It started off like any other weekend morning here. We were lounging a bit in my bed. Actually, it was a rather relaxing morning. I should have realized with kids there really is no such thing.
But still, I was smug in the fact that it was indeed the weekend and a bit more relaxed than most mornings.
And that’s when it happened. My breath and the wind was actually simultaneously knocked out of me.
This little voice spoke up. The voice of what I still see as my innocent 7 year old asked a question I didn’t see coming from the proverbial mile away. I mean she’s only 7. Seriously I am pretty sure I didn’t think about this until I was quite a bit older myself.
That is when she asked “the question”. You know what I mean. And just like that the s*it got real!
Here it comes….
“Mommy, where do babies come from?”
I hadn’t even had my morning cup of coffee yet. So, definitely wasn’t even fully awake yet. But in hindsight, glad I was actually sipping said coffee as I may very well have choked on it or spit it out all over the place. Either way a big mess would have been made.
[clickToTweet tweet=”How would you have the sex talk with your kids? Find out my suggestions here now #FTSF” quote=”How would you have the sex talk with your kids? Find out my suggestions here now #FTSF” theme=”style1″]
Yet, here it was the question I most certainly have been dreading.
How may you ask did I handle this?
I would like to say gracefully. But probably not.
Because in that very raw moment, I chose to downplay it. See I wasn’t prepared nor ready.
That’s right, I told her as innocently as possible that babies not unlike herself as a baby in the past come from their mother’s bellies.
That seemed to quiet her questions. But still, I knew it only bought me some time.
Because I know she will be back and this will not be the end of that question by any means.
Why? Simply because she is growing up. That answer may be enough for now. But as she does age, she will most likely have more questions—many more questions.
So, I need to man up now to prepare for the inevitable.
Here is my advice to myself on handling the birds and the bees talk…
3 Tips to My Future Self When Having The Talk with Both My Girls
1. Keep calm.
That’s right. After my not so subtle initial response, I now know I have to remain calm when the time does come that my young girl has more questions. Because she needs to know that she can count on me. See she needs to be confident that I will be honest, as well as feel that she can indeed confide in me about this and so much more as she needs.
2. Open my ears and listen, too.
While I can talk and explain her concerns and questions, I also need to hear what she thinks she knows, too. Because let’s face it that her friends may know certain things. So, therefore she may very well have heard something from them and have her own ideas about sex, her body and more.
3. Be encouraging not closed off.
Again this goes with being relaxed and prepared. But still I want my both my daughters (younger and older) to feel that they can ask me anything. I don’t want them to be embarrassed or scared to come to me about sex or anything for that matter. So when they do inevitably come to me about this in the future, I plan on answering them with an age appropriate and honest answer. Plus, if I am not sure of something will let know that. But will also look it up if that is the case.
I know the above advice to myself will be tested when the time comes. Still I am hopeful that these three easy steps will help to foster better communication for my girls and myself for The Talk that is inevitable. I mean after all it is just a life lesson, I suppose.
Now, wish me luck!
*This article was written in part for this week’s FTSF with Kristi and Kenya. The sentence is: “When I think about life’s lessons…” Join now, too!
Have you had The Talk with your kid?
What advice do you have?
Now, tell me in the comments…
“THE” Talk has not happened yet but they know they came from my tummy because mom and dad love each other. These are great tips, I know my day is coming soon!
Nellie, I cannot believe our babies are indeed growing up. Seriously, I remember when are kids were just babies. Where does the time go? That said, we are definitely heading here like it or not!
Meredith Spidel says
Thank you for this help! I have yet to do this and haven’t known where to start!
I know Meredith, pretty much the same here. So, I knew I needed to get my thoughts out on my blog about this. Just glad I am not alone in this boat!
Kenya G. Johnson says
Good luck! I wrote about this very thing and I think Christopher was in the 3rd or 4th grade. I’ve since unpublished it eventhough it was funny, I knew it would embarrass him if any of his friends ever read it. You never know with kids and social media these days. ANYWAY…. it’s good that you’ve touched on it. In the 5th grade here was the first health class where what I’d told him was reiterated. So they are even having the talk in school earlier too. I’m pretty sure that I was in high school when that was discussed in my health class.
Thanks Kenya. I weighed even writing about it here at to be honest. I have backed off writing as personal as I used to about my kids here for that very reason. But after I wrote my own thoughts down for myself, I thought this one was more therapeutic to me in all honesty as it was advice to me not really them per say. But I am pretty sure when I do have that “talk” I will not be writing their responses here as I don’t want to embarrass or make them feel funny about it. So thank you telling me your experience with writing about it on your own blog.
William Holland says
Oh my! Seven? LOL I’m sorry, but I have to laugh. How could you possibly see that one coming? Glad it was you and not me….seriously glad.
Hey, stay safe. Big storm there, right? I hope all is well and you can enjoy your weekend.
I know, seven! Crazy, but true. And yes right now a lot rain and very, very windy. Just hoping that this passes and the rest of the weekend isn’t too bad. Have a great weekend now, too.
From my own experience I feel keeping it simple is best, they usually accept your answer and move on!
Simple really is best in my book, too 🙂
Lisa @TheGoldenSpoons says
Oh man! I;ve had this conversation with all of my daughter now and it is never easy. I think you gave yourself some pretty great advice. I would also add to only answer what they ask. Don’t start giving a bunch of “extra” details. Sometimes, a very honest, but simple answer is all they need! 🙂
Lisa, I love your add-on and agree that adding a bunch of extra details is definitely no necessary. Thank you for sharing with me as I know your girls are a bit older than mine and really appreciate your advice 🙂
Laura at The No Pressure Life says
I had to have “the talk” the day after my son’s last day of kindergarten. He and his little sister had just gotten out of the bathtub, and he kind of hip-checked her and said “Sex!” My husband and I were like “Say what now?” I hoped against hope that he meant “six” but no dice. I shuttled my little girl off with her dad and pulled my son aside to find out how in the world he knew about that word. Turns out, a kid in his class shared some level of “what goes where” details with an entire snack table of kids on the last day of kindergarten! I was HORRIFIED but had to remain calm. We talked about how it’s what grownups who love each other do to make a baby, that it’s not something that kids do with each other, with their family, or with grownups. Then I thanked him for being honest with me, and that he can ask me or Daddy questions about anything at any time. But, that he must NOT talk about it with other kids. I explained that I was sad he heard about something so grown-up from another kid and that grownup topics like this are meant for parents to discuss with their kids. Later, I sent an email to the blabbermouth’s mom (who never responded to me) to let her know what happened and that she may want to talk to her son to about it. I also reached out to the teacher to make her aware this had taken place. It SUCKED to have to talk to my 5 yo about this, but at least it’s out of the way for now. He never mentioned it again, especially after he asked “So, if it’s for grownups to do….then did you and Daddy have to….” and I was like “Yep, that’s why you and your sister exist!” and he was totally mortified and declared that he was never getting married!!
Laura, I truly would feel pretty much the same as you described here if this were to have occurred. I also cannot believe the other mother never even responded to you. That to me is just so rude on so many different levels. I mean bad enough that this little boy told your son what he did, but not to even acknowledge your email is just outright awful. I also have to say I think you handled your son’s questions perfectly given the situation in all honesty. So, my hat is truly off to you. Thanks for sharing with me and truly appreciate it.
This is probably one of the biggest questions I dread from our kids. We all know that they’re going to hear things from their friends, through school, and even from older siblings. And all of those will likely be a little bit different. Hopefully it doesn’t come up again for a few years, but it looks like you’ll be prepared when you do!
I couldn’t agree more, Leslie and just hopeful that I am indeed prepared now.
I still remember when my Mom and Dad gave us “the talk” they did it at an early age just like you are, Janine. As uncomfortable as it is I commend you for not dodging the question, you are one great Mom and you have some good tips.
Thanks Mary for sharing with me and your kind words, too 😉
Kristi Campbell says
Oh why oh why do these questions always happen when we’re so not prepared? Because, well KIDS! Tucker asked me about this and of course (!) he wanted more information… and I gave it to him (gulp). We talked about how the dad pollinates the mom (gross, right? but he’d learned that at school), and bought that book “Where do babies come from” – he only wanted to read a little then said “I think I can wait for the rest until I’m older.” LOL I left it in his room in case he wants to read it in private but pretty sure he’s not going to pick it up again for a couple of years. Good luck! 🙂
I can’t explain how much I love this! I can completely see the scene! I have had to have the talk and have been asked, “If surgery got me out of your tummy, what kind of surgery put me in THERE?!”. HAHAHAHA!
Luckily, my son likes animal documentaries and had a subtle understanding of mammal reproduction!
AnnMarie John says
I was literally thinking of writing a similar post today. On the radio the DJ was talking about some new trend where parents are now “hiring” others to come out and talk to their children about the birds and the bees. Apparently, there was some ad where a couple was looking for someone to talk to their kids, and I was like “what?”. Madison hasn’t asked, but I’ve spoken to my older kids and we were very open. They asked questions, and I didn’t lie or make anything up and they got it. I guess it also helps that there’s sex-ed in school as well. (http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/children-sex-the-talk-bath-childcareuk-parenting-a8231346.html) I had to look it up for you before I hit publish.
Omg, I cannot believe there is a service for that. But then again, there seems to be a service for pretty much everything nowadays. That said, I agree honesty is a big thing and sex ed doesn’t hurt either! 🙂
Thats the thing about this bloghop… to a casual passerby, it’s a fun writing exercise each week; to a Reader it (can) also be a source of viewpoints and information; to the participants its often a sharing among friends, a glimpse into lives, different and diverse.
Good TToT, Janine
I am so with you and agree totally it is a wonderful glimpse into friends lives indeed 🙂
It kind of makes me laugh because kids always do seem to ask the “big” questions when we are never expecting it…your girls are still at such an innocent age — so cute! I’m having “bigger” talks with my boys about safe sex, etc and it can be uncomfortable, but so so necessary!! Wishing you luck and wish me luck too — we all need it! 🙂
Aw, Emily I wish you tons of luck, too!! 🙂
DIANE H ROARK says
She is so young! I could see her asking about Santa but not the talk. My husband and I sat our kids down before they ask about it. They were each around 13 and not 7. The talk was normally on their 13th birthday. They were open and wanted to listen to what we had to say. My husband and I both did the talk together for both our boys and girls which I would highly recommend.
Diane, I am with you on this feeling young to me. But apparently kids are going through stuff like this at younger ages than we did in the past. That said, I agree nice to do the talk together as a united front and appreciate you sharing from your experience, as well. Thanks, my friend 🙂
Gingi Freeman says
Oh boy!! Hahaha.. what a fun topic! We breed a lot of animals over here, so my kids have seen many critters being born.. they “where” the come from they are well aware of, but they have yet to ask the “how”… won’t THAT be a fun day! 😉 – http://www.domesticgeekgirl.com
Gingi, you are definitely a leg up so to speak. But nonetheless interesting conversation and I couldn’t agree more still on that 🙂
Seana Turner says
Yep, the questions come. I like the idea of just keeping the answer short and simple, and only answering the question they are asking. I remember being tempted to go too far, and that wasn’t really necessary. Keep talking about and agree about staying calm!
I agree and have to try to remind myself not to say more than necessary, too.
I haven’t yet! We were instructed to get a book called, “It’s Not the Stork.” I did but haven’t used it yet. With so many of her friends having two dads or two moms, I needed a pretty comprehensive book! I dread that day..
That sounds like a great book and I know though wasn’t thinking the day would be this soon in all honesty.
We’ve had the talk (we better have – they are 16 and 19!), but the key is to keep having the discussions as they grow. Always revisit it as their questions and needs change. Two pieces of advice: the car is a great place to have these conversations (it seems to be less embarrassing for all parties), and only answer what is asked! No need to give a child more information than they can handle at that time. And it’s easier on you too.
Thank you so much, Dana and will definitely keep both of your pieces of advice in mind now, too ?
Catherine Gacad says
i wish you luck…i can’t even imagine having that conversation. honestly, i didn’t have the conversation with my own parents.
if you don’t talk about it, it won’t happen…was kind of my parents’ philosophy which is so ridiculous.
Thanks Catherine and I definitely am hopeful that I am ready now for when this becomes the reality.