Breakups are never easy, but with kids involved, it can make the process ten times harder. Not only is there a lot of emotional turmoil, but it gets more complicated and confusing, especially when emotions are running high. If you’re not sure where to start, we’ve put together a few key points to help you get through.
The first thing that may come to your mind is who gets custody? It’s not an easy question, and it may be that you and your ex-partner feel very differently about the outcome. This can be settled either in or out of court depending on whether the two of you can come to a decision. It’s worth remembering that either way, the child’s feelings on the matter are incredibly important, as well as where they’ll be able to get their physical, emotional, and educational needs met.
If you don’t get custody, it’s important to think about what happens next. Most likely, you’ll need to make some sort of payment such as child maintenance. You might want to visit Cordell & Cordell to calculate child maintenance – they’re family law solicitors who know the ins and outs of the separation process. Alongside their calculator, you can find plenty of helpful information, especially regarding the unique difficulties that men face during disputes.
Communicate with your Kids and Ex-Partner
With any difficult experience, communicating openly and honestly with those around you is the best way to ensure things go as smoothly and as well as possible. Talking to your ex-partner and trying to maintain an amicable relationship, even if they’re the last person you want to see right now, is essential to try and make the process flow gently. This will not only make it easier to come to decisions (like who gets the DVD collection), but it also means your kids will have a more supportive, comfortable environment to process what’s going on.
Talking to your kids is also essential in helping them through the process. Depending on their age, it might take some time to talk through what’s actually happening. It’s likely they’ll have questions for you, and you should be willing to answer them openly. Honesty is very important – even if the truth isn’t what they want to hear, they deserve to know what’s going on. Most importantly, let them know that you’re still there to listen to and support them – they may feel as if they’re losing their parents, and so reassuring them you’re still there for them is essential.
Look After Yourself
Though a lot of your time will be focused on looking after your kids and making sure they feel okay, it’s important not to neglect yourself in this process. You’re going through something just as difficult, and you deserve that same level of support. Plus, if you don’t make sure you feel stable and secure in yourself, you can’t be a stable foundation of support for your kids.
Consider therapy and counseling if there are things you need to talk through – there’s never any shame in seeking out support. It may also be worth adding small but meaningful things to your day. Things like keeping a routine can help give you a sense of stability and give you some direction moving forward, as it’s easy to slip into the mindset of not knowing what to do with yourself. Try to give yourself positive affirmations and reassure yourself too – positive affirmations can give you a wide range of benefits, all that can help you move forward confidently.
Though this may be one of the hardest things you have to go through, we hope with these three-pointers, you can get through this stronger than ever.