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Tired of Hearing, “Actually I Can’t”!

Filed Under: BLOG, Family Life, Kids Posts, One Word Challenge, parenting Tagged With: , , ,

If there is nothing that makes me more annoyed or tired of dealing with more it is the sass mouths and answering back of both my girls in recent times.
 
Don’t get me wrong, I know they are beginning to grow up with both being in school full-time and assert their independence.
 
Still, so it goes..
 
See it started out like any other evening with such potential.
 
It was dinnertime and the girls were playing outdoors on the patio with their Barbie dream house as they ate before my husband got home from work that night.
 
We had decided to eat outdoors as we were barbecuing and is was a warm evening anyways and figured why make the girls move everything to come inside.
 
Dinner went off without a hitch, but it was time for cleanup finding my husband and I both starting to bring stuff inside.
 
At one point, I found myself having more than my two hands could carry and needed help opening the door.  
 
That is when it happened.
 
The words came out of my mouth effortlessly as I asked my older daughter to please open the door for me.
 
When out of nowhere, she replied evenly and yet with snark in her tone, “Actually I can’t.”
 
I felt steam rising from my ears and could feel my head wanting to also explode as her words still hung in the air.
 
Once the dust settled and I rebounded to find the words to speak once again, I told her emphatically that actually she was taking a one way trip to her bedroom as this was truly unacceptable to answer me in this way.
 
However, after this isolated mouthing off was dealt with, I began to think of the things as a mother, I would have liked to say, “Actually, I can’t” to both my girls, but as a mom would never, ever truly be able to say no to, because as much as certain scenarios were unpleasant, still these are my babies and couldn’t say no to them even if I wanted to.  
Actually I can't
But still here are just a few of the gems that I came up with from conception right through early childhood:
  1. Morning sickness – I had nausea (never vomited once), for over 16 weeks both times with both my girls’ pregnancies.  Seriously from about 6 weeks to 20 weeks, as soon as I would put my feet on the ground in the morning until I laid back down at night I would be fighting the overwhelming amount of acid my body was producing.  
  2. Labor – This goes without saying, but still my grandmother was right that we basically are pushing the size of a watermelon out of a hole the size of a lemon and if any man actually had to do this, the human race would indeed die off pretty quickly!
  3. Colic – 1 out of 2 of my children actually had colic and screamed for the first few months of her life never sleeping more than an hour or so during the night.  I swear when I hear a crying and upset baby still, I get sweaty and have bad flashbacks.
  4. Teething – Just when I thought it was safe to go back in the water as colic was ending, teething commenced and all bets were off with a cranky, miserable toddler on my hands.
  5. Potty training – Again 1 out of 2 with my kids were actually an easy potty trainer.  I will try not rat out the offender here, but will say that she also had colic and was a bad teether.  Just saying!
  6. Bedtime negotiations – And now that my girls are old enough to sleep in their beds, we have still have the bed battles of two little girls not wanting to fall asleep without coming up with every excuse in the book, including and not limited to lost teddy bears that need to be found right at this moment in time, another glass of water and even just not being sleepy enough yet to sing or chat in their beds.
  7. Co-sleeping – Even on the nights where they do fall asleep, my younger daughter still will manage to sneak in ninja style into our bed, because she is scared to sleep alone in her bed at night.  Granted, she shares a room with her sister, but in her mind it isn’t the same bed, so that is still being too alone for her taste at times.  So, she isn’t happy unless, she is smack in the middle of my bed and kicking, rolling into or punching me in my sleep for good measure.
  8. Homework wars – Now that school has started again, so begins the nightly homework battles and excuses galore as to why they don’t want to complete the nightly assignment, because they are either too tired, hungry or just not wanting to do it.
  9. Tantrums – As soon as I say something that could rival The Titanic’s Rose’s displeasure, my girls, usually my youngest, will throw a tantrum the size of the Atlantic Ocean to indeed show just how displeased she is and we get to listen to her serenade us with her blood-curdling howls.
  10. Expensive extracurriculars – Soccer, dance gymnastics and more here seem to keep my wallet from being full anymore to be able to purchase anything nice for me at this point in time and still more often than not I find myself putting my hand in my pocket to pay for something for these activities for them.
#Moms when would you like to say no to your kids? #1Word @TheGoldenSpoons

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On second thought after listing these all, what I wouldn’t have given to say just once, “Actually I Can’t!”

This post was also written for the One Word Blog Linkup that is hosted by Lisa of The Golden Spoons and yours truly, too.

The words for this week are: Tired or Superstition; Please feel free to linkup and join us this week.

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*Also, I recently updated my advertising rates and reduced my pricing for the fall season.  So, please feel free to check out my pricing and hoping we can work together now.

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About Janine

Janine is a published author of the books, The Mother of All Meltdowns and Only Trollops Shave Above the Knee. She has been featured on The Huffington Post, Mamapedia, Today Parenting Team and SheKnows. She also runs her own graphic design company at J9 Designs.

Reader Interactions

Comments

  2. Nellie says

    I can totally relate!! The 5 and 6 year old really start to find their vocabulary so to speak and so test the limits!! I think we totally have that in common. My first child also had colic, was tough to potty train and raised heck! My second one is pretty easy peasy. 🙂

  3. Seana Turner says

    So many rough times as a Mom where I felt I actually couldn’t survive. Not sleeping was one of the biggies, as my oldest woke up 7-8 times a night for almost 2 years. What we learn as Moms is that we are stronger than we thought, a lesson our daughters (and sons) will also learn, but probably not for many years.

    • Janine says

      Seana, couldn’t agree more and hoping that some of these lessons will be learned sooner rather than later though as much as I know they won’t be sadly!

  4. Robin (Masshole Mommy) says

    Just wait. Mine are 8 & 11 and the backtalk is out of control here. Especially with my oldest.

  5. Leanne@crestingthehill says

    backchat and smart mouthing is definitely a girl thing – boys are usually busy ignoring you! It’s tough holding the line but your girls will thank you one day for being firm and not taking too much sass from them (that was my Americanism for the week!) Hang in there – you’re doing a great job!

  6. Liza says

    “Actually, I can’t.” Definitely would’ve like that with the endless night time wake-ups during the baby stage. 🙂

  8. Bill says

    Oh Janine, I would have been livid if I’d heard those words. I loved being a single parent but honestly I don’t miss it at all. 🙂 Thanks for sharing and Happy Wednesday to you, dear friend.

    • Janine says

      Bill, trust me livid doesn’t even begin, but yes I truly was so aggravated when I was answered this way as I know both my girls do know better, but still they are trying to push to see how far they can go I suppose. Thanks Bill and Happy Wednesday once again to you, too my dear friend! 🙂

    • Janine says

      Echo, that is exactly it. My 4 (almost 5 year old) has been a true nightmare lately and think it is really something with the age as she was such an easy baby, but definitely trying my last nerve as a kid now!

  10. Carrie Groneman says

    Oh, the joys aka headaches of being a parent. Totally worth it but Excedrin and chocolate has a place in any mom and dad’s stash drawer, lol. Thanks for the terrific post! Carrie, A Mother’s Shadow

  11. Diane Roark says

    Janine,

    I cannot remember my kids talking back to me but I can remember how they would completely ignore me. They still ignore me at times, especially my teenagers. I was telling them the other day that I pray one day they will understand the stress parents go through and all the things we give up to make them temporarily happy. I continue to remind them their entire life that true love is immediate obedience. God is very clear that if you love Him you will obey.

    I feel your stress!! It may get worse as they become teens. Remind them what true love is.
    Blessings,
    Diane

    • Janine says

      Aw, thanks Diane and I know the teen years will most likely be rough. So you are right need to start now to try to keep the teen years from being a complete disaster.

  13. Jen says

    I think that would have made me blow my top! Ugh, I lose my patience when my children sass mouth me. It is like I did all your laundry today, fed you all day long, cleaned up after you and you can’t do the one thing I ASK?!! Yep, I feel your pain. Next time just ignore them when they ask you for something and say “You can’t”!

    • Janine says

      Jen, I am so trying that next time, because seriously you are right all that we do in one day and that answer seriously was the icing on the cake as far as I am concerned!

  14. Stephanie says

    Oh, the back talk starts early and stays for a long, long time. I hate to separate it by gender but there is something about the way my daughter speaks to me that is so different from how my sons do. And she’s the one who pushes my buttons with it. Good luck – it is so difficult to deal with. If you find a solution I’m all ears.

    • Janine says

      Stephanie, I wish I could find a solution, but if anyone does I truly hope they share with me and with totally pass along to you, too!

  16. Julie says

    Ah yes, those are great times to want to say “actually, I can’t” to our littles. When he’s creaming at me while I’m trying to feed him, I want to tell my son “actually, I can’t right now” and leave him covered in goop that he pushed around all over face just to keep it out of his mouth. Sigh lol
    I’ll link up my post tomorrow.

  18. Bev says

    I’m starting to go through these things, including bedtime negotiations and tantrums. Especially with the latter I wanted to say “Actually, I can’t and just walk away!

  19. Dana says

    Oh, that sass drives me crazy! My kids know better than to say something like that to me now, but they certainly didn’t when they were your girls’ ages. Hang in there, Janine!

  20. Tamara says

    Ah, wouldn’t it be a luxury to say, “Actually, I can’t!”?
    I have to confess that I have done it. I have actually crumpled and fallen apart and let Cassidy and Scarlet pick up the pieces! Maybe Des one day too.

    • Janine says

      Total luxury and will admit (and think you know) I have said this to puke and the one thing I still can’t do here. Thank god for Kevin with this one!!

  21. Chris Carter says

    I’m tired of hearing “Mom, can you make me a…” <—- Fill in the blank with something edible- any food at all.

    Well, actually, I can't! Get up and make it yourself!!

    Sometimes I can pull that off- if it's an easy thing to make. And it's rather MARVELOUS!!

    Oh, do I remember the things you shared. And there are quite a few I wrestle with still now… ESPECIALLY the price of the kids' sports. Oh me GEE! But really? Totally worth it. They are both SO happy with their sports- and it really is a wonderful thing. High price to pay- yes! But still wonderful!

  22. Chris Carter says

    Janine- Btw- I love love love the look of your site!! I don’t know when you changed it… I’m so unobservant that way!! (Like seriously- I don’t notice anything. My best friend from college lost 30 pounds and I didn’t notice… yeah, that bad.)

    It is so clean and professional and just beautiful!! LOVE it. 🙂

    • Janine says

      Aw, thank you Chris and it was a few months back as I was trying to make the focus more about my writing. Oh and trust me so unobservant here, too though 😉

  23. Jack says

    When I hear can’t I usually respond with a list of all of the things I can’t help the kids with. It is a good attitude adjustment tool.

  27. lisacng @ expandng.com says

    Know exactly what you mean! Kids easily give up. Guess it’s our job to teach them using all the life experiences we have and all the “I can’ts” that we turned into “I can” and “I did”.

  28. Leslie says

    Our three year old used to be so agreeable, but has recently started saying “I can’t” to any request for help. Definitely infuriating. I totally agree with you on the morning sickness, too. It got me bad in my last two pregnancies.

    • Janine says

      I think 6 may be the magic number as seriously it is my 6 year old that is the worst here now, too! God help us for the teen years now and trying so hard to nip this in the bud though still.

  32. Rea says

    Awww, you’re a supermom Janine! As moms, we do as much as we can for our kids. Sometimes I get caught off guard when Reiko says something I don’t like .. such as excessive No, Never Mom. But then again I think he’s just 4 and couldn’t have known any better. Truly, in the world of parenting, patience goes a long way. And the “talking back” is really something we need to work on. Good luck to us!

  34. karen says

    oh boy…I can feel the my shoulders tightening when I read that. AJ now says “no” or “you do it”…OH MY GOD…does he know how lucky he is that I don’t go ballistic on him.

  35. Camille says

    Kay is now past the tantrum stage and onto the back-sassing stage. (Who do I complain to about not getting a break in between those stages?!) I swear sometimes I just want to say, “Well that’s fine, but next time you want something from ME, the answer is NO!!!!” lol.

  36. Aunt Gloria says

    In spite of the stress and distress of parenthood….you do a great job as mom, and Kevin is a great dad too. The girls are growing up and have strong wills…..and I know you encourage them to be independent thinkers. However, it’s not so easy when your 7-year-old comes out with a “smart” answer. Just hang in….one day they will be all grown up and you will be their best friend! Love…….xxoo

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