With filled out paperwork, copies of utility bills, taxes on the house, driver’s license and a copy of Emma’s birth certificate, I was totally prepared for the activity at hand was – signing her up for Kindergarten.
But as physically prepared as I was with the actual kindergarten registration taking a mere five minutes, mentally I was anything but.
However, I walked through the process effortlessly. I came home, continued my day’s chores and even got both girls to pre-school on time.
But once back where quiet reigned, I had time to process the magnitude of the signup process to become an elementary school student and now entering the public school system for better or worse, I was definitely feeling all sorts of emotions.
On the one hand, I am happy that she is indeed ready to go. Yet this is a kid, who has told me repeatedly in the last year or so, that she can’t wait to go to Kindergarten on the big, yellow bus to school without me having to drive her anymore.
On the other hand, she is old enough, growing up right before my very eyes quicker then I could have ever imagined. Seriously, where did these last 5 years go?
Five years ago, she wasn’t even six pounds in weight at birth, weighing less then a bag of flour!
I close my eyes to see me laying on the couch with her only days old, because she wouldn’t sleep anywhere else in the wee hours of the morning, but on my chest after having had a colic fit.
Not that I miss those early days of crazy late nights and next day morning hang overs, but still I cherished that time with her. Even can hear myself back then telling her it was Ok, because I loved feeling her warm, little body against mine knowing someday she would definitely be too big to do this with me anymore.
Well, I blink and I am back in the present. She definitely is too big to sleep on my chest curled up into a little ball with her tiny baby bottom in the air.
Those days are now definitely long gone. As I write this I have tears in my eyes, not because I am unhappy that she is growing up in her own little person, but because I mourning those early days that she was all mine.
Now, even though she still does need me (I am still her mom), Emma is definitely spreading her wings, doesn’t solely rely on me for her every need anymore. This is the little girl that makes sure to tell me many times that, “I can do it myself!”
Granted I am again still here if she does need any help, but the point is I am more or less the person who guides her along the way now versus in the early days where I barely had her out of my arms on any given day let alone out of my mind’s eye for even a minute.
See, I don’t remember the last time we have been separated for more then the 2 1/2 hours of pre-school daily (There are moments, especially during her tantrums that I wish for more time alone, as well as peace and quiet, but I digress).
Even though this doesn’t happen until September, I am now preparing myself for this occurrence and know it is the right thing for Emma (that is what babies and kids do – grow up), but still feel like I am on borrowed time and on the precipice of a whole new chapter in our story or book with Emma entering Kindergarten.
Yet as my grandmother, would always say, “This too shall pass” and as my mom would say quoting her favorite group (The Beatles), “Let It Be”. So, I will try my best to do both for Emma, because as her mom, I will be there for her as she is indeed growing up, as well as lead and guide her forever and always.
massholemommy says
I cried, literally, when I signed my oldest up for kindergarten. We have full day in our town and I thought I was going to lose him forever, but it was ok 🙂
My recent post Battleship Cove
Janine Huldie says
Robin, it is full day here, too. So, definitely feels a bit like I am losing her for many hours on end, too.
Amanda Love ~ Growing Up Madison says
Oh Janine I remember those days with my older kids. I always cried and I think dropping off my oldest son Kyle was the hardest. He didn’t go to preschool like his siblings and was always at home with me so that first day of school we both cried like babies. I cant imagine signing up Madison in 3 years. I’m going to cherish all the time I have with her now. Emma will do great and so will you. I know it!!
Janine Huldie says
Thanks for sharing that Amanda. Emma has been in pre-school for both the 3 year old and 4 year old programs, but those both are only 2 1/2 hours a day with Kindergarten being all day long (8 full hours). So definitely a culture shock to me and not sure for her, but definitely me. So, I guess I am still a bit shell shocked on this one and hope you do enjoy all the time you have now with Madison and I am going to do this with both Emma and Lily while I can, too now.
ashleyinnc says
I know exactly what you mean. I feel like kindergarten really starts that letting go process in a major way. She will do great! Abby is in K this year and loves it. It is still a big change, though…hugs to you mama! :)-Ashley
My recent post Would You Rather Have: Oscar Style Or Oscar Arm Candy?
Janine Huldie says
Thank you so much Ashley for sharing that Abby is in Kindergarten and loving it. Truly helps to hear that and thanks for the hugs, too!! 🙂
dishofdailylife says
She is going to love it, but I know what you are saying. It's like a whole new chapter of independence. And the time goes by so fast…I remember when my oldest was first going off to kindergarten and now he's a junior in high school! Enjoy every moment!
My recent post Pie for Dinner! 14 Recipes to Please Your Comfort Food Cravings
Janine Huldie says
The time does goes so fast and seriously still can't believe how fast it has so far. Thanks so much for your kind words and for sharing about when you sent your oldest to kindergarten. And I will definitely try to enjoy every moment now for sure.
Nicole @ Work in Sweats Mama says
Ohhhh, Janine, I had tears welling up in my eyes as I read this post. My baby will be 5 this fall, and I'm struggling with the same emotions. So proud to see her growing up, testing limits, and showing her independence. At the same time, I just want to hold her tight and freeze time for a bit. I think it's hitting me even more because my little one is about to turn 2, so there's no baby in the house any more. As much as I don't miss some of the crazy parts of the first year, I do miss having a sweet baby sleeping on my chest. Best feeling in the world.
My recent post 5 Ways Motherhood Makes Me a Better Runner
Janine Huldie says
I know Nicole, there really is nothing better then that feeling, but I am also with you that I don't miss some of that early craziness either. Definitely, a double edged sword and totally bittersweet, I suppose. I am seriously glad it isn't just me sending my oldest off to Kindergarten next fall and we may need to get a a support group together of us just to get through it sounds like and by the way I too have no more babies with my oldest being almost 3 1/2 now, too.
MelChi says
Awww, that's such a huge milestone! Don't worry, you've still got many, many years ahead with your girls. Even many more before they hit their teens! 😉 Hope you're having a lovely day my friend!
My recent post 5 Things Every High School Student Should Have Been Taught in School
Janine Huldie says
Thanks Melanie and I am counting on having many more years to come still and wish you a wonderful day now, too!! 🙂
Billybuc says
A nice reflective piece from you, Janine. So nice to see. It is amazing how quickly time passes, and I understand why you found this such a profound moment. Well done my friend.
Janine Huldie says
Thanks Bill and I tell you I take to writing more from the heart as it comes to me. Will be honest sometimes, I am just too gosh darn busy doing my daily jobs and taking care of my family to get it all out there, but when I do I just can't turn it off, I suppose.
Karen says
I cried as I red this, I had to register Anthony for kindergarten too. It cried in the car over there and cried when we got home. I just can't believe that he is going to be in kindergarten next year. I am so excited, nervous, scared, thrilled, and ….geez, I'm all over with my emoitions. Why are they growing so fast Janine?
My recent post Would I Even Listen?
Janine Huldie says
Karen, I know it is going too fast and I too have been on the verge of tears lately thinking about it. Definitely feeling similar feelings as you described and so wishing that I could slow up time just slightly now. Hugs and know I am right there with you as I type this.
@Mrs_KarenC says
I forgot to tell you I finished THe Husband's Secret…and I was in floored. I had an idea of who "did it", but did not think all the "could have" and "should have" situations were in there. OMG…I was laughing, crying, and seething with rage. It really was such an amazing book and I don't know what I would have done in ANY of those situations.
My recent post Our Meal Plan Feb 23rd – March 1st
Janine Huldie says
I did see your comment on Goodreads and tried to comment back and it wouldn't let me on my iPad. So not sure why, but I know exactly what you mean and I was left reeling after The Husband's Secret. I totally don't know what I would have done either to be completely honest and think I would have had some hard decisions to make if that were the case.
notinjersey says
for me, the transition to first grade and a longer school day has been more meaningful than kindergarten…but it is always crazy to do the sign up and drop in days and see your baby getting ready for real school!!
My recent post I’m The Kind Of Mom Who
Janine Huldie says
That too does make sense and trust me Dara each step of the way, I will be lamenting here most likely.
storiesofourboys says
I think all mothers can relate to this! I so went through the same thing with both of my school age boys. I still wish they would tell me more details of their days, and we've been doing this for the years now. Thanks for sharing.
Janine Huldie says
My pleasure in sharing and thank you for stopping by today, as well as sharing a bit with me today, too!! 🙂
Rosey says
They seem so little don't they??? I watch my little guy go into the building and I still ohh and ahh he's so cute, and seems so young to be out of the house and away from me all day!!
My recent post Kia Has Come a Long Way! ($20 Amazon Gift Code Giveaway)
Janine Huldie says
They totally seem so little and even today I was driving both girls home from pre-school and Emma was in the backseat singing about the snow and she sounded so cute and so little. I thought this to myself and then realized she won't be for very long.
stephanie2006 says
Hugs to you, Janine! I'm so with you on everything you say. Maybe it's easier for me because Lily's mantra, almost from the day of her birth was "I'll do it myself". I couldn't imagine a more independent and headstrong girl than her, even though the arrival of Violet has turned her a little more cuddly and attached at times. Wishing you all the fun in the time to come, Janine!
My recent post Week In Review – Ten Things Of Thankful (37)
Janine Huldie says
Aww, thanks Stephanie for the hugs and your Lily and my Emma sound so similar with the first child, independent streak, because mine is definitely been little miss independent from way back.
day-with-kt.com says
Maybe because the toddler/preschool/early elementary was hard for me but when my boys started kindergarten I did OK. However, the first day that I dropped my oldest at the middle school I thought I was going to have a panic attack – I spent most of the day totally stressed at work. (he had a great day) And, then this year, I took that same son to high school for the first time and my baby to middle school – it was rough and I cried when I drove home – thankfully Chris was able to meet me for lunch that day!!!
I loved the little baby butt pictures when my boys were tiny!!
My recent post #Mania #Frenzy #Overload
Janine Huldie says
I was just tearing up reading your comment Kim and will say I have a feeling when I get to middle school and high school for my girls, I will most likely be a wreck also. God help me, I truly know they have to grow up, but that totally makes me feel so anxious and down thinking about them growing up this fast. Hugs to you and I know I too love those tiny baby butt in the air photos, too 🙂
tamaralikecamera says
I wonder if that will make it less difficult or not when you do it again for Lily.
I did it last week too and it made me feel all kinds of weepy. And of course, since we're such twins, I'll be writing about it this week too! On Wednesday, I believe, if I can pull it together.
Our girls will be five this July. What. The. Heck.
My recent post Too Darn Happy.
Janine Huldie says
I don't now to be honest and think it may be even harder in some ways, because she is my baby and we aren't having anymore, so when she goes to Kindergarten that really means we will not have anymore babies in our home ever (at least until grandkids). And now I can't wait to read your post, because I know we are truly such twins and have a feeling you will bring all these emotions to the forefront again for me on Wednesday all over again. And July really, how did 5 years come and go like that!!
Roaen says
Our little guy started kindergarten this year and I know how you feel. 🙁 The years have flown by.
My recent post Half Marathon Training, Week 4
Janine Huldie says
I know the years just keep on flying by here, too. Thanks for stopping by today and letting me know it isn't just me!
Dana says
It's a difficult transition, I know. It's hard to let your baby go out into the world. It doesn't get any easier, but that's our job, right? You'll get through it Janine, and Emma will love kindergarten!
My recent post Pitbulls and granola bars
Janine Huldie says
Totally are job Dana and still you are so right doesn't make it any easier. Thanks so much seriously and huge hugs to you!! 🙂
Lisa @ Golden Spoons says
It is a hard transition – so wonderful yet so tough to swallow. ((HUGS))
My recent post Sunday Supper – Triple Chocolate Bundt Cake
Janine Huldie says
Aww, thanks Lisa and I really appreciate your kind words and the hugs, too!! 🙂
The Vanilla Housewife says
I remember when my son when to kindergarten, oh how I cried! Remember to breathe in and breathe out as soon as she steps into the classroom. But if you are anything like me, you will smile, laugh, wave and cry at the same time but you won't be alone, I promise! LOL
Janine Huldie says
Jhanis, I probably won't be alone and so true about the range of emotions, because just writing this I felt all sorts of emotions crop up.
flemily says
Ah yes, the milestone of kindergarten – it's a big one! Last night I went to orientation at the high school for my 8th grader…they said to us that in a short 4 1/2 years, we'd be watching our kids sitting next to us graduate from high school! Now THAT freaked me out a bit! I'm sure you hear this ALL the time, but try to cherish these years when they are young as much as you can, because it truly goes way too fast.
My recent post Big Dude Is Learning To Drive…Everyone Take Cover!
Janine Huldie says
That probably would have made me get a bit teary eyed and definitely not ready to think of high school, graduation or college yet. But seriously, it does go way too fast and wish I could just find a way to slow it all down just a bit.
dianeroark says
Janine,
Kindergarten is a big step. It was hard on me with all my kids. Now, all of mine are in high school or will be soon. Time goes by so fast!
What a sweet precious picture of your cuddling her.
Have a great day!
Diane Roark
My recent post Pecan Pound Cake – Praline Sauce
Janine Huldie says
Thanks Diane and definitely does go way too fast. I am trying to enjoy each moment and cuddle I have now, before I know it they too will be in high school Have a great day, too 🙂
erinmcirish says
I feel your pain. It is so hard the first time that you sign them up for school! It's very emotional but just wait until the first day when you either drop her off or put her on the bus!!! hahaha hang in there, it's a huge step for a mom!
My recent post My 3 Sons
Janine Huldie says
I know you totally know and remember you sharing this with Ben when you did it last year. Thanks for the pep talk and seriously need it!! 🙂
another jennifer says
Such a huge milestone with so many mixed feelings. I remember it well. I'm about to sign up my youngest for kindergarten. I'm not sure which is more traumatic!
My recent post National #GrammarDay Haiku
Janine Huldie says
I am not sure either and next year, I will be signing up my baby and sure I will have my moments on this one, too!
gigigirl says
It is hard to wrap my head around Emma turning 5 and beginning kindergarten. I can understand your emotions….mixed for sure. Although we can remember our desire to grow up and be independent, it's quite another story when it's your child and great great niece! Emma is a chip off the old block and likes to "do it myself" and she will thrive and do well in kindergarten I know. And once you get used to the idea, you'll be OK too. Lily is still around to fill the gap….at least for another year. Good luck Emma. And come use my shoulder whenever you need it Janine. I'm here! This was beautifully written and the emotions came through loud and clear. Lots of love, Aunt Gloria
Janine Huldie says
Thank you so much for your kind words and support, Aunt Gloria. And I know truly hard for me to wrap my head around this and really does seem a bit surreal when I sit and think about it. Love you and hope you are having a good week so far!! xoxo 🙂
gigigirl says
You're welcome. And so far, so good for this week. xxoo
Janine Huldie says
Glad to here xoxo!!
Sandy_Ramsey says
Oh, it does happen so fast! Too fast, really. Just be prepared because the feelings won't be any better when it's Lily's turn. I don't say that to be mean, I promise. I just expected to feel like, "oh…no big deal, done this before and it was fine" when it came time to register Jake but no…
My recent post A Soundtrack Of My Life: The Short List
Janine Huldie says
Sandy, I know deep down I will probably have similar emotions for Lily, too, because ben thinking about it gets me a bit choked in the throat now. So, thank you for sharing and your two cents (totally appreciate it!). 🙂
Chris Carter says
Oh how you bring me back to that moment… yes! It's so hard and yet so amazing, isn't it? I just love love love this heartfelt mom moment…. oh how I do!!!
My recent post Dive Deeper- finding deep faith beyond shallow religion
Janine Huldie says
Chris, again thank you so much for all your lovely words to me here and I really just needed to share, vent and does totally help to know it isn’t just me on this. Hugs and love you so much for your friendship and more 🙂
shitastrophy says
Exciting times when you register that first child for school. Good luck!!
Janine Huldie says
Aww, thanks so much Alyson and I know very exciting, but so overwhelming to me, too.
Nellie says
Reading this has me all teary. I get it. You blogged EXACTLY how I feel. I am here to hold your hand! it really is a tough transition for mommas. But we will get through, they have been doing it for generations right? *sigh*
My recent post Weekly Wednesday Workout: Jump Squats
Janine Huldie says
Aww, Nellie, I will totally hold your hand and we so are here for each other. Seriously, I am glad to know I am not alone in going through this is the next year to come now and couldn't ask for a better friend to indeed hold my hand while we are going through this together now 🙂
Brittnei Washington says
Awww! This is so sweet! She was adorable that little! Wow I can't imagine what you are feeling. Hearing that she was barely saying too many words at 2 makes me feel even more at ease hearing this from another mom. I also factor in that JR is learning 2 languages, but at times, the thought runs in my mind about delays because many kids are saying much more at this age. I've been assured though that after 2 it gets interesting 🙂
My recent post Wordless Wednesday: 3 Years Ago Tomorrow….
Janine Huldie says
After two totally does get interesting and the things both my kids come out with could certainly fill up a book! 🙂
Lanaya says
Emma is indeed spreading her wings. I can't believe Kindergarden is just a short few months away. I do know how you feel as thinking one minute that you are absolutely prepared and then the next minute almost freaking out because it just seems like yesterday that she was that small little bundle with her butt in the air as she slept on your chest. I loved those moments.
Rey isn't quite there yet but you know and I know that we know we are SO alike and I too get it.
Love you mama. Hugs.
xoxo
Lanaya
Janine Huldie says
I know you do get it and can't thank you enough for taking time out of your crazy, busy day to come here be here for me. Love you and we will be here with Lily and Rey before we know it in the next year or so, too!! Hugs right back xoxo!! 🙂
Kenya G. Johnson says
Before you know it both your girls will be in school. My emotions quickly dried up at registration after I saw all the paperwork I had to fill out. At the time I didn't have a phone with "everything" in it. So I had to leave some stuff blank for not knowing phone numbers and addresses and come back. Here Kindergarten is a full day. They let them out 10 minutes earlier to get situated on the bus. Christopher road the bus and everything. I think the first day of school is the toughest 😉 (for the mom).
Janine Huldie says
I know it is truly a ridiculous amount of paperwork to fill out and seriously dread having to fill it out again next year for Lily, too. And you are right I am so worrying about my first day reactions already here!
Joann @EuchreFun says
Ahhh I remember those days …. My son is a senior in high school this year and I echo your words "where did these last 18 years go?" During these years of school I enjoyed being as involved as I could be. Enjoy this time with them 🙂 …. visiting from Weekend Blog Block Party.
My recent post Dessert – St. Patrick's Day Jello Salad
Janine Huldie says
Thanks you so much for visiting and sharing a bit with me today, Joann!! Hoping you are having a great weekend now, too!! 🙂
Rea says
Oh no, what am I gonna do when my son starts going to school?! I think I'm never gonna be ready to let him go.. I hope he will be ready and by then I think I'd be ready too.. 🙂 I'm sure you're gonna be proud of your daughter's milestone.. soon those tears will be tears of joy..
Janine Huldie says
Thanks Rea and I am trying to be proud and let her go, but still having my moments.
spiritedlife says
My son had been in preschool for a couple of years at a daycare, but when I sent him to kindergarten, I cried. I think it was a sign that he was growing up, becoming my big boy. Now he's in 4th grade! He's so smart and bright and I'm not sure I'm ready for middle school yet! I feel you and yes, this too shall pass. Thanks for linking up with Countdown in Style.
My recent post Countdown in Style {14} with Co-Hosts @Poekitten and @Redo_ItYourself
Janine Huldie says
I know it will pass, but still feel like at this point a bit overwhelming with what I am feeling. But thank you forgetting me know that it does get better. And so happy to join you again this past weekend :
catherine gacad says
emma's a big girl now! how time flies. my husband and i have been going to parties for our friends' kids and they are in elementary or high school. i'm kinda freaking out because our kid isn't even born yet and dean and i are already old! he jokes that he will be chasing our kid around the playground with a motorized wheelchair.
My recent post Update: 31 Weeks and Bed Rest
Janine Huldie says
Catherine, trust me you aren't that old at all and know that I was 32 when I first had Emma and totally didn't feel old, but to be honest 5 years later, I do feel old at times, but that is more just from the lack of sleep for those first years. I tell you can never really get back lost sleep, but that is a story for a different post 🙂