This Mom's Confessions

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MotherHood Is Joyous and Fragile

Filed Under: Being a mom, BLOG, Family Life, One Word Challenge, parenting, parenting two kids Tagged With: , , ,

If you are a mother, then chances are you are familiar and versed well with every so often allowing yourself to indulge in some mom quiet time while your kid independently entertains themselves.  

And yet it is this momentary lapse of motherhood judgement that lulls you into a false sense of security to actually think that you could enjoy some much needed me time that most undoubtedly gets interrupted by your kid’s piercing screaming.

This is quite simply, because as much joy as there is in being a mother, moms all need even just five minutes to ourselves.  

Yet chances are if your kids are too quiet practically right under your nose, Murphy’s Law will counteract this by overturning it with that same kid doing something to harm themselves physically.  These are the times, in motherhood when your kid hurts themselves, that are so very fragile.

Motherhood, This Mom's Confessions

You know what I am throwing down here. If you are a mom, then chances are you are well versed in all that can go wrong when you do take your eyes off your kids to steal a few quiet moments for yourself.

This is undoubtedly a Mom Fail Moment.  See as my great-grandmother always used to say about motherhood, beware of kids you cannot hear or see, who are having too much fun, because someone will inevitably get hurt.

And yet no matter how hard we successfully keep our babies safe for 9+ months, when pregnant, once they are born into this world, then it is fair game for us to make all sorts of mistakes, including those that take place during the 30 plus seconds that you might take your eyes off them.

Even in those very early days, when we wouldn’t dare take our eyes off them even for a few seconds, the mistakes were on the smaller scale, such as putting the baby down too soon only to have them screaming their head off to just be held.  

Granted at the time this may seem like biggest err of judgement this side of the grand Mississippi, but as our kids get older, we realize the old saying, “Little children, little problems, Big Children, Big Problems” brings more merit to it than you could ever have imagined.

I still remember the first time I laid eyes on both my girls freshly out of my womb and the overwhelming joyous feeling that both were just magnificently perfect. I also recall thinking foolishly that there would never come a moment that I would indeed take my eyes off of them.

And yet as the years have gone by, I still look at both my girls with those same motherly rose colored eyes with all the joy that being their mother has bestowed upon me, but still they are indeed fragile having each garnered their own imperfections both physically and emotionally, as well.  Both hurt equally and are truly hard to stomach either way for me, as I know I have totally made my fair share of mistakes on both grounds with on my watch with them.

Being a #mom is both joyous and fragile #1Word #parenting @TheGoldenSpoons @Blogitudes

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Yet, the physical ones are indeed generally easier to spot in all honesty and have usually occurred during those times when I am there, but most likely not having all eyes on them literally as it becomes harder to do this the older they get, because quite simply they are now in constant motion versus those newborn days when they couldn’t even roll over let alone run all amok all over the house.  

For instance, my older daughter got a cut on her face from simply bumping into her bedroom door handle as she was getting up from the floor where they were playing that her sister closed when she wasn’t paying attention recently. By the way this is all I saw overtime as I looked at her little cherub face in the aftermath and yet within days my same girl had her spring pictures at school.  

Of course, that cut was front and center in my mind’s eye when I got those pictures back, as well.  All I can say is thank god for photoshop and my knowledge of how to fix this slight imperfection for the pictures to not forever immortalize this accident.  Now if I only I could figure out how to photoshop life’s mistakes in general.

Another instance occurred only a few days ago when my younger daughter slipped on her Disney princess tiara dress up dress that she didn’t clean up after playing with and ended up with a broken wrist at only 4 years old.

I knew immediately by the scream she let out that this was going to end badly, even after she swore hours later, as well as the following morning that she was fine with no physical evidence, such as swelling to indicate that it was anything more than a bad sprain.  However, I could see that she was holding her right arm more tentatively, almost in the air not wanting to put pressure on it. 

I wish to god I had been wrong with my gut feeling on this, but still words cannot even begin to explain the enormity of my feelings upon seeing my innocent, four year old with a huge hot pink cast on her tiny arm for the first time.  Trust me the lump in my throat, as well as the tears streaming down my face, spoke volumes.

Still these are just two instances that prove that even though I know full well that I can’t always keep my eyes on them constantly when they are in my home (never mind when they aren’t) practically under my nose that I also can’t always can’t keep my kids safe or unharmed no matter how I try, because accidents and mistakes will happen as they grow up since I can’t hover or put them in a bubble to keep them safe.

See being a mother, as joyous as it is, is also so very fragile with moments such as the above instances that have occurred, which can blindside even the best mother, because quite simply moms are just human and most definitely not perfect. 

So we moms need to cut ourselves a break on this, because the true irony is that behind every great kid(s), is still mostly likely a mom who is pretty surely convinced she somehow is screwing it all up with the same kid(s) that view their mom as the one person who can fix all that does ails them.

Motherhood, This Mom's Confessions

This post was written for the One Word Blog Linkup that is hosted by Lisa of The Golden Spoons (who is off this week on vacation), Marcia of Blogitudes and yours truly, too.

The words for this week are: Joy or Fragile; Please feel free to linkup and join us this week.

[inlinkz_linkup id=522934 mode=1]

Motherhood, This Mom's Confessions

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About Janine

Janine is a published author of the books, The Mother of All Meltdowns and Only Trollops Shave Above the Knee. She has been featured on The Huffington Post, Mamapedia, Today Parenting Team and SheKnows. She also runs her own graphic design company at J9 Designs.

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Nellie @ Brooklyn Active Mama says

    Oh Janine! These kids are our little hearts running around outside of our bodies! I often have the boys end up with injuries under my watch but I’ve accepted it as a part of the story. I can’t even imagine how scared you were! Quick healing vibes to your girl!

    • Janine says

      Thanks so much Nellie and I got to admit my kids have hurt themselves before, but the broken wrist was up there as a moment I truly hope I never have to relive – ever!

    • Confessions of A Mommyaholic says

      Aw, Kristen, I was just picturing you at 2 years old with a broken wrist. But still, I think we moms just can help but have these types of moments as no matter how hard we try we just can’t keep all eyes on them at all times.

  4. James Oliver, Jr. (@jamesoliverjr) says

    Broken wrist-yikes! Yeah, I can only imagine how you felt about that.

    I feel bad when my son gets a cold and starts uncontrollably regurgitating, so I could only image what a broken limb feels like.

    • Janine says

      James, I have made it myself to almost 38 years old not having broken anything, so this was seriously new territory to me and can tell you I was a literal wreck that day.

  5. Kristen says

    This is soooo true – and I’m so sorry about her wrist! No matter how hard we try to protect them life happens. Beautiful post!

  8. Kelly Frey Suellentrop says

    This is so true. And now I’m to the point where I can call it. When my kids are playing rather boisterously, I always say, “Someone’s gonna get hurt. I can feel it.” And sure enough, it always happens. Self-fulfillilng prophecy?

    • Janine says

      Kathy, I know it seriously happened in a way I truly least expected her to ever break a limb. And I know never good when kids are too quiet! Xoxo

  10. Diane Roark says

    Janine,

    You are a great mom. Things happened out of our control and as moms we always feel bad as if we were not doing our jobs. This feeling that moms have to protect their babies never goes away no matter how old her kids are. We just have to pray a lot and trust God that He will take care of them.
    I am so sorry about the broken wrist. I truly hope she is not is a lot of pain. Hopefully, lots of lessons can be learn from this.
    Have a great week!
    Diane

    • Janine says

      Thank you so much Diane and thank god she is really in no pain at all and has taken the broken wrist and cast in stride completely. It was me who was more traumatized by it to be honest. Wishing you a great week, too!

  11. Bill says

    When it got too quiet it always scared the shit out of me. LOL I understand completely.

    Bev’s youngest is going away to college in September. I will be in heaven when that happens.

    Have a great day, Janine!

    • Janine says

      I know it really is just frightening and hope this September comes quickly for you now. Have a great day acne again, Bill!

  12. Kenya G. Johnson says

    No broken bones here. I cannot even imagine how you felt. Because I’ve had a knot in my stomach over bumps, scrapes and bruises from football practice. I think about all the little scratches he cried about and needed a bandaid for when he was little and then wondering now, “How are you not crying about this one?” I know that broke your heart that she broke her wrist but of course there is no way you can blame yourself. We are blindsided by all the moments except for those ones where we say, “Stop doing such and such before you fall and hurt yourself.” Can’t say we didn’t warm them yet we still feel bad. It’s in our nature.

    • Janine says

      Kenya, totally in our nature and seriously though glad you never had to deal with a broken bone with Christopher and hoping you never do now.

  14. Marcia @ Blogitudes says

    What a wonderful world this would be if all moms everywhere cared more about keeping their kids happy, healthy and safe all the time – if worries of screwing it up troubled them. The fact that you do, Janine makes you a great mom in my opinion. You’re doing your best and as long as you keep doing it, you can’t possibly go wrong. 🙂

  15. Rosey says

    Well written, Janine, as usual!!

    We had my youngest son’s cousin over this weekend. He knocked over the teepee in my son’s room and got a bump on his head. His mom was FURIOUS that no one was watching her boy (grandma and grandpa brought him over to play). I was thinking, ‘really???’ Stuff happens all of the time… you can’t prevent everything… and we always watch the kids…then I remembered ‘mom’ is 26 and this is her first and only ‘baby.’ 😉 Still, I did tell her she was being ridiculous (family’s allowed to do that). 🙂

    • Janine says

      Family is totally allowed and you are so right that we just can’t watch them every minute of the day. Stuff just happens. Thanks Rosey!! 😉

  16. Rabia @TheLiebers says

    Oh! I’m so sorry she broke her wrist! When Frances was little, a bib had fallen on the floor and Ken didn’t see it. He stepped on the vinyl side, which meant the fuzzy side was on the hardwood floor and he slipped on his bum and broke his wrist! That was fun dealing with with a newborn around the house! I hope she heal quickly and doesn’t have to miss out on any summer stuff!

    • Janine says

      Aw, thank you Rabia and I am so sorry you had to have Ken down with a broken wrist when France’s was a newborn. So far so good and she should get her cast off on May 19th fingers crossed!

  17. Seana Turner says

    I remember when my daughter fell as she was climbing up the stairs to get her shoes to go out to dinner with the friends who were in our house for a “last hurrah” before I went to the hospital the next day to have my second child. She slipped and hit her chin on a nail that was protruding from the top step, and off we went to the ER for stitches. Needless to say, no special dinner. Watching her get wrapped up to keep her still while getting stitches was a rough moment…

    • Janine says

      Omg, Seana, I was literally speechless reading this and totally felt your pain even now. Seriously, this is just stuff we moms can’t make up if we tried. Hugs and thank you for sharing with me.

  19. Tamara says

    Ah, the cast. Both of my kids have been hospitalized already. Sheesh! That didn’t happen for me until I gave birth and I was a very reluctant patient.
    Motherhood is truly everything you described, and then some.

    • Janine says

      Tamara, Emma was almost hospitalized with RSV pneumonia as a baby, but thankfully not. Still so was not prepared for a broken wrist. Seriously, what is it with our kids?!!

  20. Lisa @ The Golden Spoons says

    So true! At this moment I am nervous – my two older ones are at a horseback riding lesson about 5 minutes from my house. Last week, my middle on fell off. Fortunately, she only got a few scrapes. Today, I had to leave them and come home due to my youngest ones’ allergies. I am nervous that one of them will fall and get seriously hurt when I’m not there – but I couldn’t stay there and let my youngest suffer either. And, if it makes you feel any better, my middle one broke her leg when she was jus t 20 months old. Her older sister “helped” her off an ottoman and she landed tummy with her leg underneath her. Like you said, there were no obvious signs, but my mommy gut knew. Sure enough, her shin bone was broken and she got a pink cast very similar to your daughter’s!

    • Janine says

      Lisa, it really is just a mommy gut feeling and so couldn’t agree more with you on this. And now I am picturing your girl at only 20 months old. Got my fingers crossed for today for you right now, too.

  22. Chris Carter says

    Aw Janine!!! I’m so so sorry your precious little girl has a pink cast on now!!! You are so right about motherhood… in an instant, something could go wrong. And it can whether you are watching them like a hawk or having your five minutes of ME time!!!

  23. Bev says

    I saw the photo of her on Facebook with the cast. Oh, I can only imagine what it’s like to go through that as a mom. When Eve was almost a year I took my eyes off of her for a minute and she toppled over backwards off the bed and hit her hard and it was absolutely horrible. She was fine of course, but I felt terrible and like the worst mom in the world in that moment. It’s so hard not to be able to shield them from getting hurt, but it’s also part of life. And like you said, we need to learn to cut ourselves some slack. The fact that we worry about how we are as moms I think is a pretty good indication that we’re doing something right!

    • Janine says

      Thank you Bev and I think you are right about us worrying about how we are doing does show that we are pretty good moms indeed 😉

  24. Robin (Masshole Mommy) says

    You are such a great mom. Sometimes things happen that are out of our control.

    • Janine says

      Aw, Pam I haven’t gotten to that point, but can only imagine. My pleasure sharing and Happy Thursday to you, too. 😉

  26. Rea says

    I know that I tend to panic when all I hear at home is silence. It’s a common notion to us that if it is, something’s probably wrong, although not all the time. As much as possible, I want to see Reiko when he’s playing but true, we couldn’t blame ourselves when we feel like we need even just 5 minutes to ourselves. Such is the life of a mother.

  27. Terri says

    I don’t have kids, so I can’t say I relate to this post. But I can say I smiled the entire time reading this as I look forward to someday being a mom. I don’t know much, but I recall my parents telling me that it’s those fragile moments as a kid that make the best memories, laughable stories, and learning experiences for the future. As painful and fragile as they may be cherish even these bad moments.

    We’ll see if I’ll be singing a different tune once I’m a mom though. LOL

    • Janine says

      Aw, Terri I am smiling that you enjoyed reading this and do totally think you will have both great and not so great moments as a mom someday, too 😉

  28. Amanda @ Growing Up Madison says

    I think as parents Murphy’s law was meant for us. My son Mikael broke his arm when he was only 10 months old by trying to jump from his brother’s bed. Did that stop him from jumping even after the cast was on. Nope! We just have to realize that as long as we’re there to wipe the tears away we’ll always be the most important thing in their life, and I know you’re a great mom! I think the whole blogosphere knows it. 🙂

    • Janine says

      Aw, thank you for saying that here about me tonight and I hope you know I truly think very similar of you, too my friend! 😉

  30. Jessica @ Absurd, She Wrote says

    Joyous and fragile – what a beautiful and painfully accurate way of describing motherhood. It’s a good ache, but sometimes my heart hurts from loving my daughter so much, because that love is a prism of anxiety, concern, terror, and anticipation at times.

  31. Kristi Campbell says

    Oh Janine! I know what you mean about the sound of the scream when you just know it’s different than others and OMG a tiny pink cast!!! Hugs to all of you!!! Being the mom is harder I think than being the kid with the cool pink cast (and when I was a kid, casts were ugly and white!).

  32. Marcia @ Menopausal Mother says

    I can totally relate to this, and I’m so sorry about your daughter’s wrist. I had something similar happen when my youngest was around three. I was busy working in the house on a major project and asked the older children to take my son out to the backyard so he could play. He sat in one of the swings and let his older sister push him up higher and higher. He panicked and slid off the swing. Next thing I knew, the poor lithe guy was screaming–he had fractured his wrist when her fell. I felt like THE WORST mom in the world that day!!!

    • Janine says

      Omg, that is exactly how I felt too just like the worst possible mom in the world. And yet I most definitely know you are a wonderful mom. 😉

  33. Deborah Weber says

    I’m always thinking that the “job” of our children is to see how expanded they can cause our hearts to become. A few such incidents like pink casts and stitches and it becomes clear what masters they are at heart opening.

    • Janine says

      I totally couldn’t agree more and it truly does amaze me how these moments and more have my heart opened that much more, too Deborah.

  34. Jen says

    No, not a cut on the face right before pictures!! Interestingly I have found that facial and head wounds bleed a lot more than other injures…

    My youngest daughter has taken hurting herself to a whole new level. Only she has exhibited the innate ability to hurt herself with even a crayon.

  35. Eli@coachdaddy says

    Eyes aren’t the promise we think they are. I watched Grace get hurt many times, and could do nothing about it. The best thing I can do is not lose my sh*T when it does happen!

    • Janine says

      You summed it up quite perfectly and yes I pretty much did lose that and more when it happened it here, too!

  36. Dana says

    My son has a little spot on the back of his head that will never grow hair again, due to my superb attention. Head hit brick fireplace, cut gets staples, and bald spot is the souvenir. Parenting win!

  37. Emily says

    Ah yes, well you know as a mom to 3 boys, I can relate to the injuries…we’ve had our share of stitches and more serious trips to the ER as well. And, even when we think our sweet children are safe and we CAN take our eyes off of them — such as when they are sleeping — even then, you never know. You see, my middle dude fell out of bed once and his head hit his nightstand…yup – stitches required!

    • Janine says

      Emily, I thought Emma was actually in need of stitches last year, but thankfully narrowly escaped it, but my luck ran out with broken wrist on Lily.

  38. The Pinterested Parent says

    I dislocated Mai’s elbow once. I was holding her & we sat down & as we sat, her arm twisted into the bend of my body as we sat & I heard a snap followed by blood curdling screaming. I have never felt worse. I am as paranoid & hovering of a mother as there is, but yet these things happen. She still will fall. She will still bump her head. She will get sick, she will have her feelings hurt & her heart broken & all of these things will break my heart too.

    • Janine says

      Aw, I would have been a wreck if I did that to one of my girls and my heart broke for you reading, but hope you know you are an amazing mom .

  41. Jennifer | The Deliberate Mom says

    Aww, I’m so sorry your little one got hurt. It’s hard to see our kids hurt and the self-condemnation that goes with being a mom compounds that ache inside of us.

    Be gentle on yourself… we have ALL been there. Some of us, a few times a day!

    Thanks for sharing.
    xoxo

    • Janine says

      Aw, thanks Jennifer and you are so right though. Definitely, put it on myself more being the mom in charge when this did happen to her. But still do appreciate your kind words. xoxo

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