It was 10:51 on July 17, 2009 and I will never forget the first moment Emma was laid on my chest.
Emma Minutes After She Was Born Being Handed to Me For the First Time By My Doctor
I was in awe that this little person was all ours and that Kevin and I had made her together.
Nothing prepared for the emotions I felt that night. I could barely let her go to even be taken back to the the nursery to be cleaned up, weighed and prepped by the hospital nurses.
When they did bring her back to me around 1:30 am, I sat up with her for hours and just stared at her in wide wonder. She was beautiful, perfect and all mine. Sounds cliched, but I swear to you I couldn’t make this feeling up if I tried.
Still remember cuddling with her like this.
And it was in that moment I realized, I was a mother and somebody else relied on me for their every need and want.
It wasn’t until she was a little over 2 days old that the reality and the magnitude of how much she needed me at 11 pm on our first night home, when she screamed and wailed for about 3 hours straight, set in.
And this was just the beginning of it with her nightly fussy, colicky spells.
But I was indeed a mother and nothing would ever be the same again for better and for worse.
Flash forward to a few weeks ago, when I was asked by author and blogger, Robin Kramer if I would read and review her book simply titled, “Then I Became A Mother“.
I knew being a mother myself that I needed to read this book and from “Square One – It Get Easier” and the first sentence describing, Robin’s husband holding their first daughter, Reese, who had been screaming for over an hour that I would enjoy and fully be able to relate to this book.
See you never forget when you are a mother those first few days or days, months, years to follow. Even if the moments gets dulled by time passing, you still do remember the finer or not so finer moments.
Emma – The Calm Before the Storm
Trust me as I was reading this, I was very much transported back to another time and place quite easily. Robin’s story, frankly, is by no means generic and all her own, yet it transcends to make all moms be able to feel connected and sympathize with so much of what she shares here.
Emma In a Finer Moment Sleeping
And she is right it does certainly get easier and we do very much learn to adapt as our babies grow, because even though we lose a bit of ourselves and need to learn to redefine who we are as mothers, we are still made that much better for the presence of our children and definitely not diminished by them at all.
And even through all the chaos, we may try to compare ourselves to others and yet Robin reminds us moms that we are who are we are in spite of it all and that is exactly who we are supposed to be – just ourselves.
I actually laughed a bit out loud when I read “Square 8” all about how babies bring a whole new level of dirt and mess into our lives, especially about wearing dirty clothes and not even knowing it at first, because this totally happened to me and shared that here, when I was wearing sweatpants that clearly had poop on it and didn’t even realize for many hours until later in the same day. Even as I write this passage was almost 5 year old has the stomach virus and the scene I found as she called me crying into the bathroom was anything, but clean.
And by the way, Robin is definitely right how it all changes when the baby is indeed finally here and occupying the once catalog like nursery, which never does look quite the same as it did when we first set it up after my baby shower when I was still eight months pregnant. Trust me that room was perfect and immaculate with nothing out of its place. That same room, post baby, was anything but perfect and as a child’s room now here in the present looks quite frankly the way it must look when a toy bomb is set off!
But through the messes and all, we live and learn and as Robin says it so perfectly, we just love them. She is so right the best solicited and unsolicited (too) advice moms (myself included) ever got.
Robin Kramer is the author of Then I Became A Mother, also blogs at Robin Kramer Writes. She is a wife, a mother to three daughters, a college professor of public speaking and so much more, too.
I was extremely honored to have been asked to read and review her book and thank her for giving me this wonderful opportunity.
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massholemommy says
The most amazing feeling in the world is holding your first baby for the first time. I don't know how I did it sometimes, but I kind of learned as I went I think.
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Janine Huldie says
Robin, I will never forget that feeling of laying eyes on Emma for that very first time (and Lily, too). Nothing can quite compare or hold a candle to it. Same here with the learning aspect, just come with time and the territory, I suppose 🙂
vitatrain4life says
I love being a part of the special club that is being a mom. I was getting chills reading this and thinking back to when the boys were born. It was the greatest and single best thing to ever happen to me. Love all those sweet, sweet pictures of Emma!!!
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Janine Huldie says
Allie, I seriously couldn't agree more and I am so proud and honored to be able to be a part of this special club myself. Being able to look back at some of those pictures always makes me smile, too 🙂
katbiggie says
I love any book that acknowledges the fact that mother is difficult, messy, and I'm not in it alone! I'll check out Robin's blog and her book! Thanks for the great review, and it warmed my heart to see those pictures. I think that must be why God makes babies so cute… cause other wise we'd all leave them at the Firehouse! 😉
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Janine Huldie says
That last line made me chuckle. Seriously, I know what you mean though, especially those first few weeks when sleep is truly a rare commodity. And this book definitely proves we aren't in it alone by far. Hope you check the book out and Robin's blog, too 🙂
ginnymarie says
That hour that my babies were in the nursery after they were born was torture! I know the nurses had things to do to make sure they were healthy, but all I wanted to do was have my baby in my arms. I'm still reading this book, and it's a great resource for Moms!
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Janine Huldie says
I know exactly what you mean and seriously couldn't wait for them to bring my baby back. After carrying her around for 9 plus months, having her be away from me for even an hour was total torture. Glad you too are reading this book and totally agree with you that I very much enjoyed and think most moms would, too 🙂
Heidi @ Idlehide says
I'm a first time reader to your blog-I found it through Kim's blog:)
Ahh, isn't that the best moment ever?! My little boy is 9 weeks old today and I'm cherishing every single snuggle I get because everyone tells me how fast time goes by. So far, it's true! Love all the photos in here, you have a sweet family!
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Janine Huldie says
Heidi, I am truly so glad you stopped by today for the first time and so happy to be able to share with you. I totally remember when both my girls were only weeks old and still sometimes can't believe they are no longer babies, but little girls. Truly does go too fast and I know I will probably blink and they will be teens next. Crazy, but true 🙂
ashleyinnc says
The description of the catalog nursery is SO REAL and SO FUNNY, because that is exactly what it is like! Love it! Sounds like a fantastic book, so I can't wait to check it out! :)-Ashley
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Janine Huldie says
I know isn't it crazy that we all set up this picture perfect nursery and only to have it turn into chaos central one! Seriously, I was smiling reading that part and so much more, I hope you get to read soon 🙂
Nellie says
this is so real! Ah you had me tearing up and reflecting on my first time becoming a mother as well! This book sounds great, Mother hood is fun but there are some not so fun parts too!
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Janine Huldie says
Nellie, that is why I loved this book so much, because it was truly real and told it like it is with motherhood – the good, the bad and the ugly, too 🙂
Billybuc says
Beautiful introduction, Janine! It is the most precious moment in life and you captured it perfectly.
Have a wonderful day my friend.
Janine Huldie says
Aww, thank you for saying that Bill. I totally closed my eyes when recalling how I totally felt int hat moment and just started to write everything I could remember and recall from it. Truly am blessed to have had that moment twice over and feel so humbled that I got to read, as well as share Robin's book here for all, too. Wishing you a wonderful Monday again now, too 🙂
day-with-kt.com says
It has been a lot of years since I became a mother but I think that it is one of those moments in time that you will never forget no matter how many years go by.
The book sounds like a great one!!!
BTW – did both girls have colic or just Emma?
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Janine Huldie says
You are right no matter how many years do pass, this is one moment we can never truly forget. As for colic,t hank god it was only Emma who as effected by it. I truly not sure what I would have done if both my girls had it and had to go through it twice in less then two years time. It truly wasn't fun and I remember crying along with her a few times, because she was in pain and there wasn't much I could do, but just hold her and love her.
Michelle Liew says
Ah, motherhood…..pure joy, Janine!
Janine Huldie says
Aww, thanks Michelle and I couldn't agree more with you 🙂
dianeroark says
Janine,
This post is so beautiful! I love seeing all your pictures. The wish I would have taken pictures of my children's feet. So Sweet! This sounds like a wonderful book. Motherhood is such a blessings but it has a lot of struggles. The struggles get harder and harder as they get older, but all we really need is to love them through it. With time and prayer, all things seems to work out for the best. We have such a struggle with our two adopted children. They had no idea what love was before being adopted. Life is so hard because they still do not trust us. They continue to TEST OUR LOVE AND do horrible things and sometimes even illegal things just to see if we will continue to love them. It is so hard to love them in these moments. Every kid including adoptive kids and birth kids just want to be loved.
Blessings and thanks for sharing.
Diane Roark
recipesforourdailybread
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Janine Huldie says
Diane, you said this perfectly and was having a conversation about reviewing this book with another adoptive mother recently about how whether we gave birth or adopted a child, we are all still mothers and bonded over this. But I am truly so sorry to hear that your adopted kids are giving you such a hard time and testing you both daily. My heart breaks hearing this and can't even begin to imagine the depth of pain you and your husband are feeling here. But at the core of it is that we all do very much want to be loved and on that I seriously couldn't agree more. Hugs my friend and thank you so much for all your support and sharing with me, too 🙂
kathyradigan says
Now I can't wait to read this book! This sounds like a great gift to include in a shower gift!! I too love books that talk honestly about the good and the challenging and how we can get through it! I also love all the pictures!!!!
Janine Huldie says
Kathy, I truly hope you read this book and I know you and I are a lot alike, so definitely think you would enjoy this one 🙂
lovingmarshall says
I love that last picture of you and your girls–my Marshall is the same way–lots of energy always moving! And I COMPLETELY relate to the dirty clothes. There were many days in the beginning where I considered it a triumph if I got even halfway out of my pajamas. Such a rollercoaster!! Sounds like a beautiful book!
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Janine Huldie says
Such a roller coaster indeed and I totally lived in my pajamas those first weeks, too. Hope you get to read and think you would totally enjoy 🙂
tamaralikecamera says
This is so real! I can't wait to read my own copy.
And I have had a day near tears because of messes and just all around insanity.
I'll never forget that feeling of having Scarlet and Des on my chest just after birth.
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Janine Huldie says
Hugs to you on your day of near tears and have had my own recently, too. Thankfully better days do seem to prevail, but definitely have these days as a mom. Cannot wait for you to read your copy now and see you take not he book, too 🙂
Kristi Campbell says
I hadn't heard of this book but it sounds great and, like Tamara said, so REAL (and believe me that I can identify with the messy clothes and poop being in places it shouldn't be). Your photos, as always, are just precious. Awww to babies. Sigh.
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Janine Huldie says
Aww, thanks Kristi and I always love being able to share my girls photos from those early days. Not going to lie, still smile seeing them and the memories always coming flooding back 🙂
realhousewife says
Those are such fen memories to revisit! Oh my goodness nothing smells sweeter than a brand new baby…and it can't even not like you because you haven't had a chance to screw up yet! LOL
Janine Huldie says
So true Kelly and that smell is something that I will never forget nor do I want to 🙂
stephanie2006 says
Ohh, I remember poor little Violet at about 2 days old having the worst gas from sensitivity to lactose, which ended into better nights for our little Sweetie and a non-dairy diet for me. We definitely do a lot for our babies! And by the way, this first picture of Emma totally looks like her today, amazing 🙂
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Janine Huldie says
We do definitely do a lot for our babies, but totally worth it (always). I know Emma still has the same face and totally close my eyes and see her then sometimes when I look at her 🙂
Rosey says
Aww, I remember that feeling of not wanting to let the nurses take the babies out of the room because I didn't want them out of my sight. I've also gone out with something on my shirt that I had no clue it was there until, of course, I was out. 🙂
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Janine Huldie says
I know and as much as I knew I should be resting up, I just couldn’t let my girls out of my sight both times out. AND so glad it wasn’t just me with wearing a stain out and having now clue 😉
dishofdailylife says
I think all moms can relate! You don't know how much you can love that little person until they are in your life. And so many times I was walking around with something on me…once you're a mom, you get to a point where sometimes you just don't even care.
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Janine Huldie says
Crazy, but I know and have so been there like I said with having so etching on my cotes and not realizing it one bit! 😉
Amanda Love says
Oh what a sweet post and a sweet book! I remember when I had Kristal, ok I really don't because I was put to sleep. 🙂 I do remember when I first saw her though, I couldn't stop staring and counting all her fingers and toes. She was absolutely perfect. Fast forward 18 years later and I so wish I could turn back time. They grow up so fast! 🙁
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Janine Huldie says
They totally grow up so fast and seriously where does the time go??
catherine gacad says
janine, it sounds so amazing. i can't wait for my own mama moment! i know i'll have the same feelings that you did when you held your girls in your arms.
Janine Huldie says
I am sure you will have this very special bonding moment when you meet your little one and cannot wait to hear all about it soon now 🙂
The Vanilla Housewife says
Janine this was a sweet sweet post! Emma looked so tiny and adorable! I remember the first time my husband and I spent the night with our baby boy at the hospital. Everything was great until midnight. He would not stop crying. After 2 hours of crying we finally called for a nurse. I was sure something was wrong. The nurse took one look at him, and bundled him up. He stopped crying right away and went to sleep. Turned out, he did not like the how we swaddled him up! He wanted it tight around him. LOL
Janine Huldie says
Lily totally was my baby that loved to be swaddled and tightly. Emma not so much. Truly love how each baby is so different though, but being a first time parent is truly wonderful, but definitely overwhelming, too!
flemily says
Those photos are just precious! Her book sounds really good too based on your review and can add it to the pile I have on my nighttable/kindle!
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Janine Huldie says
I know Emily, I too have a list a mile wide on my Kindle, iPad and Nook, too. But was so happy to be able to read this one, because I really can't say enough how much I could relate and was transported back to when I first had my girls 🙂
ourhomeonderanged says
First off, that very first picture – I swear she is smiling! Such a wonderful moment for you.
Second, this book sounds like one of those where I'd constantly be shaking my head in agreement, thinking, "mmhmm…been there." Thanks for sharing it and giving me one more to add to the pile! 🙂
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Janine Huldie says
Melissa, that first photo is still one of my all time favorite photos and smile every time I see and love using it, because just warms my heart. Totally hope you get to read this book and if you do let me know what you think 🙂
Billybuc says
Did I miss a blog today??? I don't see a new one. well, I hope I didn't have a senior moment and erase it. Have a great day Janine.
Janine Huldie says
Bill, you totally didn't miss a post from me today. I have been toying with taking Tuesdays off from blogging after how busy Mondays are for me. I thought I could catch up blog reading today and also do have my newsletter with a recap of last month going out in about a half hour. And since I planned it, wouldn't you know Emma was up during the night with a nightmare, so I am a bit on the tired side now today. So, the downtime from posting today ironically was a godsend for my tired, dragging self today. Wishing you a great day, too as always 🙂
mamarabia says
I remember the first thought after having my daughter was, "Man! I'm starving!" LOL! Almost all the thoughts after that were more "motherly!"
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Janine Huldie says
Lol, I did have a turkey sandwich after she was taken to the nursery to be cleaned up, lol! 🙂
tiffani says
Sounds like a great book for all Mothers, especially mothers to be. As much as someone thinks they are prepared for their first baby, we can never really comprehend how it feels until it actually happens to us. Love the poop on your sweats! Has happened to me often. xoxo
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Janine Huldie says
So true and you never really know until you are a mom going through it for that very time. Seriously couldn't agree more 🙂 xoxo!!
Camilleta says
This sounds like an awesome book. Boy do I remember the newborn days.
By the way, baby Emma is so adorable. I almost want another baby just seeing those pics!
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Janine Huldie says
I know I look at those pictures and almost get that baby fever too (almost!) 🙂
Sandy_Ramsey says
I love books that tell the truth. This one sounds like it surely does. Motherhood is a great thing but there some parts that make it far less than perfect. There is no greater example of unconditional love!
So many gorgeous pictures! Love them!
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Janine Huldie says
Sandy, very true that there is no greater example of unconditional love, but at the same time has totally challenging moments right from the onset. The book though is truly very real and definitely one I would recommend to all moms.
Lisa @ Golden Spoons says
I love Robin and her book! So glad you got to review it and enjoy it!
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Janine Huldie says
Thanks Lisa and I too love Robin and her book, too 🙂
Lady LIlith says
I have not heard of this book but it is so true. You do not realize how much you love your kids until they are born. There is nothing more precious then holding a newborn for the first time.
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Janine Huldie says
Definitely agree with you Lady Lillith and from my own experience can say that those first few moments with both my girls were absolutely perfect and precious and I, too, wouldn't trade them for anything in the world.
Karen says
OMG those pics..beautiful. I love being a mom, and love that I can complain with other moms and still know that through all our complains we still love our kids uncondtiontally and wouldn't change a thing. We need to c complain and sit in awe of our miracles.
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Janine Huldie says
Karen, I couldn't agree more and nice to know even when we have our complaints that we still know deep down we are truly blessed, too 🙂
@marwa_farouq says
Wow! thanks for sharing your story and surely can relate… i never wanted to let my baby girl go too when they first gave her to me… i had this strange feeling that i have missed her so much! like a person i knew since a very very long while. and the book sounds great too!
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Janine Huldie says
Happy to share this and totally can relate to the feeling you had after having you little girl. I truly had a similar feeling after having both my girls 🙂
Katherines Corner says
difficult, messy rewarding and amazing, Motherhood surely is. and no matter what, We love them. We love them like no other , we love them like we never knew we could love. Even when they are nearly 34 years old and are still at times difficult and amazing, LOL. Wonderful post combiningg your thoughts and the book by Robin Kramer. Janine I loved seeing your photos. Big hugs and Thank you for sharing your wonderful blog at the Thursday Favorite Things Blog Hop ♥
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Janine Huldie says
Big hugs right back Katie and seriously I was so in love with Robin's book. It really took me back and then some, as well as could relate on so many levels. So, it was my pleasure to sure this one with you at your hop. Thank you for always hosting and love being able to join in weekly with you!! 🙂 <3
plutrell says
She has the sweetest face …so much expression for a newborn. Thanks for sharing these moments on the Thursday Blog Hop!
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Janine Huldie says
Aww,t hank you so much and she always made faces like this, especially her Christening photos, which I wish I could have known exactly what she was indeed thinking. Happy Thursday and thank you for hosting again!! 🙂
another jennifer says
I actually read this post a few days ago and didn't get the chance to comment. This sounds like a great book for new moms. Your post brought back so many memories for me! That first year is just so wonderful, crazy, stressful, amazing…just a whole bunch of emotions all in one!
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Janine Huldie says
So glad you came back and shared a bit with me. Jennifer, I truly couldn’t agree more and that first year is definitely full of a whole range of emotions and then some, which I will truly never forget either.
gigigirl says
Sounds like you captured the essence of what bringing a child into the world does to you and to your life – which will never be the same!
And that's wonderful. You're a good mom and I know your girls will reflect the investment you are making in raising them. Love you……xxoo
Janine Huldie says
Again thank you Aunt Gloria and send you tons of love, too!! xoxo 🙂
Rea Alducente says
I just love the idea that we can just be ourselves when we become mothers. And even though everything seems to be not right, we can always count on ourselves. 🙂 Cheers to great moms! This book must have been very inspiring..
Janine Huldie says
It totally was inspiring Rea and will totally raise a cheers back to you for all the wonderful moms out there!! 🙂
themomcafe says
I can't WAIT to read her book and write about it too!!! I just love her message and I am sure I will embrace it the same way you did Janine!! 🙂
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Janine Huldie says
Chris, I think you will love this book and maybe you could contact Robin and ask if you could review her book, too. She was seriously so nice and think you would so enjoy this book!! 🙂
spiritedlife says
Beautiful book review! As someone who just became a mother for the fourth time, I completely am in awe of my little ones, each of them, especially when they are little and just want me! I love it and know it lasts for such a short time and don't mind it one bit! Thanks for sharing with Countdown in Style!
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Janine Huldie says
Totally my pleasure sharing this review and seriously still one of my favorite books so far this past year 🙂