“Oh no. He doesn’t care about anyone, but himself.” – My almost 6 year after this past election about Donald Trump.
First things first. I make it a policy to never discuss a few different things in general.
One of them is politics.
See I truly have believed that no good can come from that.
Even in my own home, I rarely would speak about this topic at length, especially in front of my young kids.
Why?
Because they are still merely children. Therefore, I believed they shouldn’t have to carry the burden or worry at such a young age.
When they are a bit older though, I liked to think I will be able to discuss my beliefs with them openly and honestly.
Although even when they are older, I know it will hurt me to see them upset or worrying. So, I felt I might still tread lightly.
Still don’t get me wrong, I have my beliefs. They are mine and mine only. But I would never try to force those upon anyone else though nor do I believe that what I feel politically should be felt by the next person.
See to me this is a personal, private decision that should not be made by someone else or influenced by others.
For weeks and even months, I saw all the Facebook posts from friends and family discussing their own political beliefs, as well as who they were in support of.
But again, I never once posted my own political feelings on social media. Nor did I even discuss it with anyone at length, especially once again my kids. I also didn’t tell anyone who I would vote for. That to me is once again a personal and private decision.
Also, I truly am not confrontational nor did I want to argue with anyone over this.
So I was surprised when I casually mentioned the election results the morning following, that my youngest voiced her above concerns.
By the way, my intentions weren’t to upset either of my kids that morning. But rather to inform them, because I began to have a feeling they would get an earful at school that day.
Again, I am not naive in my thinking, especially with politics.
But this political election wasn’t your normal average election. Still, I kept my innermost feelings to myself for better or worse.
I think no matter what side you were on could at least agree with me on that.
Then again, this is probably the most you could agree on.
Because with this most recent election sadly came so much dissension, so much hate, anger and much more negative emotions from both sides.
Also, I wish I could say that I could agree to disagree with the opposing side myself and be the bigger person. But in all honesty, even I am having trouble now with just that even days later. Honestly and humbly confessing that here.
Especially upon hearing my younger daughter dearly express why she was in opposition of our now president elect.
Apparently, she did know more than I originally had thought or even shared with her.
That being said, when she uttered her feelings to me, I was upset for her.
Rightfully so, because she isn’t even 6 years old. So, for her to be scared or worrying made my mom heart ache and my head hurt.
But at almost 40 years old, I very much did have my quiet worries and concerns. Hell, I stayed up into the wee hours of that past night watching as the results came in for this very reason.
So by the time my kids were getting up that next morning, I was physically and mentally exhausted.
Yet, I put my big girl pants on and we talked about the results even though I had trouble putting some of my own feelings into proper words.
I just hope and pray our conversation made even a small difference for them. Because even at almost 40, I still am not sure what to feel or think after the dust is settling now.
But the honest, emotional, and mostly age-appropriate conversation, that ensued after my younger daughter’s admission, made me realize something.
That even though politics shouldn’t be shared casually or thoughtlessly, they should be discussed with those closest to us as rationally as possible. Again, I did just that with both my girls.
And even today, I finally had a very open, civilized and mature conversation with a group of friends, who each voted for one or the other candidate.
By the way publicly, I had my reasons for who I supported. I also didn’t make this decision lightly. Even though I didn’t discuss them at length, I most certainly followed this election. I read up on all the issues knowing where each candidate stood on them. I educated myself to be best equipped before coming to my final decision.
So, for my girls, as well as my decision to converse with these ladies being able to agree to disagree, I am going to be vocal in my own space.
Therefore, I think this simple hashtag will speak for itself: #iamstillwithher
In closing, I am not asking you to agree with my political choice nor I am opening a debate here today. Because again, I have a right to my feelings and so do you. Therefore I would hope that we could agree to disagree, if this is the case.
*This was written expressly for Finding Ninee’s Finish the Sentence Friday (FTSF). The sentence to complete was: “When it comes to the unexpected or to change…”
Lisa @ The Meaning of Me says
It’s so hard when our children are small to have to deal with topics like these. I often wish I could just keep all of the negative away from my daughter, but I can’t. And while I certainly filter what she sees and hears, I can’t be with her all of the time and other people, other information sources will get to her. I would so much rather that she was aware of things at a reasonable level for her age and that she get that information from us, here at home. I find much comfort knowing that my husband and I are teaching her about things like this election and why people behave as they do and how to interact with them, and so much more and not “the kid on the bus,” as my mom always says. Hang in there, mom. This is scary stuff but you’re doing it!
Janine says
Thanks Lisa and I do agree it is very hard to try to filter stuff for our kids, especially this past election and the results of it. Sounds like you, too are doing all you can with your daughter, as well. So, I give you tons of credit, as well.
catherine gacad says
i am grieving. this election is hard for me, but i want to move on and be very respectful. i want to be open and kind, and i want our next generation to model these good behaviors. i am lucky. my son is only 2.5 years old. i am hearing horror stories from other mothers including my sister who said that my nephews (elementary school age) went to bed crying over how the election looked to be turning out. i applaud you for having a civil, open and informed dialogue with your daughters.
Janine says
Catherine, I want to do the same believe me, but like you I am honestly ad humbly having a hard time still. Hearing about your nephew’s reaction makes me feel terrible and this is just one of the issues I have with the way politics, especially during this election, has been handled in our society in front of our young, impressionable kids. Also, thank you for your kind words about how I handled this in our home.
Ginny Marie says
This has been the worst election that I remember, but I have to believe that we can get through this together, as a country. Emotions are running very high right now, and I hope our new President-Elect is up to the task of being a President for all Americans, as he said in his speech. I’m not sure he is…so I’m praying and refusing to give up hope!
Janine says
I couldn’t have said this better and I am trying to remain positive, as well, but again not going to mince words am sincerely having trouble and have my reservations in all honesty, as well.
Dara says
I was so shocked that so many people in our country supported him and not her. This was the first election that mattered to me so much and that my kids knew so much about (especially since they are the oldest they have been, being 4 years since the last presidential election) and they knew I was upset by the results. It is a sad thing now.
Janine says
Dara, I know and trust me I was and am still in shock. After having spoken to someone who did indeed support Trump over Hillary yesterday rationally, I did hear and get why someone would have voted for him. But still, I am having an extremely hard time wrapping my brain around it. Logically, all my senses tell me that this is just wrong, but then again the other side somehow believes this, as well. I truly am at a loss and admit here I don’t have any answers sadly.
Emily says
I am the same way – I am very private about my political beliefs and do not like to get into heated discussions about it. However, it is true that our children will be influenced by our own political views and will likely support the candidates that we support. This election was definitely not “normal” and so it’s not surprising to me that kids as young as yours have been affected by it. However, I hope we can all move forward and accept our new President and pray he can lead the country in a positive direction…
Janine says
Emily, I agree and I guess, because my kids are still on the younger side, I didn’t want to impose my views on them, especially how intense and heated this election was. That said, I am trying to be hopeful here, but as I have said to a few other commenters, I am struggling openly and honestly here.
William Holland says
Politics and religion: keep me out of those conversations. I’m disappointed in the results of the election but now it’s time for me to move on and do everything in my power to make this a better place to live.
Happy Friday, my friend.
Janine says
Bill, I am with you on both counts. And yes as I said I am definitely disappointed, but trying to move on with grace now. Although, once again easier said than done. Happy Friday back at you.
Nellie says
The crazy thing is that my kids knew SO many details about the election I was shocked! It’s totally my fault but I guess I was surprised by how MUCH they knew! I am also still with her. This is a really crazy time in our country.
Janine says
Nellie, maybe I should have been more vocal in front of my girls, but I hated how heated and just how much anger was generated by this election. But still they heard as I can’t keep them in a bubble outside of the home by any means. And as you know we are on the same page as I am still with her and crazy times indeed, my friend.
Kenya G. Johnson says
Yeah even though Christopher is twice Emma’s age some of his questions suprised me as well. We don’t talk about politics openly here either. I definitley didn’t know how to responsd to his sigh and “Now what?” on the day after.
Janine says
The ironic thing is I am very liberal probably from going up in NYC as a kid, but I still hate discussing politics or religion, as well as I feel like that is just a private and personal thing. Still, I hate just as you how I don’t have all the answers on this one for my girls either, Kenya.
Courtney says
Even though the president has a lot of power, it’s not the ultimate. I’m a little uneasy that one side cleaned house in congress and there are supreme court seats that will be appointed, but it’s still not the end of it. There are SO MANY elections and opportunities to be heard that nobody pays attention to. Time to roll up our sleeves between presidential elections.
Janine says
Very true Courtney and I do know about the three branches, as well as checks and balances, too. And yes there are always mid-term elections to help with this, as well. But I think the big fear and picture here is about that one person at the helm now. I don’t want to speak for others, but I do know that is at the very least the case for me. Having seen him in action over the years, as well as this past election that is what just doesn’t sit right with me I admit.
Rabia @ The Liebers says
You know, the problem with not discussing politics with young children is that not every one has that sense of decency. My kids didn’t hear about Trump or Clinton from me, but they certainly heard abut them from somewhere and not all of the things they heard (about either side) were true. I think I’ve learned that it less important to be private and more important for my kids to hear age-appropriate, rational viewpoints.
Janine says
Rabia, said perfectly and yes I couldn’t agree more from what I did encounter as I shared above.
Kristi Campbell says
I was surprised by how much my son knew, too. The kids at his school were talking about having to leave the country if they weren’t peach. Sigh. #imstillwithher too. xo
Janine says
Aw, that truly makes me so upset and angry at the same time. Really just so not right nor fair by any means. And glad that you are still with her, too.
Dana says
I completely understand your feelings, Janine. My kids know anything they want to know about this election, and I can’t shelter them. But unlike with your kids, I don’t want to shelter them – they are adults or almost adults, and they need to be informed. Still, I hate the fact that this was my daughter’s first voting experience. It was a mean, nasty circus.
Janine says
Thank you Dana and I feel terrible just knowing that this was your daughter’s first voting experience as you are right it was just a mean, nasty circus indeed.
Jen says
A few years ago my husband and I stood up against some policies we disagreed with, not people, but our activity lead to our phones being tapped and some other sad things that should not happen when one peacefully voices an opposing view. So when asked, I tell everyone to speak out, show kindness and grace while doing it and the world really will be a better place for you having done it.
Janine says
Great advice, but so very sorry you and your husband experienced that, Jen.
Lisa @ The Golden Spoons says
My kids have been so wrapped up in this election. My older happens to be taking a civics class this semester and they even had to watch the first debate as a homework assignment! Of course, none of mine can actually vote yet, but we had some very deep conversations about the issues, BOTH candidates’ stances, and the whole election process. On election day as we drove to school (and before the results were in) I asked them, “If you could vote, who would you choose?” Three daughters gave three different answers – one for Trump, one for Clinton, and one undecided. I felt good about that because I felt like it showed that we had discussed it fairly – I had early voted so already made my choice – which meant that two of the three had a different opinion than me. I think, in politics, there is usually no right or wrong – just differences of opinion. What I think is right, others think is wrong – that’s just the nature of the beast. I am usually very private about my politics because I have family and friends who are passionately on both sides. But, I think at a time when things are so divided, these conversations are extremely important as long as they can be handled civilly and respectfully – which you have done here very well. XOXO
Janine says
Aw, Lisa it sounds to me that you did a great job discussing, informing and educating your child during this past election. So I think you did an amazing job with your kids, as well. Hugs and thank you for sharing more with me here, as well. xoxo
Bev says
I feel fortunate that Eve was shielded from the intense emotions of this election, but it has been a reminder for me to talk about the importance of tolerance, love, and compassion for others. We’ve been talking a lot more about how it’s ok to be different, that doesn’t make someone better or worse, and that we have to use kinds words with other people.
Janine says
Very much agree Bev and it is kindness that matters above all.
Sheela Goh says
My daughter, Eve, is 17 and she has been very vocal about her political views from the get go (she has been tweeting #imwithher since day one, and just published a post on why she’s still a Clinton supporter, her blog is theworldaccordingtoeve.com), and I am so thankful that hers are in line with mine and that of my husband. If they hadn’t been, I would not have forced my opinion upon her but I would’ve wondered why.
I too do not speak about politics and religion in general because I find both topics far too personal and subjective to dissect and debate. I will, however, say that I do not know which was scarier – the end results themselves or the fact that there are people living amongst my midst who actually condone the idea of a racist, sexist, misogynist as head of nation. I walk around very cautiously these days in Texas, as an Asian immigrant who also happens to be female. Ignorance leads to fear and fear, in turn, breeds paranoia. That middle school movement, “Build that wall” in Michigan? That petrifies me, the thought of a future generation that is prejudiced against race, creed and faith, is beyond my comprehension. And the realisation that we are now led by someone who, clearly, does not understand that words have consequences.
I pray that emotions will calm down in the days to come as, hopefully, actions become clearer, opportunities more apparent, and we can move forward with purpose.
Thank you for sharing this, Janine.
#iamstillwithher
Janine says
Thank you Sheela for sharing your thoughts, as well as your daughter’s here today. I couldn’t agree with you more with most if not all what you said to me in your comment, especially about not knowing which indeed is scarier. I was raised to see good in all, as well as to treat others they way I’d like to be treated in return. So, for me, I am seriously saddened and scared to see how hateful and racist many still are in this country. I am not naive and knew that some degrees still existed, but didn’t realize just how much. That said I just am trying now to have some hope and faith, as well that some good could come out of this, but still cautious to a degree, as well.
Rea says
For the past few months since the nomination of your candidates, I felt like my husband was an American. Every night when he arrived from work, he would always talk about the US election. He’s very vocal even with the election here in our country which happened months before yours. I’m like you. I’m more on the quiet side..
During the US election, I sent my husband a PM on FB while he’s at work and I said “Hello Trump” and he went home that night saying he couldn’t believe it and couldn’t get over it and he didn’t sleep just watching videos about it over and over again. The decision affected the entire world I guess so I can only imagine how it is for you. I hope every thing goes well though and kindness and respect will always prevail. Sending much love over to you. 🙂
Janine says
Thank you Rea and I was pretty much with you husband as I couldn’t and still sometimes can’t believe it. But as you I am hoping kindness and respect will find its way to prevail now. Much love right back at you, too <3
Eli@CoachDaddy says
Kids know stuff. Kids, I think, form opinions from many places, including school, news tidbits, and what they hear their parents say. We parents have an incredible opportunity here, I’ll just say that. I appreciate your openness. That’s a huge part of it.
Janine says
Thanks Eli and I really just can’t help, but be open about this here now in all honesty.
Aunt Gloria says
Hi – Yes, we’re in uncharted territory with Trump in charge. He sounded good on 60 Minutes tonight and hopefully will be able to follow through on what he promises for working Americans. As some of the comments said….we have to show grace and dignity and respect and let’s put our country first. I’m keeping an open mind and being optimistic. But am ready to join whatever groups are there to protect my beliefs. It’s too bad the children, like Lily, have to be exposed to the media stirring the pot for their own ratings. But I guess it’s never too soon to help them understand the ways of politics….enemies today and buddies tomorrow. We have to keep optimistic about the next 4 years. Happy Monday!
Janine says
Very true, Aunt Gloria and well said as I am trying, but still am cautious, as well. Happy Monday to you, as well!
Katherines Corner says
Wow, great post. I think there are a lot of children expressing their feelings about our new political situation. I am like you and I do not blog about my political affiliations. I did encourage everyone to vote though. Children hear everything and that includes our five grandchildren. Each spoke about the election, the process, walls, cruelty, bigotry and immigration. There’s really no way to be sure if what they overhear will be expressed. or even understood by them when they are young. It’s a tight rope really isn’t it. You balance as best you can and hope your children/grandchildren talk just as much about sharing, kindness, equality and love. xox
Janine says
Aw, I couldn’t agree more Katie and thank you for sharing your take on this, as well xoxo
Mary says
Beautifully written Janine! I don’t’ have kids, so I don’t have to worry about talking about politics and my beliefs to impressionable minds. It sounds as if your daughter already has a strong opinion of her own, which I admire. I don’t want to talk about any of it anymore, it happened, it’s done, we have a new president, now let’s move froward the best way we know how and try to make this world a better plac.e Its as simple as that, at least it is for me.
Janine says
Mary, thank you so much and just wish I could completely put it out of my mind, but still having a bit of trouble sadly in all honesty.
Cynthia says
Alas, I have grappled with this. What I did was create a close group of friends – trusted friends – and with them I will share. This is a group that includes IRL friends and virtual friends.
I am super anti-confrontational. It upsets me so much that I get serious anxiety over it.
But, I think I snapped with this election. I work for immigrant families and people were picking on my students. It was breaking my heart. I think I just got so “mama bear” about it – even though I don’t have kids – that I set out to be a protector. And I dunno…it just went form there.
But it’s because I love all my beautiful array of friends – from all walks of life and I want the best for them all.
Thank you for being so brave. This isn’t an easy thing to do – especially when you’re not sure how your audience will react. It’s scary.
But I commend you and I always knew there were so many reasons I just love you! Keep on being you, sweet friend! Hugs to the moon and back! xo
Janine says
Aw, Cyndi what can I say, but ditto as I knew I adored you, too and all you shared here tonight only confirmed that. I am so proud of you for speaking and standing up for your students, as well. So many hugs and seriously just so happy we are friends always. xoxo <3
Tamara says
Really beautiful and opening up wonderful discussions. I read each comment!
I was surprised at how much Scarlet knew. I think they talked a lot about it at school with each other. It led to tears the day after. No seven-year-old should feel that way. Sadly, it’s hard with social media and the news and.. just life.
Scarlet said today that she makes herself feel better by pretending or hoping he’s not as bad of a person as she fears.
I nearly cried. Then I realized that’s what I’m doing too, and I went to hug her.
Janine says
Thank you, Tamara and sounds like our girls are honesty just wise beyond their years. <3
Rose Alexis says
The kids do get quite a bit of political discussion in the classrooms. My youngest son’s school had a ballot in Kindergarten and one in first grade, and I was surprised. Now he’s come home from 3rd grade discussing both candidates with more knowledge than I’d have ever guessed. So I think you’re right, it is important to discuss politics in an age-appropriate way, with our kiddos.
Janine says
I agree whole-heartedly, Rosey and this election more than ever showed and proved this to me.
Marina @ Parental Journey says
It’s impressive how are little ones can say just the right thing.. And get things better than grownups!
Janine says
So true, Marina and agree with you on this, as well.
Christine Carter says
I’m much like you, Janine. I am not one to share much about my political opinions and get involved in all the banter that unraveled for the past several months. It’s been down right ugly. It’s amazing how much kids take in, ya know? I’m glad you had a good talk with yours, my friend. I totally get you wanting to protect them- they are so young! But I love that you are willing to meet them exactly where they are at and help them understand the world that is ever expanding for them. It’s tough. I know… Oh do I know.
Janine says
Glad you get it Chris and thank you for sharing with me, too <3