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By Janine

Tired of Hearing, “Actually I Can’t”!

Filed Under: BLOG, Family Life, Kids Posts, One Word Challenge, parenting Tagged With: Being a Mom, Kids being kids, One Word Blog Challenge, tired

If there is nothing that makes me more annoyed or tired of dealing with more it is the sass mouths and answering back of both my girls in recent times.
 
Don’t get me wrong, I know they are beginning to grow up with both being in school full-time and assert their independence.
 
Still, so it goes..
 
See it started out like any other evening with such potential.
 
It was dinnertime and the girls were playing outdoors on the patio with their Barbie dream house as they ate before my husband got home from work that night.
 
We had decided to eat outdoors as we were barbecuing and is was a warm evening anyways and figured why make the girls move everything to come inside.
 
Dinner went off without a hitch, but it was time for cleanup finding my husband and I both starting to bring stuff inside.
 
At one point, I found myself having more than my two hands could carry and needed help opening the door.  
 
That is when it happened.
 
The words came out of my mouth effortlessly as I asked my older daughter to please open the door for me.
 
When out of nowhere, she replied evenly and yet with snark in her tone, “Actually I can’t.”
 
I felt steam rising from my ears and could feel my head wanting to also explode as her words still hung in the air.
 
Once the dust settled and I rebounded to find the words to speak once again, I told her emphatically that actually she was taking a one way trip to her bedroom as this was truly unacceptable to answer me in this way.
 
However, after this isolated mouthing off was dealt with, I began to think of the things as a mother, I would have liked to say, “Actually, I can’t” to both my girls, but as a mom would never, ever truly be able to say no to, because as much as certain scenarios were unpleasant, still these are my babies and couldn’t say no to them even if I wanted to.  
Actually I can't
But still here are just a few of the gems that I came up with from conception right through early childhood:
  1. Morning sickness – I had nausea (never vomited once), for over 16 weeks both times with both my girls’ pregnancies.  Seriously from about 6 weeks to 20 weeks, as soon as I would put my feet on the ground in the morning until I laid back down at night I would be fighting the overwhelming amount of acid my body was producing.  
  2. Labor – This goes without saying, but still my grandmother was right that we basically are pushing the size of a watermelon out of a hole the size of a lemon and if any man actually had to do this, the human race would indeed die off pretty quickly!
  3. Colic – 1 out of 2 of my children actually had colic and screamed for the first few months of her life never sleeping more than an hour or so during the night.  I swear when I hear a crying and upset baby still, I get sweaty and have bad flashbacks.
  4. Teething – Just when I thought it was safe to go back in the water as colic was ending, teething commenced and all bets were off with a cranky, miserable toddler on my hands.
  5. Potty training – Again 1 out of 2 with my kids were actually an easy potty trainer.  I will try not rat out the offender here, but will say that she also had colic and was a bad teether.  Just saying!
  6. Bedtime negotiations – And now that my girls are old enough to sleep in their beds, we have still have the bed battles of two little girls not wanting to fall asleep without coming up with every excuse in the book, including and not limited to lost teddy bears that need to be found right at this moment in time, another glass of water and even just not being sleepy enough yet to sing or chat in their beds.
  7. Co-sleeping – Even on the nights where they do fall asleep, my younger daughter still will manage to sneak in ninja style into our bed, because she is scared to sleep alone in her bed at night.  Granted, she shares a room with her sister, but in her mind it isn’t the same bed, so that is still being too alone for her taste at times.  So, she isn’t happy unless, she is smack in the middle of my bed and kicking, rolling into or punching me in my sleep for good measure.
  8. Homework wars – Now that school has started again, so begins the nightly homework battles and excuses galore as to why they don’t want to complete the nightly assignment, because they are either too tired, hungry or just not wanting to do it.
  9. Tantrums – As soon as I say something that could rival The Titanic’s Rose’s displeasure, my girls, usually my youngest, will throw a tantrum the size of the Atlantic Ocean to indeed show just how displeased she is and we get to listen to her serenade us with her blood-curdling howls.
  10. Expensive extracurriculars – Soccer, dance gymnastics and more here seem to keep my wallet from being full anymore to be able to purchase anything nice for me at this point in time and still more often than not I find myself putting my hand in my pocket to pay for something for these activities for them.
#Moms when would you like to say no to your kids? #1Word @TheGoldenSpoons

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On second thought after listing these all, what I wouldn’t have given to say just once, “Actually I Can’t!”

This post was also written for the One Word Blog Linkup that is hosted by Lisa of The Golden Spoons and yours truly, too.

The words for this week are: Tired or Superstition; Please feel free to linkup and join us this week.

[inlinkz_linkup id=562567 mode=1]

* A side note for all those, who would like to read further how to write a killer blog post, please feel free to check out my latest SITS Girls article and sign up to get a FREE Blog Article Outline to write killer blog posts.

*Also, I recently updated my advertising rates and reduced my pricing for the fall season.  So, please feel free to check out my pricing and hoping we can work together now.

Signature 2015

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About Janine

Janine is a published author of the books, The Mother of All Meltdowns and Only Trollops Shave Above the Knee. She has been featured on The Huffington Post, Mamapedia, Today Parenting Team and SheKnows. She also runs her own graphic design company at J9 Designs.

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Corinne Rodrigues says

    September 16, 2015 at 6:43 am

    I understand how frustrating that must be for a mom, Janine. But a great mom like you will turn their ‘can’ts’ around.

    • Janine says

      September 16, 2015 at 7:03 am

      Aw, thanks Corinne and truly appreciate your kind words here! 🙂

  2. Nellie says

    September 16, 2015 at 7:02 am

    I can totally relate!! The 5 and 6 year old really start to find their vocabulary so to speak and so test the limits!! I think we totally have that in common. My first child also had colic, was tough to potty train and raised heck! My second one is pretty easy peasy. 🙂

    • Janine says

      September 16, 2015 at 7:03 am

      Nellie, I thought we had quite a bit of this in common and definitely glad if I have to share this with someone it is you! 🙂

  3. Seana Turner says

    September 16, 2015 at 7:48 am

    So many rough times as a Mom where I felt I actually couldn’t survive. Not sleeping was one of the biggies, as my oldest woke up 7-8 times a night for almost 2 years. What we learn as Moms is that we are stronger than we thought, a lesson our daughters (and sons) will also learn, but probably not for many years.

    • Janine says

      September 16, 2015 at 8:15 am

      Seana, couldn’t agree more and hoping that some of these lessons will be learned sooner rather than later though as much as I know they won’t be sadly!

  4. Robin (Masshole Mommy) says

    September 16, 2015 at 8:11 am

    Just wait. Mine are 8 & 11 and the backtalk is out of control here. Especially with my oldest.

    • Janine says

      September 16, 2015 at 8:15 am

      Oh god, I know I am so in for it!!

  5. Leanne@crestingthehill says

    September 16, 2015 at 8:34 am

    backchat and smart mouthing is definitely a girl thing – boys are usually busy ignoring you! It’s tough holding the line but your girls will thank you one day for being firm and not taking too much sass from them (that was my Americanism for the week!) Hang in there – you’re doing a great job!

    • Janine says

      September 16, 2015 at 8:59 am

      Aw, thanks Leanne and I really am not giving up or in. So couldn’t agree more 😉

  6. Liza says

    September 16, 2015 at 9:08 am

    “Actually, I can’t.” Definitely would’ve like that with the endless night time wake-ups during the baby stage. 🙂

    • Janine says

      September 16, 2015 at 9:13 am

      Liza, not going to lie and this is one of the biggest reasons I am so glad the baby years are behind us now 😉

  7. Liza Hawkins says

    September 16, 2015 at 1:08 pm

    I could’ve taken this during the stage of endless night wakings… 😉

    • Confessions of A Mommyaholic says

      September 16, 2015 at 1:13 pm

      You and me both and honestly couldn’t agree with you more, Liza! 😉

  8. Bill says

    September 16, 2015 at 9:45 am

    Oh Janine, I would have been livid if I’d heard those words. I loved being a single parent but honestly I don’t miss it at all. 🙂 Thanks for sharing and Happy Wednesday to you, dear friend.

    • Janine says

      September 16, 2015 at 9:55 am

      Bill, trust me livid doesn’t even begin, but yes I truly was so aggravated when I was answered this way as I know both my girls do know better, but still they are trying to push to see how far they can go I suppose. Thanks Bill and Happy Wednesday once again to you, too my dear friend! 🙂

  9. Echo says

    September 16, 2015 at 10:35 am

    I can definitely relate to this post! Especially with my 4 going on 14 year old! I feel your pain, Janine!

    • Janine says

      September 16, 2015 at 10:47 am

      Echo, that is exactly it. My 4 (almost 5 year old) has been a true nightmare lately and think it is really something with the age as she was such an easy baby, but definitely trying my last nerve as a kid now!

  10. Carrie Groneman says

    September 16, 2015 at 11:13 am

    Oh, the joys aka headaches of being a parent. Totally worth it but Excedrin and chocolate has a place in any mom and dad’s stash drawer, lol. Thanks for the terrific post! Carrie, A Mother’s Shadow

    • Janine says

      September 16, 2015 at 11:20 am

      Carrie,thank god for Excedrin and chocolate as they really are a mom’s best friend! Thanks, my friend always 😉

  11. Diane Roark says

    September 16, 2015 at 10:14 am

    Janine,

    I cannot remember my kids talking back to me but I can remember how they would completely ignore me. They still ignore me at times, especially my teenagers. I was telling them the other day that I pray one day they will understand the stress parents go through and all the things we give up to make them temporarily happy. I continue to remind them their entire life that true love is immediate obedience. God is very clear that if you love Him you will obey.

    I feel your stress!! It may get worse as they become teens. Remind them what true love is.
    Blessings,
    Diane

    • Janine says

      September 16, 2015 at 10:45 am

      Aw, thanks Diane and I know the teen years will most likely be rough. So you are right need to start now to try to keep the teen years from being a complete disaster.

  12. Jennifer (MomCaveTV) says

    September 16, 2015 at 11:40 am

    My son is in this stage now, too! Sometimes I realize that he is saying back something I’ve said to him. Oops.

    • Janine says

      September 16, 2015 at 12:40 pm

      Jennifer, I have had that moment a few times here myself now, too!

  13. Jen says

    September 16, 2015 at 12:49 pm

    I think that would have made me blow my top! Ugh, I lose my patience when my children sass mouth me. It is like I did all your laundry today, fed you all day long, cleaned up after you and you can’t do the one thing I ASK?!! Yep, I feel your pain. Next time just ignore them when they ask you for something and say “You can’t”!

    • Janine says

      September 16, 2015 at 12:52 pm

      Jen, I am so trying that next time, because seriously you are right all that we do in one day and that answer seriously was the icing on the cake as far as I am concerned!

  14. Stephanie says

    September 16, 2015 at 1:15 pm

    Oh, the back talk starts early and stays for a long, long time. I hate to separate it by gender but there is something about the way my daughter speaks to me that is so different from how my sons do. And she’s the one who pushes my buttons with it. Good luck – it is so difficult to deal with. If you find a solution I’m all ears.

    • Janine says

      September 16, 2015 at 1:31 pm

      Stephanie, I wish I could find a solution, but if anyone does I truly hope they share with me and with totally pass along to you, too!

  15. Meredith says

    September 16, 2015 at 2:13 pm

    Sometimes I get so jealous of my kids because they are allowed to say no to things–we parents always must keep going!

    • Janine says

      September 16, 2015 at 2:14 pm

      I know I truly do miss the word, “No” and just saying it for the hell of it now, too!

  16. Julie says

    September 16, 2015 at 3:38 pm

    Ah yes, those are great times to want to say “actually, I can’t” to our littles. When he’s creaming at me while I’m trying to feed him, I want to tell my son “actually, I can’t right now” and leave him covered in goop that he pushed around all over face just to keep it out of his mouth. Sigh lol
    I’ll link up my post tomorrow.

    • Janine says

      September 16, 2015 at 4:38 pm

      Julie, I would love to say, “Actually, I can’t!” anytime one of mine is screaming or crying over something, too!

  17. Lisa @ The Golden Spoons says

    September 16, 2015 at 3:58 pm

    Yes! to all of the above (except I didn’t have much morning sickness). I wish I could also say no to packing lunches, doing their laundry, and cooking meals only to have them turn up their noses! 🙂

    • Janine says

      September 16, 2015 at 4:39 pm

      Yes to all of those, as well! Seriously what I would say no to, if I could, Lisa! 😉

  18. Bev says

    September 16, 2015 at 4:20 pm

    I’m starting to go through these things, including bedtime negotiations and tantrums. Especially with the latter I wanted to say “Actually, I can’t and just walk away!

    • Janine says

      September 16, 2015 at 4:39 pm

      Bev, the tantrums are the worst and my almost 5 year old is the master at those. So over them here, as well!

  19. Dana says

    September 16, 2015 at 8:14 pm

    Oh, that sass drives me crazy! My kids know better than to say something like that to me now, but they certainly didn’t when they were your girls’ ages. Hang in there, Janine!

    • Janine says

      September 16, 2015 at 8:51 pm

      Thanks Dana and hope mine do at the very least learn to know better, too as they get older now.

  20. Tamara says

    September 16, 2015 at 8:15 pm

    Ah, wouldn’t it be a luxury to say, “Actually, I can’t!”?
    I have to confess that I have done it. I have actually crumpled and fallen apart and let Cassidy and Scarlet pick up the pieces! Maybe Des one day too.

    • Janine says

      September 16, 2015 at 8:52 pm

      Total luxury and will admit (and think you know) I have said this to puke and the one thing I still can’t do here. Thank god for Kevin with this one!!

  21. Chris Carter says

    September 16, 2015 at 9:33 pm

    I’m tired of hearing “Mom, can you make me a…” <—- Fill in the blank with something edible- any food at all.

    Well, actually, I can't! Get up and make it yourself!!

    Sometimes I can pull that off- if it's an easy thing to make. And it's rather MARVELOUS!!

    Oh, do I remember the things you shared. And there are quite a few I wrestle with still now… ESPECIALLY the price of the kids' sports. Oh me GEE! But really? Totally worth it. They are both SO happy with their sports- and it really is a wonderful thing. High price to pay- yes! But still wonderful!

    • Janine says

      September 17, 2015 at 6:34 am

      Me too, Chris!!!

  22. Chris Carter says

    September 16, 2015 at 9:43 pm

    Janine- Btw- I love love love the look of your site!! I don’t know when you changed it… I’m so unobservant that way!! (Like seriously- I don’t notice anything. My best friend from college lost 30 pounds and I didn’t notice… yeah, that bad.)

    It is so clean and professional and just beautiful!! LOVE it. 🙂

    • Janine says

      September 17, 2015 at 6:36 am

      Aw, thank you Chris and it was a few months back as I was trying to make the focus more about my writing. Oh and trust me so unobservant here, too though 😉

  23. Jack says

    September 17, 2015 at 3:14 am

    When I hear can’t I usually respond with a list of all of the things I can’t help the kids with. It is a good attitude adjustment tool.

    • Janine says

      September 17, 2015 at 6:37 am

      Jack, I love the way you think!!!

  24. Meredith Spidel says

    September 17, 2015 at 11:08 am

    Loved this post–so real and true!

    • Confessions of A Mommyaholic says

      September 17, 2015 at 11:15 am

      Aw, thanks so much again, Meredith!!! <3

  25. Sisterhood of the Sensible Mom says

    September 17, 2015 at 9:06 am

    Man, I wish “I can’t even” was a thing when my daughter was going through colic. 🙂 Ellen

    • Janine says

      September 17, 2015 at 9:15 am

      Ellen, you and me both! Seriously, don’t miss those days one bit.

  26. Ellen Gale Williams says

    September 17, 2015 at 1:09 pm

    Brings to mind, “I can’t even.”

    • Confessions of A Mommyaholic says

      September 17, 2015 at 1:11 pm

      Yes, totally does, Ellen!!!

  27. lisacng @ expandng.com says

    September 17, 2015 at 2:55 pm

    Know exactly what you mean! Kids easily give up. Guess it’s our job to teach them using all the life experiences we have and all the “I can’ts” that we turned into “I can” and “I did”.

    • Janine says

      September 17, 2015 at 6:59 pm

      Very much agree, Lisa and definitely on us to teach right from wrong.

  28. Leslie says

    September 17, 2015 at 8:18 pm

    Our three year old used to be so agreeable, but has recently started saying “I can’t” to any request for help. Definitely infuriating. I totally agree with you on the morning sickness, too. It got me bad in my last two pregnancies.

    • Janine says

      September 17, 2015 at 10:50 pm

      I know definitely infuriating and also the morning sickness was truly the worst!

  29. Rabia @TheLiebers says

    September 18, 2015 at 8:51 am

    My kids have been rather sass-mouthed lately too. I”m getting rather tired of it and we are working on not talking back to each other or parents in our house.

    • Janine says

      September 18, 2015 at 8:53 am

      Rabia, we totally have to work on this as you can see, but glad it isn’t just us!

  30. Elizabeth Flora Ross says

    September 18, 2015 at 10:46 am

    Ugh. The sass that can come out of my 6yo daughter’s mouth seriously blows me backwards sometimes. It is hard to deal with, but we are working on it in our home, too.

    • Janine says

      September 18, 2015 at 10:48 am

      I think 6 may be the magic number as seriously it is my 6 year old that is the worst here now, too! God help us for the teen years now and trying so hard to nip this in the bud though still.

  31. Sacha says

    September 18, 2015 at 9:51 pm

    I hear you! is not easy but we get through the rough years, I promise they go by fast lolzz

    • Janine says

      September 18, 2015 at 9:55 pm

      Thanks so much, Sasha! 😉

  32. Rea says

    September 19, 2015 at 7:47 pm

    Awww, you’re a supermom Janine! As moms, we do as much as we can for our kids. Sometimes I get caught off guard when Reiko says something I don’t like .. such as excessive No, Never Mom. But then again I think he’s just 4 and couldn’t have known any better. Truly, in the world of parenting, patience goes a long way. And the “talking back” is really something we need to work on. Good luck to us!

    • Janine says

      September 19, 2015 at 8:43 pm

      Aw, good luck to us both, Rea 😉

  33. Rosie Jensing says

    September 20, 2015 at 2:36 pm

    Good post Janine. I can totally relate 🙂

    • Janine says

      September 20, 2015 at 2:58 pm

      Aw, thank you Rosie and so glad you could relate, too 😉

  34. karen says

    September 21, 2015 at 12:29 pm

    oh boy…I can feel the my shoulders tightening when I read that. AJ now says “no” or “you do it”…OH MY GOD…does he know how lucky he is that I don’t go ballistic on him.

    • Janine says

      September 21, 2015 at 12:30 pm

      Karen, I know the feeling well and took all my restraint not lose it on Emma either!

  35. Camille says

    September 21, 2015 at 11:07 pm

    Kay is now past the tantrum stage and onto the back-sassing stage. (Who do I complain to about not getting a break in between those stages?!) I swear sometimes I just want to say, “Well that’s fine, but next time you want something from ME, the answer is NO!!!!” lol.

    • Janine says

      September 22, 2015 at 6:39 am

      Camille, I am one behind you, but I know no break here for a bit either and I am having a similar response to Emma now, as well.

  36. Aunt Gloria says

    September 21, 2015 at 11:11 pm

    In spite of the stress and distress of parenthood….you do a great job as mom, and Kevin is a great dad too. The girls are growing up and have strong wills…..and I know you encourage them to be independent thinkers. However, it’s not so easy when your 7-year-old comes out with a “smart” answer. Just hang in….one day they will be all grown up and you will be their best friend! Love…….xxoo

    • Janine says

      September 22, 2015 at 6:39 am

      Aw, thanks Aunt Gloria and got my fingers crossed you are right xoxo!

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