With filled out paperwork, copies of utility bills, taxes on the house, driver’s license and a copy of Emma’s birth certificate, I was totally prepared for the activity at hand was – signing her up for Kindergarten.
But as physically prepared as I was with the actual kindergarten registration taking a mere five minutes, mentally I was anything but.
However, I walked through the process effortlessly. I came home, continued my day’s chores and even got both girls to pre-school on time.
But once back where quiet reigned, I had time to process the magnitude of the signup process to become an elementary school student and now entering the public school system for better or worse, I was definitely feeling all sorts of emotions.
On the one hand, I am happy that she is indeed ready to go. Yet this is a kid, who has told me repeatedly in the last year or so, that she can’t wait to go to Kindergarten on the big, yellow bus to school without me having to drive her anymore.
On the other hand, she is old enough, growing up right before my very eyes quicker then I could have ever imagined. Seriously, where did these last 5 years go?
Five years ago, she wasn’t even six pounds in weight at birth, weighing less then a bag of flour!
I close my eyes to see me laying on the couch with her only days old, because she wouldn’t sleep anywhere else in the wee hours of the morning, but on my chest after having had a colic fit.
Not that I miss those early days of crazy late nights and next day morning hang overs, but still I cherished that time with her. Even can hear myself back then telling her it was Ok, because I loved feeling her warm, little body against mine knowing someday she would definitely be too big to do this with me anymore.
Well, I blink and I am back in the present. She definitely is too big to sleep on my chest curled up into a little ball with her tiny baby bottom in the air.
Those days are now definitely long gone. As I write this I have tears in my eyes, not because I am unhappy that she is growing up in her own little person, but because I mourning those early days that she was all mine.
Now, even though she still does need me (I am still her mom), Emma is definitely spreading her wings, doesn’t solely rely on me for her every need anymore. This is the little girl that makes sure to tell me many times that, “I can do it myself!”
Granted I am again still here if she does need any help, but the point is I am more or less the person who guides her along the way now versus in the early days where I barely had her out of my arms on any given day let alone out of my mind’s eye for even a minute.
See, I don’t remember the last time we have been separated for more then the 2 1/2 hours of pre-school daily (There are moments, especially during her tantrums that I wish for more time alone, as well as peace and quiet, but I digress).
Even though this doesn’t happen until September, I am now preparing myself for this occurrence and know it is the right thing for Emma (that is what babies and kids do – grow up), but still feel like I am on borrowed time and on the precipice of a whole new chapter in our story or book with Emma entering Kindergarten.
Yet as my grandmother, would always say, “This too shall pass” and as my mom would say quoting her favorite group (The Beatles), “Let It Be”. So, I will try my best to do both for Emma, because as her mom, I will be there for her as she is indeed growing up, as well as lead and guide her forever and always.