I came home to write today during the peace and quiet that 2 and 1/2 hours that pre-school time for my girls allow me. Well, by the time I drop them off and then come home it is more like an 1 and 1/2, but still this is my time.
I set the time from 1 pm to 2:30 pm in the afternoons for writing or blog designs/transfers depending on what I have on tap for the day.
This day for the October Daily challenge is supposed to be about how I would define happiness, but right about now for some strange reason all I can come up with is the Beatles song and how they think happiness is like a warm gun.
Trust me I don’t think that at all, but the song is totally playing in my head still. Plus, my mommy guilt is running overtime, because when I dropped off Lily her teachers had a last minute signup sheet for helpers for today pumpkin picking in the back of the pre-school in the playground.
We have known it was pumpkin picking day for weeks now and even sent in the money as soon as the notice went out, but not once in all this time has anyone said they needed volunteers.
Girls Picking PumpkinsWhen I asked, I stood there wanting to say yes, because I would (even though we have done pumpkin picking THREE times in the last few weeks with both girls) have loved to have seen her do this with her classmates, but I had tons on to do for my blog and also J9 Designs. So desperately needed to catch up, because I know once they come home today, we will have homework, dinner and even then yes I would still like to sit and relax with them, too.
So, I literally made the grown-up decision that I needed to go home and work instead of staying to be a class mother volunteer to see Lily pick her fourth pumpkin this year so far.
See here is the thing that upset me the most, if I would have been told that they needed me even yesterday, I would have stayed up late last night, wrote and caught up here a bit instead of signing off early last night But telling me last minute was truly the worst and made me feel like I didn’t have time for my own child (by the way no one said this once, but just the way I internalized it).
The truth is I do have time all day, all week long when they are home with me other then those 2 and 1/2 hours. I am here and even though I may be checking on the computer or my phone from time to time, I am here. I am mommy and their primary care giver from 8 am to 6:30/7pm most nights while Kevin works.
A few have joked that I am like superwoman, but really I am not and just a mom trying her best to be here for her girls, but also make a few extra dollars with the two websites I run to support them and hopefully give them a few extras that my husband’s salary couldn’t.
We are by no means poor and Kevin makes a good salary, but in this day and age, logistically you need two incomes. Living and raising kids is not cheap. I saw a figure recently that it costs over $300.000 to raise a child from birth through college.
That is truly insane, but trust me I still would do anything for my kids and it is up to Kevin and I to provide, but still today I felt like a crappy mom who couldn’t be there to see my kid pick a pumpkin at pre-school.
Happiness was the last thing I felt when I first started writing this and then I started looking at the pictures I wanted to share of the pumpkin picking we have indeed done this year and the faces smiling back at me made me happy to know that they are mine.
Photo Edited PicMonkey Halloween Pumpkin Picking PhotoSo even though I couldn’t be there today, because I made this choice to work from home to be here and not have them in daycare. If I did work out of the home, I have to remind myself, that I wouldn’t be there for this and so much more. So this has to count for something.
Sorry for being a downer on “Happiness” post topic, but this is what just came to mind.
By the way, later this day after this incident happened, I was e-mailed by someone if I would share this adorable concept here with my viewers.
I viewed it, my day got that much brighter and a bit happier from it.
I knew it was fate that it was sent to me after very down day from all of this.
I even mentioned that to the contact person and said I was more then happy to pass this onto my readers to share the joy and happiness that it gave to me.
So please take a look at the Happiness Generator below, which shows adorable animals with a push of a button and was hoping it would help all beat the Tuesday slumps today.
Enjoy!
Click image to open interactive version (via Two Little Fleas).
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massholemommy says
Jeez – nothing like waiting until the last minute. I hate when the schools pull things like that. They have known for weeks that they had the field trip, so you really shouldn't feel guilty about saying no – although I would, too!
My recent post Halloween at the Magic Kingdom
Janine Huldie says
I know Robin, total last minute. And as much as I knew it wasn't my fault rationally, I still felt guilty. I have rearranged my whole schedule to take off for tomorrow with Halloween for the girls and Kevin has, too. I think that is all it takes just give me advice notice and I will so be there.
The Dose of Reality says
it's totally their fault for waiting until the last possible minute to ask for volunteers. Like you said, if you had known before, you could have made changes to your work schedule to fit in the trip. I'd have done exactly the same thing you did without any guilt at all. Love your pumpkin patch pictures!! 🙂 –Lisa
Janine Huldie says
Lisa, I know and it really was their fault, but still was surprised at how badly my mommy guilt leap into action. But again you are right, I would have so been there if I had known sooner. Just frustrates me, because I think they think that anyone that drops them off just sits home like Peggy Bundy eating their bon bond, where that is so not the case. I work the whole time they are in school trying to catch up and not take anything away from them when they come home afterwards. Thanks so much for saying that though and it helped to vent here a bit 🙂
Sara says
Don't feel guilty! You saw them pumpkin pick 3 other times and you would have if they gave you advanced warning. Collins school annoyed me because they asked for donations for a bake sale with 4 days notice. Granted that's a lot of time but we had plans both days over the weekend and I felt like they could have given more warning so I could rearrange my schedule better.
Janine Huldie says
Thanks Sara and 4 days notice still is pretty short, especially if you have to bake something. You should have definitely been given a bit more warning. Not sure why, but seriously these schools need to get more organized with stuff like this for sure, because it really isn't far expecting us to do certain things like bake or give up our time to volunteer at the last minute.
Savanna says
I wouldn't worry about it! They'll look back and think I went with Mom 3 times to the pumpkin patch, and preschool once too! They won't think a thing about it! You are a great Mom, you can tell by how you talk about your little ladies. Sometimes we have to do things we don't really want in order to get things done! Last minute is never good for a Mom!
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Janine Huldie says
Thanks Savanna and I truly hope they do remember the three time (or even one of those times) we went this year. And last minute is never good and do truly agree with you on this.
Rosey says
I don't like when they pull the 'can you do this' thing at the last second either. I understand they're in a fix, or short on something, and they know you are a likely candidate to say yes, which is why they singled you out, but it can sometimes really put you on the spot.
My recent post There's a Fine Line
Janine Huldie says
Rosey, I don't like this either and got to be honest no one was asked and then they just decided last minute to ask parents to stay. Just seemed weird to me and also made me feel guilty as I said. I really hope that they don't do this again with on the spot and ask ahead of time, because again I would be more then happy to help if I had a heads up at the very least.
anothercleanslate says
You are so responsible! 🙂 I think it helps that it was her FOURTH pumpkin- wow!
My recent post Someday I will…
Janine Huldie says
Thanks for saying that Kate and trust me sometimes responsible really is no fun though!
Billybuc says
Your mind works like a writers; from a song comes a blog idea. Well done! I'm sure you know that the song by the Beatles was about drug use and not really about guns. 🙂 It actually has always been one of my favorite songs by them. Anyway, have a great day.
Janine Huldie says
Thank you first off for saying that, Bill. And thank to my mom, I know tons about The Beatles and their music. And now so do both my girls. Whenever they hear a song by The Beatles, they instantly tell me that is "Paul McCartney", because the was and is my mom's favorite. So, they totally know this from Grandma!! Wishing you too a great day again 🙂
dianeroark says
Lisa,
I have been in your shoes a couple of times. I really do understand what you are feeling. As moms we have so many roles to fill. It is always a difficult choice to choose what to do. I remember when I was not able to go with my children somewhere but they really do not remember it. I think it is more important as they get to be teenagers. They will definitely remember everything but with 5 kids I have definitely missed something with each one. When one of my sons was in the hospital having brain surgery, I missed Christmas morning with all my other children. This was one the worst days of my life. As a mom, it was truly heart breaking.
Blessings,
Diane Roark http://www.recipesforourdailybread.com
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Janine Huldie says
Dianne, my heart just broke reading about you spending Christmas morning with your son while he was having brain surgery. Talk about mom guilt. Either way, you were bound to have some and can't even imagine. Just hope your son is Ok now and seriously sending you hugs!! Thanks as always and wishing you a wonderful Wednesday now!
day-with-kt.com says
You should not feel guilty in any way for saying no – I think it is rude to spring it on you at drop off that way. I think that many people think SAHM have nothing but free time – they don't realize how much we actually do during the day!!! Good for you to say no and get the work done that you had planned to do!!
That happiness generator was cute!!
My recent post Where’s the Easy Button???
Janine Huldie says
Kim, thank you so much for saying that. And I know I did feel it was a bit rude. I drove all the way home asking myself over and over in my head why we parents weren't asked sooner. Just didn't make sense to me. And glad you liked the happiness generator. I thought it was so cute and definitely made me feel a bit better that day 🙂
tamaralikecamera says
Ahh, animals. They are the best!!
If they had asked you yesterday, you would have done it all. You would have stayed up late and worked on both websites and been there at the school. But they didn't! And no one is truly expected to drop everything last minute. It never works that way for most of us. And you are Supermom not only during every hour you spend with your kids, but also during the hours that they are at school and you are still thinking so much about them!
My recent post Tenderheart.
Janine Huldie says
You know I would have totally gone if just even been given one days notice. Thanks for saying that Tamara and I think we are similar that even when are kids are school, they are always close to our minds. I leave my phone on right next to me while they are there as I am working. Just in case. So trust me I am constantly thinking of them.
realhousewife says
Oh good gosh Janine! When you're kids get to Elementary school…you're gonna go crazy!
I totally know what you're saying but it took me 4 years (FOUR) to start saying NO! Every time the school asked me to be involved in a new project. It's good exercise to start working on now. I volunteered 3 days each week at the public school and I was seeing that there was a core group of us that always said, "well I've got this going on but ok.." All of us felt guilty saying no. They all are important projects BUT it takes a VILLAGE woman…! So I'm warning you now:) practice makes perfect…if you plan to volunteer at school set aside X number of hours and don't go over it:)) lol. Other parents that have kids that go to the district should offer to help too!
Janine Huldie says
Sounds like I am so going to have to get used to it and just get thicker skin I suppose. I don't mind volunteering, but you are right it shouldn't just be falling on me. There are other parents too that can indeed volunteer and it so takes a village. Thanks for that reminder, Kelly!! 🙂
notinjersey says
the time they are at school is the time you PLAN for them to be away. so it's not the time you plan to be with them! therefore it makes sense that you can't volunteer when you had other plans for that time period. it's like my issue with snow days – they are home when you planned for them to be at school, so how do you do what you'd planned for yourself? of course it makes me guilty to feel like that, but it's the life of a busy mom! I hope you are feeling better about your decision – obviously if you'd had time to make your plans differently you would have done it if you could have!
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Janine Huldie says
So true Robin and I seriously couldn't agree with you more. And trust me just another reason to hate snow days in my book!!
Kerri says
Hey, I skip field trips all the time and not for nearly the right reasons you described! I think it is great that you were asked RIGHT NOW instead of last night. That way you made the best decision for you. You are always there for your girls, even when you are not holding their hands. Hugs
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Janine Huldie says
Thanks Keri for saying that and I didn't quite think of it that way, but you made perfect sense, because I would have totally rearranged everything and stayed up late the night before, but this way I did make the best decision for me.
Sandy Ramsey says
I hope you have decided to give yourself a break! I see the posts and the pictures and I KNOW how hard you work from personal experience. I used to think I had to do everything with my kids at school, too but not anymore. I have to pick and choose because if I don't get a little time for me, I'm not going to be good for anyone! Have you ever heard the saying, "If Mama ain't happy, nobody's happy!" Mmmm hmmm….
Janine Huldie says
Sandy, seriously thank you for saying that. I really do try, but I lose one day a week with Wednesdays (Lily doesn't go to pre-school this one day). So today, I am trying to catch up on comments while she is watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and failing miserably! But this too shall pass. And love that saying!! 🙂
Alecia says
Waiting to the last minute to ask for help is frustrating for all of us Mom's that get put in that situation. It's not that we don't want to help, but sometimes you make plans or you are looking forward to that small break to recharge for you and then you get hit in the face with guilt when you have to make a choice between your plans or recharge break and helping out with the kids. I feel that I spend a lot of time now that I"m home with my kids after school and I volunteer at the school a lot. However, the last two weeks especially I have done nothing but be at the school and it's wearing me out! My house is a wreck, things are behind, and I'm physically and mentally exhausted. We have to be able to say "no" and not feel guilty.
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Janine Huldie says
Alecia, you are so right we have to be able to say no sometimes and just not feel guilty. Thank you so much for sharing with me, because I really felt like crap when I had to say no that day and truly does help to hear it isn't just me!! 🙂
stephanie2006 says
You are indeed a great mom, and your girls are very, very lucky to have you. I completely agree with your decision to do your work, as especially with your design website, you have a responsibility towards your clients as well. And your kids won't suffer from you not being the first one to raise her hand and volunteer at any given time. My girls didn't even get to carve a pumpkin this year, as I didn't find one last weekend. But they get plenty of pumpkin bread, and we made a pumpkin tealight holder 😉
I hope you have a great day!!
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Janine Huldie says
Awe, thank you so much Stephanie for saying that about me. That day, I didn't feel so great as a mom. I even called Kevin at work, who said the same thing you said here, but still my guilt was on overdrive. I began to write this that day because I just needed to get it off my chest and really very glad I did, because it helped hearing from you and other moms, too. Just knowing that we aren't alone sometimes is truly the best therapy. Thank you again 🙂
cgacad says
i have bookmarked that happiness generator. all things animals makes me happy. i really sympathize with you because that is really upsetting to hear at the last minute the class needed volunteers. argh! you're a really good mom, regardless. but that last minute stuff is unnecessary! nothing stresses me out more than doing things last minute!!!
Janine Huldie says
So happy you bookmarked this, because I truly thought it was too cute and loved it, too. And I am with you last minute, because I am just a planner by nature. So drives me crazy. Thank you though 🙂
Janine Huldie says
Thanks so much Amy and I just volunteered today for the Thanksgiving Day party, so looks like all definitely ended well on this one. But you are right and I know as a teacher myself that we can forget things and are totally human. Just put so much mommy guilt on me that day in particular. But again, all is well that ended well now 🙂