This Mom's Confessions

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Happy, Mom Guilt and The Busy Mom’s Guide to Creativity

Filed Under: BLOG, Book Reviews, Books, Crazyiness, One Word Challenge, parenting, parenting two kids Tagged With: , , , ,

*Please note that today Bev Feldman has re-released, The Busy Mom’s Guide to Creativity, and am re-sharing my article for those who might have missed her wonderful book the first time around.

Bopping my head as I sit here typing away at my MacBook keyboard, while listening to one of my many iTunes Music playlists during a typical creative workday session. I reminded by the current tune blasting by Pharrell Williams, that I am indeed the most “Happy” doing what I do best, which just so happens to be expressing myself creatively through writing, as well as the ability to graphically design, where I put my own spin and personal touch on all that I create.

You wouldn’t know, by the way I am acting right now that I was recently faced with a tremendous amount of mom guilt for another go round with my two daughters. See I had found out that after putting my name in for class mom for both girl’s elementary school classes, that I was chosen to be class mom for my younger daughter’s kindergarten class this year out, but not my older daughter’s class. 

Kindergarten-Playing

Kindergarten, Here She Comes

Yet, I know from being a class mom last year for my older daughter’s class that being class mom for one class is enough work even as fun and rewarding as it may be to spend the extra time up at school interacting with my daughter Still I was actually considering being a complete glutton for punishment to take on both my girl’s classes, when I literally finally just got my days back to stretch my creative wings working from home for six plus straight hours daily for this upcoming school year. While, I know I should have given myself the permission and let go of the mom guilt I was suffering from to put my name only in for my younger daughter’s class as I had already been class mom for my older daughter’s class last year, I still struggled with this so much. Back to School 2015 My rationale here was that I would put my name down for both, because I was stuck in the middle and felt terrible choosing between my two kids.  I figured I’d let the chips fall where they may with the school hopefully making the decision for me one way or the other. Thankfully, the school did make the decision and only chose me for the one class. I was more than thankful that I was let off the hook on this, but still felt all sorts of mom guilt, because my older daughter was definitely bummed that I wasn’t her class mom again this year.

white-post-pumpkin-post

From last year’s class trip that I was able to attend as her class mom

It was only fair though that I could be class mom for her younger sister this year since I didn’t get to be her’s last year, but still I felt badly that I couldn’t divide myself in two. Still as moms, in general though, it is hard to very often “Let It Go” for all sorts of things with our kids. As busy as we can be and as much as we have on our plates, being a mom comes with all sorts of mom guilt. And when you are a mom that works creatively from home, there is a whole new level of mom guilt that comes into play, I have learned time and again. Yet, I am no stranger to this and still have slowly become versed over the last few years to pick my battles with my own mom guilt, as in taking time off during school holidays or even more extended time in the summer when my girls are off from school, since I am the parent that does work from home, while my husband works for a corporation.  As such, my schedule is a bit more flexible than his. It is all about what works for not just me, but my family unit.  And the above scheduled time off truly is what works for my family and I during the days and time off for the kids. Still, I have my weak moments as witnessed above.

Bev-I-BlogHer-2015

Bev and I at BlogHer ’15

However, I recently was given the opportunity to read an advance copy of one of my favorite blogger friend Bev Feldman’s, who I just so happen to meet for the first time at BlogHer ’15 this past summer, newest book, Busy Moms Guide to Creativity, where she discusses all sorts of topics for creative moms. BusyMomsGuide_Mockup1 One section, actually covered the so-real topic of “Mom Guilt” in depth and one of my favorite sayings from this part from Bev is, “The reality is as parents we have to learn to accept these time constraints and work with them” by indeed learning what you may need to let go of including certain time wasters, such as aimless Facebook school feeding or taking on more activities such as the extra class mom duties so that you can free up some much needed time for your creative outlets. See while I could have been class mom for both girl’s classes, I am pretty sure I wouldn’t have been able to find or stretch more hours in my already jam packed week to do this and would have ended up being more frazzled than words can even convey.   BusyMomsGuide_Mockup3 So, Bev’s book and words couldn’t have come at a better time for me, which allowed me to take a bit more ownership of my feelings on this.  While I didn’t end up having to make this most difficult decision myself this time out, I am hopeful that for the next time I will remember Bev’s sage advice and follow it.

How about you? Are you a busy mom looking to reconnect with you? Do you want to find time for the creative interests that make you shine? In the The Busy Mom’s Guide to Creativity, you’ll learn how to bring your creative interests into those everyday mundane chores you dread, involve your children in the things that make you happy, and tips on letting go of mom guilt so that you can find time for you!  
 
Sample-page-image
 
In this fun and interactive workbook:
  • Quotes from real-life moms about the importance of creativity in their lives and how they make time for their interests
  • Interviews with life coaches and therapists who specialize in working with moms
  • 21 pages of worksheets to reflect and apply what you have learned to your personal life
  • 7 art prints with inspirational quotes about creativity
Purchase your copy today and bring back that creative spark that makes you who you are! 
 
[Tweet “Moms, are you ready to let go of the mom guilt and make time for YOU? @Linkouture “]

Thanks Bev and I highly recommend her book for all moms, especially those who are creative by heart and nature now for all of the above, as well as her further tips and advice, too.

*Also, I recently updated my advertising rates and reduced my pricing for the fall season.  So, please feel free to check out my pricing and hoping we can work together now. Signature 2015

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About Janine

Janine is a published author of the books, The Mother of All Meltdowns and Only Trollops Shave Above the Knee. She has been featured on The Huffington Post, Mamapedia, Today Parenting Team and SheKnows. She also runs her own graphic design company at J9 Designs.

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Bev says

    Wow, I’m impressed you signed up for both girls’ classes! I’m glad the school chose you to be classroom mom for one, that sounds like it would have been a lot of work otherwise. I can imagine the mom guilt that came with figuring that out, but like you said, you need time for you!
    Thanks so much for sharing, Janine 🙂

    • Janine says

      Meredith, I know it just never ends and seriously I live with it here, too daily. I hope you can check out Bev’s book and think you would totally find it useful and chock full of great resources to at the very least help 😉

  8. Leanne@crestingthehill says

    it’s always a fine line balancing equal mother love for your children (even when they are adults and not at home any more) My daughter said that she really appreciated knowing that it was always fair and there wasn’t favouritism – the balance is fitting your own needs in too! It gets easier in some ways and harder in others, but mother guilt is pre-programmed into us so we just have to work with it 🙂

  9. Chris Carter says

    OH the mom guilt never ends does it? I love how fairly you handle those tricky situations with both girls, Janine!! It sounds like it had the perfect outcome, despite the disappointment from your daughter!

    I’m so excited that Bev has her book out! YAY!! Thanks for sharing it here. I bet there are all kinds of gems in it for us all!!

  12. Rabia @TheLiebers says

    I am dealing with much the same ting here. I wanted to coach soccer, but knew my boys would be upset that I could only coach one. So I talked my husband into coaching one and I”m coaching the other. I’m having a blast, but he’s miserable! UgH! That wasn’t my intent at all!

  13. Seana Turner says

    I find guilt is a lousy motivator. Moms are made to feel guilty about so many things these days … not being thing enough, not being fashionable enough, not having a beautifully decorated home, not crafting sandwiches in the shapes of animals for the lunch boxes! We need to stop doing this to ourselves – you are enough!

  14. Lisa @ The Golden Spoons says

    First of all, I once served as room mom for 2 classes at a time – DON”T DO IT!!!!!!! EVER!!!!!! It was nuts because both classes would be having events at the same time and I needed to be at both. I was juggling two different lists of parents, volunteers, teacher requests – I survived, but have never again felt guilty for choosing just one or the other.

    Secondly, I need Bev’s book!!

    • Janine says

      Lisa, thank you for saying this and sharing, because I kind of knew the parties would be on the same days, but the same times are truly insane. Nothing like cutting myself in half literally! And yes I think you will love Bev’s book 😉

  15. Kenya G. Johnson says

    First off, LOVE the pictures! Girl I am SO glad the school didn’t pick you for two classes. That was a blessing. I don’t know what all that entails but for two classes PLUS everything else you do I imagine there’d be some mommy meltdowns. Even just the field trips that I’ve gone on have been borderline too much for me. I naively thought that I was a just a parent going with my son and sharing HIS experience, not having to entertain everyone like I was the parent of the day. Kinda drove me nuts.

    • Janine says

      Kenya, you just made me giggle out loud on that last line, but yes I know exactly what you mean as I did the pumpkin patch field trip for Emma last year and am doing it once next week, but this time for Lily. So yes I get it in spades! Oh and the mommy meltdowns would have been epic though if I would have gotten both. So thanking god for all concerned that it didn’t!

  17. Dana says

    That mom guilt rears its head as the kids get older too – I always felt guilty that I volunteered more for my older child, because it was new and fun. My energy and enthusiasm waned a bit for the second! I loved Bev’s book too – so excited for her!

  18. Diane Roark says

    Janine,

    I can seriously relate with mom guilt. Having 6 kids and most of the time they were in public school, private school, homeschool and college all at the same time I always felt guilty about missing something. Not including all the sports they were involved in that I could not attend. I remember when they separated my twins in 2nd grade before they took Caleb off of a diploma bound education. They always went on the same field trips together on the same day, but separate classrooms/teachers. They had to stay with their teachers so I had to choose which child I would sit with and ride the bus with. It was always a disaster. Somehow, my three older kids are all grown up. Thank God! They do not remind me of all the times I have disappointed them.

    Somehow we made it through it. I know you are a terrific mom and you too will make it through it. I am so glad that everything worked out. It really would have been so much work.
    Blessings,
    Diane

  20. nabanita says

    Not a mommy yet , though at the verge of becoming one soon….I worry that I won’t have time to pursue my creative interests and then I’ll be resentful full of mommy guilt…wonder what will happen ..How will I manage everything and still make time to do what I love to do..

    • Janine says

      Nabanita, you will find ways trust me, but still it will definitely be more challenging and not going to lie about it. And mommy guilt truly will get you quite often, but still there is nothing more rewarding than being a mom, I do promise you that.

  21. Allie says

    Janine, this sounds like a book I need! I was a room mom one time – when my oldest was in kindergarten. I split the job with seven moms. Everybody want s to be a room mom in kindergarten:). By first grade, teachers are begging for volunteers!

  22. eli@coachdaddy says

    I get it – I used to hate everything that resembled having to choose between kids. Now, I try to value whatever it is that I do with one kid, and think of ways to find something to have with another kid. or two. I have options!

  23. Abby says

    Hi Janine,
    I’ve just stumbled upon your blog. I think it’s crucial for us moms to ged rid of those guilt issues. You can’t be everywhere at the same time. I think this book will be for many an eye -opener.
    Abby

  24. Jen says

    Class mom to 2 classes!? Yikes that would have killed you, but knowing you, I think you would have pulled it off. I am just glad you didn’t have to. I love your honesty Janine you are such a boon to the blogging world. Thanks for being you 🙂

  25. Ginny Marie says

    I was the room mom for both girls’ classes last year, and it was a bit overwhelming! I’m glad for you that you are not the class mom for both your girls! As you know, it can be a lot of work!

    I’d love to win the creativity prize because I’ve taken a class though Craftsy before, and it was great! I loved it! I really feel the need to do something creative again that’s more than writing, like painting something or sewing something.

  28. Cynthia says

    You know me: I *always* have the creativity bug. HAHA.
    Can I just tell you how much you make me smile? How much you inspire me? 🙂
    I just loved your comment over at my blog (and getting ready to go grocery shopping, so will have to respond to it after awhile) – but I just loved what you had to say.
    And even Clark – who had said after all these years, he still can’t beat you to the comment line. Hehe. I just love my friends. You all make my life so much sweeter.
    Sending you sweet hugs, my friend! Sweet, sweet hugs!
    xoxox

    • Janine says

      Aw, you know how much I just adore you still after all these years. So, like I said already seeing a new post from you today, honestly made me smile more than I can even begin to explain! So much hugs and love xoxo 😉

  29. Aunt Gloria says

    Glad you took Bev’s sage advice. Whether we are a mom or not, we all have to prioritize what is possible to accomplish so we don’t burn out by trying to accommodate everyone (such a woman thing!). Got to put that guilt in perspective….not good to wear yourself down trying to do it all. Glad you got some advice that helps put you on the right track….and try to remind yourself to stay there! You manage to do a lot! And you do it well! Love…….

  30. Carrie Groneman says

    As always I love your posts Janine. You are amazing and I love how you are so real with us. I was a room mom to 4 of my 5 kids one year – crazy and I think I boosted the TUMS market substantially, lol. I love the quotes from the book and it looks like a fabulous one. Keep up the fabulous work you are doing, you are an inspiration girl. Carrie, A Mother’s Shadow

    • Janine says

      Aw, Carrie you are my hero with doing 4 of the 5 kids room mom one year. Seriously not sure how you did this or managed to get anything done, but still you are amazing, too my dear friend!! 🙂

  31. Rea says

    I totally get the Mom guilt too. I’m not even involved with my son’s school activities because of my work schedule so just imagine how much mom guilt that is 🙁 I’m happy you get to be a class mom at least once for both your daughters! It’s true that as moms, we can only do so much and that we need to take some time off for ourselves too. Of course, I’ll go ahead and check Bev’s book!

  32. Leslie says

    Aw man, I missed the promo period! I love to be creative, but it doesn’t come as easily for me as it does so many other people (think 5x longer…but so rewarding in the end). And we all have mom guilt. Don’t get too stressed about it. You know there will be plenty of other ways to volunteer with your oldest’s class this year!

  33. Kelly L McKenzie says

    Oh I completely understand how you feel, Janine. It’s hard. I found myself being the co/chair of the Parent Advisory committee at the same time that I was running the Sparks group and sitting on the school carnival committee. Can you say busy? I love your Halloween pumpkin patch photo. That is my favorite time of year. Am heading out to one tomorrow with a “borrowed” 21 year-old. Somethings ya just can’t give up.

    • Janine says

      Somethings you just can’t give up and we went last week with Lily’s class now for this year and still up there as my favorite time of the year, as well! Have tons of fun tomorrow and can’t wait to hear all about it 😉

  34. The Pinterested Parent says

    Awww yes! Mom guilt, I know it well. I honestly don’t know how you find time to do all of the things you do. I stay up until midnight every night just to try to squeeze in working on my blog after the family is to sleep & I am not involved in any parent activities or kid’s sports yet. As you can see, I am just catching up with your posts now. Lol! Once she is school age and into extra curricular activities, I might have to give up sleep.

    • Janine says

      Kim, sleep is something I have totally given up too, but still hate doing it as I love sleep and just wish I could get more. But still I know the mom guilt is something that I deal with pretty much daily.

  36. Shelly says

    I have four kids (25, 19, 18, & 15) and surprisingly I never suffer from “mom guilt”. I’ve always told my kids things will never be fair and it’s just a fact of life. When our oldest was in her early years of school I couldn’t volunteer at school because I was busy taking care of her siblings. When my youngest was old enough to attend preschool I was able to help out a few times a week in my #2 and #3 daughters classes. When my youngest started attending school I never volunteered to help in his classes because he’d act up and would roll around on the ground and not take school seriously.

    As it turns out, I later removed them all from public school and homeschooled them all and by this time my oldest had graduated high school. My #2 & #3 daughters attended college instead of high school. Daughter #3 is 18 and has enough units to graduate with an AS in biology. She also just got accepted to Chico State for the Fall as a Junior transfer. Unfortunately she missed deadlines (taking the TEAS) for applying to the RN program so she will reapply in the Fall.

    My son has severe dyslexia and homeschool has taught him something public school couldn’t – how to read.

    So all my kids school experiences are completely different and I’ve played a roll in all their experiences. I have zero mom guilt. Life will never be fair and each kid ends up getting what they need.

  37. Leslie says

    I remember this post. I’m still impressed that you offered to be class mom for both girls with all that you do. Has it all worked out in the end? Is your oldest fine with the situation now?

  38. Diane Roark says

    Janine,

    We all have mom guilt. The older the kids get and the more activities they are involved in it gets impossible to do everything. This truly causes a lot of guilt. Thanks for the encouraging words.

    Blessings,
    Diane

  39. Jen says

    You crazy busy lady!! What we do for our children 🙂 It is always a juggling act right? Sometimes I am just so, so tired. I need this book! Thank you for the heads up and review!

  43. Kristi Campbell says

    So my own confession – I signed up for room mom for the last four years because Tucker was in school early for well you know why and I was co-room mom for pre-school and then room-mom for kindergarten. For first grade, I signed the sheet and never heard back but then found out somebody else was room-mom and I was kinda relieved (my confession). I still volunteer for EVERYTHING because hello spying but also don’t have to be the one in charge which is nice.
    Also LOVE Bev’s book and so happy to see it featured here.

    • Janine says

      Kristi, your confession was how I felt when I wasn’t selected to go on the last school trip to be honest. I signed up, because HELLO guilt, but still so didn’t want to go as I was truly so busy with work, but yes I am up at school more often than not still. Oh and I am so happy I could indeed share Bev’s book here, too 🙂

  44. Kenya G. Johnson says

    I’ll definitely keep you in mind for anyone looking to update their website, I’ll pass on your info.
    I’ve gone on my fair share of field trips where I thought I could just be Christopher’s mom but turned out to be more of a help to the teacher. For me that definitely took all of the fun out of it. That said I would never sign up for room mom. LOL! Definitely won’t be volunteering to do anything but take in a snack for testing days in the last days of school. Don’t feel guilty in the least but I totally understand yours.
    Great review, I love the idea of this book, and the cover is so fun. It would be great if the universe would allow us to set up a grown girls club to collaborate.

  46. Aunt Gloria says

    So glad you didn’t take on being class mom for both girls. Guilt is tough to fight….but keep working on it! You do manage to juggle all the things on your plate and you do it well. Just take care of yourself and be sure you do what is important for you too….like your writing . You’re pretty amazing! Lots of love…….

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