Lost and frazzled, that is how I felt today. It is the day after Christmas and although everything is returning back to normal, I certainly still feel a bit out of sorts. I am calling it the “Christmas Is Over Blues!” Kevin even went back to work today after having been home for six days.
On the first night, he joked that six days was a long time and which one of us would try to kill the other first!! Seriously, we do very much love each other, but six days in the same house getting ready for the holidays could drive anyone a bit mad. We had our moments, but overall we got through it together. So, when he left this morning, I definitely was feeling as though I was missing something. Don’t get me wrong, I know he needs to work for a living, but after six days I got used to seeing his mug around here and even kind of liked it!!
And even through the last minute shopping on Emma’s last dance of class, the girls last Saturday dance class for the holidays, more shopping mall excursions on December 23rd and even a run to the Dollar Tree and Pet Store on Christmas Eve, we surprisingly accomplished the last minute tasks with very little discord. Poor Kevin, who plans everything out is married to me, who definitely can procrastinate and flies more by the seat of my pants. During this time of the year and when you have kids, not such a great trait I suppose.
In my hay day, I loved and actually thrived on shopping on Christmas Eve, because it truly brought the spirit out in me more. I will admit as I am getting older it is not quite as much fun and losing its appeal, but still I did feel a rush of adrenaline shopping on both December 23rd and even December 24th. I also love the last few days leading up to Christmas, because the excitement in the air is truly palatable.
That said even putting the finishing touches on Barbie’s Dreamhouse with the stickers (after the initial deciphering the mulit-lingual directions–ok I said a few choice four letter words to these directions, which made Kevin practically keel over from the fits of laughter) and setting up the gifts under the twinkling lit up tree was so magical to me.
The kids’ excitement on Christmas morning was truly the best. They had the gifts unwrapped and opened in record time. The day itself was pretty near perfect and one I won’t soon be forgetting.
And now it is all over. Another Christmas has come and gone. I kind of feel like someone let the air of a balloon metaphorically speaking. I have never been one to love or relish in endings, like a vacation coming to an end or a school year ending (Yes, I know I am a bit weird on this one). Even as a kid, I would cry when we would have to return from vacationing with family. So here I am at 35 years old looking at the Christmas Tree today with all the unwrapped gifts under it and the toys being played with that the girls had strewn all over and all I wanted to do was bawl. It was so very chaotic, yet bittersweet and sad to me for some reason.
The girls had a great Christmas and as I said previously here, it was the first real Christmas that they actually seemed to get the concept of the actual holiday. But just like everything else, I am left feeling sad that just as this Christmas flew by, so will the years and before I know it my kids will be teenagers and then all grown up. I wish I could stop or even slow down time just for a little bit.
I know I complain at times about the tantrums, screaming, crying and whining, but when I look at their little faces and hear them tell me how much they love me, I truly feel so overwhelmed with emotions. Today, at nap time, both my girls asked for a hugs and kisses and Emma even asked me to spend a few minutes just holding her hand. I felt her tiny, warm little hand in mine and felt the tears well up ever so slightly. I love them so very much and can’t imagine them all grown and yet I know it is inevitable someday.
Don’t get me wrong, I am so very happy that this was an absolutely wonderful and magical Christmas, but reality is slowly settling back in and even this morning Kevin and I had the inevitable conversation, when he asked about taking the Christmas tree down. We decided to take it down on New Year’s Day to give the girls a few more days with the tree and all the decorations, but now I just feel like we are on borrowed time.
I know Christmas can’t be everyday, but I would truly like to hold onto the spirit for a bit longer and here is to hoping that my kids will stay little for a bit longer or until the next temper tantrum, which ever comes first!! Ok, sorry but after being a bit of a downer here (I am bit hormonal and unfortunately it is that time of the month, too!), I needed to crack a joke. Better to laugh then cry after all is said and done. And by the way, as I am finishing this post up, Kevin just asked Emma if she wanted the Easter Bunny to bring her a bike. Apparently, as I am trying to slow down time, they are skipping a few months and holidays around here, too!!
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