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Shades of Unconditional Love For Me

Filed Under: BLOG, Family Life, Kevin, Life in General, Married Life, parenting Tagged With: , , ,

“Shades of Valeria”, he would say as he would chuckle his big famous belly laugh.

Sixteen years even after his passing, I can still hear my grandfather’s words above, see his face as his eyes would twinkle and his mouth would turn up right before he would laugh something fierce each and every time he would utter this phrase to me.

Will Never Forget My Grandfather
Will Never Forget My Grandfather

What did it all mean?

In it’s literal translation, it meant that I reminded him of his own departed mother with my spunk and personality.  Let’s face it, I was truly a spitfire back in my teen years and pretty much would do or say whatever I felt like, which would seem to delight grandfather and even revel in it as it was truly reminiscent of his own mother, who was known as a woman who spoke her mind and never one to mince words.

But the deeper meaning here, was that I belonged and I was loved unconditionally, who was one of the first father figures I was blessed to have in my life.

Yes, I reminded him of his own mother who he loved unconditionally, but in his eyes, I was perfect even if to most my brutal honesty and candor would make them cringe or worse anger them.

He never judged me, but even in my worst embraced me for it, trying in his own way to let me know I was indeed loved, but guiding me to the right place even if I fought it tooth and nail with most everyone else in my life.

And then as quickly as I had grown comfortable like that old worn out sweater and complacent even, it was all over with one simple phone call on Valentine’s Day in 1999.

How is that for deep and profound irony?

See the first man (my grandfather) in my life to ever truly love me and show me love unconditionally took his last breath on Valentine’s Day that year.

That early, afternoon phone call was direct and to the point from a hospital nurse on call at the time to all his loved ones that if we wanted to say our goodbyes, we would need to find our way there as he had taken a turn for the worst and would most likely not last probably but a few more hours at best.

Up to that point in my life, Valentine’s Day was just another Hallmark holiday for hearts, roses and all things red – I was only 21 at the time in the prime of my youth having not met my now husband yet and certainly not a mother to anyone either.

[Tweet “Certain people shape who you are for years to come even long after they are gone.”]

Yet after that fateful day and watching my grandfather take his last breath, leaving the hospital with a hole the size of Texas in my heart, Valentine’s Day, Father’s Day and just about every other ordinary day in my life that I had to live without him physically here that took on a life of its own to me.

My soul and my heart just couldn’t forget or heal.

Honestly, it took me quite a few years before I admitted just how much this lose effected me and or how my own ability to love another unconditionally took a beating from his passing.

When I finally did meet my husband, something inside of me knew instinctively.  I finally was able to fall in love with my eyes wide open, loving him completely and utterly unconditionally, seeing that he was not only possessing similar traits my own grandfather for what a loyal and faithful husband should, but also what a father to young girls should, as well. 

Dancing Away Happily Ever After!
Dancing Away Happily Ever After!

The huge hole in my heart from the lose of my grandfather got a bit smaller when I did allow myself to finally feel love again.

Same went for giving birth to my first daughter and then my second daughter, 16 months later. 

All over again, it was like the hole in my heart began to mend and regenerate getting that much smaller with each of them being brought into this world giving me new purpose and life.

Me and the Girls

I may never be the same person that I was before Valentine’s Day 1999, but I know that because of my grandfather’s unconditional love that I learned what real, true love is and not ever take it for granted when I did find me again.

I will miss him always, but I can’t thank him enough ever for having loved me and for teaching me how to love others in my life unconditionally always.

Kevin and Our Drama Queens...
My girls have a great role model for the future…

Last but not least, I also can never thank my grandfather for teaching me what a real man and father should embody, because of this my girls have a man in their lives that can teach them daily what to look for in a man as they grow up and be hopefully able to seek a husband and father similar to theirs for their own kids someday.

This was originally written back in June 2015, but fit perfectly with the February Theme of Who Am I? for Dana and Bev’s monthly challenge and am linking it up there today.

Signature 2015

 

About Janine

Janine is a published author of the books, The Mother of All Meltdowns and Only Trollops Shave Above the Knee. She has been featured on The Huffington Post, Mamapedia, Today Parenting Team and SheKnows. She also runs her own graphic design company at J9 Designs.

Reader Interactions

Comments

  6. Chris Carter says

    OH Janine… your love for your grandfather just oozes out of this post!! I’m so glad you had such a cherished treasure in your life, and I’m even more glad that you found the perfect second treasure to fill that hole.

  7. Echo says

    Thank you, Janine, for pouring your heart out into this post. I have similar feelings about my grandfather. He was always there for me and was, truly, the only father figure I had known. He too, left a big gaping hole in my heart when he left in 1997, but like you, it is slowly mending itself with love.

  13. Bill says

    Well damn, Janine. I have tears in my eyes. Heck of a way to start a Monday. Beautiful reflection, Janine…just beautiful. 🙂 Happy Monday my dear.

  14. Michelle @ A Dish of Daily Life says

    This is such a beautiful tribute. It’s so lovely that you have those memories of him!

    I never knew either of my grandfathers very well. My children are very lucky in that they had my husband’s father in their lives from day 1. We all miss him so very much. But he has had so much influence in their lives, I know they will remember him forever and treasure the memories they have.

    • Janine says

      Aw, Michelle, I think you kids were indeed so very lucky to know their grandfather so very well and just so sorry again for their loss of him this past year. Hugs and thank you also for sharing again here with me today.

  15. Eli@CoachDaddy says

    The best part of this is how apparent he lives on through you. And your girls. The values he imprinted on you and way he loved you help to form your values today and how you love your family and friends. For that, we’re all grateful, Janine.

  18. Seana Turner says

    So many people in the world grow up without feeling this kind of love and acceptance. It is such a HUGE blessing to have experienced this wonderful love from your grandfather. Thanks for sharing your story!

  19. Jack says

    Hi Janine,

    My blog is peppered with posts about my grandparents. I was very lucky because I had most of mine into my late thirties and early forties. Grandparents are awesome, so very special. You never forget them and the many gifts they gave us.

  21. catherine gacad says

    what a beautiful cycle of love: from your grandfather to your husband and to your children. they will most definitely choose good life partners since they get to see what true unconditional love is like every single day.

  22. Joy @ Yesterfood says

    Janine, this is a beautiful tribute to a very special man. I do feel as though I have missed something very important- I never had grandfathers- they passed away before I was born. Your post makes me ache for something I never knew. Thank you for sharing your grandfather with us and what he meant to you. ♥

  26. Diane Roark says

    Janine,

    What a sweet sweet tribute to your grandfather and Kevin. I hope Kevin has a wonderful Father’s Day. It is so nice being on vacation during Father’s Day. Jerry was able to eat and rest.

    I love reading about your grandfather. You are a wonderful writer.
    Many Blessings,
    Diane

  27. Kathy Radigan says

    I am so glad you had that unconditional love.. My grandparents all lived far away from us so I never really had that relationship with them, but I see just how much having that type of close relationship means to my own kids and their three grandparents. They really do feel as if they are the most special people on the planet just because they are!! It’s wonderful!! I am very glad you found that type of love with Kevin and your girls!! And I always love to see pictures of your gorgeous family! xoxo

  29. Tracy Jensen says

    My grandmother always wrote great letters. When I was in college and out of school, she shared stories about her young married days with my grandfather. I have saved a bunch of them and I love re-reading them. It’s not the same as a conversation, but they are such a treasure!

  30. Tracy Jensen says

    Beautiful tribute, not just with your words but how you carry your grandfather with you. I have no doubt he is smiling at the legacy of your own family.

  31. Aunt Gloria says

    A beautiful tribute to your grandfather….I know he adored you and you him. You were very lucky to have that relationship. And you picked a good man in Kevin. We all have our “Italian moments” and individual temperaments. And that’s what makes us family….we accept and overlook! Hope the girls are feeling better….not a good way to start the summer vacation! Will catch up with a visit when I get back from Rochester in July. IOU a birthday visit and then it will be Emma’s! Take care. xxoo

  33. Rosey says

    Aww what a wonderful tribute to him. It’s so wonderful when we do recognize the wonderful people in our life and the positive impact they had on us. 🙂

    I do have a question though… are you still a spitfire?

    Hear Hear for the spitfires. 🙂

  37. Tamara says

    Aww.. a tear-jerking tribute!
    I miss my four grandparents so much and I think about them a lot now. My maternal grandparents both passed away in June and July… one on Father’s Day!

  38. Leslie says

    Janine, this is so sweet. Grandfathers are so special, and it’s clear that yours was incredibly important in your life. It sounds like you’ve got a wonderful husband as well, and I’m so glad that your daughters have helped to fill that void as well.

  39. April G says

    What beautiful sentiments. Fathers Day has only just started having meaning for me with my husband. My grandfather is coming to visit just for the sake of doing so, and in my life this would be the first time.

  42. Nina says

    What a great tribute to your grandfather! My mom’s dad was also one of those upstanding men who loved all those around them. It’s terrific he has modeled the kind of man you would want in your life.

    • Janine says

      Aunt Gloria, they are totally and I am even answering them. I think because many post have over 100 comments, you have to keep scrolling to find them, but when I put it in the find field, I am finding them just fine.

  47. Rea says

    Awww my heart. Thanks for sharing this personal story. It’s always great to have a great man to look up to in the family. It somehow gives us direction and purpose too in our lives.

  50. Kenya G. Johnson says

    What a handsome man he was. This made me tear up. I love my grandfather the next year on Halloween. Not that we’d ever forget, but you dread the day coming when it has another significance. So what was your name for him? Mine was Pop Pop.

    • Janine says

      Aw, thank you Kenya and I know exactly what you mean as I dread Valentine’s Day and this time of the year each and every year now to be quite honest. As for what I called it, it was Poppy. I actually was the first born grandchild on that side and named him that myself when I was first learning to speak as baby and it just stuck.

      • Kenya G. Johnson says

        I’m having deja vü. I think we’ve had this conversation before. Because I am also the first grandchild 😉

  52. Julia Tomiak says

    Janine, I’m so glad you shared this. My 14 year old daughter is a spitfire, fiercely independent and stubborn, and honestly, I’m struggling with her now. Your perspective helps me to see that what she needs most from me is love and words of affirmation, to know that I care about her, all of her, the spitfire included. I really needed this. Thanks. I’m glad you had such a wonderful grandfather.

    • Janine says

      Julia, I am so glad that I could share this with you and if your daughter is anything like I was believe me when I say that is was the knowledge of unconditional love that did help see me through to who I am and have become at this point in my life now.

  53. Mo at Mocadeaux says

    It is clear that your grandfather could see through all of your teenage angst and crankiness and into your true heart and soul. This is such a beautiful tribute to that love and the influence it has had on you in every part of your life. Don’t you just love the “Who I Am” project?!?!

  54. Lizzi says

    That he taught you to love unconditionally is SO so big a deal. I’m so glad you had his input, his example, his love. And that you have been able to use that love, take it and turn it into something beautiful, outpouring from your heart into others, is wonderful. A gorgeous tribute to him 🙂

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