This Mom's Confessions

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Learning Still Never Say Never

Filed Under: BLOG, learning, Life in General, lists, One Word Challenge, parenting, parenting two kids Tagged With: , ,

“You won’t understand until you have kids.”

I lost count how many times I heard that statement before I became a mother.

And yet I foolishly thought that being a mother would be an easy peasy straight forward job with not much learning to incur.

I was wrong about many things in my life, but never was I more wrong about something as I was about this.

Where do I even begin?

I can recall the last few weeks of my first pregnancy and how uncomfortable I was almost 6 years ago now.

My Pregnant Belly-Me Days Before I Gave Birth to Emma
My Pregnant Belly-Me Days Before I Gave Birth to My First

I readily admit I wasn’t very patient to lay eyes on my first born.

Therefore, I was never more happy to be told that I would be induced at a little over 39 weeks.

When the day finally came, those first moments of mother-baby bonding were blissful in the late evening hours after I gave birth.

Emma and I In the Early Days
Shortly After I Gave Birth and So Naive I Was…

The following morning was anything, but.

I had planned on solely breastfeeding my newborn, but she had other plans for us as she was having no part of latching on to my breast to indeed feed.

Never did I imagine this during my pregnancy, but still we spent that first early morning in mid July, battling this for hours on end.

I lost count how many times, the lactation nurse kept returning to help me indeed try for the ultimate goal of breastfeeding my baby girl.

What I will never forget is the final straw that found me begging for the nurse to bring us a bottle, which ultimately ended my dreams of breastfeeding.

It was late in the afternoon and the nurse returned again to try to no avail, but this time when she removed her hands off my baby’s tiny head after trying to coax her to latch, all my husband and I could see were here fingerprints imprinted on our day old daughter’s head.

Granted, she was just doing her job, but the emotions ran high, as all it took was seeing this sight to convince me to try a bottle finally less than 24 hours after having brought her into this world.

She drank that bottle down like a champ as she apparently was starving by that point.

Never did I feel more like a failure though in my life.

Still her needs were being met and she was no longer hungry at this point.

I continued to try for weeks after this with the same results.

I tried everything and even pumped to try to give her my breast milk.

But sadly, she never did take to breastfeeding and for the full story on that, click here.

Emma as a Baby Dressed up as a Pumpkin

The point is that all I ever thought about being a parent was tested in those early days, then those first few months, years and even now I still have my moments as I am constantly learning.

Emma and I Celebrating Her 6th Birthday

I have learned to say, “Never say never” where parenting is concerned, because just when I think I have this parenting gig down something else throws me a curveball.

For instance, take the few parenting learning examples in recent years that occurred below.

Still Learning Originally from Flickr and Anne Davis 773 @ https://www.flickr.com/photos/anned/8700093610/in/photolist-efNfHY-egmGV3-55fbhg-eJ8geX-rHv1bU-cEJChm-qex9y4-cJHGxJ-9iYGTz-5NuuSJ-5MJveb-rbkMWB-68UFYF-5nNSSG-vQTbT-61HzUd-r3e44-72n24g-a6rwJ7-93jjaE-9jdCUM-jeJneT-d27mBb-s14iHC-doMqBF-F4D5V-BRvkE-4Qou3Y-cbBtow-dZu4aS-rfX2Xw-oFRNFn-66kvP2-BRvmg-acodwv-62RnSG-e8KMie-p3ErN7-4Kk3gP-qY13Fs-4uqkms-burABk-crGWio-71UqPv-4sc2qF-8W35Xo-raCSPN-8FCigL-cEJya3-9mBT1m
Edited from Flickr Creative Commons by Anne Davis 773

Even Though I Am Still Learning, Here Are My Top 21 Lessons Learned So Far As A Parent…

1. Bedtime is anything but peaceful.

2. Even bigger kids can make all sorts of wipe worthy messes.

3. Smart mouths happen more often than I ever imagined.

4. Picking a name is harder than it looks even years afterwards.

5. Kids birthday parties are inevitable, but are more expensive than I could have dreamed.

6. I make so many mistakes, even not teaching something so simple as our home number.

7. Technology is addicting even for kids.

8. Being a parent to multiple kids leads to being stuck and caught in the middle more often than not.

9. Homework time plan sucks!

10. Even Christmas card stamps can cause tears.

11. Duncan Donuts paved my road to hell believe it or not.

12. I was that mom who forgot kindergarten orientation once upon a time ago.

13. Little girls and bugs are not meant to be friends.

14. Kids will repeat everything you say, even swear words.

15. Make sure to tell your scissor learning child not to cut anything but paper.

16. Bandaids are truly like crack to kids.

17. Sleep will never be the same once you have kids.

18. School pictures really can be the worst.

19. Nap time eventually does come to an end sadly.

20. Potty training can really bite the big one.

21. Going to dinner with kids or revenge is a dish best served cold.

And there you have it, as I have been truly schooled these last almost 7 years as a mom and sure the next 7 years to come I will be learning even more that I will gladly put to good use and share here with all still.

[Tweet “With #parenting what lessons have you learned so far? #1Word @TheGoldenSpoons”]

This post was also written for the One Word Blog Linkup that is hosted by Lisa of The Golden Spoons and yours truly, too.

The words for this week are: Never or Old or Brilliant; Please feel free to linkup and join us this week.

[inlinkz_linkup id=595921 mode=1]

**Sidenote – You can find me on SITS Girls with some social media self-care advice for the new year.

Signature 2015

About Janine

Janine is a published author of the books, The Mother of All Meltdowns and Only Trollops Shave Above the Knee. She has been featured on The Huffington Post, Mamapedia, Today Parenting Team and SheKnows. She also runs her own graphic design company at J9 Designs.

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Seana Turner says

    Great list! I should have captured my thoughts as I learned them… how about “A two minute nap in the car on the rise home can ruin a decent nap in the crib.” I never was able to transfer my girls from being asleep in the car to being asleep in a bed!

    • Janine says

      Aw, man same here if they slept in the car, they would never fall back to sleep once we transferred them into their cribs here. Also, if they napped too late than they were wired and wouldn’t go to sleep until god knows what time that night!

  6. Lisa @ The Golden Spoons says

    Ha! Definitely still learning here, too, and my oldest is 13! I had trouble breastfeeding with my oldest as well. She latched fine, but my milk didn’t come in for days. We had to supplement and I was seriously “this close” to throwing in the towel. I told my husband, “One more visit with the lactation nurse and then I’m done.” Fortunately, at that last visit it was like my boobs heard me and finally decided to cooperate!

  8. Bill says

    I can say without hesitation that parenting was the toughest job of my lifetime. Hopefully I succeeded more than I failed, and I have no doubt you are far on the plus side of the ledger.

    Happy Wednesday Janine! I’m off to do my other job so have a great day.

  9. Shelly says

    Just wait until you hit the teenage years. I have four kids. My oldest was born a rebel and we parented her completely different than we do her three younger siblings. Now that she’s a mature, responsible, career driven, life loving adult she admits she’s lucky to be alive with all the stuff she tried to pull as a teen. It’s easy to look back on it and laugh now, and she is grateful for how we parented her. My three youngest (19, 18, & 15) are easy, they watched their older sister and learned what not to do.

    • Janine says

      Shelly, not going to lie the teenage years scare me more than I can even express, since I know just how much of a handful I was for my own parents. So, that said thank you for sharing how you did come out the other side with your oldest. Gives me a bit of hope if nothing else!

      • Shelly says

        My oldest was such a handful. I gave her a cell phone, just so I could use it as punishment if she got out of control. We made her get a job and pay for her own car insurance. Not because we couldn’t afford to pay for her car insurance, but because we needed her to have as little free time as possible. She was already plenty busy getting good grades and she cheered all four years of high school. Now that she reflects as a 25-year-old, she says having a job as a teen probably saved her life. She was never into drugs (thank God!) but she was always up for adventure. She’d tell me one part of the story and then go on to do more things she’d conveniently forgot to tell me she was going to do.

        Once I caught her outside my bathroom window at 11 pm. She claimed she had amnesia and didn’t know why she was outside. Turns out she had snuck out her bedroom window and had put pillows in her bed to make it look like she was in bed. I have no idea where she thought she was going because we live in the country in a very rural area.

        Another time I got a call saying her and her friend (they were supposed to be at the friend’s house) had driven off a wooded mountain, miraculously they didn’t get hurt, and luckily her friend’s dad owned a tow truck company.

        Then there was the time she wanted to finance her two years of community college by living in Chico, so she could party at Chico State. Yeah, she didn’t like it when I didn’t agree to go along with that little plan.

        LOL, good times!

      • Janine says

        I think you daughter sounded a lot like myself in my own teen years years back and now totally feel for all I put my parents through, but back then like your daughter I definitely had my moments of pushing limits.

      • Shelly says

        One more thing… We’ve always told our kids, “Show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future.” All four have wisely listened to us on this one.

  10. Jen says

    As a parent never a truer statement was uttered. “Never say never.” We get a hold of what is going on and then whoops, it’s gone and new challenges arise. I don’t think that ever ends I am told. No matter how old your children are. I have all ages and stages and some days it feels more and more like a zoo that is moderately under control. Keeps you on your toes.
    P.S. Some of your best posts listed here for sure! Loved looking over them again.

    • Janine says

      Jen, you said it perfectly and feel like it is a zoo or at least a jungle here on any given day. That said, I just go with it and learn along the way each and every step or mister that I take. And thank you for looking over the list here again, too!! 🙂

  11. Ducks 'n a Row says

    The older I get, the more real your statement is … “Never Say Never” My mom used to tell me “until you’ve walked a mile in their moccasins, do not say “I’d never do that!” My “I’d never do that” comments most often had some reflection on what I heard someone else had done. No more! I’ll just stay in my own learning curve and find out what I will or will not do when the time comes. The best lesson I learned is to stop and pray before acting. I don’t always remember to do it but when I do the outcome is truly better. ♥
    SInea

  13. Carrie Groneman says

    Oh, driving the first kid around in the car to get him to sleep…and then the first grand kid I tended while my daughter-in-law worked, same thing! Luckily there was technology to get some work done the second time around, lol. Great post as always Janine!

  14. Caryn says

    I love the list. I’m laughing at the bandaids are like crack comment. I KNOW. Isn’t it funny how kids get obsessed with them. Thanks for the enlightenment and the laughs. Happy New Year.

  15. Tamara says

    The worst thing you’ll hear is, “My stomach feels funny!”
    I forgot where I read that, but it’s so true.
    Now that I have two pregnant sisters, it’s like I want to tell them everything. Then I realize I know nothing anyway, and it’s more fun to let them figure it all out! And of course, be there for them if they need me.

  16. Aunt Gloria says

    My hat’s off to you! In spite of the minefield you have to negotiate to be a parent, you are doing a great job! (Kevin too) Keep up the good work. Love seeing those photos…..xxoo

  17. Leslie says

    Breastfeeding doesn’t come as naturally as some would like us all to believe. And for some people it’s just not a reality. I can’t imagine the horror at seeing a nurse’s fingerprints left behind on my child’s head! If I learned anything so far, it’s that sometimes babies just need to cry a little and there’s nothing we can do about it.

  18. Bev says

    Haha, this is awesome! I’m sure I have many lessons ahead of me as I delve deeper in this motherhood journey, especially when I (hopefully) have another one one day.

  21. Diane Roark says

    Janine,

    I constantly tell people to never say never. I have example after example in my life where I said I would never do something. It seems like God just laughs at me. He puts me in a situation that forces me to do what I did not want to do. I think He uses the things we fear doing to teach us to rely on Him.

    I also love reading about your sweet family. By the way, I had similar issues when breastfeeding and my kids are fine.
    Many blessings,
    Diane Roark

  22. Allie says

    Cammy was tough to breastfeed, and I think I wanted more than him. I was so stressed about it – and that made it all harder. We just do what we can, right? And thank God there are options. Hope you’re feeling better soon.

  23. indah nuria Savitri says

    we are indeed on the learning seat ever :)..There will always be something new or renewed with each and every kid we have. I have a tough time with my first but my second enjoyed breastfeeding for more than 2 years :). But the most important thing is we will always try to do our best :). Cheers from NYC..

  24. Kristi Campbell says

    Oh to seeing the nurse’s fingerprints on your baby’s head! I’d have freaked out about that too. I had the problem that my milk didn’t come in for a couple days and was so worried that he was starving! It all worked out though in the end and you’re so right about never saying never. I learn new things everyday about parenting!

    • Janine says

      Sorry, you too had those early issues with breastfeeding, Kristi, but am still also glad they all worked out in the end. But again so true about never saying never and totally learning here daily still even today I did, too!

  26. Emily says

    This is all so true! With two teenagers and another not far behind, you’d think I’d have this parenting thing all figured out. Nope, not even close. Our kids will always be our kids, but they will continue to challenge us, surprise us, and TEACH us for the rest of their lives.

  29. Rea says

    I can’t even begin to count how many mistakes I’ve made in parenting. Like you I’m still learning. I think parenting is really a lifetime process of learning. Times change as the years go by and the best we can do I guess is to continue to exert the best of our efforts without having to punish ourselves too much.

  31. Chris Carter says

    Ha! Oh this list had me nodding and cracking up all the way through!!

    And your breastfeeding struggle – oh hun. I get that dreadful feeling of failure right at the start. Oh do I ever. with my first, it was a dramatic birth and the next day EVERYONE came to see her and me. I mean NON STOP visitors…. even my students came by to visit! After five hours, I realized by my friend’s reminder- that I needed to change her diaper. I hadn’t EVEN CHANGED HER DIAPER ALL DAY. That was my crash and burn. I completely unraveled from there- believing I was the WORST mother ever. How could I fail at this OBVIOUS task of caring for my baby? I was a hormonal exhausted emotional mess!

    Anyway- I get your emotions. It’s amazing looking back, isn’t it? We are doing just fine now, aren’t we? (Aside from those lovely things on your list! LOL)

    • Janine says

      Aw, Chris, you seriously are an amazing mama now and then. And just reading your thoughts and what you, too went through back then drove that point home to me. Hugs and cannot ever thank you enough for your friendship!!

  33. Jennifer | The Deliberate Mom says

    Oh my goodness, I enjoyed this! yes, so many lessons learned and many we wouldn’t have even thought were possible.

    I had to laugh at your stamp one. I remember that post… lol. My youngest recently made stamp art with about $30 worth of stamps. I could have cried.

    Thanks for sharing.

    Wishing you a lovely week.
    xoxo

    • Janine says

      Jennifer, I still smile now thinking of my youngest and Rudolf stamps, because as maddening as it was going through it, I just cab’t help but laugh about it now. And wow to the $30 in stamp artwork, but still totally get it with my stamp loving child, too! Wishing you a great week ahead, too once again xoxo 🙂

  34. Kenya G. Johnson says

    I thought I would never breastfeed and I decided within a few weeks of having Christopher that I would try. I’ve never felt more embarrassed in my life than for the nurse to hold my boob and wiggle on Christopher’s lips to get him to latch on. He finally did and unfornately my body didn’t produce enough feed him. I found this out after a return trip to the hospital because he was sleeping constantly and his urine had turned brown. His diagnosis was jaundice and dehydration and I too felt like a failure for not knowing that I was “starving my baby”. I don’t know what lesson I learned other than everything wasn’t going to be a piece of cake such as breastfeeding as I’d seen it for others.

    I giggled at remembering how #10 went down. LOL

  36. jenny says

    Love #9 on the list. My son is 4 and we try to start a routine with some practice writing, but he avoids it like his life is on the line. He brings out every excuse possible. We are still trying to get him do some homework, but it’s a battle of will and see who can be more persistent at it.

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