This Mom's Confessions

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Dear Dad…

Filed Under: BLOG, FTSF, Married Life Tagged With: , , , ,

Welcome back to Finish The Sentence Friday Blog Hop (FTSF).  We give you a sentence and you finish it (however long or short you’d like).  Still loving our new banner, thanks to the lovely Michelle of Crumpets and Bollocks (seriously, it is awesome and can’t thank her enough for playing around with this in photoshop of us all).

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And now for this week’s sentence to finish:  “Dear Dad…“

Next week’s sentence to finish: OFF next weekend (summer every other week now!!)

Dear Dad…

I admit we had a bit of a complicated relationship when I was growing up, especially in my teen years.

See, dad your are old school Italian – born and raised in Brooklyn, NY.

As a kid, you were always there for me and I don’t ever remember not having you indeed there, but still as I was growing up, I was asserting my independence as teens (especially girls – god help me twice over on this one now) do.

Me with Mr. Goodwrench Back in the Day!!
Me with Mom and Dad as a Baby!!

Dad, to me as a little girl, you were big and scary.  See Dad, I was always small for my age (like your granddaughter Emma) and you were over 6 feet tall.  Mom was a stay at home mom.  So, whenever, we did something wrong she would tell us, “Wait until your father gets home.”

Not going to lie, she painted you as the bad guy and being only 4 ’11” herself, I guess she needed us to be afraid of something or someone – dad.  I still recall her also telling us that until we were taller then her, we couldn’t answer her back.

As a kid - before the rough teen years
As a kid – before the rough teen years

Guess what?

At 4’11” with you as her husband over 6 feet tall, she didn’t stand a shot in the dark on this!  I am 5’2″ and have been that height since I was 14 years old.  I remember the day, I finally realized, I was taller then her.  I thought for sure this meant I could now say and do whatever I wanted.

Not so!

But still, Dad you were the enforcer and I guess I resented that a bit, especially by the time I was a teenager.  If you would say black, I would simply say white to piss you off.

As pretty as I look, these were the rotten teen years!
As pretty as I look, these were the rotten teen years!

I knew full well that you were an early riser and by the time, I was in college, I would come home from dates and being out late to make sure that I would walk in as you were getting up for the day.

One of these nights, you turned to me, looking me in the eyes, begrudgingly saying, “Good Morning Sunshine.”

To which, I responded cooly and flatly to you, “Good Night!”

But so much of that changed when I got married.  The day of my wedding, it was just you and I, Dad in the limo heading to the church for the 2:30 wedding mass.

You turned to me and asked me with a smile on your face, “Are you sure you want to do this?  You know we have a limo for a few hours and could find some fun to be had!”

It was then I realized that you were trying to actually lighten the mood and weren’t this big, bad guy after all – you had a sense of humor.

I, of course, told you, I had a wedding to get to, but the offer was appreciated and tempting.

You walked me down the aisle that day beaming yet nervous to give away your only little girl and still you whispered at the altar that I would still always be your little girl – always.  You danced with me to Daddy’s Little Girl that night and like to think that from that day, we came to understand each other a bit better and even can see where each other is coming from.

Dad Walking Me Down the Aisle
Dad Walking Me Down the Aisle

I am thankful for that especially having you suffer a stroke and massive heart attack last year.  Thankfully you did pretty much recover, but still you aren’t the once strong, scary man of my youth (to be expected by what you went through).  

Dad now being silly for his granddaughters
Dad now being silly for his granddaughters

And yet now, you are just Dad, who is still always there if I need him, who I thank god for giving us a second chance to have a better, stronger relationship with each other, especially since we lost mom’s dad (my Poppy) 15 years ago, who was my second father growing up.  From that loss, I learned not to waste time or energy being so childish, because either of us could be here one moment and not the next.  You just truly never know and never wanted to regret this time with you.

Now that wrote my Dad a letter for Father’s Day, please share yours today, too.

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About Janine

Janine is a published author of the books, The Mother of All Meltdowns and Only Trollops Shave Above the Knee. She has been featured on The Huffington Post, Mamapedia, Today Parenting Team and SheKnows. She also runs her own graphic design company at J9 Designs.

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Billybuc says

    Dear Dad, thank you for raising me to be the man I am today. I miss you terribly at times, even after forty years.

    Have a great Friday Janine.

    • Janine Huldie says

      Bill, I cannot even imagine not having my dad. Yet, I do think your dad was one hell of a guy, because judging from you (his son) he had to be, because he raised you and you are just a wonderful man. Happy Father's Day to you this upcoming weekend 🙂

  2. @AnnaFitfunner says

    It's great that you've had a strong relationship with your father, even when you thought you were rebelling against him as a teenager. It's even more wonderful that you have found new ways to relate to him as you've grown into adulthood. I'm sure that he feels very proud of you, and delights in seeing you and his grandchildren!!!

  4. Jean says

    I find hope in stories about people who have made amends with a loved one. As my family gets older, we've had more and more blow-ups. It hurts to see people do that to each other and I hope they find their way back like you and your dad did.

    • Janine Huldie says

      Jean, I hate hearing stories like you described, too and just think life is way too short for people to stay upset and angry with other close love ones. So, I am with you that I do hope those who may have issues can indeed at the very least work them out.

  6. spiritedlife says

    So sweet. I'm not close to my dad or stepdad and wanted to do something uplifting, so wrote about my husband instead! thanks for hosting this linkup!
    My recent post Have You Forgiven Yourself?

    • Janine Huldie says

      Always my pleasure hosting and I almost wrote about my grandfather myself, because I truly had a special bond with him, but these words came flowing out when I sat down to indeed write, so I guess it was meant to be this way 🙂

  9. Kristi Campbell says

    Oh Janine! I just loved this. What an amazing tribute to your awesome dad, and to teenager you. And to all of the before teens you, and the afters. I'm so glad he's okay and that he's doing such a good job of being silly for your daughters. Life is so too short for the anger. I felt it with my mom, because my dad raised us but I didn't want to say so in my post in case she reads it…. so I get that part but wow, love. Love this.
    My recent post A Letter to My Dad for Father’s Day

    • Janine Huldie says

      Kristi, I almost didn't write about my dad or this either, because I wasn't sure if he read it how he would feel me sharing how we didn't get along back then, but I think for all intents and purposes we are in a good place now and hope if he does read it later he will see that and know how much I do indeed love him and that this came from a deep place in my heart. Loved your post, too and always so in awe how your dad took over when your mom couldn't do it any longer. Hugs to you today 🙂

  10. ruchira says

    this was such a beautiful post, J9.
    I loved it what he asked you in the limo…lol

    the pix were beautiful and we all went through it so, no worries. it's the end that matters, and you are doing fine 🙂

    Happy to link up!
    TGIF
    My recent post Dear Dad

  12. Karen says

    love love love this…what a beautiful letter, wipes my tears away. I was awful to my parents when I was a teen, especially my dad since we are so alike…but now I don't know what I would do without him.
    My recent post Dear Dad…

  13. The Vanilla Housewife says

    I love this post! I wish I had a dad to write a letter to. Why were we so rebellious during our teenage years? Makes me scared for the day my kids enter the teenage years. LOL

    • Janine Huldie says

      Michelle, I started to feel this way after I had Lily about time and then when he had the heart attack and the stroke last year, it became even more real to me. Thanks so much and hugs right back at you.

  18. Brittnei Washington says

    Aw Janine! I think this might be the first time I'm hearing about your dad. I wonder how my kids will see hubby with me as the stay at home mom. 🙂 It's so awesome to be able to look back on how we were and see what we did wrong. I'm glad your dad is still here with you and that you are able to really cherish your relationship with him. 🙂
    My recent post Love covers a multitude of sin

  21. dianeroark says

    Janine,

    What a beautiful story. You made me laugh and then cry again this morning. First, I was thinking about growing up with an old school Italian. My dad too was an enforcer, but a old school southern. He did the best he could raising me and my 3 siblings all by himself. He passed away when I was 24.
    It sounds like you and your dad are making up for a lot of loss time. Cherish every minute you have left.

    Blessings,
    Diane Roark
    My recent post Best Pumpkin Pie Spice Granola

    • Janine Huldie says

      Diane, I imagine that an old school southern dad would have quite a bit in common with an old school Italian dad, too. So, think we could probably share some stories and then some some. And just so sorry that you lost your dad at such. Young age. Hugs and thank you always Diane for being just you!! 🙂

  22. Rea Alducente says

    Definitely love this post Janine! I love your teenage photos too, so cute!! And you really do look like your mom!
    During my childhood, I was closer to my father but growing up as a teen, I was a bit stubborn and would often ran into arguments with my father. When I studied and worked away from home, we became closer and we talked like real adults. I guess distance also helped. You have a great father and I'm glad you were able to give your relationship with him a second chance for the better.

  23. irkedmommy says

    This is a wonderful post. I am so happy that my children have a great dad to look up to unlike me. I love the picture of him walking you down the aisle and the one in the pink santa hat, LOL. The santa hat is something my grandpa would have done!
    My recent post Ask Away Friday!

    • Janine Huldie says

      I can't say enough how happy I am Echo that my dad and I are indeed on better terms these days and I love sharing all the photos here, especially the wedding photo and the silly one at the end, too 🙂

  25. Joy from Yesterfood says

    What a sweet tribute to your dad, Janine! I think we all had at least some rebellion in us and at least some strained relationships with our parents. I love the point the two of you have come to, and thank you for sharing the story with us. ♥
    My recent post Sew Easy Tablecloth and Napkins

  26. stephsprenger says

    Father daughter relationships can be so complicated, can't they? We usually don't have perspective until we are all grown up! Love the old photos, by the way!
    My recent post A Letter to My Dad on Father’s Day

  28. Michelle Grewe says

    Loved the post how he grew up from an authority bouncer like figure to a friend. Well maybe he didn't grow up. You did. But still…

    My father just didn't understand how there's any reason for any girl of any age, 18 or 30, to be out past 10 pm. When I got home late, there was never any "good morning," it was more, "what did you do?" and "You have to stop doing stuff like this, you are lucky nothing bad happened to you."
    My recent post Letter to the World's Greatest Dad

  35. gigigirl says

    I had tears come to my eyes from your tribute to your dad. I do remember those teen years….I had some of my own too so I can relate. But you grew up and now have a very different attitude and relationship with your father, who always was and is a solid family man. Let's hope the teen years will be less stressful with your girls…..and I think they might be. So glad you still have your dad to love and appreciate. He is a special guy in my book too! Off to CT tomorrow…..have a good weekend and Father's Day with the guys. xxxxoooo

    • Janine Huldie says

      Thanks Aunt Gloria and I know I wasn't the only one to go through stuff like things and others could most likely relate, but nice to know it wasn't just me. Have a great weekend, too and hope to see you again real soon! Love you and enjoy CT this weekend 🙂 xoxo!!

  36. Pure Grace Farms says

    Great pictures Janine, I never would have guessed you could be such a handful. I am glad you and your dad have come to an understanding. I am sure he is a wonderful grandpa to your two precious little girls.
    Blessings.
    Shari
    My recent post I Choose to be a Blessing

  37. themomcafe says

    OH Janine! This is just so beautiful… so raw and real and oh how I can relate to so much of this story! Isn't it amazing how the fear of our fathers slowly fades with their age? I am so glad we were blessed with the tender moments and softening hearts as both our fathers transformed into softer souls.
    My recent post For You, Dad

  41. themomcafe says

    Gosh- I know I commented a few times, and now I can't see them! I'm so sorry if I messed it all up Janine! What is going ON?! Oy. 😉

    I love this post so so much. Beautiful in every way my friend.
    My recent post For You, Dad

  42. themomcafe says

    So I'm BACK because I STILL can't get the button copied so I can paste it on my post! I keep trying- and then I thought I would try someone else who hosts, but they don't have the button to copy and put in my post. What am I missing? Help? I didn't want you to think I was neglecting that part of the link up- first time and all! lol

    I just don't know why I can't copy it- any suggestions? I usually can. I LOVE you and you are the BEST to put up with all my comments!! LordohLord… High maintenance girl HERE. 😉
    My recent post For You, Dad

  43. Katia says

    Janine, that was a funny and heartwarming anecdote about your dad in the limo on your wedding day! I'ts funny how we perceive certain things differently as children (sometimes assisted by one of our parents or both) and then get to look at the same thing in an unbiased fashion as we grow up and see a slightly different picture. I'm glad your dad recovered from last year's heart attack, I had no idea that happened. There's a lot of love and compassion and regret in this post. It's truly lovely.

    • Janine Huldie says

      Thanks so much Katia, I thought I mentioned this last year when it happened, but still just so glad that he did recover and could share more on this here, too.

  44. katbiggie says

    This is a lovely letter. We have a lot in common when it comes to our dads. My dad had a massive heart attack in 2007 and he’s had several strokes since then. It was hard for me to pick pictures today of a time when he was so much stronger and mentally with it. But that’s how I want to remember him, even if that’s not what he’s like any more. Thanks for sharing and who would have guessed you were such the rebel???

    • Janine Huldie says

      Thank you so much Alexa and I know what you mean. In the last 8 years since I got married, I know my dad has aged looks and then with the heart attack and stroke, too. I see him pretty much everyday, but sometimes I still still how he looked back then versus today, because I truly don't want to think of him as aging and not being here. So, trust me I get it and then some. As for being a rebel, guilty as charged!

  45. mcjohnsonpsu says

    A beautiful tribute. I agree we have to make the most of the time that we have with our parents. I lost my Dad four years ago and my mom this past November. I feel like an orphan at times but I have the best memories. They were awesome parents. When you know you've been there and honored your parents, you have no regrets. Celebrate them every chance you get.

  48. pfchico says

    This is so sweet Janine. I do not have a good relationship with my father, so this made me tear up a bit I have to admit. I wish we could push past our issues as you have with yours, but it does not seem possible. We fake it mostly. You look just like your mother. That old pic of looks so much like you. Great post, very honest.

    • Janine Huldie says

      Trust me it took a long time to come to this point and for years I fought it and then faked it a bit, too. And I have heard for years that I look just like my mom ad have to admit love knowing that I do look like her 🙂

  49. Mrs.AOK says

    Well… this made me get a bit emotional. I use to be such a Daddy's girl, and then things changed. I still love my dad dearly, but our relationship is NO WHERE near what it use to be.
    I'm glad you and your dad were able to grow that bond, even if it took time.

    I love those pictures!
    XOXO

    • Janine Huldie says

      Aww, I am sorry that your relationship is no where near where it used to be and will tell you it took many years and us butting heads many times to get here if it makes you feel any better. Hugs and xoxo right back at you!! 🙂

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