We talk about poop far too much in our home. I had some horrible poop soup incidents myself. I did read the 50 shades books & just saw the movie. They are most certainly not literary masterpieces. My husband also did not object to the books. Lol!

  68. Rabia @TheLiebers says

    We got in the elevator at day car eon Friday and I smelled something. I said, “Who has gas?” and both boys shouted “ME!!!” Then Ben looked at Henry and said, “Do you really? I guess it wasn’t me then!!” At the end of an exhausting week, that was just what I needed to hear! We laughed the whole way home!

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