This Mom's Confessions

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Why Growing Up For Children Is Hard To Do Now

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No one ever said growing up is easy by any means.

Simply put–Growing Up is Hard to Do–at any age.

But why?

See when you are the one in the process of growing up, you wouldn’t be able to see the forest through the proverbial growing trees.

However, when it is over and you do come out the other side, you thank god. Plus, you hope and pray that it is indeed over.

But when it is your own kid that is showing the beginning signs of growing up, you get magically transported back to a different time and place. See in the blink of an eye you are back to the days of braces, bad haircuts, acne, hormonal outbursts and more from your own youth.

Still, I thought I had time before this growing up phenomenon would occur with my own kids.

Why Growing Up for Children Is Hard to Do Now

But sadly, I was mistaken as I am beginning to see the handwriting on the wall with my oldest.

While we were recently sitting and reading together, she told me that another young girl her age has a cell phone. Also, this girl actually brings it to school to use it.

I must admit, this admission definitely didn’t sit well with me. I also found myself repeating the words I heard in my younger years from my own mother. See you might have even heard them from your own mom. They were, “Well, you aren’t (this girl) and I am not her mom.  So, just because she has a phone doesn’t mean you will be getting a phone anytime soon.”

A few nights later, the same child, around bedtime wasn’t getting her way. So what does she do? She actually began to imitate my words and then my husband’s, as well under her breath.

I nearly lost my cool on this and bedtime became less then pleasant that evening.

As she laid down in protest in her bed, we got asked cooly and rudely, “Are you going to say sorry to me now?”

Let’s just say, this mom’s head almost exploded upon hearing that request.

But still it got me thinking.

How is it possible that I am getting this behavior? How is she actually growing up before my very eyes?

I admit I was snarky and definitely a handful, but not at 6 nor at 10 or even at 13.

My mother will gladly even back me up on this. Even a during a recent conversation, my mom confirmed that my mouthy behavior admittedly didn’t commence until I was well into my teen years.

Plus, I also never questioned my mother’s actions nearly as much as my own child does mine.

I am not sure if it was out of respect. Or at least fear of what would happen if I did indeed disobey my mother.

However, I can attest that I would never have dare dreamed of questioning my parents. Plus, I definitely wouldn’t have spoken to them the way my 6 year did to my husband and I.

Still what is happening overall to make children act as if they are older at a much earlier ages?

Something is essentially different now with my girls than when I was a kid over 30 years ago at the same age.

Happier iPad Playing Sharing Moment
Technology Plays A Part

I’ll put technology aside. Still I do think is a major factor now. I mean this is a stark difference from my days as a kid in the 70s and 80s. See we didn’t even have computers. Also we only had very primitive video games, as well as 5 major TV network channels.

At my older daughter’s age, I only attended kindergarten for a half day. She attended a full day of kindergarten.

In kindergarten, I wasn’t learning to read, to write, or yet perform simple math with addition/subtraction. Plus, I most definitely didn’t get homework. But conversely, my oldest could write her full name and all her letters in upper and lowercase. She also was very much reading, did do math with simple addition/subtraction, and even did homework all week long.

As a former teacher, I am aware that homework does have its merits with helping to foster and practice what kids have learned in school. But sadly I feel that the amount, as well as what is expected of young children overall to learn at much earlier ages in in the last few years with the Common Core Curriculum is overwhelming for kids and parents, too.

But wait…

Recently, I read an article about an elementary school in NYC that has pretty much put a stop on giving young kids homework. This article cited that there is “no link between elementary school homework and success in school”. Also, it only leads to “children’s frustration and exhaustion, lack of time for other activities and family time and, sadly for many, loss of interest in learning”  Furthermore, they have concluded that it was more important for elementary school students to perform activities that “have been proven to have a positive impact on student academic performance and social/emotional development, such as reading at their own pace and playing”.

Yet, the parents of these kids were outraged. They were even pulling their kids from this school.

Again this former teacher and now parent, was really flabbergasted by these parents’ reaction. See I am truly in opposition to their sentiments. Why? Because I think that this elementary school may just be onto something. Again, I am indeed aware of the pros and cons of homework.

But why?

See in most households now, both parents have to work to make ends meet. Our home isn’t the exception to this rule.  Yet when I was a similar age to my older daughter, my father was the bread winner. Plus, my mother was able to stay home with us.

Even though, I don’t work outside the home, I work full time at home as a freelance writer/designer. Also my husband works full-time for a major fortune 500 company.  On top of this I still take care of my family. Also my husband does his best to do his part, too.  But somedays, sadly it may just not be enough.

In my own youth not only was family time more of a daily norm, but so too was playing outdoors with neighborhood friends. See this where I learned to first socialize with my peers. See conversely extracurriculars, such as soccer clubs, gymnastics, dance and more weren’t at all the norm by any means for me as a kid.

Second Week of Soccer - Emma Playing
Extracurricular activities such as soccer takes a front seat…

However meanwhile my daughter is in soccer, dance and has been begging me to try gymnastics classes. Yet her outdoor playing is almost non-existent. Plus most youngsters her age are also involved in all sorts of extracurriculars leaving these same kids with little to no free time to socialize outside of these settings.

So, the time that is allotted for kids to just enjoy themselves or even actual family fun time is at a minimal.

Therefore, I applaud this one school for their unpopular decision. But see it isn’t only schools that need to stand up against this. Moreover, it is parents also who need to stand tall to advocate that their children be expected less at such early ages.

However might be societal evolution at its finest, but still why the overall push to make our kids grow up faster?

The fact, once again, remains that growing up is at the very least hard to do. Plus, adulthood is anything but a barrel full of laughs daily. So the question still remains. Once again why are kids in such a rush to grow up, as well as society so ready to help make this more of a reality?

Therefore it is simple in my eyes.

Kids should not only enjoy this time, but be allowed to be just that – kids.

Power to the kids being kids.

[Tweet “Power to the kids being kids.”]

Also power to the parents, who raise them to just let them be kids while they still can.

Sounds like a bumper sticker and at the very least pretty simple to me.

What do you think?

 

Do today’s kids have a fighting chance to be just kids?

 

How do you think parents can help their kids not growing up faster then they have to?

Signature 2015

This article was inspired an article over at The Deliberate Mom on “What Today’s Children Really Need”  furthering the discussion of this most and relevant important topic.

A version of this post also appeared with permission on Mamapedia.

 

About Janine

Janine is a published author of the books, The Mother of All Meltdowns and Only Trollops Shave Above the Knee. She has been featured on The Huffington Post, Mamapedia, Today Parenting Team and SheKnows. She also runs her own graphic design company at J9 Designs.

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Anonymous says

    There are things just the same today as they were in my youth, but there are so so so many things that are different. Attitude is definitely one of the latter. 😉

    And my mom stayed home with me too. It was nice, and I played outside a lot (more often than not just roaming the neighborhood with friends). That’s different today too, I keep my kiddos close to the vest and outside play is in the yard only, or in a public place (like the park) with me right there too.

    Not sure how I feel about no homework… I know our principal at the elem.school implemented 15 extra minutes of play time into the school schedule for the kids, saying they needed that time to play and just be kids. The students were ecstatic, my son’s 1st grade teacher, not so much so… she sends home a homework sheet for them to do as homework nightly, because that’s what they used to do in class during that time slot and she doesn’t want them to lose that study time.

    • Janine says

      I can understand a bit of hesitation about the no homework, but to be honest I feel that at 5 and 6 years old there is only so much these kids should be expected of and from even my training as a teacher was told at certain ages the attention span is limited to begin with. But do appreciate and thank you for your viewpoint, as well as sharing as I can see both sides of this argument. However for me can’t help but side more with the idea of our kids just getting to be kids as long as they possibly can.

  2. Bev says

    I worked at a school nearly a decade ago that had half-day kindergarten and no homework until first grade (and even then, there wasn’t homework every night). That seemed normal to me, so I was hugely surprised to learn that other school districts in neighboring towns have full-day kindergarten as well as homework. To me it seems crazy to give a kindergartener homework. They aren’t even yet old enough to fully read! I do think there is often too much of a push to get kids to do and learn things at younger ages than we were expected to growing up. As Eve gets older I am concerned about her not having enough time to simply play and explore her creativity. We’ll see….

    • Janine says

      Bev, I very much agree and it isn’t just kindergarten. I feel for these teachers as they are just doing what is mandated, but still still hate that some bureaucrat that doesn’t know our kids gets to decide what and how are kids learn, including homework that is so out of touch with reality. Just rubs me the wrong way.

  4. Liza Hawkins says

    We try to keep things slow here too – and I’m loving that both kids rarely have homework (4th grade and kindergarten), so that they can come home from school and just BE kids.

    My daughter is a dancer (she’s 10) and it sucks up a lot of time. That said, she added rec basketball and a running club to the mix this past year. Despite being even *more* busy, she enjoyed the new activities and it wasn’t too overwhelming. We’re hoping to pull back on dance next year so she can continue to be exposed to other new things.

  5. Seana Turner says

    I think that children and teenagers have a rough terrain to navigate these days. The pace of life is very fast, and the expectations are high. I think as your girls grow up, you will see more of this, I know I did. I saw a change even from my oldest to my youngest, and I think technology has been the major driver of the shifting atmosphere. Assignments can now be posted online during a vacation…so you never really get away. “Turnitinonline.com” means that papers can be due at midnight on a Sunday night. It’s all pretty rough. And the pressure they start feeling about having the perfect resume so they will get into college is pretty intense. My heart is with all of our children!

    • Janine says

      Seana, this makes so much sense as most of my work is done online and I get requests all times of the day, night and week, too. My husband, who works from outside of the home, brings work home and works online, as well. So, I guess this is what our kids are in for too. Just sad that it has to come to this at such a young age though, in my opinion.

  6. Kristen says

    Yes! I agree with all of it! My daughter is the same way – she acts much older than she is, an I wonder why I pushed her so hard. Why do we all have such high expectations for our kids? Why can’t we just just let them play more? It’s a scary world when a 5 year old has a cell phone…and I am not for it! BTW we go to a no homework school K-*, it’s wonderful. They have 45 minute longer day where they review at the end of the day (like homework) and that’s it! No book reports, no silly projects, kids can just be kids!!

    • Janine says

      Kristen, I know I am at a loss for why kids active playing and imaginations are being pushed to the wayside. I am all for kids learning (I was a teacher), but still there is a time and a place for it all. I love that your school does it at school and doesn’t expect these young kids, who are exhausted after a long day have to come home to do more work, too.

  7. Amanda @ Growing Up Madison says

    I am going to say that yes kids can absolutely be kids, we just have to give them a chance at being that. When we try and live vicariously through their lives (and a few parents do this) we’re not allowing them to be them. I don’t force my kids to play sports or do anything that they don’t want to do (within reason of course). My 3 year old is very advanced for her age, and I do think technology has a part to play with it. ABC Mouse and all those apps do help but I would prefer her to get away from the tech stuff and go out outside and play, enjoy the fresh air etc. btw, I would have said the same thing as you with that phone, honestly why does a 6yr old need a cell phone?

  8. Ginny Marie says

    I agree with you wholeheartedly! We have been talking about the cell phone issue. None of my daughters friends have cell phones yet, but it’s coming. I just got my first smart phone this weekend, and my 7 year old is jealous…of me!

    • Janine says

      Christa, they have access to our iPad mini and that to me is enough still, but I just can’t fathom giving my 6 year old her own phone not now, not ever! Just glad it isn’t just me though.

  9. Carissa Houston says

    I agree with your ideas — though I remember when Fox became the 4th TV network so things were perhaps even simpler in my day!
    After surviving having 5 teenagers at one time, my mom determined that 12 was the witching age — I can’t think of many kids today (including my own) who wait for that benchmark; I see teenager-esque behavior in many 6-yr-old girls and 9-yr-old boys.
    There is a fantastic book I wish all parents would read: Hold On To Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers by Gordon Neufeld. In a nutshell: It does not matter whether one or both parents work outside the home, your kids go to public, private, or home school, or your kids watch TV — Parents push peer involvement so peers become the center of kids’ worlds — and peers are not equipped to help kids navigate life. Parents, who have weirdly imagined the false need for peer “socialization”, have systematically shut down kids’ link to their parents, teachers, grandparents, and other adults whose job it is to teach them how to be adults.
    The definition of socialization: The process by which a human being beginning at infancy acquires the habits, beliefs, and accumulated knowledge of society through education and training for adult status.
    We have backed ourselves into a very dark and ugly corner — think: Lord Of the Flies.

    • Janine says

      Carissa, I am definitely going to take a look at the book you mentioned and the Lord of the Flies reference is absolutely without a doubt perfect and so fitting here – it is frightening!

  10. Diane Hill Roark says

    Kids feel so much pressure to keep up with everyone when it comes to technology, phones. If they do not have a phone, they are SHUNNED. We have gave all of my kids cell phones on their 16th birthday, but my youngest is only 12. She is having such a difficult time in school. Everyone is on their phones even in class and calling her a “baby” because she does not have a phone. I am not sure what to do anymore. It makes parenting so difficult.

    • Confessions of A Mommyaholic says

      Diane, it definitely makes out job as parent so much more difficult and I feel terrible reading this. I wish I had an answer and even writing this is saddened me knowing that there really wasn’t a definitive response for this trend. Hugs to you and hope you do find a solution that works for your family.

  11. Bill says

    No kidding it’s hard to do. I’m still working on growing up. 🙂

    Happy Monday, Janine. Let’s dazzle them this week. What do you say? 🙂

  12. Diane Roark says

    Janine,

    Do not get me started with allowing cell phones in the classroom. We are having such a difficult time with my 12 year old because she wants a cell phone. She is being SHUNNED by others because she does not have a phone. She is a “baby”. We have always got our kids a cell phone at age 16 which I think is the perfect age. It is so difficult to parent when our kids are around other kids who parents want them to grow up so FAST. Let kids play and have fun without phones, etc. Diana still likes to color and play even dolls at home. I love this. They grow up fast enough. I believe this is becoming such a problem I am thinking about homeschooling her next year. I am praying about it and at least considering it. She will be in 8th grade next year with way over 1000 kids in Jr. high. I hate to discourage you, but the older they get the more and more BAD influences they are around the harder it gets to parent.
    Blessings,
    Diane Roark

    • Janine says

      Diane, I am truly so sorry to hear that your 12 year old is being treated this way by classmates over a cell phone and sadly as an ex middle school teacher this doesn’t shock me. I think homeschooling does have its merits though and if you do decide that road, I am truly wishing you nothing but the best and success with her on this. Thank you for sharing with me and hugs to you!

  13. Carrie Groneman says

    GREAT article Janine and wonderful insight on so many levels. Today’s world is changing and so are the kids outlook on life. It will be so interesting to see what the next decade brings. Thank you for writing this thoughtful post. Carrie, A Mother’s Shadow

    • Janine says

      Carrie, I am so not sure where the next decade is headed, but I assume it will only be different still from what we know today. And still I would hope better, but pretty much sadly know better. But still thank you and truly appreciate you reading and your kind words always.

  14. Marianne says

    Totally agree. I keep telling my kids, “You only have about 18 years to enjoy being a kid. You’ll be an adult for at least 50 or more, so just enjoy being a kid.” Growing up happens fast enough on it’s own, there’s really no need to rush it.

    I’m very grateful that I get to homeschool my kids and therefore can allow them the freedom to just be kids. I can’t imagine what it’s like for kids who go to school and have pressure from teachers, classmates, etc.

    My oldest experienced this sometime back when some of her schooled friends made fun of her for the shows she liked to watch saying they were for babies. Honestly, I had been so happy that at 8 she wasn’t into teenage pop music yet, or felt the need to watch TV shows with teenage romance. Why do kids need to be introduced to grown up concepts such as heartbreak and boyfriend/girlfriend drama at such a young age?

    • Janine says

      Marianne, this is a question, I am truly wondering now myself and wish I could answer you. Sadly, it just seems to be the norm and do agree though that there is no need to rush growing up at all.

  15. Jennifer | The Deliberate Mom says

    Fabulous post Janine! As a former early childhood educator, I’ve often wrestled with these things. Here’s what I think:
    – kids need time to play
    – kids need time to make meaningful connections with family
    – kids need to feel they are part of the community
    – kids need opportunities to contribute in a meaningful way to society
    – kids need time to talk and lime to listen
    – kids need guidance and direction

    I don’t think children need homework or loads of extra-curricular activities or homework. They need opportunities experience activity and rest. Busyness and peace. We need to help them strike a balance… which can be challenging for the busy parent to do.

    Sorry for the long comment. Loved this though… I totally wish I could write about this too. It’s something I think all families muddle thorough/struggle with.

    Thanks for sharing.

    Wishing you a lovely day.
    xoxo

  16. Echo says

    Janine, I couldn’t agree with you more. There is no time to PLAY for most kids. What happened to that? I used to spend a ton of time, after school, riding bikes and PLAYING with my friends. You just don’t see that anymore. Even when I take my kids out to play, there are no other kids! It’s frustrating, so yes, Power to the kids and Power to play time!

  19. Denise says

    As a former teacher, I also applaud the decision to not have homework as a standard. (If a child needs additional practice in the home, that can be decided between the teacher and parents in a conference.) I guess we are close in age. I grew up in the 70s and 80s and the first time I took a class outside the home, I was 8. It was the only class or lesson I ever had. I was expected to entertain myself, play with friends and my sister, and spend time with my family. I plan on doing much the same with my girls, although I might put them in dance or swim lessons. The most I ever “plan” (I put it that way because I know plans change) to have is 1 class per child per season (although summer might have up to 2). I don’t believe in over scheduling.

    As for your daughter, it could be her attitude is just part of her personality. She sounds strong-willed to start. I understand the frustration, but keep clenching your teeth, showing her the right way to behave, and right it out. 🙂

    • Janine says

      Denise, it does very much sound like we are similar in age (I will be 38 in June). As you I also don’t believe in over-scheduling and why I haven’t done dance again since my oldest is indeed in soccer and one W domesday a month in Girl Scouts. As for her personality, she definitely can be a bit headstrong, but I also see the reality of today’s world that she is growing up. So, I feel the two together surely are contributing indeed. Thanks for weighing in and sharing, too 😉

  23. Kristen Miller Hewitt says

    We go to a no homework school and love it! And yes we expect way too much from our kids too early. Sharing this one later…great piece!

  24. Leah says

    Like everything else, there are pros and cons to no homework. Our school board instituted a no homework policy years ago. It was great for a while – for every reason you state. But as my kids got older, and all of a sudden they NEED to do homework for their own learning, it is harder bcs they don’t have the discipline and routine. Slowly I have noticed homework start to make it’s way home again with my you get ones— not a ton, but enough for them to get a routine. I think the “hours” at the primary level is ridiculous, but I think there should be a slow progression so they aren’t completely overwhelmed in high school….

    • Janine says

      Leah, a slow progression would be fine but I just feel that sometimes there really is an excess at such ages. I will tell you my daughter’s teacher is the best and we have been fortunate this year with who she has, but I worry for years to come to be honest, as to what I know from being an educator myself. So, that is where my concerns lie even more so.

  25. Kim says

    I love this post!!! You nailed it in many ways – it is so much harder to be a kid now than it was in your day or mine!!!
    My youngest son started asking for a phone in 1st grade because many of his friends had them. He got one in 6th grade because at that point he occasionally was home alone for short time periods.
    And, the homework thing – OY!! I understand the purpose of homework if it is to help get a concept across. However, I just learned that my son (10th grade) in his Honors Algebra 2 (not the name with Common Core but I don’t know what they call it now) has homework every day but only gets 1 grade per chapter for homework. To say I’m unhappy about that is an understatement. The teacher doesn’t even grade the work so how do they know if they are doing it correctly?! They don’t until they fail a test!!! (sorry to rant – can you tell I spent my weekend teaching Jordan an entire chapter since his teacher isn’t really doing her job?)

    • Janine says

      Kim, I know it really is just so much harder nowadays then when we were kids. And I loved your rant, because trust me I know as a former middle school math teacher it is going to fall on me someday to teach my girls math if and when they are struggling, as Kevin was never good where math was concerned. So, I am definitely nervous as it gets harder and harder here, as well.

  27. Susanne/The Dusty Parachute says

    My daughter is in an alternative class structure (blending grades 2-4) and fortunately they don’t have too much homework, but I think we’re both in for a big shock when she leaves the program and starts 5th grade next year. She did tell me at the beginning of this year that she wanted to stop doing all after school activities except for karate so that she would have more time to play. That has been a nice change for all of us – More play for her, less driving around for me and less being drug around for her little brother.

    • Janine says

      Susanne, again I do love the alternative class structure setup and wish that it would be something that we could have an option for, but sadly not offered here. But still the older they do get, the harder the homework does get. So, my concerns are not only for now with this and extra-curriculars, but in the future, too as my kids do age and have more expected of them, too.

  28. Susanne Lewis Kerns says

    My daughter is in an alternative class structure (blending grades 2-4) and fortunately they don’t have too much homework, but I think we’re both in for a big shock when she leaves the program and starts 5th grade next year. She did tell me at the beginning of this year that she wanted to stop doing all after school activities except for karate so that she would have more time to play. That has been a nice change for all of us – More play for her, less driving around for me and less being drug around for her little brother.

    • Confessions of A Mommyaholic says

      Susanne, I would love alternative class structure to even be an option here, but not so. Still, I hope to be able to reason with both my girls as they are getting older that we have to limit the amount of after school activities as one is more than sufficient time and schedule wise.

  29. Jennifer Oradat says

    I’m all for unstructured play time. My kids are allowed to participate in one activity at a time, like t-ball or gymnastics, and no “competitive teams” that require multiple practices per week until they’re older (they’re 6 and 8). We fight the technology war daily, though, since they think “unstructured” means “go play on your tablet for 4 straight hours”.

    • Confessions of A Mommyaholic says

      Jennifer, I think you know that sadly the one thing I have not been able to fight here from my upcoming post is the technology war, specifically the iPad, It has helped me have some peace and I guilty of this one for sure. Just wish that we could have a happy medium at the very least on some of the other clearcut trends (if that makes sense).

    • Jennifer Oradat says

      I have lost the tablet war more often than I have won it. It keeps them quiet and entertained! Some days I wonder “why am I fighting this again?” and I can’t remember why I ever resist it.

  30. Sinea says

    The test and trials of raising children seem to start earlier and earlier. Challenges that should be way off in highschool are showing up so much earlier, it’s scary. Prayer, wisdom and courage are needed for sure!

    • Janine says

      Sinea, I agree it seems to be earlier and earlier that this is rearing its head and think you are essentially correct that we need all three to help combat the effects for sure.

  31. lisacng @ expandng.com says

    100%, wholeheartedly agree. Kids are not allowed to be kids anymore. I blame the parents, administrators, and the government because it certainly isn’t kids demanding higher standards and more tests for themselves. Higher standards we should have, and better education for everyone, but not standardized tests and “core” stuff that has no relevancy.

    As for your daughter talking back at you at 6, I hear ya. My 4 yr old already does that. He doesn’t even watch tween Nick TV, where I see the sassyness the most. Oh, what will we do with these kids? I hope to whip them into shape over time. We gotta stand our ground though.

    Great post, Janine!

    • Janine says

      Thanks Lisa and I know we can’t blame the kids essentially as this is a push overall on our society, including some parents, administrators and the government regulations for who is learning what in our schools. And I still can’t believe what kids are indeed saying younger and younger like yours at 4 and mine at 6. Crazy!

  32. Rabia @TheLiebers says

    It seems like a whole lot of things are different from when I was a kid. The technology alone is ridiculous!! There are some kids in my daughter’s class that have cell phones but she hasn’t asked yet, so I think we’re good for now. I am not looking forward to some of our upcoming battles though!

  33. Stephanie @ Life, Unexpectedly says

    In Germany, kids don’t learn to read, write, or do math until 1st grade, and yes, I think that kindergarten education in the US is too much. I try to not overschedule the girls with extra-curricular activities. Both girls are doing dance class, Lily may be starting judo pretty soon, and Violet still has her occupational therapy sessions. That’s also a full schedule for parents! As the temperatures are getting nicer, I love to watch the girls playing with the neighbors’ kids in the mud pit that one day will be our back yard, go to the playground and just enjoy their free time. It is said that kids also need to be bored in order to train their creativity, and we all enjoy having an hour of quiet time after lunch each day. It is indeed a different time from when we grew up, and I, too, am considering getting Lily a cell phone, just to be able to reach her if I need to (she walks to and from school with her friends, sometimes alone, and we sometimes do get concerned, if she idles too much on her way!), but this new world also means tons of chances for our kids to have a happy childhood. You do a great job!!

    • Janine says

      Thank you Stephanie and do love that you are able to schedule in quiet time after lunch. I also a happier about the weather getting nicer and truly hope that my girls can indeed enjoy the outdoors more even if it is with each other here to be quite honest, as well.

  34. Jill Ginsberg says

    Such great reminders, Janine. This makes me so happy that this summer we are going completely unplanned for all 3 kids. I want them to have a real summer, lazy days, spontaneous adventures, running around the neighborhood, digging in the dirt, all of that good stuff. Mixed in, I’m sure, with a fair amount of fiasco. But I’ll take it:)

  35. Robin (Masshole Mommy) says

    It’s tougher for kids these days than it was for us. My oldest, who is in 5th grade, is doing stuff in school that I did in high school!

  36. Nellie @ Brooklyn Active Mama says

    what a fantastic post. Just so you know—YOU ARE NOT ALONE! My newly 6 year old seems like he is growing way too fast in terms of his attitude! he has repeated after me many times and bedtime (and get up time) is almost always super difficult! but we will get through!

    • Janine says

      Nellie, first off thank you so much for your kind words and also for sharing about your son, who I know is the same age as Emma. And I am so glad though to know that if I have to get through this with someone it is you, my friend!

  37. April G says

    I am teaching my girls to read and write because I know it’ll be expected of them entering kindergarten, only creating only a bigger education gap between the poor and everyone else, but that’s a sidenote. My son goes to a no homework school in 5th grade mainly because I was tired of the frustration both of faced by the end of the school day. It’s really ridiculous, even for kids who “get it”. They don’t want to do 50 more problems confirming something they learned that day oreven worse a few days prior.

    Also, I have no activities for the little ones, and Bunny only has school related activities, ones that don’t require travel outside of home or school. All three come home and play outside, unmonitored on our streets. I’m sure it’s out neighborhood, but even before we moved, they would play in our backyard unsupervised.

  38. Tara Newman says

    My son’s in 4th grade and some of the kids have iphones and play grand theft auto!! Most play call of duty and other single person shooter games. I have very firm boundaries and values for them. We all feel like the odd family on some days. We only allow them to have two activities each and have carved out Sunday as family only days. It’s a lot of work!

    • Janine says

      Tara, it is so sad that it is does have to be such hard work for us to keep our kids in these certain boundaries. I truly feel in the minority myself for some of my feelings here in reality sadly.

  39. Rita Abitabile says

    It was hard enough to parent you and Michael back in the 80’s and 90’s, but it seems impossible to do it today. you know it’s the peer pressure at school etc. that they experience. The kids of 10 today are like the kids of 13 or 14 back in the day. I could not believe that those parents gave that child a cell phone at 5 years old. You know it’s difficult to say no to your child when everyone else’s Mom gives in to the pressure. When I was a kid the best way to not get something was to tell your grandmother “I want a new pair of shoes because my girlfriend got a new pair”. And of course, kids will answer back. but you can’t let them get away with that. I guess it’s like some people used to say, the more things change, the more they remain the same. You and Kevin are doing a great job with your girls, This was a great post!! xoxo Mom

  40. Lauren Baker Cormier says

    Totally agree! Things have changed so much since we were kids and most of it isn’t for the better. Hopefully we do what we can to let them be kids as long as possible and just pray for the best!

  41. Jen says

    Preach on Janine! I am a huge advocate of kids being kids. They have the whole rest of their life to be adults and deal with adult like things, but only a small window of time to swing with abandon on the playground. I tell people NO all of the time on behalf of my kids and under schedule in order to allow them the time to examine that rock for the millionth time if they want.

    • Janine says

      Hannah, I totally wasn’t ready to send my oldest at 3 to pre-school either. I caved and did do it, but still I truly remembered at the time thinking she was too young and there would be time for that. So, I know exactly how you are feeling right now.

  43. Chris Carter says

    Ah… this is SO good Janine!!! You shared SO much here- and I totally agree with you about it all. Our society is SO different from when we were growing up… the constant GO and the push to learn more, do more, be more- it pulling us kicking and screaming toward some elusive goal of WHAT?

    You said it beautifully here!! Totally sharing.

  44. Kelly L McKenzie says

    It is very different today in many ways. I’ll never forget zipping from skating lessons with my two and throwing them a sandwich in the car. For dinner. Because we were flying off to swimming lessons and there was no other time to eat. That was a rather huge wake up call for me. Hello. I was completely caught up in the competitive “my kids can skate, swim, ski, play the piano …. Can yours?” game. It crept up on me ever so sneakily. After that I reined it all in. You’re only young once but piano lessons will still be available when you’re 30.

    • Janine says

      Kelly, I know it is so easy to get sucked into this competitive nature with others parents and our own kids. Glad you were able to reign it in a bit and truly hoping I can stay strong to do the same here, too.

  45. Aunt Gloria says

    Whoever is making the rules these days is only focusing on the competitive aspects of our society. Lots of us are not in that competitive spirit and it’s unfair to put such pressure on kindergartners. I learned to read and write in 1st grade and did just fine through my school years…..and managed to graduate college! I always hated being competitive and in some ways, it can turn kids off to school. Parents have to stand strong and fight for their kids to have time to be kids….don’t take the “child” out of childhood! xxoo

  46. Tamara says

    Maybe it’s just my laziness, but Scarlet doesn’t do anything except be a kid! She goes to school but with no homework or emphasis on reading and math until first grade. I haven’t enrolled her in anything. I just let her use her imagination all day long. (and I’m really lazy and don’t feel like paying for/signing up for activities)
    ha, I’m the worst. She does ok, though. Sledding and running and playing and dreaming. I wish I did all of that more.

  47. Jhanis says

    I saw a meme on FB about how lucky we were back in the days because we experienced so many things and discovered a lot while playing outdoors and that the kids nowadays are more concerned about apps and social media. I felt guilty. Both me and my husband work outside the house and I feel safer if the kids are inside the house especially that just outside our compound is a very busy road. So what do they do? Do homework/TV/play games on the tab. They don’t get to go out as much I want them to. I feel guilty! It’s like I’m robbing them off of their childhood! Having said that, I do not want to join the band wagon of letting my kids join extra curricular activities just because many are, they go to swimming lessons every summer and the 4 yo wants to take ballet lessons this year. That’s all I can manage for now! LOL

    • Janine says

      Don’t feel guilty, Jhanis and believe me it is just truly the way society is now. Just made me sit up and think. So, I couldn’t help but share my thoughts and feelings. But by no means do I want you feeling guilty, my dear friend! 😉

  48. The Pinterested Parent says

    Janine,
    It is crazy because my 3 year old has also asked me to say sorry to her when she thinks I am being to mean. Mai has not yet reached school age, but she has learned a lot through online learning with ABC Mouse & such. She is very grown up for her age & also speaks it. I am afraid for school. I have heard the horror stories of the common core education. I am afraid I will not even be able to help my child because I don’t even understand these teachings. They have taken out all of the fun & made it rigid . Our children’s childhoods are completely different from ours. I am with you on the cell phone thing too.

  49. Rea says

    At some point, Reiko acts as if he’s not 3. I’m all for allowing kids to be just kids. I actually dread for Reiko to grow up so fast. As much as possible, I want it to be slow-paced but without affecting his development. I’m also fully okay with no home works. Maybe just give kids some pointers on which topic or subject to work on based on their opportunities for improvements.

  50. Alison says

    I’ve always believed in giving kids the allowance to just be kids. My boys are in half days at preschool/ kindergarten for 2 days a week, and until 3.30 for 3 days. They have no other activities, other than my oldest boy’s one-hour speech therapy sessions 3 times a week. No homework either, thank goodness. They’re only young once, why not let them play? Playing = learning, in my books. As for structured activities, I don’t discourage it, but I wouldn’t put it on our priority list for a while yet. Kids do grow up too fast these days, sigh.

  51. Catherine Gacad says

    i struggle with this right now and my baby is only 10 months old! kids are going to preschool as early as 2 years old and i don’t know what to do. it’s so much cheaper whereas our nanny is expensive. my sister keeps telling me to keep him out of school as long as possible and wait until he’s in kindergarten because she feels kids pick up bad habits when they’re around all these other kids. so i am totally torn.

    i totally agree about homework. if there isn’t any benefit of so much homework, then what is the point?!

    • Janine says

      Catherine, I had the same dilemma back in the day and still wonder if I made the right decision sending them to pre-school when they were only 3. No real answers, but definitely so much to still debate.

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