All started out innocently enough, on a Sunday afternoon, sitting in the booth at McDonald’s having lunch after our older daughter’s soccer game as a treat for indeed playing a great game of soccer earlier that day. Healthy or not, a treat should be allowed for times like these.
My husband turned innocently joking to our older daughter by saying, “If you keep eating like that, you will get fat,” since she had pretty much finished her hamburger in less than 5 minutes time.
Upon these words, my almost 6 year old looked at the tiny piece of hamburger bun in her hand that was left from her lunchtime feast and quickly returned it to her plate with a disgusted and pained look now not wanting to eat another bite.
My head hurt and my heart broke upon seeing her reaction even at such a young age. It may have been crazy, but still totally just her response as a girl having her appearance put on the line.
Without even thinking, I immediately picked up the tiny leftover bun and told her that daddy was just joking, because she was just perfect and beautiful in our eyes. My husband backed me up and added that he was just indeed teasing her and that there wasn’t any truth in his comment at all.
Thankfully, she believed us and finished the last bite of that bun, as well as the rest of her lunch.
It should be noted though that this same child has never been overweight a day in her life.
In fact, she was born perfectly healthy at 39 weeks 2 days (more than term in my then pregnancy), but weighed in at only 5lbs 15ozs. and 17.5 inches tall in height.
She was just petite and tiny then and now, as well, since she is even on her own weight/height chart at her pediatrician’s office.
But then again, so was her mom (me).
Back in the day, I was always the smallest kid in my own class growing up and was line leader every year in elementary school because of my lack of height. My dad lovingly nicknamed me, “Monkey face and chicken legs,” because it was endearing to him and also partially because I was just a silly kid with skinny little legs.
[Tweet “Irregardless of age, females worry about their appearance #1word @TheGoldenSpoons @Blogitudes”]
As crazy as it sounds though, I can still very much recall how much I hated being small for my age and always wished that I could for once not be the smallest in my class each Fall when I would return to school. By the way about a week earlier, my same daughter was actually complaining about being small for her age compared to others in her own kindergarten class to me, ironically enough after hearing it from yet another person in passing.
Still, never did I actually have to worry about being overweight at my daughter’s age either.
Fast forward to my high school years, where this did change a bit for me though. I still recall mid sophomore year looking down and noticing curves, where my once skinny, little chicken legs were.
Puberty and hormones had a funny way of catching up to me. Yet, height-wise I was still on the smaller size rounding out at 5’2”.
Within a year though, I had slimmed back down and yet still I recall for years after this checking the mirror with worries of how my appearance and weight stared back at me each time. Normal weight or not, I still crazily obsessed over this and more often than not the mirror would totally betray me, as would a carnival fun house mirror, making me visualize that I was anything but average weight.
And then, I became pregnant with my first. I was overjoyed being pregnant, but I won’t lie as those numbers climbed from my normal low 100s to almost topping out at 160 lbs. at the end, I could feel the panic rising inside of me.
See I had never seen a number that large on the scale for myself. Granted, I was pregnant and it was allowed, but I still cringed.
Even after I gave birth, those extra baby pounds didn’t come sliding off of me easily by any means. And just when I was almost back to my normal at almost 8 months later, I was pregnant for the second time.
This time out, I was very cautious about how much weight I would gain. Nausea helped in the first trimester, as I was too sick to even think of eating much for those first three-four months.
But as I progressed into the latter part of that pregnancy, I was definitely more on guard with this.
I ended that pregnancy at 145 lbs, which was still large for my small frame, but still smaller than my first pregnancy.
Within a week of giving birth and taking care of two babies, I had lost almost 25 lbs instantly as I truly didn’t have time for me or sitting down. But still my body shape was forever changed from both my pregnancies.
I was and am still normal weight, but gone is the girl that had a stomach that you could bounce quarters off of and the tight thighs I once had, as well.
Replaced in those areas are a bit more cushion and softness in all honestly.
Yet, I fully admit that I should have been proud of my body during pregnancy and even now years after as I carried and gave birth to two perfectly, amazing girls, but still admit that I sometimes feel down about my new body shape.
I wish that I could be more secure in my body image and still sadly most of what I think is because of what I have been conditioned to feel according to what our society showcases in TV and movies with the supposed way women should look. As crazy as it is, I still can’t shake this at times and do compare myself coming up short in my own eyes for appearance’s sake. It is the reality though and sadly can’t even deny it.
Still back to the original teasing comment that my husband innocently made with our daughter. Not going to lie, I had truly hoped that I had a bit more time before she worried about her looks and appearance, but just like that my baby girl is growing up. An innocent remark like my husband’s made her think twice about what she was eating, because of what she perceived someone (her own father) thought of her looks.
I know I am dreaming when I say this, but I truly never wanted either of my girls to feel less than perfect. Again, I know the reality, but still I want to have hope that maybe they can be more secure than even their own mom and rise up above worrying about what others in society think or deem to be the norm, because in my eyes both my girls are absolutely beautiful and perfect the way they are.
This post was written for the One Word Blog Linkup that is hosted by Lisa of The Golden Spoons (who is off this week on vacation), Marcia of Blogitudes and yours truly, too.
The words for this week are: Crazy or Moment; Please feel free to linkup and join us this week.
[inlinkz_linkup id=525080 mode=1]
*A version of this article has appeared on The Huffington Posts Parents with permission.
Bev says
It is sad how we are conditioned in our society to be so body-conscious. I think I have become more secure in my body after becoming a mom and liked not having to worry so much when I was pregnant, but it’s something I definitely think about still. And as the mom of a girl, it’s something I worry about for her. Right now she’s a solid little toddler and who knows how she will look. I will of course always love her, I just hope she always loves herself!
Janine says
Never, I know exactly what you mean and I truly will also love my girls no matter what and hope they also though love themselves, too.
Allie says
The most important influence is YOU! There will absolutely be outside influences, other girls, boys, the media, etc. but I know that my mother’s words always stuck with me, especially as I grew older. I was always told that I was beautiful and that being SMART was far more important. I also learned to use my body in sport and to make it strong, which in turn, strengthened my mind and my self-esteem. With you as their mom, they will be smart, strong, successful women, just like you 🙂
Janine says
Aw, thank you Allie and I will seriously always do my best by my girls with this and so much more! 😉
Melanie says
This is so appropriately timed for me! I just had a similar conversation with my 12 year old who feels like she needs to lose weight. She’s skinny as a rail and on the muscular side. I’m not even sure where it came from. I try to be so careful to not talk about weight and diets around her. We told her to focus on making healthy food choices instead lf worrying about what the number on the scale says. It’s so tough being a mom to girls in this day in age.
Janine says
Melanie, I know it really is so tough being a girl mom right now, but truly sounds like you are doing a great job. I seriously can’t thank you enough for sharing with me today, too.
Leanne@crestingthehill says
Hi – visiting from the #1word linkup and really enjoyed your post. I think every woman is insecure at heart – we just learn to move past it. Your girls will have their moments too but if you handle it as well as you did with the burger then I think it should all be fine.
Janine says
Thank you Leanne and I honestly hope so as I will keep trying always to do my best with any moments such as these when they arise.
Nellie @ Brooklyn Active Mama says
It’s crazy how young we are taught about body image and what is negative and what is not when we should be teaching that all is beautiful. You did a great job handling that one mama!
Janine says
Nellie, I know and just couldn’t agree more with how young it is instilled in us. I just wish that it wasn’t, but still this is just the reality. I wasn’t prepared though to be honest and yet I do hope and pray I did OK this time out, but am now more on guard for the next time, as well though.
Meredith says
SUCH a real and prevalent issue for girls today. Love you for being aware and watching out so vigilantly for your girls!
Janine says
Aw, thank you Meredith and I really wish it wasn’t, but like you said it truly is the reality for our girls in this day and age no matter how we slice and dice this.
April G says
I actually had a conversation this week about the importance of health with my son this week. He’s been joining me for the kids CrossFit, and even though he’s the oldest in the class and should be the fastest, he’s not and he struggles. He’s not overweight by any means, but he can feel the extra weight weighing him down. We discussed food choices and what he wanted to be, now and in the future. After that the choice was left up to him. I don’t berate him for eating a full adult meal at the age of 11, but I also remind him, when he’s struggling that making healthier choices will feel better. He seems to be taking it seriously, opting to actually finish his vegetables instead of moving them to one side of the plate.
Janine says
Sounds like you had a great conversation with your son and truly important for us to have these types of talks with our kids. So, I couldn’t agree more.
Robin (Masshole Mommy) says
You could have fooled me….there are some moms at school drop off who clearly don’t care.
Janine says
Thanks Robin and appreciate you saying that here. 😉
Ginny Marie says
You said exactly the right thing! Sometimes Dads tease a little too much without meaning to say hurtful things. My husband is guilty of the same thing! He tells my daughter she has clown feet when her feet are perfectly normal! Fortunately, she knows he is joking.
Janine says
Totally a dad’s job to joke and be a teaser, but was blown away by her reaction. Still once I had time to process it, made sense from the female point of view. Thanks for sharing with me, too 😉
Sarah Coulter-Gremley says
We all worry yes, but you’re aware of how it effects them and are striving to make a better world for them. That’s doing a great job!
Confessions of A Mommyaholic says
Very much agreed and that is truly all we can do.
Kelly Frey Suellentrop says
Oh man, it’s so hard, especially with girls. I struggle with this with my own daughter. I have leanred to be much kinder to my own body, and I can only hope she sees that and does the same for herself.
Confessions of A Mommyaholic says
I am sure trying, Kelly with myself, because I saw her reaction as a bit of a wake up call in all honesty.
Kelly Frey Suellentrop says
That is exactly why I started being kinder to myself. Especially because my daughter is not built the same way I was, more like her father. Which is not how the typical girl is built. She already feels it. It sucks.
Confessions of A Mommyaholic says
Aw, I just felt for her reading this and really just wish to god that appearance wouldn’t be an issue for our girls, but again I agree we have to just keep trying to get through to them.
Kelly Frey Suellentrop says
It’s all we can do. And sadly, it almost doesn’t matter how a girl is built or looks…no matter what, it seems they ALL have moments of wishing they looked different. I try to convey that to my daughter…that even the girls she thinks look “perfect” worry about how they look, and they are probably looking at her and wishing part of them looked like her. But you’re right, we just have to love them through it all. Because we made it through. Right? 🙂
Confessions of A Mommyaholic says
Kelly, I think we did make it as best as we could and you are right once again in just doing all we can to love them through it 😉
Julia Lombardi Hunter says
So true we all worry about it.
Confessions of A Mommyaholic says
Thanks Julia and I know truly such a worry.
Bill says
Oh, your husband stepped in it that time, didn’t he? Hopefully he learned a valuable lesson and won’t say that again. We’ve all done it….even me with my son. Words have power, don’t they? 🙂
Janine says
They really do, Bill and do think he learned, but still glad to know it isn’t just us.
Chris Carter says
Oh OUCH! It’s amazing how powerful our words can be with our kids, especially our girls! I’m guessing your hubs learned his lesson, as I’m sure he never intended to send that message- but we really do need to be careful. My daughter is unfortunately ‘blessed’ with my husband’s sisters’ side of genetics with her weight, and will be battling it her entire life- this KILLS me!! My son is tiny and naturally skinny from the ‘other side’ of genetics- my hubs was skinny and his sisters were larger built.
Derek and I have had many many talks about the message we need to consistently send to our kids… it’s SO hard because Cassidy is soooo sensitive to her own larger body and it breaks my heart that this society deems her ‘heavy’ and therefore unattractive. We constantly work on this… and never ever want to shame her when she indulges- it’s such a sensitive topic for her. I want her to embrace her body as beautiful and enjoy eating with balance- treats and all!!
Janine says
Aw, Chris never more did I want to hug you through my computer than with this comment. Cassidy is indeed a beautiful young girl and can I say once again damn lucky to have both you and Derek!!!
Eileen Carmody Shaklee says
As the mother to a son, this was great to read a different viewpoint. We all have tricky things to manage.
Confessions of A Mommyaholic says
Eileen, I think you are so right and glad I could give a different perspective on this for you.
Kelly L McKenzie says
Your opening had me recalling that classic moment in Little Miss Sunshine where Olive orders “Pie A La Modee.” Ouch. It’s so hard when the littlies start reacting to our comments made in jest. I suspect that you won’t have to worry though about your daughters fussing about their weight as you’ll be on the look out for that and will nip it in the bud. As for your height and having to be first in line? Right there with ya. I’m a snick under 5’2″. Always had to be first and in front in the lineups and the school photos. Here’s a tip for you: NEVER get close to the classmates when your kids are in grade 7. EVERYONE is taller. I learned to stand waaaaayyyyyy back. They are in capable of paying attention and you’ll get bumped into and elbowed.
Janine says
Kelly, god help me when my kids are in 7th grade, as I am sure they plus all their friends will probably be taller than me. No doubt in my mind!! 😉
Amanda @ Growing Up Madison says
I think it’s just human nature to not be happy with the way we look. Eventually we come to terms with it but there is always still something we wish was different. Constantly giving praise to build up self-esteem is a great way to have our kids feel good about themselves and you guys seem to be doing a great job. Even now I wish I was skinnier, I’m 5′ 10″ and 150lbs but I’m always wishing I was around 130.
Janine says
Praise if a great tool and definitely do agree with you on this. Also, I know what you mean about wishing for the slightest difference though in the way you look (and yes as I said have totally been there.).
Marcia @ Blogitudes says
Great post, Janine. I’m so glad you mentioned the fact that moms need to be careful about how they handle their own weight issues in front of their children. A girl’s first impressions about weight most likely come from their mom – what they see and hear at home. Weight is such a delicate topic with females. I think it’s something most of us struggle with in one way or another all through life – and perhaps setting a good example and encouraging a good attitude about it from early childhood on with our children is one of the best things we can do for them. 🙂
Janine says
Thank you Marcia and as much as I knew this deep down, I most certainly tried my best to hope my girls still weren’t noticing. But kids are definitely smarter than we give them credit for. Really just hoping that I can do better on this as they are growing up now, as well.
the Imp says
There’s so much emphasis on appearance, and so little on character, imo, in the media, and society at large.
Janine says
Totally and 100% agree with you. Seriously, it is just sadly the norm!
Sarah Nenni Daher says
I love how you handled it and definitely agree that we need to be mindful of what we say in front of our kids. I agree that it’s a Dad’s job to joke and help ‘toughen up’ our young ones, though. 🙂
Janine says
Sarah, it is totally their jobs and was hoping I got across here that my husband truly is a great father, who just happens to be a jokester, too and this time he truly didn’t realize it until he saw her reaction how his words were perceived though.
karen says
wow, I bet your husband felt horrible, I know he was just joking and what a great dad he is…it;s so scary that girls hear the negativity in it. I am trying with AJ, I am trying to model for him and teach him that a girl’s real beauty ins’t found in a clothing size, makeup coverup, or how she should look according to a magazine. Real women are all different and beautiful. Real beauty is NOT manufactured.
Janine says
Karen, he totally did and again my husband really is an amazing father, who just stepped in it with his teasing on this one. But still love that you are teaching AJ about real beauty versus manufactured. Seriously, I know he is going to be an amazing young man, because of you his mom 😉
Elaine Springer Griffin says
I remember my father making joking comments like that. It affected me deeply. Sometimes dads just don’t understand!
Confessions of A Mommyaholic says
Elaine, I think it is just a guy thing and we being females just can’t help, but get it though.
Aunt Gloria says
I think you know I have been battling weight all my life. You wouldn’t remember, but I was a fat child and that is not a happy thing. Spent all my life trying all kinds of diets and finally got things under control with Weight Watchers in my 30s. I know you also work at keeping your weight down and your body in good condition and you do a great job! You look terrific! Emma is petite and always will be. And she and Lily are perfect the way they are. We do emphasize a certain body image for girls and mine was skinny models and re-constructed movie stars. Women are different shapes and sizes and that’s as it should be. Keep supporting the girls to eat well and treats and junk food are OK sometimes too. Don’t need anorexics in the teen years! Keep on doing whatever you’re doing for you and them….it’s working! Love you……xxoo
Janine says
Aw, Aunt Gloria, I did know from you sharing this when I was a bit younger and thank you seriously for reminding me and weighing in. I know the realities, but still was hoping naively I had a few more good years before these thoughts would be of any issue. But again thank you seriously for all your support and kind words, too always!! Love you xoxo 😉
Susanne Lewis Kerns says
I love having my daughter in karate – most of the instructors are women and they are all shapes and sizes but all you see is strong women who can kick some butt.
Confessions of A Mommyaholic says
Can’t argue there and that is most definitely strong!! 😉
Tamara says
AW, this makes me so sad. Scarlet says that the bad words are the “S” word and the “F” word, and wouldn’t you know, they’re not what you think. The worst words are “stupid” and “fat.” I kid you not, that’s what she says. I agree. They are so damaging. I’ve always been very thin and so has Cassidy and the kids “may” not ever have to worry about their weights, but that doesn’t mean their minds won’t still go there.
Janine says
Tamara, I know both Kevin and I were always very thin growing up, too, but still here we are. Just couldn’t believe it and hoping the teen years aren’t as bad as I think they also might be with this and more.
Rabia @TheLiebers says
My kids are on the teeny tiny side. In fact, Henry just put on a pair of 4T shorts this morning and he’ll be 8 in three weeks! I tell them to eat more so their pants will stay up, but other than that, we don’t do much body talk. While Ken and I are both trying to lose weight we are trying to be careful about discussing it in front of them. We talk about eating better and being healthy, but not weight.
Janine says
Rabia, Emma is almost 6 and could totally wear size 4 shorts if need be. So, I truly get this and still this comment made her sit up and think. So, just goes to show, what words like this can do even if we aren’t truly overweight by any means.
Brook Nicole Hall says
Something to think about if I ever have a girl.
Confessions of A Mommyaholic says
Brook, I am glad to give food for thought, but wish we didn’t have to worry about this to be honest.
catherine gacad says
i feel you Janine! I have been short my whole life and this isn’t what I wanted for my baby. so I made sure to gain all this weight (almost 40 pounds) during my pregnancy and I still had a baby who only weighed 5 pounds 14 ounces! we have been working with a nutritionist to try and help franco gain weight, but he really doesn’t put on any pounds even though I put a stick of butter in all of his meals! ahhh oh well. I can only do so much. I am realizing how it doesn’t matter your body type (short, tall, fat, skinny), like you said, people will always feel self-conscious. my coworker was telling me how everyone tells her teenage daughter, “you’re so tall. gosh, you’re so tall.” and how her daughter has developed a complex about it.
Janine says
Aw Catherine, I feel for your co-worker’s daughter and again truly does go to show what words can do in times like these.
Alisa Gibsman Schindler says
i try to be conscious of it, but i’m a little happy that i have boys in that regard
Confessions of A Mommyaholic says
I admit this is definitely one time that boys would be indeed easier and wouldn’t argue on that at all.
Rea says
That’s true Janine – our kids should never feel like they’re less than perfect just because of how they look. I think that this is a very important issue in our society today especially with technology and the media all around us. I didn’t gain too much weight when I was pregnant and I was okay with it. The only tough thing about it was I found it difficult to move actively. Post-pregnancy, my body was back to normal right away. Right now, I’ve been noticing my muffin top, sheesh.. and my husband notices it too but thankfully he doesn’t care. LOL. I truly feel that if someone wants to change his or her eating habits, it’s for the health’s sake and not because he’ll get fat or whatnot. 🙂
Janine says
Rea, I love you for saying this and more. I want to feel this way myself and trying so hard now to come to terms myself, too.
Lisa @ The Golden Spoons says
Oh, it is such a struggle!! I have deep issues with my own body image and I am trying hard no to project them onto my daughters. However, all three of my girls have complained about their bodies in one way or another multiple times. It is very sad what society does to our self image and what we do to it ourselves.
Janine says
Lisa, I couldn’t agree more and cannot say enough how much I do loathe and detest the pressures of society do put on us with this.
Echo says
I worry about this so much with my kids because I have seen what society pushes us too. I wish it wasn’t true, but it is!
Janine says
Echo, I know and same, too sadly.
Echo says
Thank you for sharing this post at the #SmallVictoriesSundayLinkup!
Janine says
My pleasure, Echo!!! 😉
Nina says
Janine, such a wonderful and honest post to read! Like yourself, I’m not 100% happy with my body post pregnancies. In my case though, I know I could do better about losing the extra weight and it’s not just a ‘vanity’ thing. I think I do have confidence in how I look, but I know health-wise I could still work out a little bit more. I don’t have daughters, but I can imagine how tough it must be to face body images especially nowadays. I started to get self conscious in high school about my weight but I still remember being in 5th grade and noticing how much more I weighed than the other girls. It’s so sad it’s even an issue. Your girls are definitely beautiful the way they are, and that’s good she knew this comment was a joke!
Janine says
Nina, I agree it is truly sad and yet still gets me that it is an overall sentiment by most females – you and I included.
christina says
We might actually be body doubles, except you are an inch taller! I too went from the low 100s to 160 in my first pregnancy. It is stressful on the psyche and the body.
It is such a fine line trying to balance healthy lifestyle choices with image concerns in young girls. My oldest daughter used food as a coping mechanism, and that just fostered other issues.
I guess the best we can do is just remind them they are always beautiful to us!
Janine says
Christina, it does sound like we are indeed body doubles and you are right we just need to do our best to make sure they indeed know they are beautiful to us as the very least.
Eli@coachdaddy says
We dads step in it sometimes. My girls have a relative who says to them, “if you eat all that bread, you’re going to get FAT!” I winced, too, but Marie said, “he eats twice as much bread as we do!” and she finished her bread.
Janine says
I love Marie and she truly had the best response ever!! 😉
lisacng @ expandng.com says
I totally believe that girls care about their appearance younger and younger these days because of TV, movies, and media. Glad she believed you when you said your husband was just joking. In our house, we try to watch what we say about appearances – good or bad – because we want our kids to grow up knowing that it’s what inside that counts and we want them to be healthy, no matter what their size or shape. I hope I can learn the lesson that I’m trying to teach because I’m certainly not happy that I am carrying around all this extra weight.
Janine says
Aw, Lisa it is so hard now more than ever and like you trying to not project my not so happy feelings about my own body image, too still on top of everything else.
Leslie says
I wish looks didn’t have such an effect on us. I had friends with statures like yours, and was always jealous. Thankfully our oldest is also a skinny thing, and eats without abandon. And I dread the day when that changes, because it most certainly will. Glad to know you were able to backtrack on your husband’s comment. And hopefully she doesn’t feel that concern again for quite some time.
Janine says
Leslie, how I wished so much, too on this and am at the very least hoping that she will indeed not feel this way again for some time to come.
Diane Roark says
Janine,
It is hard to believe 6 year old care about their weight. I had no idea kids understood issues like that at 6. Anyway, I never struggled with my weight until after my pregnancies. After that all the stress of Caleb’s brain surgeries kept my weight on. This is the first year we have been taking our health seriously and trying hard to eat better and exercise no matter what the stress level. Hopefully, it is not too late.
Thanks for sharing!
Diane
Janine says
Diane, I never would have thought this early either myself, but still. Hoping and praying for you though. As always, thank you for sharing with me!!
Dana says
I have always been so careful about what I say about weight in front of my daughter. Yet as vigilant as you can be, outside influences still focus on “thin is all important.” It’s so hard. I emphasize healthy eating and physical strength, and hope those are the messages she remembers.
Janine says
Dana, I am now so much more on guard than I ever was in front of both my girls and you are so right also about stressing healthy eating and physical strength, too.
Jaina says
As a fellow 5Ft2-er I can relate to your school years. Always the front of the line when queueing up for school photos and anything that was height related. Even in the school product of Noah’s Ark – being the shortest meant I had to be one of the first “animals” on stage. Terrifying!
Like a lot of other commenters here, I think healthy body image comes from the people around you. If you promote that to your youngsters, they’ll grab on to the same values. It’s sad. I was out with friends for lunch one day, and one of them has a five year old girl. I saw her peeling the skin off her chicken wings. When I asked her why, she replied she didn’t want to get fat. FIVE YEARS OLD! I was shocked and still am.
Janine says
Jaina, still totally terrifying when I think back and agreed at 5 years old, these poor girls should not have to be worrying ever about being fat. Just breaks my heart when I think about it.
Jaina says
I don’t think I understood the concept of “being fat” when I was five years old. Not until I was well into teenage-dom. Kids are sponges – they soak up everything around them. Sometimes you just gotta remember what you’re saying and how it’ll come across in very young, naive minds of children. Not saying wrap them up in cotton wool, but if you spend your days saying “I’m fat” in front of your child, it’s gonna rub off on them!
Janine says
Jaina, me neither and again very much though agree about kids being sponges.
Kerri says
It’s awful how quickly girls realize that their “worth” is based on their “weight”. Like you I have never had to diet, although the body is a lot “softer” after 40 then before it! But I see my own daughter, a stick figure, and wonder when that day will come where she will look into the mirror and see imperfection rather than how I view her.
Janine says
Kerri, I know it is really just crazy how young girls do realize this and I got my fingers crossed for you that your own daughter doesn’t see this day come any sooner than it has to for her though.
Jen says
It starts so early and it breaks my heart! My middle daughter is tall and sturdy, seriously fat is not a word you would use to describe her, but she has tried to use it on herself several times. She is in first grade. I hate that and it is always a tough battle reinforcing to our daughters that they are beautiful and that God created them just the way they were supposed to be and God does not create mistakes!
Janine says
Jen, I know and you said a mouthful here. I very much agree and so sorry your girl also has had her moments already with this, too.
Fil says
Our society is so unkind to women. I teach singing and have had girls as young as 8 and women as old as 75, none of whom could release their tummies enough to breathe , muscles which they were furiously holding in to look thinner. The Europeans have a bit more sense about this and see a woman’s curves as being desirable. But I feel so sorry for young girls who have such impossibly perfect images in the media to live up to.
I think you handled this very well Janine.
Fil
Janine says
Thanks so much Fil and I do agree about the Europeans being a bit more realistic about this.
Gingi says
Oh man.. I think of my girls having to go through what I did as a teen, and it breaks my heart. I want to raise my kids to be as confident in their skin as possible, but of course,., it’s human nature to fret about appearances! – http://www.domesticgeekgirl.com
Janine says
Gingi, same here about the impending teen years and sadly still though it is most definitely human nature.
Michelle @ A Dish of Daily Life says
It is totally true that girls are internalizing this at younger and younger ages. I was told once that it has something to do with watching their moms and older sisters diet. Even my own daughter, athletic as she is, thinks about it. Its crazy, and it makes me sad. I never gave this a second thought when I was little. I did have a doctor tell me in junior high that I could stand to lose a few pounds but I kind of ignored him. I don’t think I needed to lose any weight…I was always athletic. But of course my mom never said a thing about it to me either, so that probably helped.
Janine says
That is terrible that a doctor told you that back in junior high and seriously just upsets me so much to hear this even now. Our society truly puts way too much pressure on this for sure.
Leah says
I totally wish I had the full confidence in my appearance and was a much better example to Zandra, now 14. I try to emphasize healthy and not worry about image – but I find myself walking in her room and using her mirror to make sure I don’t look too fat:( Bcs I sort of feel that she gets it, and we do boost each other up. I always tell her how gorgeous she is as is and so forth but I do worry about all the messages she gets outside (and from me due to my insecurities). It’s tough.
Janine says
It is so tough, but think you are a great mom and role model to Zandra, Leah!!
Liz Mays says
I wish I could get over that insecurity myself. I have a tendency to pick myself apart — too heavy, too short, too thin, too untoned….I will always find something to chastise myself about. Because of that, I made a very conscious effort to try not to let my daughter know of my insecurities. Fortunately, she is very, very comfortable in her own skin. Whew!
Janine says
Liz, I am seriously so very happy to hear that about your daughter.
The Pinterested Parent says
I was a chunky kid. I was a chunky kid with a bad perm, slanty eyes & over developed breasts. I got teased often. I no longer have the bad perm, the breasts turned out not to be such a bad thing & I embrace my Asian eyes. My weight however still fluctuates & when my weight it up, I can feel my whole attitude change. It as if I think my self worth is some how tied into what the scale tells me. I hope that I am able to raise my daughter to be more comfortable in her skin than I was. You are right that it is surprising how even at such a young age they already care about these things. My daughter at 3 years old has already started commenting on how she does not have boobs. Oh my goodness. I hope I am equipped to handle this. Good luck to us all.
Janine says
Aw, good luck indeed and think we are going to most definitely need it with girls sadly to be honest in the arena.
Kim says
Janine, I’m right there with you – I hope that your girls always feel confident in their appearance!!! I wish that we could do away with the idea of a “perfect” look/size/image because everyone is beautiful in their own unique way!
Janine says
Kim, I just can’t help myself on this and I do agree that we are all beautiful and unique in our own way. Just hope my girls know this now and as they grow up, too.
kathy says
Wow, That hit home. I am 60 and the power of a word can set you up for things the rest of your life. I just had an experience the other day. My mom who is 81 and not in the best of health has been asking for stuffed cabbage. My brother who is care giver will not make it for her, so I said I would. After making it for her, she told me it was lacking. Wow. Right away my inner child took it as me and not the meal. brought up the issues of not being good enough. I was a straight A student in grade school. Graduated from 8th grade at 12, but yet when I would bring home report card with all the A’s, my mom would say You could do better. Huh? You just give up trying. I have 3 brothers and I was the oldest and always felt like the babysitter. Still dealing with those issues. So I guess in all of this I am trying to say to everyone, Please watch your words, they have a more lasting effect then the sticks and stones.
Janine says
Thank you for the reminder Kathy and you are right about being careful with your words, as anyone could say something at any time without thinking that could most definitely have impact. I truly appreciate you sharing and taking the time to indeed remind this here.
Jordan says
I wonder what has caused girls to become more sensitive to all of this at a younger age. If it’s the constant access to social media that pushes a certain look, selfies, peer pressure, or an interesting mix. It’s sad that a little fatherly teasing has had such a profound impact. Instead, I got comments about how no one will want to be my friend if I didn’t get my skin cleared up or comments about my weight (although, I was never overweight). Peer-wise I had the kids that bullied me for my height (I’m jealous you at least hit 5 foot!) and somehow it’s still an accepted form of teasing in adulthood. It’s been almost a decade since I graduated high school, so I’m not that old, but I don’t know if I would have survived being a child these days. It’s like everything they do is under a microscope. You handled the situation well for not being prepared.
Janine says
Thank you so much Jordan for saying this here and for sharing with me, too.
Carrie Groneman says
Wow Janine, I came here because the Huffington Post had so many ‘interesting’ comments and I found myself wanting to reply for you….hhhmmm. Your sweet hubby is normal, goodness, we all say stuff we shouldn’t. However, I’m afraid our society is becoming so sensitive about everything we say, that it is almost over the top. I hope we can find the balance and realize that the day-to-day communication, love and example far out weight the off handed not-thought through comments we ALL make. Carrie, A Mother’s Shadow
Janine says
Carrie, thank you so much for saying this here today to me. I have stopped reading the comments over at Huffington Post, because as my husband told me we do know that is was just totally said as a joke and nothing else, as well as we also know how much we both love our girls so very much. So, I truly couldn’t agree with you more and again thank you so very much from the bottom of my heart 😉
Cyndi says
Just wanted to stop by and say HELLO! Sending hugs and it’s true: no matter how young or old we are, we ladies always worry about how we look. Even my husband’s mom – who’s legally blind and deaf – still worries about her weight! I worry about it. My young niece worries about it. It’s interesting because if you go “next door” to Mexico, being “skinny” is not desirable and the more plump you are is more what’s in style. Funny how all that works. 😛
Janine says
Cyndi, I think Mexico has it the right way to be honest and so very happy to see you around here this morning. Hoping you are enjoying your weekend so far 😉 <3