My eyes were quickly fading and quiet was filling my sleepy ears. as I could feel my head slowly becoming one with my pillow even though we were trying to catch up on the latest HBO Series, Togetherness, on HBO On Demand.
Just as I was giving into the day’s exhaustion, I was startled out of my almost slumber as I heard what sounded like a weird cough coming from my girls’ bedroom.
Upon inspection, my worst fears were met with my younger daughter’s eyes wide open laying on her back in her bed, who began to gag, then full-on retch.
I sat her up as quickly as my sleep-muddled brain processed what was happening.
As she regained a sitting position, it was like turning on the shower faucet at full speed with all her past night’s dinner and dessert coming back up all at once.
The smell, immediately, got caught in my throat and had to do my best to keep my gag reflex in check.
Not only were the Frozen blankets and bedding covered, but so was the floor, as well as the child that just spewed the full contents of her stomach.
I did what any mom, who doesn’t do puke would do.
I called out to my husband for his help, as no amount of faking was going to get me through this catastrophic mess.
As I watched, my husband very carefully lift our 4 year old out of her bed, bring her into the bathroom, undress her, and even wash her body and long blonde hair; I was overwhelmed with the not so proud realization that for all my proclamations that I am her mom and would do anything for her; I am a fake and fraud when my scared 4 year old is down and out from the most dreaded stomach bug.
Don’t get me wrong, there is a lot that I am capable as a mom, including poop mishaps, but still full fledged vomit is where I draw the line and can’t fake it until I make it.
Six plus years as a mom and I still unable to FAKE taking care of a child coated in regurgitated food.
Hell, as I am writing this, the hair on my arms are standing fully erect, as well as my stomach’s churning reliving this recent experience.
I am not too proud and yet still more then slightly embarrassed to admit that this mom is puke phobic.
Yet I wasn’t good for much, as my child needed to be cleaned up. I barely could stand to be 10 feet away from her without the gag reflex once again taking hold of me, as much as I tried to fake it.
Once she was indeed cleaned and redressed, the lovely pleasure of styling her beautifully tangled hair was bestowed upon me, which only made her cry more, because this is the same kid that hates the slightest knots having to be tended to now had them galore. Even the leave-in conditioner that should help with this hairy situation was having trouble doing its supposed job.
Again I would be a fake, if I didn’t disclose that I lost my patience and raised my voice as she cried out in pain from the brush being used to detangle as I was drying her thick mane, while my husband was now onto stripping and remaking the bed with clean bedding.
I could not have felt more like a fake and fraud as the compassion that most moms should have at this point was escaping me, but seemed more like I was channeling Joan Crawford as the new, meanest mom on the block.
All said and told, she was now squeaky clean head-to-toe (unknotted hair included), proclaiming that her tummy wasn’t hurting anymore and still didn’t have a fully clean bed to go back to sleep.
Still, with my best academy award performance, I continued my best to fake that my skin wasn’t crawling from having to transport the clothes and bedding that contained the blown chunks to begin a load of repugnantly, smelly laundry that her father just removed from her bed.
Finally, her bed was fit to be slept in once again.
Where was our 4 year old at this point?
We found her comfortably passed out in our bed on the same fluffy pillow, where my original groggy head was heading to a final state of sleep for the night right before the technicolor yakking commenced.
Irony at its best and not faking while I say here that as peaceful and small as she looked in our bed at this moment, I was now more exhausted then before she tossed her cookies that night.
But at least the grossness of her most recent vomiting episode was behind us, until the next time or until I myself sadly caught this bug days later (that is another story for another time).
Yet, I could say I will do a better job to fake my fear and loathing of my kids’ losing lunch (or dinner) antics, but think I know better then to say this as then I would be the biggest fake of them all.
[Tweet “Have you ever faked it? #1word @TheGoldenSpoons @Blogitudes”]
This post was written for the One Word Blog Linkup that is hosted by Lisa of The Golden Spoons, Marcia of Blogitudes and yours truly, too.
The words for this week are: Fake or Quiet; Please feel free to linkup and join us this week.
[inlinkz_linkup id=504638 mode=1]
Bev says
Oh that it something I am not looking forward to dealing with! Even as a camp counselor I managed to avoid it. I don’t think you’re a fraud; I think you’re a normal human being. And if Kevin can take care of it, why not let him? 😉
Janine says
Bev, me too totally avoided it as a camp counselor and even when I babysat, but not so much anymore. But still so thankful that Kevin can deal with it at the very least! 😉
christina says
EW.
You got through more than most would. Your fake is the real real.
PS- that’s what husbands are for (meant in a non sexist way of course)
Janine says
Christina, I truly tried my best and got punished with being sick myself a few days later here with none other then the stomach bug, too. But yes, thank god for my husband when my kids do puke!
Meredith says
This IS part of being mom! Having our lines and knowing where to draw them! Also, puke is GROSS. 🙂
Janine says
Agreed on both counts, Meredith!!!
Seana Turner says
I heard a mom once say she instructed her children, if they felt they were going to vomit, to turn and vomit on the bed… because it is easier to clean bedding that carpeting. That stuck with me! One good thing about kids getting older is they can get to the bathroom. Sorry – that’s just not any fun!
Janine says
Seana, the bathroom and the toilet where it can be flushed is ideal for me, but the bedding does make more sense then the floor. But still not a fan by any means!
Kathy Radigan says
Right there with you, totally not my favorite part of being a parent.
Janine says
Kathy, I know definitely up there is one of my least favorite parts, too!!
Kathy Radigan says
Not a good thing at all!!!! Unfortunately as hard as it for me to get through it,my husband is worse, so ti’s my job. But honestly just thinking about this is making me queasy!
Confessions of A Mommyaholic says
Kathy, I know just the thought of it makes me queasy all over again, too!!
Jhanis says
No, not that one please! I have had my share of puke catching in the past but it never gets easier!
Janine says
Jhanis, I know it never does get easier!
Kristen says
awww…it’s ok mama! Not everyone can handle puke- unfortunately it’ s my job in our house. Hope your little one feels better soon!
Janine says
Thanks Kristen and we are thankfully all on the mend finally. Fingers crossed it stays that way!
Amanda @ Growing Up Madison says
Janine, guess what? I’m just the same way. I’m a great mother with some things but when it comes to puke, it was my husband who did it all. We’re still great mothers and our kids still love us regardless of whether we can deal with their poop or puke. 🙂
Janine says
Thanks so much and I know we are still great moms, but definitely do feel badly that no matter how hard it try I just can’t deal with puke.
Bill says
I’m with you, Janine. Around our house, with the cat and dogs, we have the work divided….I do poop pickup when there is an accident and Bev does the puke. I can’t stomach the smell…she can…she can’t stomach the poop…I can. So I understand.
Wishing you a puke-free Wednesday.
Janine says
Aw, thanks for that wish and sounds like you and Bev make a great team, as do Kevin and I on this 😉
Diane Roark says
Janine,
You brought back nightmares for me. I remember one specific time when I had both of my twins vomiting around 2 years old and my oldest daughter vomiting ALL NIGHT LONG. I too could and still can smell vomit and my gag refleshes start. It is so hard for me to keep from vomiting. It has been a long time since I have had to clean up vomit. They are big enough now to go to the toilet. YES! BUT!! My lab vomit a lot. She often eats sticks and whatever in the yard and will vomit at night. We keep her on the tile in the hallway (with baby gates) at night. Thank God for tile but it is still often and GROSS.
I hope you have a blessed day with NO vomit today!
Diane Roark
Janine says
Diane, our dog was at our in-laws one evening when we went out for a date night. When we brought her back she threw up and it was actually the worst and the most vile thing I ever laid eyes on. Even Kevin who like I said is good with puke was gagging. So totally get that one in spades. And truly felt for you having all three kids puking at once. You poor thing!!!
Rabia @TheLiebers says
As the puke-handler in our house, I’m jealous that you’ve got backup! My husband can’t handle any of it, so I end up pulling double duty. The smell has never bothered me which is somewhat of a perk when you work in a day care/preschool for five years. Still not something for me resume, though!
Janine says
God bless you and seriously, I give you such credit and props that you can deal with it and definitely something that you should be able to add to your resume! 😉
Marcia @ Blogitudes says
I so completely get what you’re saying, Janine! If I even hear someone vomiting, I just about do it myself. Can not handle it! I’m sorry your episode was so awful, and that you ended up catching the bug as well. Hope you’re both fully recovered now … and that the bug has left your house so there’ll be no more ugly sickness!
Janine says
I know just thinking about vomit makes me totally queasy. But thank you so much, Marcia and fingers crossed we are all OK now here 😉
Jill Ginsberg says
It’s a credit to your fantastically descriptive writing, Janine, that I now feel the urge to hurl. Everywhere. Left you a comment on the site, too:)
Confessions of A Mommyaholic says
Thank you for saying that Jill, but sorry that I made you feel the urge to hurl though! And thank you for your comment, too 😉
Jenny.U says
We are all born with the gag reflex. My 2 yr old saw my other daughter gagging and started. She had never thrown up so she had no idea that is was “gross” necessarily. Glad it hasn’t visited our house in a really long time!
Janine says
Jenny, we were good for so long, but it hit us last week like a ton of bricks and truly hope it stays far away now for awhile again!
Carrie Groneman says
OOhhh, Janine, those times were the worst. My husband traveled so much and I was alone with all those icky times. Luckily, mercifully, they are clouded over by the better times… Carrie, A Mother’s Shadow
Janine says
So true Carrie. So glad the better times rule 😉
Kim @ HappyPrettyBlog says
I haven’t had to deal with this yet but it fills me with dread because I am NOT good with puke lol! I know it’ll happen and I think I’ll do the same as you!
Janine says
Kim, I feared it and we were good for so long. I got my fingers crossed for you on this.
Kenya G. Johnson says
Well I think I can postpone lunch for another hour. LOL.
In your defense, who has patience for anything in the middle of the night? Can you believe in 10 years (not counting baby pukes) I have only had to deal with this twice? I can tell you my gag reflex does not hold back. Once I had to do it by myself and one time we happened to be at my mom’s. She saw the look on my face as I started to “try” to clean up and she said, “I’ll take care of it.” Then daddy and I vacated the premises. I get my weak stomach from him.
Janine says
Kenya, I wish it was only twice in 10 years and your face sounded similar to mine! Seriously I might get it from my dad, too 😉
Jill Ginsberg says
Division of Labor is just smart living! Which is precisely why I play dead whenever the kids (or the dog) puke. On those few occasions that the kids pooped in the bathtub I also suddenly has something *very* important pop up that had nothing to do with cleaning that mess up. Haha. We can’t all be good at everything! It sounds to me, over the course of these past few months in which I’ve been reading your posts, that you are one amazing mama!
Janine says
Jill, hugs to you for saying that last line, but trust me I felt anything but after that night. Still, the division of labor to me definitely works wonders for times like these indeed 😉
Carrie Groneman says
Ohhh Janine, I feel your pain! So sorry that your little one is feeling terrible and hope everyone is back up to speed very soon. The yucky times will pass – sorry, just had to add that pun, heehee. Carrie, A Mother’s Shadow
Janine says
Thanks Carrie and fingers crossed it did now and stays that way!! 😉
Dara says
that is definitely me. the worst was when Dave was away and Gabbie threw up all over everything. I cleaned it all up and then she did it again!
Janine says
Oh Dara, I wish I could have hugged you after reading that she puked again even after you cleaned it all up!
Lauren Baker Cormier says
Haha, thanks for the early morning laugh! I am very much like you too! I’ve gotten a little better at dealing with it, but every time that bug hits our house I thank God repeatedly for my amazing husband.
Confessions of A Mommyaholic says
Lauren, happy to make you smile and I know I truly am so thankful for my husband in times like these!
Kristen Miller Hewitt says
poor thing..and you! Your hubby sounds like a KEEPER!!
Confessions of A Mommyaholic says
Kristen, he really is!!! 😉
Jennifer Oradat says
My husband handles this kind of stuff like he was made for it, and I’m more like you.
Confessions of A Mommyaholic says
Jennifer, I truly thought maybe it was just me, but seriously glad to see it really isn’t!!
April G says
I deal with most of the mess around this place. I have to fake it all the time. Poopy diapers and puke, but I end up cleaning it all up. Gotta fake it, right?
Janine says
Totally got to try to fake it, whenever possible! 😉
Eli@coachdaddy says
Every hero has an Achilles’ Heel. Your happens to be vomit. For all us parents who can wipe out upchuck like champs, there are those who cannot. We have our weak chinks, too. Me, for instance. I cannot stand playground duty. I’m convinced the 50-foot-tall structures have alligators patrolling the moats ready to chomp up my children. Oh, that and rollercoasters. Daddy can’t hang.
I also suck at cleaning the litter box.
I’ve thought of 17 other weaknesses. But my hands are tired.
Janine says
Eli, you just summed up why I don’t have a cat! Seriously, our dog goes outside and I clean that up, but still better then the dreaded litter box. Oh and roller coasters, I better brace myself for Disney this August!! 😉
lisacng @ expandng.com says
I think you did a great job! Puke is a hard thing to handle. My son recently did, all over his bed, and it was pretty awful. Somehow, my gag reflex has gotten better with kids. Before, I would have puked myself.
Janine says
Lisa, thank you for saying that and I still found myself holding back the puke trying to deal that night though!
Sarah Coulter-Gremley says
I fake it every time I wipe one of their noses. I can do blood and vomit and poop but so help me snot bubbles are the grossest things!
Confessions of A Mommyaholic says
This is exactly how I feel about puke and can do all the other things you listed just fine, too!!
Confessions of A Mommyaholic says
Sarah, again so true especially as it is unprocessed food and not just milk coming up!
Sarah Coulter-Gremley says
I find I’m less inclined to be OK with the vomit the older they get though. Breast milk vomit from a 2 month old got NOTHING on a 4 year olds!
The Imp says
If there’s one thing that makes me cringe as a mom, it’s puke. Which highly amuses my husband, since I used to be in health care. Just, no.
I can, and have, managed a Puke Patrol alone, b/c I was a single Mom before meeting Wolf.
You can do what needs to be done, when there’s no other option.
But…thank GOD Wolf’s not as squeamish as I am, and will do Puke Patrol.
Janine says
Yup, just as thankful as you that my husband will totally do puke patrol, too!
Jeannine Ulasich Eubanks says
Oh, the dreaded “weird cough!” I know it too well. I can usually handle puke alright, except for the time I too came down with the stomach bug about 5 minutes after my son puked in his bed. Thankfully my husband had just gotten home from work and hadn’t gotten into the shower yet, so he WAS available. :p
Confessions of A Mommyaholic says
Oh god, I think I would have died. As it is, I got it only a few short days later and convinced I was going to die from this. Thank god for our husbands!! 😉
Lisa @ The Golden Spoons says
Ugh!! The stomach bug is the worst!!!!! Fortunately, my kids are old enough now that they almost always make it ti the trash can or toilet, so I haven’t had to clean up puked on sheets in a long time . (And,hope I didn’t just jinx myself!!!!)
Janine says
Fingers crossed, you didn’t and pray for a time when my girls (well Emma is), but Lily too catches onto the fact that she needs to get herself to the toilet for this, too!
Sarah Nenni Daher says
Oh my goodness, I’m crying I’m laughing so hard. I’m not laughing at your trauma, but at the fact that you have described me to a ‘t.’
Luckily, our 3 year old hasn’t every thrown up (thank goodness for the small things), but I’m going to follow your sage advice and just get the husband. By the way, if a guy named Jeff ever emails you asking if you’re a kid-vomit-guru, just say yes. 😉
Janine says
Sarah, I literally just wrote it out the way it happened the following day and couldn’t have made this up if I tried. And totally have your back with Jeff!! 😉
Camille says
Ugh, it’s so hard for me to fake it with vomit too. You’re not the only one! That scene has happened over here a couple times and it’s just a nightmare when it does. Especially when you change all the sheets, then it happens again!
Janine says
Camille, that is the worst when you have just cleaned them and then it happens all over again!
Kim says
Ugh!! Just reading this about did me in – I don’t handle the puke thing either. However, when my boys were little they always got this kind of thing while Chris was deployed so I had no choice – thankfully it didn’t happen too often because I start shaking right along with their puking.
Janine says
Kim, I totally feel myself shaking when it is happening, too!
Vicky says
i think there is nothing wrong with a mom having trouble with some part of mommy hood, friend! You are not a fake! You’re a good mom. I find myself sounding so harsh at times when I should be sympathetic- a scrape, a headache, barf. But we are do overwhelmed!! And I think the gag reflex is something you have or you don’t. And if you do… No amount of love will make it go away. And I’m willing to bet had your hubs not been there you would’ve handled it like a pro!!
V
Janine says
Vicky, all I can say is thank you and I hope I could if my husband wasn’t there, but still I am really not sure!
Susanne Lewis Kerns says
I can do anything except snotty noses….and wet Cheerios.
Confessions of A Mommyaholic says
I’ll take your snotty noses, if you take my puke! 😉
Susanne Lewis Kerns says
Deal!
Confessions of A Mommyaholic says
The Pinterested Parent says
Awwww. Poor kiddo & poor mommy. My daughter has had many projectile incidents. It is not fun at all. Poop, puke & pee…a mother’s job is never done. I like your link up. I wish I had something to add for this week. I will have to next week.
Janine says
So happy that you will join us and seriously I am really loving these writing prompts getting to see how all go about tackling the given words for each week 😉
Nellie @ Brooklyn Active Mama says
This is such a real post. I don’t know many mommies that handle puke all that well–I certainly don’t! I call my husband immediately if he is around and the smell——oh the smell. It’s awful. You did the absolute best you could!
Janine says
Nellie, once again it really is nice to know that we have something else with this included in common!
LINDSAY KLEIN says
Oh my god I’m so with you! I have some thick skin but there are certain things men can just handle with a little less squeamishness…Im soooo calling my hubs when my future kids hurl!!!!
Janine says
Lindsay, I know it is crazy but just don’t have thick enough skin at all for this!
Jack says
I think we all have those moments where we feel like we are faking it, it comes with being a parent. But as long as the kids don’t know it usually works out a-ok..
Janine says
Jack, I totally agree!
Rosey says
You’re lucky your husband gets in there to help. 🙂 My husband runs at the first sound of a wretch. He did the same with diapers too. I think he’s changed maybe three in his life, and they weren’t poopy. 😉 Sorry you all had a virus running around the house.
Janine says
Thanks Rosey and thankfully my husband is great with most, except blood that is his achilles heel!
Kerry says
Hey, we all have our tipping point. I have a hard time with the vomit too. The smell, the clean-up, the thought that I am likely going to catch it next … still, you were there for her. I always think kid vomit requires a two-man team anyway.
Janine says
Kerry, I know all of the above, but especially the smell does it for me. And yes I truly agree about it being a two man team where vomiting is concerned.
Shell says
I have a hard time not getting sick myself when it comes to puke. But my husband travels a lot so I’ve had to deal with more than my fair share of it!
Janine says
She’ll, I thank god my husband doesn’t have to travel, because Murphy’s Law that would be when all hell would break out with the puke and my gang!
Rea says
Oh gosh, sorry to hear that! Sucks to have a stomach bug. I myself have been absent from work due to flu. Sucks to be sick, period. Reiko didn’t have any full-blown vomiting situation ever since. I can say my little one has a rather strong stomach. But if ever that would really happen, I’d probably gag as well – I hope my husband wouldn’t because I’d be calling for him. But I guess if I see the look on my boy’s face once that happens, I won’t mind anymore.
Janine says
Sorry, you too have been sick and just so glad to hear Reiko has been OK though. And I know you will probably be absolutely fine with this if and when it happens. I just can;t help myself though.
Cecilia says
What a story, I feel with you.
Janine says
Thanks Cecilia 😉
Stephanie @ Life, Unexpectedly says
My mom is the same, can’t do puke. My dad always had to do the initial clean-up, if it happened. I can do puke, but after scratching pink, vile-smelling shrimp-paste with stomach juice off a duvet cover, I wished I could have bestowed this task on Richard. Didn’t eat shrimp ever since!!
Janine says
I love shrimp, but got to be honest might have a hard time having it the next time after reading your comment!!
Janine says
Christy, I couldn’t agree more about my husband and times like this I am seriously thankful for him. And huge thank you for your kind words about me and my blogging style, too 😉
Tamara says
It doesn’t get easier! Why doesn’t it get easier? Sigh. The worst. You know how I feel. It’s the worst. I panic when it happens. Cassidy is totally calm and supportive and non grossed it. How can I get some of that??
Janine says
I need some of that, too! Trust me, I really do and yet don’t see it happening anytime soon either here.
Charlene @Teacherbytrade-Motherbynature says
Oh yes Janine, I have definitely been there…however for seven years it was just me and my daughter , I had no choice but to deal with it…and clean up the puke myself. It wasn’t pretty! It doesn’t make you any less of a Mum, it makes you human!
Great post by the way… ‘technicolour yakking’ made me laugh out loud!
Janine says
Charlene, thank you so much and my hat is off to you for indeed dealing with puke all on your own for so long.
Ginny Marie says
Oh, yes, that is one of the worst things about being a parent! I’ve been in your situation many times, unfortunately. It’s so gross! Years of babysitting my yack-prone baby sister helped prepare me for that peril of motherhood.
Janine says
I never thankfully at the time had to clean that up after my younger brother, but in hindsight maybe it would have helped.
Jen says
Oh man. Sleeping, explosive vomit is the WORST. One time it happened to both of my girls simultaneously. I was pretty sure I was going to die. I totally feel your green-faced pain.
Janine says
Jen, I think I would have died if it were both my girls at once and you have my undying respect dealing with both at once!
Alison says
I can do it all, BUT I HATE EVERY MOMENT of puke and poop.
Stomach’s churning now. . . .
Janine says
Alison, you are my hero!!
Aunt Gloria says
So sorry you and Lily got this bug. It has been going around. Have to say, I would be heaving right along with you. I’ve never been able to manage someone puking without feeling the urge to join along. So don’t feel bad about faking it…..and thank goodness Kevin was able to manage the job. See you soon. Love……xxoo
Janine says
Thanks Aunt Gloria and thank god indeed for Kevin. See you this weekend xoxo 😉