Welcome back to Finish The Sentence Friday Blog Hop (FTSF). We give you a sentence and you finish it (however long or short you’d like). Please feel free to link up and follow any or all of our hostesses, which are below.
And now for this week’s sentence to finish: “I wasn’t really myself when I…“
And the next sentence to finish: “If I had a magic wand, the first thing I’d do is…”
I wasn’t really myself when I….
When I was hospitalized and put on bed rest during my pregnancy with Lily.
I remember that weekend before perfectly. It was Emma’s first birthday. We had the big family 1st birthday party.
In hindsight, I realize now this celebration was more for us (she doesn’t remember this or anything from this time in her life), but still had to do it.
And actually the Monday before I had just hit the 20th week mark in my pregnancy and had been told that Lily was indeed a girl by my sonographer by telling me, “Brothers are nice, but sisters are the best and Emma is going to be a big sister.”
So going into her party 5 months pregnant with another little girl measuring perfectly was the icing on the cake for me.
I recall the setup and celebration. It was a beautiful, warm summer day. Perfect for the pool party we threw.
It went fast, but didn’t sit still that whole day or the weekend either.
Monday morning hit and I still on the go with trying to organize all the gifts Emma got, as well as straighten up her nursery.
I took a bathroom break and when I wiped there it was-blood. Wasn’t much, but definitely there and panicked.
I had never bled or spotted in my first pregnancy. So this was definitely new to me.
I told Kevin, who was off from work. He told me to call my OB, which I did.
I got an appointment immediately for that morning.
By the time I got there, the spotting had stopped and it was as if I imagined it. I was told that my doctor did believe me though and to take it easy. I asked if going to a movie would be considered “taking it easy”. My doctor told me that as long as I was sitting than it should be fine. We ended up seeing Despicable Me that afternoon, while Emma napped (grandma stayed there while we did this). All seemed ok now or so I thought.
However, I had two more instances where I spotted and by the third time in less then two weeks, I was indeed hospitalized, where I admit I cried to all the nurses that I missed my baby. I had just had the pictures printed from Emma’s first birthday and showed them to all that saw me while I was in the hospital. See, I had never been away from her overnight before this and was totally lost without her.
Yet, this was the first time I distinctly remembered feeling like I was indeed a mother to two. On one hand, I missed Emma and was worried about her not having me, but on the other hand I was so scared and worried about my other little girl even though she wasn’t here in the flesh yet.
Thankfully, I was only in over night, but I was put on bed rest for the the next month due to being found to having placenta previa. The truth is the whole experience felt surreal and I wasn’t truly myself for it. I had help with my mom, who watched Emma during the day and Kevin in the evenings at night during my month of bed rest. But it was truly so hard not to be able to be hands on with my little girl, but deep down I knew why, but still my mommy guilt was over time. Just so happy that she was indeed too young to remember this time.
However in hindsight now, I thank god everyday that this experience is behind me and that Lily was born perfect and healthy at 39 weeks, as well as the fact that she is a perfect little girl on her way to being 3 years old. As well as, that both girls truly love one another so very much!
So how about you, when were you not yourself??
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findingninee says
Janine, I was put on bedrest, too, at 26 weeks and wanted to GO CRAZY because it was so hard and so sucky and ugh. I almost didn't even believe them that I needed it, you know? I'm so glad for both of us that our babies were born just fine and perfectly perfect.
Janine Huldie says
I totally know Kristi and seriously the only reason I complied was because at least on bed rest, I could be in my own house and sneak peeks at Emma during the day when my mom would bring her down to our part of the house and snuggle with her at night when Kevin came home in our bed. And yes I am so glad that we both went on to have our babies and everything turned out so well after all.
Sarah says
The first time I left my daughter overnight I was a complete wreck – without the pregnancy hormones and pregnancy scare. So glad everything ended up okay! That must have been so frightening.
My recent post The Audacity of Vulnerability and Authenticity
Janine Huldie says
Thanks so much Sarah and I know I still hate leaving my girls. I think after that I really will never forget that feeling ever!
Sandra Sallin says
Whew, I'm so glad it turned out so well. How lovely to have two beautiful healthy little girls. You are indeed blessed.
My recent post THE WORLD’S BEST CHEESECAKE RECIPE
Janine Huldie says
Aww, thank you so much Sandra and I can't help, but agree with you that I am truly blessed to have two beautiful, healthy girls after all of what I did go through.
jenkehl says
Oh Janine. This is such a beautiful post, to see the love you have for your girls. I can't imagine what you went through. I never slept a night away from Isaiah until BlogHer this year! And he was 7! It took every ounce of strength to not think about it. I am so happy for you that it all turned out alright. you're an awesome mom!
My recent post Snacks of Desperation
Janine Huldie says
Thank you so much Jen and honestly that is a huge reason I didn't even look further into BlogHer, because I knew I couldn't be away from my girls that long. Hopefully the next one will be closer where I can go, but come home to see my kids. I probably sound crazy, but I just hate leaving them and think this has so much to still do with it.
gigigirl says
I remember that well and so glad Lily was born a healthy baby. I love the photos of Emma as a baby and Lily and Emma in a sister hug. So cute! xxoo
Janine Huldie says
Aunt Gloria, you and me both. And thank you as always. Love you xoxo!!! 🙂
gigigirl says
Love you too……xxoo
Janine Huldie says
Oh you now we do, too!! 🙂
Jean says
I experienced something similar with my second child. Too many complications throughout made me so guilty and sad when I couldn't be the mom I wanted to be to my firstborn. I would have been out of my mind at 20 weeks in the hospital away from my baby.
My recent post All Me
Janine Huldie says
Jean, I really was a basket case and I cried off and on for the whole 24 hours hours I was hospitalized and away from Emma. My husband thought I was crazy and my doctor, who is a miracle worker, tried to talk me down and tell me that I needed to take care of myself and the baby now. I knew that deep down, but still was nothing short of mess being away from Emma. I am so sorry you too had a similar experience with your second, but think you can agree it makes you take nothing for granted now.
Ruchira says
Gosh…it sure must be heart rendering to have your baby at home and you in the hospital.
I am glad your mom was there for ya!
I had a reverse incident…where after my baby was delivered, he had to be in NICU while I was discharged. Gosh, my heart tore to leave that few days old infant.
Happy Friday, J9.
Voted for ya!
Janine Huldie says
I am so sorry Ruchira, you had the reverse and that truly was a fear with my second that she would be born way too early. I had early labor tests from 22 weeks to 35 weeks just to make sure. My doctor was very thorough and left no stone unturned (I thank god for him). Thank you as always and Happy Friday to you, too!!
stephsprenger says
Oh, you have survived so much between that and the colicky baby! What a trooper! And I can only imagine how hard it was for you to be away from Emma that night- you are so right that you were reacting as a mother of two!
My recent post My Seven-Year-Old and I Grow Up
Janine Huldie says
Thanks seriously Stephanie. I really sometimes can't believe how much Kevin and I went through in only a few short years. But when I do look at my girls I know it was all worth, but definitely a bit scary when we were going through it (not going to lie).
tinarobmorley says
That's a really sweet story. I'm so glad everything worked out fine. I love the photos! I love Melissa and Doug toys. My mom and step-dad bought Amanda a couple of things from them while we were in the States.
My recent post Make My Saturday Sweet – Blog Hop #46
Janine Huldie says
As I said to Karen, we love those toys too and was truly happy to be able to include that sale here. And thank you so much for your kind words and to be honest I am just so grateful that everything did turn out so well int he end.
Karen says
I LOVE buying melissa and doug products for bdays…the best toys, puzzles, games ever.
Okay…now…HOLY POOP Janine…I can't imagine. Even if we did have the money and wanted to try, Tony wouldn't let me have another. With only one last chance at IVF, but he is more worried that I could be hospitalized, have a c-section again and not make it through so well this time. I remember my mom saying that I could have stroked out on the table because of my high blood pressure…glad I was just focused on getting my baby out.
I can't imagine being torn between two babies…two children. I can only imagine how hard it was to leave Emma but also worry about Lilly. A mother's love just multiplies…and you are a stronger woman for it. YOU ROCK JANINE (Hugs and Kisses)
My recent post I CAME OUT STRONGER and WISER
Janine Huldie says
Karen, we love Melissa and Doug. My brother actually introduced us to the toys as they sell them at AC Moore (he is the stock manager). So, when I saw this sale, I knew I had to share. And I know really couldn't go through that again at all either Karen. Trust me, I thank god each every day that in the end it turned out so well, but at 21 weeks, I was freaking from the inside out and never want to have that feeling again in my life if I don't have to. And YOU ROCK and hugs and kisses right back at you, too!!! 🙂 xoxo!!
massholemommy says
A good friend of mine had that & her daughter ended up being born at 36 weeks or something like that. How scary, but I am glad everything turned out ok and she was absolutely perfect.
My recent post Santa’s Village (Day Two)
Janine Huldie says
Thanks Robin and just happy that everything went ok for your friend in the end, too. Very scary though indeed.
Eddy says
Such a difficult time Janine but as you say thankfully all turned out well and you have two beautiful daughters !!!I think that times like these certainly make us sit up and value life. Thank you again Janine and enjoy your day.
Eddy.
Janine Huldie says
So true Eddy and thank you so much for your kind words. Enjoy your day now, too!! 🙂
Undiagnosed but okay says
I cannot imagine bedrest or having to rely on others. But your reward was definitely worth it!
My recent post Proper attire
Janine Huldie says
Kerri, it was definitely very challenging, but you are right the reward was well worth it in the end!! 🙂
Rosey says
I love the happy ending. 🙂 I had to have sonograms every other week w/my daughter, they thought something was wrong with her because of a white spot on the first picture. Several times my OB/GYN and my specialist suggested that I consider terminating the pregnancy. She's in perfect health, 14-yrs. old and wonderful. The OB/GYN is no longer my OB/GYN.
My recent post The Case of the Non-Growing Surprise Seeds
Janine Huldie says
Rosey, I thank god that the OB I had right before I got pregnant successfully with Emma (who I was with when I had a chemical pregnancy) was no longer my doctor at this point. My doctor was and still is the best. He was there for me every step of the way and don't know what I would have done without him. I credit him for bringing Lily into this world healthy and perfect. I am so sorry you had that experience, but so happy to hear you changed doctors. And yay to a perfectly wonderful healthy 14 year old daughter!! 🙂
Kenya G. Johnson says
What a sweet post. You are so blessed to have had your mom close to you. Though I know in the same situation my mom would have moved here. 😉 I know that the bleeding was a scary thing. I spotted with both pregnancy. The first one ending in a miscarriage. So when it happened with Christopher (several times) I was devastated. Everything was fine – no bed rest needed, not complications.
The pictures are adorable.
My recent post I'll worry about that tomorrow…
Janine Huldie says
Kenya, I am not going to lie, I know I was so lucky and still am to have my mom so close by to help when I need. And I am so very sorry that you too had a miscarriage before having Christopher. I truly feel for you and know as I said to Linda first hand how loss shapes us. Thank you so much for sharing with me and for also linking with us again today. Always so happy to have you join us!! 🙂
tamaralikecamera says
I really felt that, a lot. Scarlet and Des have bigger age differences so when he was born, she wasn't a baby anymore. So on one hand we could have back and forth conversations. On the other hand, oh boy did it hurt to hear her pain and fears. Des had to go to the NICU for a week and boy did I feel like a mom of two. I'd say goodbye to him on the monitors and race home to put her to bed. Then I'd race back to the hospital to nurse. It got worse when he was transferred to the NICU for his antibiotics because that was a half hour from my house. I thought the ten minutes of shuttling back and forth was a lot. All is well now and we're all together as a family of four. I remember how fast I became a mom of two, though.
My recent post So Big! (A Summer Memoir)
Janine Huldie says
Oh I just totally felt for your reading all you went through when Des was first born. I was so fearful of having Lily early (really early). My doctor though I may have had her as early as 24 weeks when the spotting started at 21 weeks. We had frank conversations about viability being 24 weeks and what I may be in store for if that actually happened. Trust me I was on pins and needles for so long and still was in complete shock when I made it to 39 weeks and needed to be induced, because she seriously was staying put. But I think you are right if Emma had been older, my guilt would have been even worse over all this and was just telling my mom I thank god Emma really doesn't remember any of this. That said, it sounds like you did the best you could for being a mother two perfect little angels and seriously thank you for sharing with me your experience here! 🙂
NuggetOnABudget says
I'm glad you decided to write about your experience of what happened during your pregnancy with Lily here! I had spotting with Sofia in the first trimester and it freaked me out because I had a miscarriage before being pregnant with Sofia, and that was what happened during the miscarriage. Luckily, everything was fine. I remember you telling me about leaving Emma to be in the hospital ~ I wouldn't of had been myself, either. Just being away from your baby and not knowing what's going on with your other baby, that's scary. Of course I'm glad that everything turned out fine and that you have those two lovely little girls! xoxo 🙂
My recent post five among friends ~ week 11 questions.
Janine Huldie says
Thank you so much Kera and seriously this was the first thing that I thought of when I read the sentence and knew I needed to share. Sounds crazy, but I go with my gut usually with finishing the sentences on Fridays now and this was what I knew in my gut to be something that really shaped me and I was definitely not myself for (if that makes sense). I am also so glad that evetything turned out so good with Sophia and seriously so excited for you now, too. Any day now and cannot wait!! 🙂 xoxo!!
Rita Abitabile says
Beautifully written, Janine. I lived through it with you and Kevin and Emma and tears still came to my eyes reading this. You are so fortunate to have Dr. Mack and that you and Kevin have two beautiful children. I love you more. Always, Mom
Janine Huldie says
Thanks os much mom seriously, I do not know what I would have done without you then and still now. Love you, too!! 🙂
Chris @HyeThymeCafe says
That must have been very frightening, especially being so far along by then. Not that it's ever easy of course, but I would have to assume the earlier in the pregnancy the "easier" if there was going to be a bad outcome. So glad it all worked out. 🙂
My recent post Finish the Sentence Friday "I used to love…"
Janine Huldie says
Chris, you are right this was so very frightening. I don't want to diminish anyone going through anything like this at any stage in their pregnancy, but at 21 weeks, i was so scared, because I knew form all I had told I was so close to viability with the baby, but yet so far away from being safe and out the woods, too. Thank you so much tough for your kindness and I couldn't agree more that I am so very happy that it all did work out the end!
Linda Roy says
I've had miscarriages and I know how scary that is. Thank God everything was fine and your sweet Lily came into the world healthy!! Such a sweet post Janine.
My recent post Why Vacations With Kids Are Like Orgasmus Interruptus
Janine Huldie says
Linda, I am so sorry that you have experienced miscarriages. My closest to that was a chemical pregnancy at 5 weeks right before I got pregnant with Emma.It was early enough on, but still it broke my heart. So, at 21 weeks with Lily to be told that I could possibly lose her my heart near broke. But like you said when I look at her now, I am just so thankful that she is here and pretty near perfect to me at least. Thanks for sharing with me and for your kind words, too!
Billybuc says
I drew a complete blank on this question and came up with no answer at all. It was interesting reading the others, though, so glad I stopped by.
It's Friday and that's always a reason for celebration.
Have a great weekend Janine!
bill
Janine Huldie says
Oh no worries Bill ad i know a few others who had trouble coming up with an ending to this sentence, too. So, you weren't alone. And you are so right it is Friday and so high time to celebrate!! 🙂
tiffanigoff says
That was a good one and I love the picture of your girls together at the end. Bed rest during pregnancy is the worst! xoxo tiffani
My recent post The picnic is this Sunday…
Janine Huldie says
Oh thank you Tiffani and I know bed rest during pregnancy really was the worst!! xoxo!!
realhousewife says
So difficult to be away from them when they are babies. Part of what is so painful is you can't explain to them that "you'll be back in one day" or pacify them with our rational explanations for where we are or what we have to do:)
Janine Huldie says
Kelly, so true and must say it was extremely difficult to explain to Emma, but as I said earlier to others here, too I am just so thankful she doesn't really remember any of this.
Michelle Liew says
Glad that the girls are getting on well,J9
My recent post Aunt Em’s 15 steps for managing relationships with colleagues
Janine Huldie says
Oh thanks o much Michelle as always!! 🙂
@Noel_Rocs says
what a beautifully-written story; it's something that's really scary/emotional, but you told it so well, that it's like I was there with you (you're a great writer). I'm so glad everything turned out well and I love your photos! I thought your girls were twins!–so nice to learn more about your family (things I didn't know about you). I also couldn't stand the thought of being away overnight from my Noah (especially, in a hospital where we feel helpless) – your children really are a part of your heart and stay on your mind, always.
My recent post Tell Me Why You Homeschool.
Janine Huldie says
Tiffany, I seriously san’t say hank you enough for all your kind words here. And yes I couldn’t agree more my kids (as crazy as things get sometimes are truly a huge part of my heart. You said that quite perfectly!!
@TaoOfPoop says
Janine, I can't imagine what you went through during that time, and I'm just so glad it was for only one night. You wrote powerfully about the conflicting feelings that you had. They make perfect sense to me. Here's to happy endings! 🙂
My recent post This Fragile, Mortal Coil
Janine Huldie says
Thanks o much Rachel and here is to happy endings indeed!! 🙂
The Dose of Reality says
Oh, man! Placenta previa is scary. I had it with Lucy. Gah.
I'm so glad that it all worked out well and you both were healthy! I can't imagine being on bedrest like that. It always sounds like torture… and even worse when you have a 1 year old! Thank goodness for the awesome support from your mom and husband!!! –Lisa
My recent post Pinterest Nightmare #315: Elliptical Machine Desk
Janine Huldie says
Oh Lisa, I am so sorry you too had placenta pre via with Lucy and know then you know all too well just how scary it is. Just so thankful that everything went so well int he end for you, too!! 🙂
stephanie2006 says
I SO understand your feelings on that, Janine! I had to leave the girls overnight for the first time when Lily was 3 and Violet 13 months old, and it was really hard. Especially because I knew that Violet woudl wake up at night and want me. Poor hubby was up for three hours with her, trying to calm her down. That was the only time I was away from them for more than a day! Just can't do it..
My recent post What Only Did I Think??
Janine Huldie says
I know Stephanie and after this I totally can't bring myself to do this at all. And thankfully, Emma was good for my husband, but still worried the whole time!!
katbiggie says
I hear ya girl! Being on bedrest sucks enough, but especially when you have other little ones you miss and want to take care of!
My recent post Music {Moxie Thursday – Health/Fitness Linky}
Janine Huldie says
Thanks Alexa and I know you can relate and probably know even better then myself on this!!
Dani Ryan says
I cannot imagine how hard it must have been to be on bedrest with a toddler running around! I'm one of those people that has to be doing something all the time, and I'm so hands-on with our daughter that that would've been really awful for me. I'm so glad it was "only" for a month!!!!! I bet you kind of wish you'd taken advantage of the time to sit and do nothing now though, right? HA!!!
My recent post 10 things that annoy me about summer
Janine Huldie says
Dani, I honestly would love just an ounce of that free time, because you are right I don't really know what it looks like at all anymore. And I am so with you on needing to be hand-ons and in control, so this truly was so very hard for me.
@SeriouslyKateG says
The picture of the two of them hugging is adorable!!! This is such a precious story and testimony. 🙂
Glad to be linking back up!
My recent post Being in Labor Makes Me Sick
Janine Huldie says
Oh thanks as always Kate and always very happy to have you join in with us!! 🙂
nataliedeyoung says
Oh, that must have been so difficult! Very glad it had a happy ending. 🙂
Janine Huldie says
Thanks so much Natalie!! 🙂
cgacad says
Agreed, sisters definitely are the best! I was hanging out with a friend of mine the other day. She is very close to her brother and she said, "I think he is going to get engaged." I responded, "Well he'll definitely tell you right?" And she said that they don't talk about stuff like that! I was astounded because I know that they're really close.
Janine Huldie says
I know Catherine, I love my brother but he is definitely not as into sharing with me and tell it all I would share it all, too!! And love seeing my girls together as sisters should be!! 🙂
Michelle Liew says
Ooh! Nice topic for this coming FTSF!
My recent post Sorry is indeed the hardest word!
Janine Huldie says
Michelle, FTSF is being postponed until next Friday, because of Labor Day. I sent out a newsletter and tweeted it. So, if you write this post, make sure that you don't do it for this weekend, because all 4 of us hosts concurred to take the Friday off from the linkup.