“When are you having kids?” When we first got married, we got asked this question often. We opted to enjoy married life for a bit before taking this plunge. I think we wanted to get used to it being us and even still got asked this obnoxious question. This is a question that is private and truly no one’s business, but it got asked more than once over the two years before I finally did announce my first pregnancy.
Then, I got pregnant for the second time and since it happened so quickly, I was asked by a few choice individuals if it were an accident. Yes, it is no surprise that we probably weren’t planning to have another child so quickly, but still it happened and because the baby was mine, I couldn’t help but feel once the shock wore off more than a bit excited for the possibility of a new life growing inside me. We always wanted more than one child and we were getting our wish. For two people who were constant planners, we were given an unexpected surprise, but a good one at that.
Again though more questions, that were none of anyone’s business. Then, I had issues during that pregnancy and had to hear yet again more stupid comments, such as “What would you do if the baby doesn’t make it?” Who wants to think this as much as you may need to privately, you still don’t want to or have to discuss this with just anyone.
Now flash forward to the present, I have gotten asked as Lily closed in on two years old, if we wanted or were having more especially if we wanted to have a boy since we have two girls. Seriously, who asks this question. It is pretty much like implying having two girls means somehow not having a boy means we should be unhappy or love the two beautiful kids we have any less.
Again, not that it is anyone’s business (see the trend here with this one), but not only do I love my girls and don’t feel incomplete because of this, but I am happy with our family size. Yes, I am even thankful for it, because I did almost lose a baby with Lily at 22 weeks of pregnancy having placenta previa. I don’t ever want to have to go through that again, being hospitalized taken away from my husband and kids, and/or being put on bed rest to not take care of my family. So for that one reason alone (probably the most important factor for me), I am blessed with the two angels that are mine and wouldn’t do anything to undermine this. I truly don’t think I could handle losing a baby or not being away from my family not to help take care of them.
Also, negate the fact that the economy is in the crapper and we are lucky we are not to be in more debt than student loans. I have to be honest here that we want a house in the future too and no one is going to hand that over to us on a silver platter. So both of us have to work hard at what we are doing to be able to provide that for our kids.
I guess what annoys me is the smugness of some people who get it handed to them and I know a few in my life who do, but again I have always worked hard for what I have gotten in this life and will continue, because that is just who I am.
Kevin is pretty much the same way and together this is just us. I see others like this who continue to take and take and take, only to get more. I try so hard not to compare myself to these individuals, but sometimes the reality is I am human and can’t help but make the comparison. I hate doing this, try my best not not to 9 times out of 10 and it quite annoys me to in fact do this, but again sometimes I just can’t help it.
Stupid People, Not Stupid Questions!!Another thing that is not a secret, is the fact that I also worked very hard to get back in shape a year ago and maybe this is a bit selfish, but when you put the other two together, I like where I am at. Yes it is true that I am trying to tone back up a bit after this past holiday season, but I still would rather it be a tone up that an all out struggle to get back to this point all over again.
Sorry for this slight rant here or sounding possibly a bit harsh, but this was just something weighing on me and needed to vent it a bit here today. Again, it is my site and sometimes I need to use it just for that. And by the way, this makes me realize more than ever that the old saying that my grandmother used to say quite often was so very true, “There really are no stupid questions, but only stupid people!”
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Robin Rue says
People ARE really ballsy, especially when it comes to things like having kids. I waited almost 2 years before I decided to get pregnant after I got married and was nagged incessantly about when I was having kids. I have two boys and I am done. I make no secret about the fact that I tied my tubes, yet people still ask me when I am going to try for a girl. Um, never. I am very happy the way things are.
Janine Huldie says
Same here Robin and even tough I didn't get my tubes tied. I happily take my birth control pill everyday, because we are more then blessed and happy to have what we do have. But that doesn't stop those questions sometimes, which just leave me so aggravated that people could even dream of asking! And so sorry you too have this happen to you.
Cyndi says
Believe me when I tell you about how I know of these MYOB questions. We've been married for 11 years and we've been quite determined to do things on our own time. I will not be pressured! LOL. But yeah, we've had our fair share of questions, not having kids yet. Will we? Who knows. When? Who knows. But we're enjoying our freedom now. 🙂
Janine Huldie says
And Cyndi that is totally how it should be for you, because you this is your choice and should be able to do things on your own time table. But like you I hate how others assume and just so frustrating.
Michelle Nahom says
Open mouth, insert foot…I wonder do these people realize afterwards that they have done just that? Or not?
Janine Huldie says
Totally inserting of many feet here Michelle and I am so sure if they do or don't, but still drives me quite mad!!
Eddy Jones says
A wonderful share as always Janine and your posts are like a breath of fresh air;I love them. Your outlook on life and your honesty I admire greatly and like you I have never been just another sheep following the flock!!
Wonderful over and over and I am so glad to have the time to share your wonderful outlook on life. I hope that by the end of two weeks away from work I shall find the time to jugle everything once more.
Havea wonderful day my dear friend.
Lots of love from my little corner of Wales and I share this one onto my FB page A Brand New Dream .
Eddy.
Janine Huldie says
Oh thanks always Eddy for your kindness and share, too and you have truly been missed, but know you are working so very hard right now. Just so happy to see your here today and do send you lots of love, too!!
Dani Ryan says
OMG, the stupid questions drive me CRAZY!!!! Some of the stuff is innocent enough, but sometimes I wonder how people work up the courage to ask some of the stuff they ask other people!!! I could totally relate to this!
Janine Huldie says
I know Dani and it truly boggles my mind how you could ask such things without apparently thinking it through. Glad to know it isn't just me!!
Janine Huldie says
Yup, I know Heather. When I have tried to say very nicely to mind their business, they turn it on me. So been there and just tired of it!!
mrs_karenC says
Great post, oh man all the questions about my fertility issues would annoy me. And what really got me wasn't the questions but the stupid comments when I was pregnant. People coming up to me telling me horrible pregnancy and birth stories! Seriously? I am pregnant and don't want to hear it…after a while I started calling people out on their stupidity.
Janine Huldie says
Karen, I seriously got so many of those types of stories when I was pregnant that I remember just wishing I had a hearing aid that I could turn off not to hear it anymore. My favorite was to make sure that I got all the sleep I could now. It might have been true, but seriously no pregnant needs to hear that one nor isn't capable of realizing that sleep will be a rare commodity.
Bill says
I can tell you without hesitation after sixty-four years on the planet that there are, indeed, stupid people and I'll add this….there are some very stupid questions too. 🙂 Have a great day, Janine.
Janine Huldie says
Thanks Bill and I will totally take you at your word, as well as believe you 110% on this!! Hope you too are having a great day!! 🙂
The Next Step says
Oh I SO love this post!! I have such a problem with stupid people! Seriously people, if in doubt then just shut your mouth!
It does make for good blog fodder though. I still go back and read my "are they paternal?" post and laugh. Every now and then. 🙂
Janine Huldie says
I do agree Lori, it definitely does make for good blog posts and there are definitely posts that I too can go back and get out of. Seriously though, "Are they paternal?" is classic!! 🙂
Janine Huldie says
Oh I know that hostile look Kelly that comes across one's face, because I do usually wear my emotions on my sleeve, too. Seriously, though people do need to think before they speak!! 🙂
SarahA says
Oh Janine-I am right there with you about the questions. I get so tired of it too! I can't get over what people will ask or say sometimes! My husband and I were married 5 years before we even tried to have any kids. I had one cousin who just couldn't understand why I couldn't get my "bun in the oven" fast enough.
Janine Huldie says
Sarah, Kevin and I were married a little over two years and you would have thought from some that we were married for 20 years and how could we not procreate!! So with you and sorry this happened to you, too!!
Kat Biggie says
Oh my gosh! Who would be soooo stupid as to ask "what are you going to do if the baby doesn't make it?" Holy moly, there are a lot of stupid people out there! And I agree, people are too nosy sometimes! Rant on sister!
Janine Huldie says
You would be surprised Alexa at some of the stupid people I have come in contact with and still shake my head at that one. Thank you though and appreciate you listening to my rant today!! 🙂
Vashti Q says
It's unbelievable how some people speak first and think later. What moron actually asked you, "What would you do if your baby doesn't make it?" That's so insensitive! I was getting heated just reading this because unfortunately I have people like this in my life too. I guess we all do. Everyone should just do what's best for them, and never-mind what someone else is doing, as long as it doesn't affect your life.
Janine Huldie says
Vashti, sorry to `get you heated up on this, but I too have no idea why anyone would ask such a question. It was someone (by the way) close enough that you would have thought they would know better. And still am left wondering how or why on that one after all this time!!
AnotherCleanSlate says
I have a big mouth sometimes for sure, but I learned from hearing horror stories like this not to ask people about their plans for kids. You never know what is happening behind closed doors.
Janine Huldie says
Katie, I am so with you on this one and never ask any questions like this either. So, it really doesn't make sense to me how others can ask others stuff like I described above. Still have such trouble understanding it, too!!
Kerri Ames says
Rant on, I say, Rant on! I have had people ask me, with all 'sincerity' if we had Boo first would we have had another child OR WORSE if we had known Boo was going to have such health issues would we have allowed her to be born.
Janine Huldie says
Oh Kerri that is truly awful and seriously can't even imagine. What would possess anyone to ask such questions. I always said that if I found out any on my kids did have anything wrong with them, I still would have them, because they are mine and could never even think of hurting my own child. So, questions like that would burn me up!! And please rant on here, too!!
Roshni Aamom says
Wow! Some one actually asked you what you would do if the baby didn't make it?!! There really is no limit to the obnoxiousness that some people will strive for, I guess!!
Meredith says
Janine, I love this ecard, and while I know it is none of my business, I respect and understand the choices you've made (we've made the same ones). Congrats on your new business too! How awesome!
Janine Huldie says
I know Meredith. I searched high and low for the right thoughts on that one. Also, nice to know that you made a similar decision. I honestly thing this is a personal choice and whatever a couple chooses is so their business. And thank you so much for your kind words on my new business, too 🙂
Janine Huldie says
I know Roshni and still to this day have no words for this person or their comment!!
stephanie_m_powell says
Oh, the stupid questions.. I had the time of my life spending the first married holiday season with the in-laws, being asked by everyone when we would have children, and when I announced that I was about to start college again, everyone just felt sorry for the "poor hubby", who has to deal with a career woman.. Hate it!!!
Janine Huldie says
So sorry Stephanie and trust me I could give you an earful of some of my in-laws finer moments, too. Trust me I feel your pain and it moments like you described that makes me wish I could shout out loud at times!!
Lanaya @ Raising Rea says
Get it mama … rant on! you know I am always in your corner!! I HATE stupid people! As you very well know.
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¸.•*´
(¸¤ Lanaya | xoxo http://www.raising-reagan.com
Janine Huldie says
Thanks Lanaya and I am so always in your corner, too. I love you and just more that we have in common!! xoxo 🙂
Stacey Gannett says
Oh honey, rant away! LOL! Placenta Previa really sucks, I had it with one and three, and chicken pox with number two. Good for you getting that figure back, it for sure isn't easy. I have been trying for ten years! Actually getting more serious about it in the last few months. My favorite saying has always been…"Stupid should hurt them as much as it does us!" LOL!
Janine Huldie says
Love that saying and may need to borrow it now from time-to-time now. And I am so sorry that you, too had to go through Placenta Previa twice (truly is so very not fun and just so scary). Also, good for you Stacey working to get in shape, too!! 🙂
Melissa S. says
Oh, girl. The questions never end. Do you have a boyfriend? Are you ever getting married? Are you gay? Do you HAVE to get married? When are you having kids? Why haven't you had kids? Are you going to do IVF? Are you having another one? Was the second one a surprise? Were you trying for another one? Why don't you have a job? Don't you get bored with kids at home?
OMG. People. Please. It never ends. So thanks for venting. Glad you did!
Janine Huldie says
Yup, you summed it up very nicely Melissa and I think the questions will keep on coming until I take my last breath someday!! And thank you for letting me vent to you a bit today!! 🙂
Dara says
I hate when people ask stuff like that. when my brother was dating a girl for a really long time people would ask him when he was getting engaged and he was annoyed. so I told him people are always going to ask him stuff. when he got engaged they would ask when's the wedding. once they were married they would say when are you having kids? when you have one they want to know if you'll have another. if you have two they ask if you're done having kids. it's neverending.
Janine Huldie says
It truly is never ending and so agree with you Dara. And I can totally sympathize with your brother!!
April says
Girl, the crazy thing is answering honestly. Before I had B and now after, I always get the "now that you have the pair, what do you want next"? I always get the blank stare when I say, well, I wanted a house full of boys. Women can't fathom that a woman wouldn't want a girl. Well, I didn't. I love my little girl to death, but honestly, I cried when I found out it was going to be a girl. When I had my son, then lost my second, I constantly was asked if I'd have another… again blank stares when I say that I did and he passed away. Love the rant and the post!
Janine Huldie says
April, I am too honest for my own good. I really am such a bad liar and still get nervous if I have to try to make up a story. So just easier to be honest, but still annoying. And seriously, some people really do have nerve April to make comments about gender of our children. That does aggravate me so much!!
Betty Taylor says
I just can't believe how personal people can be and not think anything about it! They think they have the right to know.
Janine Huldie says
I totally agree Betty and trust me I have had these same thoughts too many times myself!!
Chris Carter says
OH dear….people are just so ignorant and foolish. We seriously need to dismiss the ridiculous and sometimes rude and offensive questions and comments people make. Oh how I get this!!! I am glad you got it off your chest!!!
Janine Huldie says
Thanks Chris and seriously true that I do need to dismiss the stupidity more. I am trying believe me, but it was so nice to get to vent about it just a bit here!!
gigigirl says
I finally caught up with this post. Adele had it right: stupid people! You and Kevin are doing a great job creating a wonderful family and a happy home life. Yes, you work hard and nothing is handed to you. That's kind of my style too! You will have all that you hope and dream of in the future…..just stay on track and keep your eye on the goal. Remember how long it took me to finally get my degrees and find the right career path for me. And it was a perfect ending! Hang in and it will all come to pass. Love, Aunt Gloria
Janine Huldie says
Oh I do remember that and it got you so very far. Thanks for that gentle reminder and love you for that and so much more. Thanks seriously Aunt Gloria and love you bunches!! xoxo 🙂