It’s lonely being the mean mommy all the time. It was a normal day and even night, as well. Most know I am a stay at home mom and am the primary (sole) parent from 8 am to around 6 pm for 5 out 7 days a week normally. I love my girls a ton, but being with them all day their needs and wants, as well as disciplining falls mostly on me.
Right before bed time the kids and Kevin are congregated in our bedroom. Emma is on Kevin’s back, while he leans over tickling Lily and singing the song “We Go Together” from Grease making up his own goofy words. The kids are having fits of laughter and are down right hysterical. I am watching this all unfold before my eyes sitting on the other side of the bed now.
When it is all over, Kevin vacated to use the bathroom and I am left for a few short moments to try to calm the girls, which is pretty much a losing battle, because both have decided they are going to play under our bed covers. At this point, the bed is becoming more of a mess, am truly exhausted and not wanting to have to clean this mess up. Silly me tries the reasoning tactic first (when will I learn).
Once that doesn’t work, I yell for them to stop and of course this does nothing. They are too far gone. I decide I need to grab Emma from under the covers. I find a pig tail and gently pull, because she is squirming all over the place and can’t seem to get her from any other angle.
Of course, she goes from laughing to bawling her eyes out in under 10 seconds flat now. You would think I had just told her that Santa Claus didn’t exist. Seriously this kid is in meltdown mode and rationally I know it is just because she is over tired now, but now I am just wishing that I left well enough alone and let them destroy my bed, because the screaming is too much for my tired self to handle.
At this point Kevin comes out of the bathroom and Emma is crying that she only wants him, not me. Both kids are treating me like I am the wicked step mother (well they have seen Cinderella more times that I can count).
God love him, he tries to reason with Emma and even tells her to apologize to me. It takes about two minutes of his cajoling to get Emma to come around, apologize and begin to indeed calm. I admit during this time, I truly felt emotionally spent and just wanted to cry. I looked at her little face, somehow was even reminded of the very first time I laid eyes on that same face after she was born and how she needed and depended on me so completely at this point in her life (ok maybe I am just a bit hormonal and got to love what hormones do to you). Now, if her eyes could have bore a whole through me though, they would have quite simply, because she was pissed off at me. Even though Kevin was in agreement with me, Emma still wasn’t annoyed at him and it was me who had that dubious distinction. And this of course is bedtime!!
But I do realize that she is a child and by tomorrow morning, when she wakes she will have indeed forgotten this and be on to bigger and better, but man for those five minutes, I was truly the hated parent or the mean mommy. And I get I am not the fun parent in her eyes.
However when all is said and done, I am reminded of an old clip from Everybody Loves Raymond, where Frank Barone explains that you know you have done a good job as a parent, when you children tell you they hate you. Frank’s exact quote is, “Let me tell you something: you want that hate. If your kids like you, you’ve failed as parents.”
So I guess, according to him, that means I am doing something right even if I am the mean mommy from time-to-time.
Now enjoy a funny clip of Frank Barone from Everybody Loves Raymond:
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Dani Ryan says
Ah, motherhood. 🙂 My husband is out of the house from 7 am until 7:30 pm or later everyday, so he only sees our daughter for about 30-60 minutes before she goes to bed each night. She is THRILLED when he comes home, and sometimes I feel guilty that she so obviously wants someone to just sit and PLAY with her for more than a few minutes at a time, but then I remind myself that I'm only 1 person.
And when she cries and only wants me, it makes it all worthwhile. 😉
Thanks Dani and truly so glad to know it just isn't me. My husband is wonderful with our girls and feel bad for complaining, but man does it get lonely sometimes with feeling like I am so not the fun parent. But you are right, usually when she is hurt or upset, she wants me. So, I guess it evens out in the end!!
Emily Cappo says
I've always loved that show and I agree with Frank…we still get the "I hate you" looks and words sometimes and it's because we are being parents and not their friend. And you are right, it will all be forgotten in the morning, but still I know how hard it can be to feel like the "mean mommy."
Thanks Emily and still love watching that show in reruns. So true that I am not their friend, but their parent. As for the morning, she completely forgot and was my snuggle buddy while I was reading on my laptop at 7:30 this morning 🙂
Thanks Michelle and I think as a teacher you can certainly relate to being a disciplinarian. I hope you are right in the end and seriously thanks for your support!!
Of course you are doing something right….you are loving your children, Janine, and that is the greatest gift of all. Never stop doing that and you will be fine.
Oh thanks Bill for saying that and I do hope I am doing the right thing. Everyday I hope for this. I am typing this trying to see through pigtails. So I must be doing something right, because the girls are all over me today 🙂
Stacy Harris says
I must be the best damn parent around… my son tells me all the time how much they hate me. I swear. Being a SAHM can be seriously exhausting. I feel like my husband gets to be the fun one because he is refreshed from working all day. I am just worn. I never get a break and because I am so tired all the time… I feel like I don't even have fun anymore. I can totally relate! I can't wait for vacation!
Thanks Stacy and then shake hands with me, because this is the story of my life right now. I knew I loved you, but now I love you even more, because we are totally in tune on this one. I, too. could use a vacation or just an hour of peace and quiet!!!
Well then Kelly, I consider myself to be in good company with you, too here on this. Seriously, it is true we are the ones with them all day, so dads can't help, but be the fun ones I suppose. Thanks and I am sure there will be video footage at some point soon of my girls attesting to the fact that he is indeed the fun parent, while I not so much!!
Loved your post! Write on!
Carrie from Just Mildly Medicated
Oh thanks Carrie. So happy to see you here and just came from your site, too 🙂 🙂
This is good to know. Good to know. LOL…So, if you get the "hate" word, it's because you're doing what you're supposed to be doing. Got it. I'm taking notes you know. 🙂
Lol, Cyndi. Hate equals good. What a great way of putting it. As for the notes, I will try my best to help, but know I am literally flying y the seat of my pants each and every day.
Oh so true Richard and can tell you the next morning both girls were cuddling with me in my bed and laughing and giggling like nothing had happened. And you are right that what goes around comes around so to speak, because I know I had many of those moments with my own mom as a child and now here I am. Well played my friend 🙂