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The Top 10 Things You Should Never Say to A Mom

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“Only girls? No boys?” I can honestly say this is just one of many things that someone should never say to a mom. 

But waiting at the airport to board a plane to go to Disney World for our recent vacation, I was asked this by a complete stranger. Why? Simply because she noticed I was the mom to two girls.

I honestly was taken aback. Plus, I was caught off guard by this person’s sheer and blatant rudeness.

But still, this comment most definitely irked me and got under my skin.

Think about it. Why would anyone think asking a mom a question like this would be considered OK?

However, I calmly answered her while looking her directly in the eyes, “Yes two girls, no boys and wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Then, I did my best turn my attention away from her for the rest of our delayed wait at the airport.

Still weeks after, I can’t help but think about this one simple comment. See it wasn’t the first time I was asked an intrusive question by a complete stranger. See I have heard many things that others should never say to a mom over the years.

Top 10 Things You Should Never Say to A Mom

Because of this, I decided to compile a list of things one should never say to a mom.

Take a look at my list below:

The Top 10 Things You Should Never Say to A Mom

1. How far along are you? Pregnant or not!

Let me just say it that it is never OK to ask this question. Because whether the woman is pregnant or not, it truly isn’t anyone’s business at all.  I mean I have been pregnant twice, but not anymore, so clearly if asked this question now might just have had a large lunch, be bloated or be that time of the month.  Enough said and move on!

2. Do you know what you are having?  You look you are having a boy or girl…

Maybe I wanted to know or maybe I don’t, but that was up to me.  OK, I wanted to know and found out with both my pregnancies.

So, if a trained doctor told me I was having a boy or a girl, there is no need to argue with what he/she has been trained to do.  I literally lost count how many times during both my pregnancies that people tried to argue that I wasn’t having a girl but a boy just by the way I was carrying after I was told and shown that they were clearly girls. Seven and five years later, I can attest that both were girls and my doctor was indeed correct.

3. What a cute boy (when it is clearly dressed in pink, bows or dresses, too). 

True story, I was in TGIFridays for a meal out after having my first, who just happened to be a baby girl.  She was in a cute pink dress with a pink headband bow on her little head along with a pink frilly blanket covering her, when another patron that night put her head right into the infant car seat she was slumbering in to tell us, “What an adorable little boy we had,” because my baby was bald.  Bald to this person clearly meant boy no matter what color I dressed my daughter in.

4. When are you having another one? 

I probably didn’t hear this much after my first as I was pregnant in less than a year, but after my second, I lost count how many times strangers would ask me this question, which once again was not anything that they should or needed to concerns themselves with.  Plus, I am pretty sure having 2 babies under the age of 2 should have given me a pass on having more babies at least for a time.  Over 5 years since my youngest though, I still not having another and that is my final answer!

[clickToTweet tweet=”When are you having another kid? Plus 9 other things never to say to a mom.” quote=”When are you having another kid? Plus 9 other things never to say to a mom.” theme=”style1″]

5. Is he/she sleeping through the night?

This one irked me more than you know, especially having had a colicky first baby.  Not all babies sleep through the night miraculously. So for god sakes please don’t feel the need to share on overdrive how your kid, grandkid or friend’s kid sleep through the night after a week!

6. He/she doesn’t look anything like you.

Got this one often enough, because yes my first looked just like her dad.  I took it in stride, but honestly just once I would have liked to answer, “Well thank god for science, because you know she has both my DNA and my husband’s, so she was bound to look like one of us!”

7. You look tired.

Again this is a given when you have kids, especially two babies under the age of 2 and if I looked anything less it would have shocked the crap out of me.  Just saying!

8. You are feeding your kid that?!

For any parent, who has a picky kid, you have my sympathies and clearly if you don’t then mind your damn business.  It is just a good day, when my picky eater actually eats a meal without complaints.  So, as long as she is eating something edible, I am over the moon happy!

9 Are they twins?

If you have kids who are close in age than you probably have heard this one as often as I have.  By the way, just once I would like to answer, “Why yes they are” instead of “Well, they are 16 months apart and my older is small for her age, while my younger is just average”, because the latter is a mouthful and exhausting!

10. Wow, my 4 year old is the same size as your 7 year old.

Again, some kids are small for their age and well some aren’t.  Genetics may come into play here or maybe not.  Still, just like no two snowflakes are alike neither are kids.  So, lay off the size comparisons.

What not to say to a mom #lists

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Again these are 10 things one should never say to a mom. However, I have heard all of these and than some. Plus, let me say that they never get old.  Still I recommend that you never say to a mom any of the above.

What are some Never Say to A Mom things have you been asked?

Tell me in the comments…

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About Janine

Janine is a published author of the books, The Mother of All Meltdowns and Only Trollops Shave Above the Knee. She has been featured on The Huffington Post, Mamapedia, Today Parenting Team and SheKnows. She also runs her own graphic design company at J9 Designs.

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Kendall says

    I agree, all of these are rude to ask any parent/mother. I will confess, before I was a Mom myself I was guilty of asking some of these questions. Actually, once when I was a teen, I asked a cashier how far along she was – she wasn’t pregnant. I felt really guilty and don’t tend to ask women about pregnancy unless it’s offered up as information!

    Also, I’ll add that I don’t think women/Moms should be commented at about their parenting choices in public! 🙂

    • Janine says

      Sorry, you have been on the receiving end, Kendall and admit that I probably put my foot in my own mouth in my younger days before having kids. That said, I agree also about moms/women not commenting in public about other moms parenting choices, as well.

  3. kristin mccarthy says

    Spot On! I have FOUR girls including identical twin toddlers…

    Imagine the questions.

    My fav is older men who say “Dont you and your husband know how this keeps happening?”

    No. Please tell me so I can stop this insanity elderly rude stranger man. 🙂

    • Janine says

      Kristin, so not right and seriously I need to most definitely come up with a better comeback for this ASAP now. Maybe something like, “Don’t you ever think before you speak?” And that is putting it nicely and mildly though!!

  4. Emily says

    I so relate to all of these, especially the gender one! As a mom to three boys, I constantly got asked the no girls? Question by total strangers and it annoyed me so much!!

    • Janine says

      Emily, I am so not sure what gives or makes other think they can ask this type of question. Sorry you too have been on the receiving end, as well on the flip side. Really just is so annoying and does make me angry, as well!!!

  5. Seana Turner says

    Oh Janine, I’ve experience so many of these! Having 2 girls, I often got the one about not having a boy.. implying that we were somehow lacking of that my husband must be disappointed. I hated that! Also the girls were often asked if they were twins, and they are 4 years apart – so that never went over well with the older one. The sleep one — it was 3 years before I could say yes to that one (and by then, people were no longer asking.) My daughter’s inability to sleep through the night felt like a huge failure of my motherhood, so wonderful reminder to avoid that question!

    • Janine says

      Sean, so sorry you too have experienced the girl question and usually I have powered through it, but this time I couldn’t help feel irked and overall annoyance from it as it was the person’s attitude more than anything that just got under my skin. And the sleep one or the lack thereof, had me too feeling like a huge failure as a mother way back when. Hugs again and thanks also once again for sharing, too.

  6. Kathy at kissing the frog says

    Some people just have no tact or manners. I have gotten the “FOUR BOYS?!” comment A LOT, followed by the “So are you trying for a girl?” Now I’m just blunt and say, “Nope, I’m too old.” Great list!

  7. Kristen Hewitt says

    You look tired is just a nice way of saying, “you look like crap”! Great post! And I’m sorry she said that! People say things all the time though….just their way of making small talk I suppose.

    • Janine says

      Kristen, agreed about the tired line and also about small talk, but just something about the way she said it and looked at me that got under my skin, I suppose.

  8. William Holland says

    “How far along are you?” is a death wish because what if the woman isn’t pregnant? I have learned to just keep my mouth shut. Say something nice and move on…..that’s my current motto. LOL

    Happy Tuesday my friend!

  9. Kathy Radigan says

    I was always surprised how annoyed I could sometimes get when strangers would say things to me. Especially with my first because he is blonde and blue eyed and my husband and I are not. People would just stare and then say, is he really yours? I usually said, yup, I got the C-section scar to prove it! I also hated people who would get annoyed with me when I would tell them that my very tall daughter was really 7. She can’t be! Well, uh, she is. Lol! xoxo But then again, I know I have asked people if they know what they are having, so I guess it can go both ways! xo

  10. Amanda || Growing Up Madison says

    I have actually had a few of those and even just recently some asked if Madison was a boy, even though she clearly looks like a girl. I can be snarky but I just now just ignore and ignore. I’ve had people even ask me “is he her dad, she looks nothing like him”, like seriously?! People are just rude in general.

  12. Diane Roark says

    Janine,

    I am feeling your pain with this one. I have gotten the stupidest questions. LIke: Are those all your kids? The youngest two don’t look like you? No Joke! They were adopted! and on and on.
    Most people do not mean any harm. They are just insensitive and rude people with bad manners.
    I try to educate them as best I can but it is so DIFFICULT!
    Amen!
    Blessings,
    Diane

    • Janine says

      Aw, Diane you are truly my hero always and so sorry you too have been asked such like this, but love your take still. Hugs!!

  13. Jen says

    I think I have had run ins with all of the items on your list. Oh and get this one, on Sunday I was sitting in the foyer of church listening to 2 men talk. One man asked the other man who was very newly wed when they were going to have children! The man answered calmly, but I was like oh my goodness do not ask that question and thank heavens it wasn’t the wife who was asked!

  14. Nellie says

    It’s totally not shocking that I have absolutely heard SO much of these! I get asked “when is the girl coming” at least 3 times a week–I usually respond with “when you pay for her to come” lol gets them every time.

  15. Dana says

    My girlfriend is the mother of fraternal twins – a boy and a girl. She has been asked if they are identical. What??? Last I checked, boys and girls can’t be identical. Duh!

  16. Allie G smith says

    Janine, I am continuously astounded by the rude comments people make…and often not intendeing to be rude. The lack of common sense is sad. You can imagine what a hear with my special motley crew?.

  17. Candace says

    I never realized until I had kids of my own how rude and intrusive some of these questions can be. And now that I know how many friends I have that experienced issues with getting pregnant, #4 is probably one of the worst. You have no idea what that mom may be going through or they’ve had a kid and that’s enough for them or I don’t know – it’s not financially affordable. It’s amazing how insensitive people are and they don’t realize that they’re being somewhat rude. This was a great list!

    • Janine says

      Thanks Candace and I agree about all of the above, especially #4, because you really don’t know the reason why a couple might not be having a baby and nor is it any of anyone’s business either though.

  18. Aunt Gloria says

    Never could understand how out of touch some people can be! I remember a friend of mine who had gained weight and was wearing a moo moo type dress being asked if she was “with child.” Her reply: No, I’m with fat! I thought that was precious. I think you shared what so many people experience. Got to keep a sense of humor after all! xxoo

  19. April G says

    The “You look tired” statement is terrible. I was really sick for the last few weeks. I had countless people let me know how terrible I looked and/or sounded (my voice was going). I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do with that information. Am I supposed to say “Thank you” or “I know” or run home and hide?

    And YES, the twins thing! To top it off, my girls are different skin colors and don’t look a thing alike.

    • Janine says

      Oh man, April I would have just wanted to punch someone if I heard that over and over for a few days let alone a few weeks. And I know the twins comment gets me every time here, too!!

  20. M. E. Matthews says

    I have a set of twins and then my daughter two years older. Everyone always say oh, cool triplets. It hurts her feelings, especially when they were 4 and she was 6. She was like I’m a big girl I’m not a baby. She’s always been small for her age and they’re big for theirs. I would say people can be rude but it’s not rudeness , they just don’t think before they open their mouths.

    • Janine says

      I totally agree that many just don’t truly think before opening their mouths and so sorry that this has happened to your girl, too.

  21. Rea says

    People often asked me when I’m going to have a second baby! I just tell them “oh you’ll find out soon, in fact I already have a name for her”.. LOL. But in my mind, of course I’m definitely okay with one kid but if we’re given another one, I’ll gladly accept.

  22. the frenchie mummy says

    I think that sometimes people can’t resist but says something. They often don’t realise that they are rude…When I was pregnant, I hated people touching my bump without asking. It happened a couple of times. You are so shocked and surprised you sometimes don’t know how to react… Great post! I think a nailed a lot of rude things to say to a pregnant woman. #SHINEbloghop

    • Janine says

      Thanks French Mummy and I also had people touch my bump without asking back during both my past pregnancies. You are right a lot of this is not even realizing that they are being rude, but still just irks me in all honesty.

  23. Maria says

    Definitely been there, Janine! The the “when are you having another one?” gets to be fairly easily. I don’t mind it when my in-laws asks. That’s part of their job description of being grandparents–to want more grand kids. However, any other ones that it irks me. It’s one of those questions that could go either way–what if I was having trouble getting pregnant? What if we don’t want another one? What if I am pregnant but it’s too early to share the news? It’s one of those loaded questions that are just, for me, too insensitive to even ask. And I’m glad you feel the same way.
    Thanks for sharing this with us on #shinebloghop!

    • Janine says

      Thank you once again, Maria for hosting and I truly with you on all of these just being too insensitive for me to even begin to fathom asking of another mother in all honesty.

  24. Whitney says

    I’m glad I’m not the only one that thinks comments like these are rude – I’m like “IF it were any of your business, I would answer you….” lol.
    by the way, just found your blog from the shine blog hop! excited to be following along!

    • Janine says

      I love your response and happy that you did find my blog, as it sounds like we have similar reactions to this totally!!

  25. Bev says

    Yikes, people ask some really awkward and rude questions! When Eve was a baby I had her in an adorable outfit of gray overalls with blue, yellow, and red stripes; a coordinating shirt; and a little bow in her hair. A woman came over and said “Are you a boy? You must be because you’re wearing boys’ clothing!” When I told her that Eve was in fact a boy, she then said to Eve “You are obviously wearing hand-me-downs!” >:-(

    • Janine says

      Really, that just irked me more than you know reading and sorry you, too had to deal with such a rude and unthinking person, as well at that time Bev!

  26. Leslie says

    I hate it when people say “you look tired”, no matter who they’re talking to. It’s just a socially acceptable way of saying you look like dirt. And it always seems to be reserved for women. What’s up with that?

  27. Kristi Campbell says

    People can be SUCH jerks! Once, somebody saw me with Tucker and my step-daughter. She said “you must be grandma!” I was like, nope, I’m mom. And instead of shutting up, she went on to say “Wow, you waited a long time!” OMG REALLY@?!?!?
    I hate the size question too… my brothers and my mom are all on the short side and I know it bothers them. Because of that, I also don’t like when people make Tucker being tall like he did something “right” because again OMG! Awesome list, Janine!

  28. Tamara says

    I get #10 a lot.. because kids are growing monsters today or something. If I’m really pissed, which is rare, I say” “Yes, I was the same way so she’ll probably grow up to be 5′ 8″ and 115 pounds. Sucks for her. Not”
    That would take a lot, though! But.. grrr..
    I hate people telling me my family is complete because I have one of each. What if I want three daughters to feel complete?

    • Janine says

      I know exactly what you mean and will say that it really isn’t anyone’s decision to tell us how many kids we have is the right amount by far!!

  29. Wendy says

    I think I’ve heard most of these, too. The one that hurt the most was #4 because it just couldn’t happen for us, as much as we wanted it. My daughter looked so much like my husband when she was a baby that people used to joke, “Well, we know who the real dad is!” I will never forget taking my baby inside an interstate rest area and a woman telling me she had my exact hair color. I thanked her profusely, but didn’t mention the fact that I had taken my child to the store and held her little head up to the samples of every single hair color box until I found the closest shade! There had to be SOMETHING of me in this child, even if I had to fake it, haha! Honestly, though, I’ve made many of these same mistakes myself, mostly just trying to make conversation and be friendly. It wasn’t until I was on the receiving end that I realized how insensitive these questions could be. Even with a 20 year old, I have people still ask why we only had one, and I always try to remind myself of their intentions, not my feelings. 🙂

    • Janine says

      Wendy, I can’t say enough that sometimes until we are on the receiving end that we just have no idea how rude and insensitive these types of comments can be. I am so sorry that you had to indeed be on the receiving end and can’t thank you enough for sharing your experiences here with me today though, too. 😉

  31. Cheryl @The Long Way to Go says

    When we were expecting our 6th child, with 5 little girls in tow in the grocery store, I was often asked, “I bet you’re hoping for a boy!” Finally I changed my answer to, “Nope! We are hoping for another girl! Think we’ll be successful???” Haha! Baby was a girl. So we had 6 girls before our first son was born (whom we named Isaac: the long awaited for son!). With 11 children now, we’ve heard all of these, and many more. One that really cracks me up “Are you done???” Yeah, because 12 children would just be WAAaaay too many! Haha!

  32. catherine gacad says

    1. i have never asked anyone if they were pregnant because i’ve heard my fair share of horror stories. when i was in my early twenties, our CEO said he was in a department store and asked someone when she was due. she was aghast, “i’m not pregnant!” from then on, i learned never to ask.

    7. i actually get/got this a lot…whether i’m single, married, pregnant or a mother!

    9. i still get the twin one. my sister and i are always asked if we are twin. we are not! we are 20 months apart.

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